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 DiannaBall
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 2
Committment DenialPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I know many people like this. It is called "settling." They get laid,they get attention, or are co dependant (yuck); yet they really do not give a shit about the relationship on adult/commitment levels. It is basically "just there." It is nothing I could personally do, but it seems to be the popular thing to do today. Like a FWB situation. No thanks. I cannot do anything I am not sure of. Especially with another person.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 3
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Committment Denial
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:02:42 AM
Who gives a shit what you think?

They are committed, they just believe that they will likely not stay permanently committed so while most people would perceive this as wasting time, the relationships may work now for whatever reason.

The other party probably recognizes that it isn't all that on some level, so in a sense it is a shitty thing to do but the one that thinks the other hung the moon has likely had many things that should have pointed to a problem.

I think the whole "the one" thing is a load of b.s. anyway. We have numerous people we would be suited to, otherwise many more happily married people would jump in the grave with their spouse.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 12
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Committment Denial
Posted: 1/29/2010 7:27:16 AM
Aside from the obvious fact that it's none of your business, I'd guess that they are happy with the way things are, dating exclusively, and uninterested in tying themselves legally and financially to the other one. That's not denial, that's being practical. Obviously their goals in life and yours are different. So what?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
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Committment Denial
Posted: 1/29/2010 2:54:03 PM
What is interesting to me is that generally women's reasons for not wishing to marry again tend to be more emotional and men's more fiscal. When one of my friends had papers filed against him, sure he was upset about the kids a great deal but much of his reaction was my house was almost paid for and now I have to start over again, like his ex didn't have to do the same thing?

My ex complained a lot about how he didn't have this, or that, and since I was on the child support ride, hellooo, if you hadn't divorced someone that stuck you and you had kept your zipper zipped for the ex-girlfriend that got knocked up on purpose and nailed you for child support, you'd have more "stuff," but unfortunately the stuff that was important to him wasn't his wife or his progeny.

Realizing that I am painting with a broad brush and this does not apply across the board. But it seems like many men may not want to get married again but I think it is more the stuff than the emotional devastation they avoid or they wouldn't get involved at all.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 18
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Committment Denial
Posted: 1/29/2010 3:02:49 PM

Who gives a shit what you think?


subliminal message below










:)
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 22
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Committment Denial
Posted: 1/29/2010 4:08:22 PM
I think that at times, they do want to make a commitment. Just that they don't get what they are hoping for in a relationship, willing to put in the time to make it work.


and i`ve wrote in here until i`m blue in the fingers that it does not work for people who go off looking for the one/soulmate/twinflame/special someone/someone to fall in love with.

you must first have the desire to be in and work on building/maintaining a commited relationship first.

FIRST.

then....seek out a partner.

all too often the former takes place people look for the magic man (or woman) whom they`ll "click" with in such a way that it takes no work.


People like that set boundaries and put the weight of the responsibility of the relationship on their SO. Not fair.


amen brother.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 24
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Committment Denial
Posted: 1/29/2010 5:25:40 PM
Imperfect solutions for an imperfect world. We get through life everyday with workable, not bad and good solutions as well.

Also- remember talk is cheap. Sometimes with people, they are what they do more so than what they say.
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 26
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Committment Denial
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:10:45 PM
AH HA! I just figured it out thanks to another thread! Your friends are twin-flames, not soulmates! LOL. I happen to be in a similar relationship. I like this new explanation much better than the derogatory "co-dependency" or "waiting for something better to come along" theories! On the contrary finally uniting with your twin-flame can actually be quite satisfying.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 28
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Committment Denial
Posted: 1/29/2010 8:38:35 PM

naybe they are not looking for miss right, but miss right now. or mr right now. a lot of people dont like to be alone, andobviously there is enough good in each of the realtionships to warrant staying. one thought to consider


yes it is true that many people will stay and make it work for pure desire to stay together and there is enough good created from that effort to keep it going.

but sadly people dont want to do that anymore.

too bad for those like us who would like to work at it with someone who is good enough.

but no, people want "the one"
"the soulmate"
"the perfect one for me"
"the twinflame"


add nauseum.............sigh.............
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 30
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Committment Denial
Posted: 1/30/2010 8:20:34 AM

two people close to me right now that are in for all intents and purposes in Fully Committed Relationships.

Both are with someone yet, both say... They are Not the One!

Are they in denial?

No, "denial" is not the issue.

We've had a relationships revolution over the last couple of generations, and every revolution is a revolution of rising expectations. This sets people up for always thinking there should be something more, more fireworks or whatever, and if not it must be because they just haven't found the right one yet.

The problem is nobody is trying to be the right one even as they expect to get the right one, so there's a huge imbalance between demand and supply. There's a whole psychology of scarcity which then enters into things -- this causes people to become tightwads when it comes to giving, to be more cautious and to hold on even tighter to what they have, which further exacerbates the feelings in the other person that they haven't found the right one yet. The downward spiral is then pretty much inevitable.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 31
Committment Denial
Posted: 1/30/2010 9:24:02 AM

Both are with someone yet, both say... They are Not the One!

Are they in denial?

I don't understand why anyone would stay with someone and have them think its committed when your not sure.

I don't think they are being honest with the people they are with or themselves.



Okay,,,,gotta ask,,,,denial about WHAT???? And are you sure they are not being "honest",,as you say,,,to themselves or their other???? Right now,,,what I read,,,,is that they are with someone,,,and are "committed" (whatever that is) to them,,,right now.

Let me ask you this,,,if you are with someone,,,and they say they are committed to you,,,,what does that mean to you???? Forever??? Till he dies???? Till you die????? Till you do something unforgiveable???? Or until he does????? "Committed" people,,,,even those to the funny farm,,,,can and do get "out" of it,,,,sometimes.
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