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 AUTHOR
 BBQ Spider
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 26
In a relationship but still on dating sites?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
This is maximum redundant, but I can't resist, because it's a pet peeve of mine and I can't beat that drum loud or long enough.

It's not exclusive until they both agree it is.
Until they both agree it's exclusive, he is doing nothing wrong by not being exclusive.

I dislike the "out of respect" part very much. Implying what he is doing, is out of lack of respect.
They may have differing ideas on where the relationship is right now; on where it is headed; on what the expectations would be in either scenario.

If he were a cheating player, he wouldn't make his profiles so easy to identify, site to site.

He is not hurting her. His profiles aren't hurting her. She hurts herself by expecting him to comform to her opinion, which she hasn't even bothered to share with him directly, am I right??
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 27
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 5:28:35 AM
When she started seeing him she hid her profile out of respect. However, the guy she's seeing is still on about 4 dating sites and this is hurting her ...

there are at least a couple of things wrong with this scenario....

1. "started seeing".... i.e., your friend hid her profile after one date? just a few dates? in other words, she just met him but already she's already putting a stake in the ground and assuming they have an exclusive "relationship"? if so, she's a presumptuous fool.


2. how does she know he's still on "about 4 dating sites"... did she run home and check on every single one of his profiles, and start biting her nails about why he's still there? if so, she's a presumptuous fool.


i might be able to squeeze a little more mileage out of this, but i think you see where i'm going. and if she actually believes she some kind of a victim in this situation ["it's hurting her", :eyeroll:], then why doesn't she have a serious conversation with him about it?

that's a rhetorical question, really. because if she does that, she will only reveal herself as The Princess With An Entitlement Complex that she really is. i doubt he'd hang around very long for that. unless, of course, the sex is "outstanding".
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 28
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 7:55:52 AM

^^ I don't know how much this rant applies to the OP's question, but I don't care. You kick a$$, TuffLuv. I will also say it again because messages this short may not be posted. You kick a$$.



Aha, there is a method to my madness... I was showing that these guys who have GFs but are still on dating sites... they are going on dates. No one joins a dating site *not* to go on a date. And if he was good enough for her to pick, she can be guaranteed someone else would too... most likely like me... unknowingly.
 ellena.
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 29
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History
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 8:05:32 AM
You are not staying out of this when you are posting this on these forums.
 beachcomber299
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 30
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 8:50:57 AM
I'm in the same situation as your friend. I also hid mine out of respect but the one I'm seeing hasn't but here's my take on that (til both agree jointly to commit) to making the relationship exclusive then here's where one has to keep an open mind and remember that that's where one's prerogative comes into play in so far as weather to take the a for mention action or not.
Dave
 batbb4a
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 31
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 10:38:40 AM
I've excerpted this from another POF thread titled "What have you learned from online dating ?"

In message 301 the poster wrote:

Posted: 9/15/2008 7:00:11 PM
#1: Internet dating (or it's lure) has ruined more relationships than it has ever created.

#2: An e-mail does not mean somebody especially wants you, it means they want somebody special. Being a recipient of one of many sent e-mails does not make you special...

#3: A photograph is not a personality.

#4: It's a great place to meet people you'd otherwise never run into in your entire lifetime.

#5: Long distance connections can have it's unique benefits when meeting people you'd otherwise never run into in your entire lifetime. ; - )

#6: Long distance connections aren't so great if you finally do meet someone special online.

#7: That once people accomplish their goal online (meet someone special) they rarely get OFFLINE.

Which takes you back to #1.

****************************************

I couldn't agree more with # 1 - Internet dating (or it's lure) has ruined more relationships than it has ever created.
 alwyslaugh
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 32
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 11:36:25 AM
I dated someone from a different dating site, come to find out a few months down he was on 3 others.

OP: I think if you are in a serious relationship you shouldn't have any adds on any dating sites.

On the up side not getting involved is the best way to stay out of trouble.
 woman in waiting
Joined: 1/15/2010
Msg: 33
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 11:46:20 AM
Are they dating regularly or just going out once in a while... are their thoughts the same on where they're going in this "relationship"? She needs to ask why he's still on and tell him she took her profile down out of respect in hoping for more between them! Communication is the key to all relationships I have been married for almost 25 yrs to the same wonderful man (the only man in my life)! We've made it to this point by communicating! I really does work and you reap many benefits from feeling you can tell him all and hope he wants to share all with you!
 *Tiffanee*
Joined: 1/5/2010
Msg: 34
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 11:47:08 AM
I've been with a guy for almost 4 years and I am still on this site. Never have I cheated, been unfaithful or anything along those lines. He does have my password because I do have nothing to hide. But I am still on this site because I have come accross some very interesting people, and we keep in touch, like online "Friends". But I honestly do not look at this site as a dating site because you have the option to look for friends, hangout, or just to talk/email. so just ask if he's on dating site to keep his options open or because he finds the site interesting. You will never know until you ask.....
 December1980
Joined: 9/15/2009
Msg: 35
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 11:47:36 AM
In My Opinion...

it all depends. Has she discussed exclusivsity with this guy? I mean for me... unless there is a statement of exclusivity mutually agreeed upon, then they are just dating and who cares.

How long has this been going on. I know some people who will meet someone and within 2 weeks of talking to them and chatting every day they feel like they can stop searching.

basically she needs to figure out the relationships definition. she could have committed to him and they had sex, BUT he has not committed to her and is having fun.

she needs to make sure they are on the same page.

Some men and Some women will go out with someone for 3 weeks have sex a couple of times and feel like it is implied that they are exclusive and find out otherwise the hardway...

so, unless she is 19 yrs old.. she should talk to him and find out where his true feelings are and how he sees their relationship.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 36
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 4:32:58 PM

I believe this too. While I know some forum posters are only here for the forums, we represent only like 1 % of pof population, many never enter forums. Ive never dated a forum poster and when things become exclusive, Id want to see us both close accounts and focus on real life. There are plenty of online resources for relationship help that don't force an ad on a dating site to participate. JMO.


Well said brown eyed woman as the fora lifer's and fora Internet therapist's is a no go, which is ok cuz they are still or very happy in healing us malcontents until we get healed and smell the roses again as they are in the same boat. lol

I do have some good friends here but when it time to leave the doctor's chair it's time to go and resume a full and healthy and fulling life.
But my friends will recieve a holiday card nonetheless! lol these are what friends for.....lets not be confused with anything else. N'est Pas
And for those who need to stay even if you have a boy or girl friend then take advantage of the free therapy and continued advice till you feel to live completely,trust,love, and move on.
 likebond
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 37
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 5:01:17 PM
My profile says just looking for friends and his

Sweetheart if you say you are looking for friends what is a guy supposed to be faithful to your friendship.... I see you are 21 but really if you want friends then get on facebook if you want to date somebody and have them be faithful then you are in the right place but change your profile to say you want a die hard commited man to be completely faithful to you!
 *Tiffanee*
Joined: 1/5/2010
Msg: 38
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 5:16:38 PM
likebond, are you referring to me??
 likebond
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 39
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 5:33:19 PM
Tiffanee
No (Sorry for the confusion new to posting) I was not there was another post where the lady said she had been friends with a guy for a month and then she found out he was still on the site She said he was not "faithful". She said her profile said just friends but his said dating then she trashed the guys on the site.... obviously she does not just want friends if she is calling someone unfaithful because they were her "friend" while still looking for someone to date.
 Navygirl1x
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 40
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 5:58:43 PM
My ex-boyfriend did that and I did not make me feel very good. I think if he wants to be on a dating site, then don't bother being with me. I think its very low class to do that.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 41
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 7:17:48 PM

No one joins a dating site *not* to go on a date.


That is so not true, many people join dating sites with message boards and have no intention of dating. Hell there are a ton of posts bytching about how many people join these sites with no intention of ever going on a date.
 *Tiffanee*
Joined: 1/5/2010
Msg: 42
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 7:24:54 PM

many people join these sites with no intention of ever going on a date.


I'm sorry I found that amuzing. I think joining this site just to make friends or have casual convsations is fine. Just like many people use this site just to get a booty call or have an "active partner" or "intimate encounter" Dating sites are used for many things.
 Savona
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 43
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 7:30:59 PM
Honestly I have signed up to so many random dating sites I don't think I could even find them all to delete my old profiles. So who cares.

Anothing thing, I would NOT take my profile down for anyone I just met. That is pretty much the kiss of death to show a man you have ANY kind of interest in him.

Savona
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 44
view profile
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 7:32:48 PM

No one joins a dating site *not* to go on a date.



I joined this site ONLY to post to a question my boyfriend wrote. I was already in an exclusive relationship with him when I joined and only stay here for the forums. I didn't even know these forums existed before that. He joined before we met but keeps his profile hidden now so he can use the forums too.


It's not clear whether the OP means they are in a relationship or just dating. It says she hid her profile after they started seeing each other. Most people are not ready to be in a committed relationship that fast. I know although both my boyfriend and I didn't really date other people after we met we didn't make it exclusive for a few months. There is nothing wrong with the guy being on dating sites if they have not agreed to only date each other.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 45
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 8:24:12 PM
if he likes her, then why should he be looking?
i had one man that i dated tell me that all men look.
women even defended his keeping the profile on
because maybe he was reading the forums.
i have news for you honey, most men don't read
the forums and HELL they don't even read your profile.
Most are too busy looking at my rack or sizing me
up to give a schit! If a man defends hiding his profile
or keeping his profile up......posting looking for dating, if he
is involved with you not "friends" then ditch the loser.
Been there, done that......
The only men that argue to advertise or even look
MAY I SAY AGAIN...SHE HAS TO KNOW THAT HE
ISN'T A FORUM PERSON...............dump the loser
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 46
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 8:32:11 PM
Time doesn't matter. What matters is what you agree on. If somebody tells you that he/she's no longer on dating sites, etc., and you find out that it's a lie, then you break off immediately without asking a single question. Unfortunately it doesn't come down like that. In 10 out of 10 cases there will be an argument and the guilty one tries to get away with a lie. It'll always be a lie because there's no reason to be on a dating site if you're honest and in a relationship. There are no excuses, ever.

As somebody already said, a cheater doesn't need dating sites to cheat on somebody. There are plenty of other alternatives for that - bars, pubs, nightclubs, grocery store, school, at work, the library or whatever. Having said that, if he or she can't even stay away from a dating site then what else can you expect? Right. It's just a question of time before the bomb drops anyway...
 Gypsyagain
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 47
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 8:37:08 PM
all have good points. Having been a victim of the dating while married fiasco, I have a really bad opinion of it. BUt to be fair, some people are just not ready to settle down. and some no good, low down, cheating a$$dogs, just arent ready.
 whatsmyname09
Joined: 3/27/2009
Msg: 48
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/2/2010 5:27:59 AM
I have a problem with this and it caused me to tell someone I loved goodbye , my guy is still on his sites and did check them with me present but would talk to the ladies when he was alone , I found a message to some asking to meet them and telling them about his home life ...he said it was just talking didnt mean he would meet them but he was late for a date because he was on the internet with them
 petite4U2
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 49
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/2/2010 6:04:45 AM
Bigonblues,

I dated a person for 4 years. Once we said we would be exclusive, he continued to be on dating websites and advertised himself as single and continued to date. Of course I didnt know this the whole time. Once some agrees that they are IN a relationship and tells you its an exclusive thing, being on the site isnt an issue. What IS the issue is telling other women youre single when you have professed otherwise to someone else. There is alot of dishonesty on dating websites, all of them. All I can tell you is that at the first sign of infidelity you have every right to question, find out the truth and if that person cannot or will not address it, you are better off without them. RUN ! I am now engaged and very happy. My fiance is still here and he does have friends here. I know about them and its not an issue for me. The key is that its NOT A SECRET. I am here as well and we both have received emails from people commenting that if we are engaged and happy why are we on here. We both enjoy writing each other on here at times and I still visit the forums from time to time. She may be in denial, who knows. However she needs to know the truth and I wish I had listened to my friends who all told me to get rid of my ex bf . It would have saved me time, money, heartache and much more. I hope she finds the truth and acts on it accordingly. I wish her luck.
 bump4bump
Joined: 12/1/2009
Msg: 50
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/2/2010 6:49:08 AM
...When she started seeing him she hid her profile out of respect...However, the guy she's seeing is still on about 4 dating sites


Is it safe to say if she saw him on 4 other sites she is on 4 other sites as well?

Is she obsessed with another person's every move? This isn't good.

There's so many things wrong here on so many different levels, where does one begin.

My attention goes on full alert when I see a post that starts with "a friend of mine". How about your friend come here and speak for herself? In my mind this would give her more credibility as to what she's doing with her online activity. Sounds to me like she's doing the same thing as he is. I'l l say this much, he's doing what he was doing when they met (more transparent) whereas she is hiding profiles and using friends to do her digging now. For all anyone knows she could be in contact with 100's of people under the guise of taking the "high road" and no one would know except her. Has your "friend" created fake profiles also to contat this guy? Asked other people she knows to contact him? It's the next steps in the process. I'm on the fence as to what is creepier - he dating but still "looking" or her doing this stuff behind his back. I think it falls from the same tree. She is hurting fomr all of this? Is this the start of the "I was a victim of internet dating", already? My advice is she should use her energy towards what's right with having this guy in her life rather than trying to dig up what's wrong. I will never understand why people tear apart good things that come into their lives – nor do I want to.
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