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 onlyfootprints
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 35
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Approaching the subject of sex with older womenPage 2 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Seems to me that OP is looking to cut to the chase. It would be nice to know what you're getting yourself into in the beginning but life doesn't work that way. I've been in similar relationships. I've spent the time to get to know someone and develop a relationship only to be totally disappointed when I found out she was just looking for a friend, email buddy or activity partner. If that's all the other person is looking for they don't belong at a dating site. I'm sure there are plenty of websites for just friends or platonic partners. Unfortunately I've found that I've been put into the "Friends Zone" here more often than I'd prefer.
I don't blame the OP for wanting to cut to the chase. Why waste everyone's time if the ultimate goal of a complete relationship is never in play?
 onlyfootprints
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 36
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:05:47 PM
Your anger is showing fluffy brain. I see why you're only here for the forums. And tell me why would any man be interested in hanging out with you with an attitude like yours?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 37
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:09:59 PM
only footprints: How does it feel if a woman meet you, personally, instead of saying Hi how are you ,nice to met you,, she looked at your gray hair and beard ,, and ask you how is your performance in sex, can you do 2x in a row every night ????

That is shocking isn'it ???
P.S.
Women WANT LOVE AND SEX otherwise they won't be on a dating website, unless they are looking for a Bingo buddy that is a different story
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 38
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:10:32 PM

...to be totally disappointed when I found out she was just looking for a friend, email buddy or activity partner. If that's all the other person is looking for they don't belong at a dating site.

Sorry, but you aren't the one who gets to decide who is allowed to "belong" on this site. This site is open to anyone who chooses to belong to it.

Rather than trying to put the onus on the other person for allegedly misleading you, why not try taking responsibility for the fact that your "picker" just isn't working the way you want it to work and that you are selecting the wrong people to get involved with.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 39
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:11:08 PM
Moonchild - msg 3

I have always gone by body language, the way he kisses me back to kind of be an indicator?

I would agree on that point. The way she kisses, and where she kisses, are pretty good indicators, what's on her mind.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 40
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:31:00 PM
rearguard wrote:


<div class="quote">You should be able to detect a sexual interest in the first 10 minutes of a conversation. If it is not apparent, you are not doing it to her...

a link to a blog post about this showed up on my Twitter feed this morning:

First off, men know that if we’re on a date, you’ve already considered if you would sleep with us, and the Moxiefebruary20134 answer is yes. Women decide this in about fifteen seconds. - Jack From Brooklyn

Here, I think, is another Dating Myth. I've heard men say this a lot. They believe women know within a few minutes of meeting or on a first date if we're going to sleep with a man.

Am I the only one that needs a little more time to figure that out?

See, this is why I think so many men think a woman is playing a game by not having sex on the first date.

I'm at a point in my life where I don't feel like having mediocre sex. So when I meet a man or I'm on a date, what I'm wondering isn't whether or not I'll sleep with him. I'm trying to determine if he's going to be good enough to make it worth the risk. And by risk, I'm not just referring to being considered "easy." I'm talking about getting myself in to an uncomfortable situation. There's nothing worse than having sex and lying there wondering when the hell it will be over or when the guy will finish.

If I'm really, really attracted to someone and feel that intense pull of desire and I actually like the guy, I'm then trying to determine what his intentions are. That's what holds me back. I'm not trying to make him earn it as much as I'm trying to prepare myself for the possibility that this guy might not stick around. I need to feel like the guy will actually appreciate my efforts and does not expect or feel entitled to them.

I wrote about a date I had a couple weeks ago with a guy. We split the tab and he walked me home and kissed me good night multiple times. But I knew I would never see this guy again, at least not in a dating or romantic capacity. I was attracted to him. But what held me back from taking things further was that I got the distinct impression that he was just trying to salvage his night with sex. Women, most at least, can sense when a guy is just looking to get laid for no other reason that to say they got laid. Which is why so many of us are on guard about sleeping with men too soon. It's not just that we know men like the challenge to some extent. It's that we don't really know if we want to just yet coupled with the fact that we just don't have a good enough sense of what ti is the guy in question really wants.

The truth is I don't know all of this after one date. I know if I'm attracted to them. And I know when I'm so attracted to them that I can't wait to get them naked. But being attracted to them isn't enough for me.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 41
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:32:39 PM

On the dance floor,some women are all over you,and after the last dance,they just give you a kiss on the cheek and hurry home..


Well, the Rome wasn't build in one day it did takes a lots of days to finish it..
Haven't occured to you about exchanging phone numbers and follow up *************** ?
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 42
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:53:41 PM
fluffybrain says:

some of us never were interested in sex...just felt pressure because everyone always said you were supposed to in a marriage. it's liberating to finally tell the truth after so many yrs feeling as if i couldn't. quite frankly, i think a lot of women just as well do without sex for all of their lives. maybe in the very beginning when you first meet someone, it's interesting, but that wears off very quickly becoming nothing but a chore. i will never again pretend to like something if i don't like it.

Okay...I'm pretty certain this is a prime example of the kind of woman our OP does NOT want to waste his time pursuing!!

However, something tells me that any man would be able to detect a woman with this type of attitude by the sudden "chill" in the air.
So sad.....
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 43
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:57:15 PM

I must be meeting wrong women. Or, I still need more training.
Often, I get mixed signals. On the dance floor, some women are all over you, and after the last dance, they just give you a kiss on the cheek and hurry home.

That used to be called dry humping - dunno what the current name for it is.

Speaking purely for myself, if I got an email asking if I liked sex, I'd be inclined to say "Yes, but not with you." I'm not interested in talking about it, I'm interested in doing it. And speaking from past experience, those who spend the most time talking about it know the least about doing it,
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 44
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:21:17 PM
You can ask a woman whether or not she is still interested in having an active, healthy sex life without coming across like a sex maniac. It is one of the most important things in a relationship and why waste time and effort on someone who is totally incompatible with what you desire? State in your profile that you are interested in meeting a woman who still has a lust for life, as well as her man and that you desire a full and active sex life with your partner. That way women who are not interested in such will not contact you. You can also write that in a email to a woman without seeming out of line. Any woman who will be as into sex as you are will not take offense. We like to know that the man to whom we are attracted is also interested in sex and doesn't have to worry about ED.

Good luck!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 47
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:47:17 PM
(quote) Some women as they get into their mid forties and beyond seem to lose interst in sex even though they enjoyed sex when they were younger.Most women no longer get wet easily and sex become painful for some-or perhaps many-of them.(/quote)

Women doesn't lose interest in sex in advange age but they lose interest to their husband/partner if the man 's attitude not endearing and doesn't care of his hygience and his appearance. And also the side effect of the medicines they are taking for hypertention ect.ect.. that it affect their mind that they don't desire sex,but the right food and excercise they will desire sex. We all know that sex is in the mind...... And if a woman doesn't get easily wet there is Vagisil they can use for lubrication...

I notice older man like to talk about sex and no other topics even you first met him on a date, and I get bored and he becomes unappealing to me it is not that I am a dried river or prude... And I have a suspicious that sexually his performance is questionable and he's just all talks... I want some action not talking for talks is cheap....
FarmBoy take it easy on the talks ,women wants a man with no talk and slow hand.......
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 48
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:47:27 PM
Glad to be of help, Farm Boy!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 49
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 4:18:26 PM

Well,easy to see who has their mind in the gutter. I love it!!


I thought our mind is in the fishing pole waiting for a fish to bite our lure...Ahem, a big fish who can wiggle and splash his sexy Tail..
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 50
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 4:21:47 PM
FarmBoy, you how when you are a crowd and "something" tells you there is a woman nearby who is excited to see you so you turn this way and that until you figure out which woman is "sending vibes'?

A woman with a labido level similar to your own and who likes what she sees will "send out" plenty of vibes in your direction.

No vibes, no interest. Same as it's always been.

How do you tell from the written word? Well, that's a lot more difficult than face to face. But generally speaking, an age-appropriate woman with an active imagination has much the same problem as a man also with an active imagination. To whit, how to separate the wheat from the chaff. A woman -- for social reasons -- can be a bit more forward in her statements, and an imaginative woman might inquiry as to whether or not a guy "goes to sleep early or not." She will also more openly, more frequently, make mention of phsyical things, interactions, she would anticipate with a man of her dreams.

If a man feels he needs "to fish or cut bait" and is not sure whether or not a woman is "in step with him", he might obliquely mention "waking up to breakfast", or "snuggling watching a movie", or "holding hands" watching a sunset, or "nudging shoulders", or "champagne late at night", or most anything else vaguely suggesting physical contact. The woman interested in that (with you) will respond almost if not actually immediately. She will be glad you are "so sensitive". The woman not interested, will stop or deflect the conversation. If that is the case, call it a day, and catch the next bus.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 51
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 4:39:12 PM
I don't think FarmBoy has difficulty knowing when a woman is interested in him and that wasn't what he was asking about. What he was curious about is finding women to date who aren't closed off to the idea of having a healthy, active sex life as part of a long term relationship. He doesn't want casual sex. He wants the whole package.

There are LOTS of women who are just NOT into sex. And plenty more who, as they get older, lose interest in it for the most part, or completely. I have friends like that. There are also many women who love sex and haven't lost interest in it whatsoever... in fact, as they've aged, they've become more sexual.

FarmBoy just doesn't want to become involved with a woman who has no desire for sex. And why should he? He is a virile man who wants to share something wonderful with his partner. He doesn't want a roommate. He wants a willing, participating partner in all aspects of their relationship.

I think it is much better to find out as early as possible whether you are on the same page or not. I wouldn't want to be involved with a man who finds discussing sexual matters to be distasteful or out of place. I'm not talking about lurid conversations but discussing one's opinion of how important sex is in a relationship is imperative. If you are not of like minds, then one or both will be disappointed and possibly hurt. Why proceed with something that has no chance of success?
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 52
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 5:00:26 PM
Gosh this is even confusing to me...
First you have to figure out if you want to have sex with them.
Then you decide that you would like to .... then you have to figure out if they want to have sex with you.......all while getting to know each other well enough to even do that.
Then you have to bring up the subject of sexually transmitted diseases....and maybe lots of testing to prove to each other that you are both now diease free. Or if you have a diease maybe having sex and everything you need to do to prevent spreading the diease....while keeping the passion alive during this whole process....
Then you have to have protection.....all while trying to keep the passion alive. Then you have the big moment ..... and pray it goes great if not better than great.....but if not sexually compatible....then you have to find the very right words to end it....maybe shed a tear or two. They don't know its really for you because you now know that you have to start this process all over again......so maybe after reading what men should and shouldn't know.....we need one for me so I can figure it out.....
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 53
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 5:17:19 PM
Why do men assume that if a woman is interested in sex she will want to chat about it when she hardly knows him? Seems an odd way of thinking to me. If a man brings the subject up at an early stage, clearly in order to find out if I'm interested, then I'll feel he is impulsive, tactless and lacks discretion. That's not the kind of lover I'd be interested in and I would not trust such a man. The right person would not know of my interest for a while because I'd be paying attention to his character at first and generally getting to know him. It would be a big mistake to make any assumptions about a woman's libido based on whether she wants to talk about sex with you or not, unless you are looking for someone who's not particularly selective.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 54
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 5:21:19 PM
^^^^^ or they are a bit on the wacked out side (pun intended) and only want to masturbate ...or they prefer a more anal approach to lovemaking...seriously arent we all adults that we can as adult discuss the type of things we DO and DONT like?

I know I was talking to a man who very quickly said...I'm not a backdoor guy...it's out of the question. I wasnt offended, or bothered ...he was letting me know that if it was something I would be interested in that he wasnt the guy for me...I appreciated his honesty and had the opportunity to let him know he was perfect for me like he was, then our conversation turned to other nonsexual interest.

Maybe instead of asking our income a better approach would be a place for how many times a day, week, month you enjoy sex? Do you want to be in a committed relationship or do you consider sex a fun past time? I doubt people would lie as much on it as they do their income :P
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 55
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 5:25:24 PM
Big difference between whether a women likes sex, and whether she wants to have sex with the man asking the question.

I don't know any women who don't like sex..................surprised some here say they do. Maybe these people were in bad marriages for years and were turned off sex with their husband............who knows.

I think a more important question is how is a women supposed to know if she wants to have sex with a man she doesn't even know yet.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 57
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 6:47:02 PM

I think a more important question is how is a woman supposed to know if she wants to have sex with a man she doesn't even know yet.


We women have different sexual orientation ,there is no right and wrong how we express our sexuality to men, some women wants to experience sex with a man on first meeting,and Que sera sera, and some women would want to know the man very well his character, his status and if he has a strong feelings for her,= good chemistry,,,,then she'll have sex with him to express her love to him and seal the commitment. Que sera sera.. My 2cent
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 59
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 9:33:21 PM
maybe i'm thick or, like moraima, don't know that many people who don't like sex. the question is with whom? for me, that takes time to assess. of the few people i know who do not like sex, they are hormonally depleted, have medication issues or have severe post trauma issues. the former group amongst women often get hormone replacement to deal with the dryness, et al. unfortunately men resort more to viagra than to hormonal replacement, although the medical profession is becoming more saavy in that department with respect to male hormone testing.

of the latter group, with post trauma issues, many swing the other way into sexual addictions--both men and women. so, you may find a good sexual partner but they are lacking in the other areas of relationship building.

if a person is deceptive or tries to pretend they are sexual, then you would have to figure out why. that person could just as easily lie. i am told that there are some people who use sex to get something "material" from the potential partner. also, there are people with ED who want to be sexual but have to deal with medical or medication issues. men cannot fake this. often women have faked it, but as they grow older, no longer feel the need to do that anymore. many men say they wish they could fake it. there are pluses and minuses to both these situations. the men and women who want to function but cannot function vary and some are still "functioning" to please their partners but in more creative ways.

to me, this question raised by OP, is not much different than asking the person how big his penis is or how toned the woman's vaginal muscles are!!! after all, why not go for the stars and not settle for just a little sex. why waste your time waiting to know this answer as well as OP's answer. why wait in case the person is no damned good in bed? i hope you know these questions, are for me, tongue in cheek.

for me, sexuality is a lot more complicated and yet, a lot more simple. if i like the person and am attracted to the whole of the person, the details will follow and a course of action will be developed. some people are slower, but they are better. some are less endowed, but they care enough to be kind to their partner's needs.

there are many of us, who thought we were finished (physically depleted) after the divorce--only to find out we were still VERY passionate beings, with someone else! a lot has to do with the attractiveness of the partner. for me, a lot of that has to do with the level of maturity and sophistication and earnestness that the partner brings to the table. if i can "waste" my time searching for the right person, so can he! this is a sign of a determined man who can interpret and sense human interaction. at "my age" , i cannot see teaching this. i went out with this great "looking" guy from match. a lousy, horrible kisser. many said to teach him. well, i figure that he should know by now. if i were younger, then maybe. there are just no excuses by the age of 55!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 60
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/2/2010 10:08:44 PM
I *do* know plenty of women who are done with sex. I'll grant you most of them aren't on dating sites looking for a mate. And I've known women all my life who had only minimal interest; for that matter, men, too. And the truth of the matter is, that the one who wants the least sex, "wins." There will never be more sex in the relationship than the low libido partner wishes. Period.

That said, ya, it's still pretty dicey finding out up front what the desires/standards/abilities/wishes are. OPie has made a good start in his profile, and certain women will be turned off even by what he's said there. Which is fine -- that's what profiles are for: sorting. I'd actually vote for a longer time email-wise, since that may lead naturally to the subject in question by either person. It has for me.

Barring that: it's back to the teen thing, lol! A hopin', a wishin', a dreamin', a prayin' ~~ and trying to mind read. . . .

Good luck, OPie, yer agonna need it.
 DiannaBall
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 62
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:45:54 AM
Talking about sex should be okay. It should be able to be addressed without it being thought of as "taboo" or what have you. For me, I like to make sure whoever I am entertaining getting to know wants a healthy sex life. Unfortunatly, it seems when you are willing or open to talk about sex, all of a sudden it becomes 99% of the conversation. And that just gets old. I just this morning actually told someone off because what started out as a nince conversation turned into him ONLY wanting to talk about SEX. It just gets old. Get to know someone. Talk about it , move on. If there is chemistry, fine. But have this discussion in person when the time seems right. It should not be difficult and it also should not be the ONLY topic of discussion; which seems to be what I find to be the problem. There is more to life than****
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 63
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:53:46 AM
Put in your profile you are a healthy man in all ways and hope to find a lady that is the same.
Any grown woman with a brain understands what that means.

Don't EVER bring it up in an e mail unless she takes you there.

We get enough of that crap as it is.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 64
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 5:13:44 AM

you won't need to "broach" the subject if and when you do meet a woman who finds you attractive...

you'll immediately know if she's interested in a sexual relationship by her reaction to your charms...

(if you haven't got "it"...she won't want "it").


Boy do I ever agree with this.. If you have to ask then chances are you are moving far too fast or she is not simply not interested in you. So wait it out and find out if you are truly interested in her she will be worth it.

I am done fishing and thankfully he never did ask.. Otherwise my line may still be in the
water..

thecatsmeoww
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