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 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 76
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Op,

I have to admit that I have never considered growing old gracefully. Not sure that I can. The thing is when I was younger and saw something in the mirror I didn't like I was able to get more rest and wake up and it seemed to be gone. Heavy sigh.... not so anymore. I look in the mirror day after day, and I'll be danged if it's not still staring me in the face.. the very nerve....lolol

I guess what I am learning is ,that as I age, that it's easy to try and pull off the adage that I can "keep up" with my younger counterparts... until the day I can't. And that my friend happens to all of us. I can't help but think of the movie "Death Becomes Her"


Who am I though to be preaching to a school teacher... hehehehe


Miss Pixy, I don't feel like I'm being preached to. And I'm another who is not about to be graceful about growing old. I'll be kickin', screamin', complainin' all the way to the grave...and probably even after. That probably sounds like a contradiction to my earlier statements, but actully not, because that's what I'm doing here...kickin', screamin', complainin' about getting older!
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 77
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:14:06 AM
My Motto is "As you think it, so shall it be".
So many I believe have an idea of what aging and maturity are. They fix these images in their minds and eventually manifest those qualities in themselves. these images that are held , are reinforced by seeing people in their 60's who are around them as family members, asscociates etc. more or less conform to the images they hold, hence it is assumed all in this age grouping must be this way, since it is all they are familiar with in their lives.
These are the one's IMHO that have such a problem believing it can turn out differently for some others. "FluffyBrain" seems to be one of these. To me she seems like the very kind of person who'll experience the biggest difficulty aging as she seems to hate it SO MUCH. All of it, IMHO, due to her fear of Father time. There is no way for someone like this to age gracefully as they see no grace in it at all; truly a pity.
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 78
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/6/2010 6:26:31 PM
Damassteel, yes you really DO look great and younger than your age...and usually I happen to think older looks better...you truly ARE the exception to the rule! You can feel proud. Enjoy it while you can!

Farcal, I've always told you that you're hot...NOW do you believe me?

This thread really IS like a breath of fresh air!

~DC~
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 79
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:35:57 AM

Farcal, I've always told you that you're hot...NOW do you believe me?


Thanks, Miss DC....actually it's a lot easier to believe that you and all of the other ladies are being extremely kind, but it does not go unappreciated!


This thread really IS like a breath of fresh air!


That is certainly true! My faith in women, and especially POF women, is renewed.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 80
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:58:35 AM

My Motto is "As you think it, so shall it be".
So many I believe have an idea of what aging and maturity are. They fix these images in their minds and eventually manifest those qualities in themselves. these images that are held , are reinforced by seeing people in their 60's who are around them as family members, asscociates etc. more or less conform to the images they hold, hence it is assumed all in this age grouping must be this way, since it is all they are familiar with in their lives.


Really good post by damassteel.. Love when he says as you think it, so shall it be.. Fixed images in other people's minds as to how our body should be , how we should look, and the list goes on..

I say later for that!!

thecatsmeoww
 I sure am looking!
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 81
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:13:10 PM
This is a wonderful post! Glad you started it!

[What lady, of ANY age, is going to accept all of these "shortcomings" in a guy my age (63), whether it be to search for that which is probably lost, or to even just to share company? I'm pretty sure the only thing pleasant about the company might be the conversation, if even that.]

First and foremost, I would accept you as you are in a heart-beat. Why??? Because of your sheer honesty and you aren't letting it get you down. And beside... any man that can play, "Devil Went Down To Georgia" on guitar will always impress me even if his fingers don't want to play it anymore. But I digress.

I read every single word you wrote here and on your profile, even the parts of, "when I sneeze, it's not just my nose I need to worry about" and "Parts of me are beginning to give off "less than pleasant" aromas, in spite of good hygiene". Those are normal things to be expected with our aging. Maybe some women will take me to task also. I hear many of my women friends complain they too have the same physical problems. It must be pretty common due to the tv ads for Depends and the ads with the people shaped from copper pipes.

My womanly opinion is I don't want a man that can climb Mt Everest, come home, change the oil in the car, and still have sex like a 20-yr old that same day. I sure couldn't keep up with him and really don't have that level of energy to try. I would be happy with watching tv, reading, or cooking together, or visiting friends. Here's a novel idea...napping on the couch together is nice.

"the gals my age certainly ain't chasing me, as if I could be running to be chased! They're out there chasing the much faster-moving (in every way) young studs!". That is how many of us women feel about men. Feeling invisible comes to mind.

When you say, "most guys my age are in the same position and condition. And those who won't admit it are kidding themselves." is true . The scary part is many really believe they ARE in the same shape and have the same sexual capabilities as when they were 30's or 40's. Lots of woman are afraid to say they just aren't that into the sex part anymore. I for one feel if it happens then okay, and if not, then okay.

Let me change the gender in your wording a little and you will have a women's opinion on the same scenario. "I don't really want to connect with a man who looks like I remember my grandfather, in spite of the fact that when I look in a mirror, I see my grandmother looking back at me!" Dag, you just hit the nail on the head for me on that one.

To quote you again, "I'm pretty sure the only thing pleasant about the company might be the conversation, if even that." sums it up perfectly for this woman. Course I'm kickin' and scremin' the whole time about aging but it just keeps on comin'. LOL
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 82
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/11/2010 8:05:57 AM
When you say, "most guys my age are in the same position and condition. And those who won't admit it are kidding themselves." is true . The scary part is many really believe they ARE in the same shape and have the same sexual capabilities as when they were 30's or 40's. Lots of woman are afraid to say they just aren't that into the sex part anymore. I for one feel if it happens then okay, and if not, then okay.


Refreshing is the man that be honest about himself, laugh at his shortcomings ( or perceived )and still be happy inside.
My late husband's hair turned silver.....from a very pale blonde..when he was still in his late thirties. He had a little protruding tummy. I loved to lay my head on his tummy as he stroked my hair.
I had been married before, had children and several surgeries, had gained and lost quite a bit of weight rapidly.so I was concerned at how he would re-act to me naked. He said "any women that has had children........those things are expected and to him it just meant I was a beautiful woman, no longer a child..that he would not be interested in that anyway."
I had felt so self conscious with my first husband after the birth of my first two children. I had them quite close together and even though I lost most of the weight afterward..he was constantly giving me advice how to lose, how to tighten, what to eat, what not to eat, while all the time demanding he be served his usual meat and potatoes, keeping candy in the house. etc.
With my late husband I always felt beautiful because he adored me and showed it.
I think no matter what a person believes their flaws are...we are always harder on ourselves....the quiet spirit inside is what we fall in love with. I thought my late husband was just handsome as they come. He had been a runner before and his legs and butt were a masterpiece!! Even when he started losing all the weight when he became sick.......my natural eyes saw it, but my heart never did.
Because of his illness that finally took him, we had a celibate marriage for several years. I look at pictures of him now and try to remember when those things occurred. Funny I can't.

There is one picture of he and I on our couch ..we both looked like pumpkins!!
I had been in a car accident..bloated from the predizone and steroid shots in my spine. LOL..yet to our children that was one of their favorite pictures.because to them it represented love, contentment, and acceptance.
I have countless albums of notes left around the house to tell me how much he loved me.
It may be your appearance that draws a person to you, but it is ACCEPTANCE and the inner man that keeps them close.
OP, I love your honesty!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 83
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/11/2010 9:47:10 AM
It's a tough situation, more I think on your end in a way because you cannot help what you are attracted to. I am running into guys my age or up to ten years older looking older than the OP and when they tend to take after my father, lighter hair, kind of semi-graying scruffy look beard, I don't think I could really get beyond the putting a picture of my dad in my head thing. Then again, there is a local guy that from his profile I would like to contact but he is nearly a dead wringer for my middle brother.

My mother is 80, she looks 20 years younger. The men her age or ten years younger are in horrible health Health wise she is dealing with issues at a similar level to that which the OP strives but who in their 60s is going to want to hook up with an 80-year-old woman?

They may be few and far between OP but certainly there are women in your age bracket that are starting to experience the trudging component of time/life events. So many people are retiring younger, I would imagine there might be some women your age in retirement groups/activities. Meetup.com has tons of groups based on interests and commonalities and if they have nothing for the not-yet-geriatric set in your area, you could start a group including in its description some of the things you put in this thread, i.e. minimal health and aging type stuff and finding few people with commonalities.

The only problem with using Velveteen as an analogy is that the person fell for the bald rabbit when it was in its prime and is its misshapen appearance is attractive partially because the person that values the toy was the one that put it in that condition by wearing it away with love. I think many people are willing to hang with you when you are both declining but finding someone to start out with when people do start having to deal more with the problems of advancing years, it is just difficult.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 84
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/11/2010 9:53:48 AM
Ichi-bon, you make an interesting comment. When I got involved with someone around 3 years ago and when I made a comment about something not looking great he was like for C's sake, we are in our 40s, you have had three kids, I haven't had any kids and you look better than I do, maybe if my c-section tummy was gone, but it was a sweet thing to say. Also sorry your first husband was such a jerk. When I was pregnant with my first, I asked him if he would still love me fat, and instead of reassuring me that I wouldn't be unattractive to him when I was big as a house, he said it was okay if I lost the weight afterward, wtf? He was 30 pounds at least overweight when we met, he was telling me I needed to lose weight baby or no baby?


I think no matter what a person believes their flaws are...we are always harder on ourselves....the quiet spirit inside is what we fall in love with. I thought my late husband was just handsome as they come. He had been a runner before and his legs and butt were a masterpiece!! Even when he started losing all the weight when he became sick.......my natural eyes saw it, but my heart never did. Because of his illness that finally took him, we had a celibate marriage for several years. I look at pictures of him now and try to remember when those things occurred. Funny I can't.

This was so simple and eloquent.

Sucks that you lost him so young but you are lucky to have shared this kind of love with someone for any length of time.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 85
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:33:56 PM

It's a tough situation, more I think on your end in a way because you cannot help what you are attracted to. I am running into guys my age or up to ten years older looking older than the OP and when they tend to take after my father, lighter hair, kind of semi-graying scruffy look beard, I don't think I could really get beyond the putting a picture of my dad in my head thing.


My point precisely, Most women my age just remind me of my Mom. I don't remind me of my Dad; So, it makes it a tough leap going towards women my own age.

packagedealx3, you seem to get it, but I've certainly been raked over for feeling this way.
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 86
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 8/17/2010 5:37:37 AM
Just to let you all know....America has lost another great man. 'Farcal Hollis' was diagnosed with colon cancer on July 2nd, and passed away on July 24th. On Aug 2nd, there was a HUGE funeral given by his friends and organizations he belonged to, and honored for all the work he did for the POW-MIA, veterans, and troops. Even though he wasn't a veteran, they still played Taps at his funeral.

The funeral director asked, "What do I have to do, to get a funeral like this?" The answer: You have to EARN it!"

Just goes to show, sometimes we just don't realize how much we mean to others. He left a legacy... I for one, will never forget him.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 87
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 8/17/2010 7:27:25 AM
I'm glad I reread through some of the posts before I read this. He seemed like a lovely man. God rest his soul. Thanks, Dceeeee.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 88
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 8/22/2010 10:56:38 AM
...I was devasted to hear the news of his passing.... Al, (aka Farcal Hollis )was a dear friend of mine. We *met* almost four years ago on PoF and later I joined another chat site and had the pleasure of getting better aquainted with him. What a lovely man, a special man with a good spirit..... I sincerely regret never getting the chance to meet him in real life. He will be/is soley missed by all who knew him.

Rest in Peace Al

...mae
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 89
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 8/22/2010 10:57:59 AM
...I was devasted to hear the news of his passing.... Al, (aka Farcal Hollis )was a dear friend of mine. We *met* almost four years ago on PoF and later I joined another chat site and had the pleasure of getting better aquainted with him. What a lovely man, a special man with a good spirit..... I sincerely regret never getting the chance to meet him in real life. He will be/is soley missed by all who knew him.

Rest in Peace Al

...mae
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 90
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 8/22/2010 12:02:09 PM
That is so sad... He was one of very few honorable men on POF. I remember writing this in response to his thoughtful thread...


You have had pleasant replies from the females because you were /appeared honest, pleasant, and non critical. I think it makes a big difference... You appear to have a heart, and a realistic sense how it is to be someone your age. You didn't attack older women because they are older, but accepted them for who they are. I was impressed with your post.


I think he touched more people than he will ever know...



 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 91
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 9/4/2010 7:53:47 AM

Sorry, but if a man your age can't see the beauty in you, browneyes, that's his loss. Maybe it's that little part of our brains that thinks we're still young? I recall someone asking me 'Quick, without thinking, how old are you?' My response was "23, er 8, 30...7?..40-shit!"
I think older men (active, interesting older men) are very attractive. I find it hard to believe they wouldn't find a woman their age (active, interesting) attractive as well.
Ummm, sorry...I have to agree with BrownEyesBoo....men "our age" are NOT interested in women "our age" (their own ages)

If I were to take a S.W.A.G. at the exact percentages of men who find me attractive (over the last 10 yrs...age 47-57) I'd have to honestly say that...about 75% of them are men who are AT LEAST 10-15 yrs younger...and a LOT of them...close to 30 yrs younger. Case in point...it embarrasses my 14 yr old Grandson when his Little League teammates comment about his "hot granny".

I further agree:
Sometimes I kid myself, too! I don't really want to connect with a lady who looks like I remember my grandmother, in spite of the fact that when I look in a mirror, I see my grandfather looking back at me! I really want to connect with the gals I remember from years ago, but as I said, I'm kidding myself, too!!
HOWEVER, I think it frequently goes even beyond the males desire for an attractive women...or perhaps more DIRECTLY to the reason he desires the "attractive women". LOL! The IRONY is...(as the gentleman admitted himself) that..things start changing over the age of 50. Men may "need" that "extra encouragement" they'd feel by having a much younger woman willing to pay some of the attention back. On the other hand....most of them (older men) are turned off by a women their own age even admitting that she HAS a sexuality, much less if she openly demonstrates it! And he pretty well hit the nail on the head there.....most men EXPECT Grandmother's.....to LOOK and ACT like THEIR Grandmothers.

LOL! so, there you have it.....that's why I occasionally "date" men who are 15 yrs younger...knowing full well that it is a "short term friendship". As I'm not totally ready for the rocker on the front porch just yet.....I'll wait until I hit 70 before considering anything for a "long term commitment. LOL! by then...most of the men my own age will no longer be able to deny their mortality, and have accepted that they're not really all that and a bag of chips EITHER!!! :-)
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 92
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 9/4/2010 11:57:00 AM
Hmmm, wrong thread, wrong day, oh well.

What I say is we all have our own journey. I'm fairly sure he was wrong about having nothing to offer a woman, obviously he had, or the last few posts would not have happened.

I'm also sure he and I were not the only men who tried to date age appropriate women. No matter what age you are, there is always some one who's interested, if you are a person of substance.

Although this online thing seems to draw more for self gratification, than actual experiences.

See you soon Al.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 93
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 9/6/2010 11:45:54 PM
We all have shortcomings. For instance, I have run all of my life and it's been one of my greatest joys. I recently blew out my knee and have made the decision not to run anymore and to make the mental and physical adjustments to that, and to replace that activity with something I love just as much.
I say get into the best shape that you can to promote health and bodily functions, talk to a dr. about all you can do to address any physical/mental/emotional issues and boldly go forward.
I know that there are women that are similar in their shortcomings ( your term, not mine) who would like a relationship based on companionship and maybe you two can get some things going in the sex dept. if you are both seeking that. Simply place what you are looking for in your profile.
Promote your strengths as well. I love music and I could care less if a guy can play that faster piece than something he can, etc.
I think it's great to find someone such as yourself, young at heart and vibrantly seeking someone to share these things with.
You're not a fool for being honest. Your honesty will allow you to find a woman who is compatible.

EDIT: Just saw the above notes and the date on the OP. I apologize greatly. Shouldn't be writing at 2 a.m.
 RealisticRomantic
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 94
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 9/7/2010 6:25:06 AM
Oh and hiding your profile will not help you either. Unless you are permanently throwing in the towel.. if that is what you want so be it.

On the contrary, hiding your profile can help. It makes you establish contact first without the clutter of unsolicited messages to redirect our focus. There also might be a psychological advantage too. Let's face it, when everyone logs in they see the same portfolio of losers each and every day. When you hide your profile, the first time she sees it is when you message her. She has not already seen it a dozen times and become bored with it.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 95
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 9/7/2010 10:33:40 AM
Farewell Farcal Hollis you left us much to early, ..to be diagnosed with colon cancer on the 2nd and pass on the 24th, but obviously Farcal had some clue his health was failing ("As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!") he mistakenly took his slow deterioration with the progression of this disease as aging, very unfortunate he was obviously well like and intelligent..
Farcal Hollis should be an example for us all, colon cancer can be treated and stop, at our age we need to have a colonoscopy where polyps can be discovered removed and biopsied...before they metastasize
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 96
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 9/7/2010 10:52:18 AM

Farewell Farcal Hollis you left us much to early, ..to be diagnosed with colon cancer on the 2nd and pass on the 24th, but obviously Farcal had some clue his health was failing ("As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!") he mistakenly took his slow deterioration with the progression of this disease as aging, very unfortunate he was obviously well like and intelligent.


I am so sorry to hear of Farcal's passing as well.. He is missed by a whole lot of people.
Think green when you eat and think high fiber and hopefully this will keep this monster from happening... Broccoli, especially sprouts, also have the phytochemical sulforaphane, a product of glucoraphanin - believed to aid in preventing some types of cancer, like colon and rectal cancer.

Be well
thecatsmeoww
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 97
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 9/14/2010 5:46:06 PM
Blessings to Farcal and his memory. Thank you for all of your thoughts and insights. Your still as good as you once were!

Mary
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 98
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 9/21/2010 7:18:31 PM
'Farcal Hollis' was a good man and a gentle spirit.
He had a kind word to say to everyone. I wish he didn't have to leave.

Rest in Peace Al, you 'll be remembered .

 haida41
Joined: 10/14/2011
Msg: 99
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/5/2012 9:22:04 PM
I'm not as good as I once was, but i'm as good once as I ever was.
 notimeout
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 100
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 1/7/2012 11:51:54 AM
What a great post, so glad haida41 made a comment that brought it back to the front page.
Every one of us could learn from it, no matter what our age. The comments from the ladies
show great insight and wisdom. I feel fortunate to have noticed this thread and followed along to the bittersweet end. Thanks Al, you left quite legacy. R.I.P.
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