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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.      Home login  
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 PrinceCharmingsCousin
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 101
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

(3) To those that commented that "most women would probably be willing to buy a ring for their man", I will gladly sit back and hold my breath to see how many ladies would actually cough up three months of THEIR salary for a token engagement ring to their man without knowing if he'd even say yes to the proposal. Considering the amount of posts I've read where some ladies are pissed if they even have to open their wallet on the THIRD date (let alone first), I think these mythical Progressive Ring-Buying Women you speak of are still a ways off (like the hover cars and personal jetpacks Sci-Fi authors have been promising us for decades).


THIS is exactly what I was getting at earlier!!

I don't know how it is in the States but in Canada we have something called Common-law spouses, so you are technically married, but don't need a ring, or a license or to go to the church.

"According to the Canada Revenue Agency, as of 2007, a common-law relationship is true if at least one of the following applies:
a) the couple have been living in a conjugal relationship for at least 12 continuous months;
b) the couple are parents of a child by birth or adoption; or
c) one of the couple has custody and control of the child (or had custody and control immediately before the child turned 19 years of age) and the child is wholly dependent on that person for support.

In many cases common-law couples have the same rights as married couples under federal law. Various federal laws include "common-law status," which automatically takes effect once two people (of any gender) have lived together in a conjugal relationship for five full years. Common-law partners may be eligible for various federal government spousal benefits. As family law varies between provinces, there are differences between the provinces regarding the recognition of common-law marriage."
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 102
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 10:57:44 AM
OP- Ya- she gave u an ultimatum? "I'm only gonna stay with a guy for a year and if he's not the marrying kind, I'm gonna bounce to another guy...for a year...and do that same thing?"

I find women like this amusing. My ex gf was pretty much like this. She was like "I wanna be married again by age 40" (she's 38 and has 2 divorces already)

So my words to her and women like this:

Don't rush or force things. Period. If you are both on the same page as to what you're looking for to get married ie, for love or for companionship or for whatever...

Make sure both of you are together.



Of course some women are marrying women and think if they are with someone they gotta get married....Doesn't matter how many times they get divorced...only that they get married.

Personally I feel that marriage is a bit sacred...Meaning, its real...its long term...and its for keeps...SO that being said, I'm not gonna just get married for the sake of getting married--- To me its supposed to be forever...I have been divorced and I was the one that filed....BUT...I gave my all to it...

I do not believe anyone that says "I give you a year and then I move on" is really playing for keeps. I do not believe these people really give their all...

Hell my ex gf...we were having problems before we stopped seeing each other and for the first time, I myself mentioned the "M" word...

she gets all mad at me and was like "why didn't you ask me sooner?"

"because I did not want to rush it before I thought I was ready"

duh...

and as for rings...i do not think they mean a single thing. its just a "symbol" and nothing more...It does not make me love a woman any more or any less...it does not make me feel any more or less committed to her...

when I say "i do"...that is also symbolic...

i make all my committments such as marriage with my heart and mind and soul...

so any "thing" that I have to "buy" is for the woman to "brag" or "show off" how much money I spent on her so she can show her friends.

to me its meaningless.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 103
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:00:43 AM

I don't know how it is in the States but in Canada we have something called Common-law spouses, so you are technically married, but don't need a ring, or a license or to go to the church.

There are only seven U.S. states remaining in which common-law partnerships of this sort can still be formed (plus one additional in which it applies only to inheritance rights, no other), and all of them require that the couple declare themselves married in various ways for it to be recognized. It's considerably easier to go to City Hall and pay the $40.00 or so. I don't really understand why a Canadian couple wouldn't do that, too - if you want to ensure having the same rights as a married couple, then for heaven's sake, just be a married couple.
 guitarfreek78
Joined: 1/30/2010
Msg: 104
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:33:20 AM
Amen bro. You learn what you can and should a situation like this come up again then you know its time to break out the running shoes & get gone! No one, male or female should have to be subject to that kind of manipulation.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 105
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:42:42 AM
By insisting on marriage after a reasonable time, a person can at
least guage whether they are being used or unknowingly are in a
fwb relationship with someone they love who does not really love them.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 106
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:49:57 AM
a great book to read on the subject of engagement rings and gift giving in general is

Gary Chapmans the five languages of love
or the five love languages.

recieving a ring has deep meaning to some people
not to others

for some it is an outward sign of love.
it is knowing someone is thinking of you and your happiness

for others it might be words of affirmation
or physical touch

if a man loves a woman and wants to spend his life with her.
and she wants a ring. why would he deny her what would make her most happy.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 107
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:54:52 AM

It's about commitment. A ring makes a statement that you're willing to commit to your fullest capability. Even then, many relationships fail; but woment want to know he's really going to try.

See, I don't buy that old canard. At all.

I was under the impression that a MOUTH made the statement one was willing to commit fully, and the ACTIONS followed. Funny how often women equate some piece of jewelery with the absence of the former. Does he not have a mouth? Does he not display actions? What the Hell does a ring do except act as a conversation piece that she can brag about?

A ring is a token. A meaningless one at that. It's just a ring.

Words and deeds accomplish the conveyance of committal. Nothing more, and nothing less.

If words and deeds are overlooked and the importance is placed on some showy token to talk about...then she ain't worth the words or deeds at all. She clearly has her priorities messed up in a big way and wants the sizzle...not the steak.

JMO
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 108
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:03:18 PM
both people involved need to come to an agreement over the ring issue.
then the marriage issue.
you can have rings without marriage as a symbol of love.

as for myself...
i would like marriage.
i do not want to be in a long term relationship with a quitter. i want to make a commitment and know that we will both work things out.

i agree that some people are not married and are staying together longer than some married people. my own parents are divorced. however, they have each been with another person now for over 40 years. they have been solid with their other person. they live together. they have bought propery together. share bank accounts etc.
it worked for them because that was what they were comfortable with.

a ring in itself means nothing. it is the love in which it is given.
i am a romantic and i still believe.

my last bf would not give me a ring. he didnt want marriage. but he wanted me with him all the time. i dont get that.
was it the expense of marriage? or the expense of a ring?
did he not want it to appear as if he was engaged? we looked and behaved like a married couple in love in public every day.
did he want an out and not have to deal with asking for a ring back?
rings do not have to cost a fortune.
people spend alot more on new fancy tires for their cars and trucks.
he wanted an exclusive relationship.
what is that? exclusive as to sex?
to me that is bordering on fwb. if there is no commitment for a future together.
a ring symbolizes a commitment.

it is a symbol of love and how a man values a relationship (some men and women i add)
for others... a ring is of little value and importance. the two need to have some sort of agreement over this issue and both be happy and at peace about it.

it is a societal thing. has been for ages. in many cultures. in many other ways there have been outward symbols of love. a ring is one of them and this is America.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 109
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:10:50 PM
I was under the impression that a MOUTH made the statement one was willing to commit fully, and the ACTIONS followed. Funny how often women equate some piece of jewelery with the absence of the former. Does he not have a mouth? Does he not display actions? What the Hell does a ring do except act as a conversation piece that she can brag about?

giving is action
giving a ring is an ACTION that follows the words from his MOUTH that he is willing to commit fully.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 110
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:13:26 PM

giving is action
giving a ring is an ACTION that follows the words from his MOUTH that he is willing to commit fully.

Uh huh.

Keep tellin' yourself that...

One can spin it any way they want - it's just a way to get some sucker to part with 2 months salary on some token so they can have something to show off and brag about to their coworkers and family. Nothing more.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 111
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:20:54 PM


i do not want to be in a long term relationship with a quitter. i want to make a commitment and know that we will both work things out.
And marriage is the only to way obtain this? I think not sorry...
By your own words you stated in your last relationship you acted like a " married couple in all ways in public" what about behind the scenes where to me would be more important.

did he want an out and not have to deal with asking for a ring back?

Only he can answer this, for myself I don't need nor want a ring to show a public display of commitment. I want the actions to speak so loudly there isn't any need for the "ring". If someone I am in a long term relationship with wants to buy me a ring fine as long as it is understood he is doing this for him. Yes I would treasure it, but it isn't vital to our relationship.


they have each been with another person now for over 40 years. they have been solid with their other person. they live together. they have bought propery together. share bank accounts etc.
it worked for them because that was what they were comfortable with.

In this statement you hit it on the head.What they are comfortable with. Some of us are still very romantic and committed we just don't feel we need the paper to say so that is as you state "society" I have gotten the age I really don't give a rats butt what society thinks of me and my lifestyle.


it is a symbol of love and how a man values a relationship (some men and women i add)

This statement always baffles me when a woman says it, So a poor man making 25k a year should go into huge debt for a ring to "show" his love. That would be a huge turn off for me.

As far as people buying fancy gadgets, so what if they can afford them. As you stated this is America after all [btw this is a canadian website lol] we all should be watching our pennies since we don't have any dollars left.

I just hear and read so much about where the woman wants this token and yet she doesn't want to pay half, nor sign a prenup. That doesn't sit well with me and before I get bashed for putting the doom and gloom on the relationship with a pre-up no I am not they can be done in many ways after a certian amount of time they can be absolved or adjusted. I have to say I would insist on one since I dont' really care what a man makes if I am contemplating co habitation with him I want him for him and money would then be taken off the table.

I believe women can't have it both ways. IF you insist on the ring what are you willing to give in return of monietary value. Fair is fair after all.

This is all just myopinion hope no one feels I am bashing or trashing.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 112
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:44:31 PM
a ring does not have to cost alot.
you can get one for 500. up to tens of thousands.
its all relative.

and it doesnt have to be diamond either.

and yes....behind the scenes we were very close and in love. we were happy. we were happiest together.
this is getting off topic so i will stop

hey...i am in northern cal and we just had another earth quake.

i still say..... actions speak louder than words.
if a ring is important to a woman and a man wants to spend his life with her..
why would he not give her a ring?

it seems to be a big issue with much more importance on both sides of this. thus...a ring is alot more than a ring. there is intense meaning behind giving and receiving one. and wearing one. people feel strongly on both sides.
i wonder how many women who say it does not matter would not actually be happy to tears if their man presented them with a ring.
or would they just say...oh i dont really need that honey. return it.

and personally...i would be willing to sign a prenup.
i have seen men loose alot too much in a divorce. i see nothing wrong with them protecting themselves.

i have seen poor men and rich men give rings. and poor men not give and rich men not give. i dont think it is a matter of money really in all cases. rings come in all price ranges.
i dont believe in debt.
my son in law has almost nothing financially. yet he bought my daugter a ring. a small one. but she loves it. it was his best. it means alot to both of them.

some women feel more secure and loved if a man gives her a ring. thats it. he is putting his words of love and making then into a ring she can look at while she is alone and always think of him and his love when she sees it.
and so what if she wants to show her friends. she is happy.
isnt that what everyone wants their loved one to be Happy
i have given my ex bf alot. i made him things that he loves. he still has them all over his home.

i think it all has to do with the dynamics in the particular relationship.

i am thinking that maybe those who dont care about engaement or promise rings also dont care about gifts at all. why get a graduation gift, or birthday gift. and never give a ring for christmas. i mean come on. a ring. omg
 winfieldbrian
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 113
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:47:28 PM
My ex-wife was in a sorority in college. One of her sorority sisters was very beautiful and dated a lot of guys, all who wanted sex but were told she wouldn't sleep with a guy unless she was engaged to him.

According to my ex, she got engaged 12 times during her college life.
 *sass*
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 114
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:03:46 PM
You know what though? Some men actually act like this! Not necessarily the timeline, but definitely wanting to move things to marriage and acting hurt if they don't.

Probably only because I didn't want to, oh the irony, lol..

 Sweetchic4u2
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 115
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:06:26 PM


Pre-engagement rings

Couples have been known to make promises to each other as far as societies go back, some women prefer something tangible as a symbol of the promises/commitment you make towards each other. Personally I love it.. They are especially a favorite among those making romantic commitments since the ring itself is an icon of never-ending-ness.
These promise rings are often called "pre-engagement rings", because usually or hopefully lol........a real engagement ring is what follows next.



 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 116
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:20:12 PM

if a man loves a woman and wants to spend his life with her. and she wants a ring. why would he deny her what would make her most happy.

What nonsense that is!

So I guess that the commitment, and devotion, and all the little things they do for each other means nothing then, right? No, it is meaningless without this "token" she can wear around her finger to show off to family and friends and coworkers. The love and tenderness and good times shared don't make her happy at all...nope...it's all about the ring...the "token".

Lame. Epic fail
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 117
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:31:29 PM
Well, If I like it and I want to put a ring on it, does that mean he will wear a Prince Albert?
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 118
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:34:12 PM
dear Prince,
Like I said in my previous post I would be happy to but my man a ring if he wanted it. Also I think a companion ring ( made by my jewelery maker of course) beside the one I am wearing would look great. I can guarantee the companion ring would cost a lot less the one I am currently wearing. Also if I marry again the wedding ring I would use would be my mothers. It is a plain gold band and over 72 years old. As I understand it the OP was surprised when the woman left because she wanted to get married after a year of seeing him. I believe that if her intention was to get married she should have said something very early on. Perhaps she did. He did not say. Usually marriage is a mutual decision weather or not there is a big fancy ring. No where did he mention she stated she wanted a big fancy ring.( The first line was a metaphor.) Some women do not like jewelery . Some like my mother just wore a plain gold band. I would not be quick to marry. But then I am not quick to hop into bed with a fellow either. However after seeing a fellow for a year the marriage conversation had not come up I would certainly bring it up and yes if the guy did not want to marry I would likely leave.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 119
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:39:50 PM

By insisting on marriage after a reasonable time, a person can at
least guage whether they are being used or unknowingly are in a
fwb relationship with someone they love who does not really love them.


Thats what she might say NOW....but a guy often wonders what ever happened to commitment by the time the divorce papers come sent to his door. By then it is a guy that tends to feel used.

Its funny how its always about the woman being used if a relationship does not work out. In this day in age its more about how long a relationship lasts rather then till death do you part.

I think their are a few women who tend to put marriage before a relationship. To me its not the end result, its the journey that gets you there.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 120
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:54:21 PM
I think most guys would appreciate A red lipstick ring stategically placed ! ..
I got married in the 70's.. I bought my husband a guitar.. Jewelery wasn't a pre-requisit to the bond, although he did buy me one (after living together for five years) after we decided to tie the knot..

OT: Neither Op or, his g/f were wrong imo.. However they were both being silly by not communicating their romantic goals. I'm sure both of them enjoyed the benefits of their short-term union.

Knowing your posting history, it's well known that you are adament about never marrying again.. Did she know this going in?
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 121
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:30:54 PM
Men still want women to take their name.

Women still want a ring.

Can you people just stop? Seriously. Both sexes still have their ridiculous traditions. I know that I may be single for a long time, but I sure don't think it's because I'm rigid about stupidities like this.

The fact that some women cannot understand why men want their wives to take their name and the fact that some men cannot understand why women wish a ring tells me that you are not really understanding the opposite sex at all.

Seems like some men want women to act like men at the appropriate times and then act like women when it benefits them.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 122
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:39:03 PM

she found marriage more important than me so I just let her go.

Actually, she let *you* go. Most likely because you didn't find her important enough in your life to make a committment to her. She didn't do anything wrong, nor did you. You both simply did not want the same thing.

However, I find your complaint petty and wrong.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 123
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:00:38 PM
I find it odd how so many are talking about "two months salary" and "she only wanted a bauble to show off, not you" etc. The O-post didn't strike me as being about expensive diamonds or an engagement ring at all...it struck me as being about the woman wanting the commitment of marriage. A simple gold cigar band ring isn't that pricey.


Is it really that important to woemn that they need a ring to be convinced a man loves them ?


For some women, I guess it is. I don't think it's so much about the ring itself, though, as what the ring represents...a lifetime commitment.


For me a ring makes no difference except making it harder to move on once things go wrong.


So you don't want to get married, because you want an easier escape route, essentially? Just asking for clarification on that statement.


I went out with a woman for a year and a year to the day we met she left the relationship saying that she gives men a year to marry her then she moves on.
To m,e she found marriage more important than me so I just let her go.


You don't mention when that relationship occurred, but I assume it was fairly recently overall? Hmm...well, it's hard to say without knowing the woman in question or her past relationships. Maybe she spent years and years with a man in the past, but he never married her? So now, she's just decided life's too short to waste on relationships that aren't moving forward to how she wants/believes, and now she prefers to move on so she can finally find what she's desiring? It's hard to say, OP.

Some people are still traditional, and, say it was a younger couple...perhaps he or she prefer to be married first if they plan to have children? It's going to be a complete case-by-case personal issue though.

Myself, I really can't picture myself ever buying a house with a man I wasn't married or engaged to, or making any large joint purchases, either. If that was the case, I'd prefer to buy those things myself, and not have to worry about drawing up various contracts prior for 'who gets the couch'/ 'the time share' /'how we split the house' etc if things break down. So, it's going to be different strokes for different folks. In your case, she wanted more of a commitment than you did.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 124
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:23:30 PM

For some women, I guess it is. I don't think it's so much about the ring itself, though, as what the ring represents...a lifetime commitment.
Now....see....I REALLY DOUBT that this is TRUE...that to women..."a ring represents a LIFETIME commitment....seeing that nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce (less than a lifetime commitment) and that 75% of those divorces are initiated by those women. I mean...excuse me.....I didn't straight As in mathematics....I had a couple of A-'s ...but to me....that still don't "add" up.

It's the same thing with saying that you're a traditionalist and want the traditional "ring"..but yet...that's the ONLY damn thing you want that IS "traditional"....not the name, not the cleaning house and baking cookies, not the leaving decisions to him, blah, blah, blah....


Myself, I really can't picture myself ever buying a house with a man I wasn't married or engaged to, or making any large joint purchases, either. If that was the case, I'd prefer to buy those things myself, and not have to worry about drawing up various contracts prior for 'who gets the couch'/ 'the time share' /'how we split the house' etc if things break down.
IF you DID look at this ring as a "lifetime commitment"...then you WOULDN'T be worried about these things....RIGHT? I mean obviously...if your commitment is for LIFE....they why are you already worried about who's going to get the couch?
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 125
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:34:53 PM

Now....see....I REALLY DOUBT that this is TRUE...that to women..."a ring represents a LIFETIME commitment....seeing that nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce (less than a lifetime commitment) and that 75% of those divorces are initiated by those women. I mean...excuse me.....I didn't straight As in mathematics....I had a couple of A-'s ...but to me....that still don't "add" up.


Believing (or not being capable of interpreting statistics) is common, no worries. Great, 75% of divorces are filed by women. Hmm....do you have statistics to back up the REASONS those women filed for divorce? Cheating? Abuse? Women being more pro-active and taking action and responsibility for the rest of their lives, not wanting to put up with stuff? Perhaps women just file more, because they aren't as tolerant?
Statistics are...IMO....fluff when one doesn't have a valid argument.


It's the same thing with saying that you're a traditionalist and want the traditional "ring"..but yet...that's the ONLY damn thing you want that IS "traditional"....not the name, not the cleaning house and baking cookies, not the leaving decisions to him, blah, blah, blah....


You don't live in my house, so please keep your assumptions to yourself. If I prefer to bear children in wedlock, it's really none of your damned business. You had your children the way you wanted, I'll (possibly) have mine the way I prefer. The only "non-traditional" thing about me, from your era, is that I also work 12 hours a day, 75 hours a week. My household is in order though...I might not bake cookies because I really don't eat desset, but damned sure dinner is made every night. Assumptions and asses, once again.


IF you DID look at this ring as a "lifetime commitment"...then you WOULDN'T be worried about these things....RIGHT? I mean obviously...if your commitment is for LIFE....they why are you already worried about who's going to get the couch?


Now you are just being obtuse. Read it again, and read it clearly. I clearly said I WOULDN'T do any of those things, without either being engaged or married to the man. Which means, I would be expecting/hoping the relationship would last a lifetime. I'm not worried about who's going to get the couch...because I am capable of buying my own damned couch, while single. Your post is way off-base, since my comment was about without the ring/lifetime commitment.

But, if you want to buy a house with a man you aren't married to, again, power to you and anyone else. I didn't judge anyone in my original post, I merely stated that I wasn't personally capable of that. To each their own.

Cheers.
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