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 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 51
when your in love with someone who is not in love with youPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
It is funny ironic how, once I took my heart out from under the knife, the role was reversed. I see that this now old friend has come to love me very much, but I simply cannot imagine feeling that way about him again. He is the kind of man who emotionally disengages when he is adored, but craves being adored. All I can say about getting free from that is I used hypnosis and regression to get the answer of what was holding me to him. When I understood, I laughed all day at the discovery. It is our shared history and his character that holds me fond of him, but that irrational unrequited love had roots in a suggestion, an idea, imprinted upon me when I was four years old, and actually had nothing to do with him as an individual.

Go see a hypnotist. It works.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 52
when your in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 10/9/2011 8:18:22 PM
damn, i am in this situation right now. i am so goddamned f.u.c.king in love with this guy but he is not inlove with me. he is ready to marry me but for other purposes. ouch. i am so so so ready to marry him and stay married with him forever. he is the first one i think of when i wake up in the morning and the last one before i go to sleep at night. he fills my thoughts all day long everyday. i did everything for him. in the end, the ending was not good. i hope i can move on sooner. of all the men that i have been with, he is the one that i love the most. he is the only one that i will love like this. damn.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 53
when your in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 10/9/2011 8:48:31 PM

OP/ reread your own post,slowly an let the words,emotional feelings sink in.What do you see ,one very unhappy an rather lonely person.Is this how you want your lifeto continue,unfulfilled wishful thinking,loneliness,unhapppiness.You deserve so much more out of life than this.Maybe it is time to make a new life plan an start to actually live life.Cut contact,change your life if you can/fresh start.Painful,somewhat hard but you will be better off in the long run.Try to set some goals to keep you occupied timewise,go help someone somewhere,this is worthwhile an will help you feel good about yourself.What are you interested in?start a hobby.Keep any friends you have close,support buddy maybe one will be?Learn to love yourself,your own well being,your strengths an weaknesses.You are worth the love of a good man,marriage an kids if you want.give yourself plenty of time to get over this guy so you dont compare a new date with him.Life will be up an down for a while,but you will get there in the end,an wonder what all the fuss was about an what you were doing to yourself.Respect your own selfworth an you will find love again.Usually,when you least expect it an not looking for it.


wow, dead on. right on the spot.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 54
when your in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 10/9/2011 9:09:19 PM
um, i would completely lose the friendship with the guy. he is NOT your friend. you can't be friends with someone for whom you have feelings. if you persist in remaining in contact with him then you will never be able to truly move on. also, you are only remaining friends with him because you are hanging on hoping he will change his mind. he won't. he is not interested in you. this is the reality that you must accept. he does not want to be with you. i know it hurts, and i know it really sucks, but this is the truth. look, we have all been through this, and all you can do is learn from it and NEVER EVER let yourself be in this situation again. you deserve to have someone who is crazy about you. you deserve to have love in your life. do NOT settle for a situation like this. you are worth so much more and the sooner you boot this guy out of your life completely, the sooner you will meet someone that is right for you. remember, two things can not occupy the same space at the same time, and if your heart is occupied by someone else you will not be receptive to meeting someone else. i am so sorry that you have to go through this. unrequited love is not love, it is nothing but hurtful.
 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 55
when your in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 10/9/2011 11:33:57 PM
Then don’t look for someone new right now just be alone for a while, and if you have to take a break from the friendship. I have not experienced what you are talking about, but I have had the experience where a male friend of mine cared more about me then just friends and I did not. I love him as a friend but not romantically and he liked me not just as a friend but wanted to date me. He also for a time thought if he would just wait and showed me how much he cared that my feelings for him would change. Well they didn’t. We took a break from our friendship for about a year. (Not saying you have to do that). But it gave us both time to think about things and what we felt and where we were in our lives. Well, we’re talking again and our friendship is now better then he has ever been. He has got a girlfriend and has told me that he understands now and accepts that we are just meant to be good friends and I believe that he truly means that.
 virgo9685
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 56
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when your in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/4/2016 9:27:43 PM
Tell him your not interested in associating with him in a platonic setting and that you'd love to see him but it's got to be in a romantic setting. Then walk away and never look back. If he truly has romantic feelings for you he'll be back but never settle for friendship when you truly want a relationship with the person. Just my two cents.
,
 oneday57
Joined: 10/17/2015
Msg: 57
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/5/2016 5:38:15 AM
Hmmmm.....been there....done that!....unless you like the heart-ache and misery move on but first give yourself time to heal because the next will be cheated if HES the real one meaning your both on the same page.....and don't up-root for anyone till YOU and HIM know your on the same page....Life's hard enough ....why complicate with drama!....Good luck!
 perspektiv
Joined: 7/28/2016
Msg: 58
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/5/2016 5:48:02 AM
You keeping him in your life, is you torturing yourself, for nothing.

This isn't a healthy friendship dynamic, as you're wanting more out of the equation. The friendship will never be genuine as a result. He starts dating other women, you'll just be torturing yourself, wishing it was you.

This isn't the movies. He doesn't just wake up some day, and realize you were the one, and standing right next to him, for all these years.

If he ever did give you a chance, it would be just as one sided as your relationship. You'd be torturing yourself, plus heartbroken, to boot.

You only stand to lose, in this friendship. I'd end the friendship. Find yourself someone who is as into you, as you're into them.

Being into emotionally unavailable men, can be some deep rooted issues within you you may want to look into.
 revoskeepnus
Joined: 8/4/2015
Msg: 59
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when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/5/2016 8:51:44 AM
it takes about 7 years to ditch a "love" like that.

and I think it has more to do with not being able to have him/possess him than actual love.

IMHO.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 60
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/5/2016 9:05:03 AM
It never works when one loves more than the other....

Nor does it work when one loves and the other doesn't.

Either way it just doesn't work.....and no matter what you do will change his mind. You can try and try and try and try again and it will do nothing. This will take a hit on your self esteem and self worth, and it just isn't worth it.

You deserve better than that. Anyone does. So clear the clutter....he ain't looking for what you are truly looking for. Break off all contact with him and move on....he isn't going to change and there is no point in chasing something that isn't really there.
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 61
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/5/2016 10:59:39 AM
There are several variations of this theme and none are good.

The first one is nonreciprocal love. That means you love them, they don't. Or vice versa, but it's the same thing. This never ever works, and even when the person that did not loves the other one tries, out of pity, or trying to be nice it falls apart in the end and both get hurt a lot.

Then there's the one where you both were in love, but one falls out of love. It could happen because of time, betrayal, moving in a different direction and so forth.

This can be reversed, but only if you honestly figure out where the split began. A lot of people waste a lot of time trying to get back together and try to make it work, when in the end it never will. A variation of this one, takes place after the infatuation stage where all that sex and honey moon stuff wears off and true love is supposed to set in, and it doesn't. I am guilty of this one. I dated this woman for about 8 months and even though I liked her, I did not feel I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She was wiser than me and noticed and dumb my ass and we were done.

There's a third version, which is a mix of the first one and second one. One falls in love, while the other one pretends to be in love for whatever reason. The worst part is that the one that falls in love in the end feels used. They may waste a ton of time thinking and trying to re-win the person, but it never was.

There's nothing better than reciprocal love. But even reciprocal love falls into routines and both need to realize that a jolt is needed on occasion to make the other one feel wanted and loved again. So never take it for granted.
 tuckmods
Joined: 9/2/2016
Msg: 62
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/5/2016 12:05:09 PM
Haven't read other posts here . . but unrequited Love is a sum zero game. Can't tell you how to get over him, but I know that if you don't do so, you will ruin your future.

I say end the friendship. Trash all letters and photos of him and from him, and think bad thoughts about him. Eventually your mind will actually stop loving him if it convinces itself it doesn't
 Shewymacfee
Joined: 4/2/2016
Msg: 63
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/15/2016 12:55:17 PM
Oh dear if anyone could trully analize LOVE they would be the richest person on this planet, it hits everyone differently
In your case you have gone down the route of changing your life to be with your perfect partner and trying to do everything possible to be with him.

Unfortunately your chosen one does not feel the same way.

I don't know the reasons why he did not finish the relationship if he knows he is not feeling the same as you, could be possible that he wants you as his bit on the side, without the responsibilities.

I do presume that you have talked things over, explaining your feelings, if so you really should have ended all contact with him their and then, if not have the talk, see what happens if there is no changes then call it a day.

Believe me, if you do leave him. the feelings for this guy will fade in time, but once you have made your mind up, don't go back, If you do you will more than likely end up in the same horrible place you are in at the moment.

Only you can change things for the better, no one else, you have to be strong in your desicions then stick to them.
Hard? Yes, But hopefully the lesson has been learned and you will think twice about going down this road again.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 64
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/15/2016 7:24:46 PM
He is not "everything" you want in a person. On the contrary, he doesn't have the most BASIC thing the vast majority of women want: the ability to commit to you. Your first step in this process is in stopping yourself when you sing his praises and become utterly honest with yourself about how does NOT fit you and has some major character flaws. Start with how the hell a man has a lady move her entire life to be closer to him and then drop the bomb AFTER that they should just be friends? Logical and moral people make DAMN sure they want a commitment before they begin inviting people to uproot their whole life. If you didn't act a fool while living near him and offered a LEGITIMATE reason for his to change his mind, then you should begin to wonder if he addicted to novelty, if he is dishonest, or fickle, etc. When you start seeing his flaws, we don't seem like such a dream boat anymore and will become VERY easy to replace...
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 65
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/16/2016 8:03:59 AM
This is an old thread. Most of the posters have probably passed on to that coffee shop in the sky.

Date other people. You have to find someone who loves you back.
 BlasphemousBombshell
Joined: 11/19/2013
Msg: 66
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/16/2016 10:41:28 AM
Its irksome that many of the threads on the front page of a subforum are so old. I suspect its because many new threads are deleted for the sake of consolidation. (I know i have had many of my own new threads deleted or threads locked without any notice). Maybe the mods are guarding their server space? Which would be a legitimate reason. But its not very condusive to an active board.
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 67
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/16/2016 1:57:26 PM

Its irksome that many of the threads on the front page of a subforum are so old. I suspect its because many new threads are deleted for the sake of consolidation. (I know i have had many of my own new threads deleted or threads locked without any notice).


Unfortunately you're right. When people come here, instead of welcoming them, we slap them on the face and call their post redundant, trolling, overdone and the list goes on. So what, welcome the new people. We are to trigger happy to delete, so offended by whatever some new person post that the place is getting more boring, more and more inconsequential.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 68
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/16/2016 3:56:31 PM
That's a p0lite way of saying, we use them for entertainment and then wonder why they don't stick around to entertain us more. Indeed, what happens when we love their stories more than they love our reactions :)

on a more serious note, a post might be old, but human nature repeats itself. someone else might be having that problem, now, somewhere.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 69
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when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/18/2016 1:50:25 PM

When people come here, instead of welcoming them, we slap them on the face and call their post redundant, trolling, overdone and the list goes on.


Yes, and THATS not very nice :(
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 70
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/18/2016 1:54:31 PM
I don't get it... What are people for, if not to entertain me?
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 71
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when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 9/18/2016 2:47:09 PM
Entertainment is my life.... Wind me up and watch me do tricks. Call on me and I'll be there to offer my special brand of love, unconditionally and on your terms.,

Such seems to be the case when love is a one way street.,
 SummmerEve
Joined: 7/6/2014
Msg: 72
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 10/1/2016 8:34:52 PM
are you sure you want an insight? the truthful one, how about that?

You stayed in contact with him for all these years because you secretly hoped that 'one day he would love you back'. You have been delusional and living in a fantasy world. In other words you have been living in DENIAL. You would still rather live in denial because waking up and facing reality would mean taking action. Taking action means admitting to yourself that you are in one-sided relationship and the only way out of it is cutting ALL CONTACT and moving on with your life.
The no contact rule - how to stay strong - http://beluckyinlove.net/the-no-contact-rule-how-to-stay-strong/ <-- you will need it .
 Imurman2119
Joined: 9/28/2016
Msg: 73
when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 10/4/2016 7:33:54 PM
A girl I've been friends with for six years wrote me a love letter, but I was surprised that she felt that way and told her to take it slow, one day at a time. I never shared feelings with her, and we have been strictly friends. We live 8 hours apart, and get together once a year. We e-mail and talk on the phone on a regular basis. I guess neither of us has the heart to break this off since we've been friends for so long, yet we both know there will never be a future for us as far as love and romance goes. She wants to be married some day, but I told her that I didn't know what I want. Yes, we are stringing each other along with no romance or love on the horizon.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 74
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when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 10/4/2016 8:57:07 PM
unrequited love is different to having had a relationship and it is over. It is very painful and it takes time to heal, whatever . However thinking bad thoughts only injures you. If a person does not love you back, that is not their fault. If they have lied to you about it and deceived you into thinking they do, that is another matter. By all means get rid of any reminders of him.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 75
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when you're in love with someone who is not in love with you
Posted: 10/4/2016 9:01:25 PM
Imurman

why this girl that lives so far away and you have known each other for so long, but hardly see each other, wants to be married to you, is hard to fathom. I think she is having a fantasy affair and really hardly knows you. Getting together once a year is a tryst and not a relationship. Let us hope for her sake she actually finds someone who wants to have a full relationship with someone she sees regularly and the same for you.
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