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 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 95
Approaching the subject of sex with older womenPage 4 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

Who can be interested in sex when there are tea and cupcakes in front of you? Myself, I would stop making live if a tray of scones with clotted cream and jam arrived......


hehehehehehe!

PS to Mr. Onlyfootprints,
Everyone who signs up for this site belongs here. It's open to people looking
for friends, email buddies, intimate encounters, long term relationships and
just dating. Some people are here just to participate in the forums.
I guess if you only want people who are interested in dating you to be on this
site...you should probably start your own site?
Just sayin
 onlyfootprints
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 96
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 1:30:35 PM
Tink
what is it that gives men and women the right to play childish games at a dating site?We're supposed to be here for dating and the possibility of a relationship. Those who are only here for friendship should be honest right upfront and say I'm only here to pamper my ego not find a relationship. I find those who employ the type of dishonesty so prevelant here to be nothing more than liars. My "picker" as you call it can't distinguish between truthful women and liars.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 97
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 1:38:41 PM
If I was a woman who met a guy I was interested in,and he steered clear of sexual banter,I would be wondering if he was interested in me at all in that manner....


This remind me of my last date,I am only interested to know him yet.... He recognized and approached me( he came from my back) ,and I was startled because I thought he mistake me for another person then he introduce his self he looks like a dried prune and not the picture in his profile younger and not bad looking... We went to Starbuck that is inside the Casino we talk a little how he gets to where we were at, his impression of the Casino ect... Then he told me we should not be wasting time, me> Wasting time on what??? him> Sex, your age is 57 right ? ( he was 62)we are not getting any younger... me > Oh,okay where do you want to DO me ? that wall near this corner or that wall on that corner ?,I can lift up high my right leg to your head ,oh you are 6 ft in your profile, no up to your shoulder only,you know I was a dancer before...
He gave me a hateful look and said "you are very pretty and that is all you are",he stand abruptly to leave ,I smiled sweetly to 2 guys that were looking at me and said he needs to go to the bathroom so bad.. I exit to the nearest door to go to the parking lot to get into my car laughing....
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 98
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 1:49:36 PM
I still have an active libido otherwise I would not be on a dating site. I have no problem talking about sex in a mature way. What surprises me is fellows on a coffee meet and greet who tell me how their wives stopped being interested in sex after he married her. Too much information too soon. Or suggestive remarks about sex that would be better coming out of a teenager's mouth. Indicating a big lack of maturity. Or wanting sex early in a relationship. More lack of maturity. I do not have sex unless I am deeply emotionally connected with the man. This takes time and attention on both our parts. I do not go out on a third date if I am not interested in a fellow sexually. I also like to get to know a man and that takes about three months if there is frequent dates-two to three a week. The question I believe men should ask is not are you interested in sex but are you interested in sex with me? If I am rushed by a fellow it is a big turn off guaranteed not to end up in sexual contact. I need to be in love to make love.
My suggestion is you take time to get to know the woman and introduce the topic of sexual contact by asking her her thoughts on the matter and then respect those thoughts. Most sexually active women I know are not going to hang around a fellow if they are not sexually attracted.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 99
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 1:52:19 PM
"I guess my thoughts come down to this. Let's stop playing childish games like we did in high school. We're adults and lets act that way rather than the childish games. I'm tired of the same old crap. "

Reminds me of the saying "Impatience on your part doesn't create as emergency for me".

Sound like some don't like that fact that the women they are asking about sex have no idea if they want to have sex with him, because they don't know him. Accusing them of playing childish games, is going to guarantee that they aren't going to want to know him at all.

This has nothing to do with lying, and everything to do with wanting to find out, which they can't do just because the man demands it.

We women don't know if a man will be good in bed. We can ask, but it is actions that tell us what we need to know. If we aren't sex on demand type of people, it is going to take time to find the answer.

ps Friends are indeed another thing people can look for on pof.

" What surprises me is fellows on a coffee meet and greet who tell me how their wives stopped being interested in sex after he married her."

That question makes me think that there is a 50% chance that the guy isn't very good in bed. If he couldn't turn his wife on during his marriage, why would I expect he could turn any women on.
 onlyfootprints
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 100
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 1:59:44 PM
Pardon me browneyes, I was under the mistaken impression the was a dating site. Anyone here for other reasons should be adult enough to state their intentions upfront and clearly. I'm personally tired of the game playing. Pamper your ego with someone else.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 102
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:08:05 PM

Who can be interested in sex when there are tea and cupcakes in front of you?

That depends on how the cupcakes are served, don't you think?

OT" I can't imagine a conversation, either by phone or email, lasting more than 3 minutes before sex is brought up. In fact, the ones who don't are the ones that stand out. Some of the profiles I read are sad, really, a man is divorced and looking for someone long term - but somewhere in his profile sneaks in a bit about how this time he'd like to find someone who enjoys the physical side of life. And it's generally clear that he'd really like anyone warm and still breathing who would welcome any physical advances from him.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 105
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:19:05 PM


What if the OPie was dating a lovely woman for 3 months or so. They are both attracted to one another but have yet to discuss anything sexual.


Then, IMO, there is something amiss. If they are dating to determine relationship potential, then they should be nurturing the sexual intimacy dynamic throughout the “getting-to-know-you” process. If they’ve done NOTHING to develop sexual intimacy after three months, I’d declare an incompatible mismatch (and it wouldn't take me three months to figure it out).

As I said, romantic intimacy is nurtured IN TANDEM with the friendship dynamic; it’s what separates a platonic friendship from a romantic relationship. As the process progresses, so will the sexual intimacy (and that includes more than just coitus); there should be smooching, caressing, hand holding, fondling, moving from etc. to etc.; building trust and comfort levels; a continual communication and open dialog as to how things are progressing, a sharing of feelings, likes, dislikes et al.

Three months was an arbitrary length of time. It could be two weeks, a month, six month. Some women don't want to discuss sex until they have known the man for quite some time. There is no set length of time when it's appropriate for everyone.

While in the 'getting-to-know-you' process, how do you suggest they discover this? I have a very good friend who was seeing a very nice lady and they became intimately involved during the first few dates. They never discussed sexual appetites and just let 'things unfold'. Well, she was very obliging initially until they became a couple. Then it was she was too tired, all he was interested in was sex, she really didn't like giving bjs or receiving oral sex and why wasn't cuddling enough for him. And this is a loving, considerate man, not just someone who wanted to get his rocks off. So they ended up breaking up because they did not want the same frequency and didn't enjoy the same things.

His next g/f wanted sex a few time a day and he was exhausted. Again, they had never discussed what each preferred or would be willing to accept. He felt that all she cared about was sex. I told him that he needs to be careful what he wishes for... because after the last woman, he wanted someone like this... until it actually happened. They, too, ended up breaking up because she didn't feel he was really into her if he didn't want sex 2 to 3 times a day.

Now, the lady he is living with now, they discussed their sexual appetites prior to becoming seriously involved. They didn't have pornographic discussions but just basic talks about frequency, oral sex and any extra or unusual proclivities that may be of issue. They both felt they were on the same page and their relationship has blossomed beautifully.

But he went through a lot of pain with the prior two relationships, and I'm sure the women did too, that could have been avoided had all parties been honest and forthright upfront. No one is suggesting that you email someone asking what their favorite positions are. That's ridiculous. But why do people find it so difficult to say "For me, sex once a week is plenty. I really am not into having sex more often." Or "I just love sex in the morning! What a great way to start the day". Therefore if the other person HATES morning sex, you know it right away. It they want daily sex, or even multiple times each day, you know that there is going to be a conflict. You aren't discussing anything overly intimate, but you are letting you preferences be known in general.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 106
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:29:16 PM

While in the 'getting-to-know-you' process, how do you suggest they discover this? I have a very good friend who was seeing a very nice lady and they became intimately involved during the first few dates. They never discussed sexual appetites and just let 'things unfold'. Well, she was very obliging initially until they became a couple. Then it was she was too tired, all he was interested in was sex, she really didn't like giving bjs or receiving oral sex and why wasn't cuddling enough for him. And this is a loving, considerate man, not just someone who wanted to get his rocks off. So they ended up breaking up because they did not want the same frequency and didn't enjoy the same things.

His next g/f wanted sex a few time a day and he was exhausted. Again, they had never discussed what each preferred or would be willing to accept. He felt that all she cared about was sex. I told him that he needs to be careful what he wishes for... because after the last woman, he wanted someone like this... until it actually happened. They, too, ended up breaking up because she didn't feel he was really into her if he didn't want sex 2 to 3 times a day.


All very common and am sure ones a whole lot of people can relate to.. So now we are in a relationship and we got a little bit of a hiccup? How badly do we want this relationship to work?

So lets call the g/f in your second scenario Carol and her boyfriend Bill. Carol and Bill talk this over and Carol tells him she needs sex at least 3 times a week. Bill says he only needs it once. Just changing the amount her to make it easier and a little more realistic. Since this relationship is not a new one in my mind. So they talk about it.. They both admit they really love and care for one another. They decide together that a fun compromise would be they have sex once a week and that the other two times Bill can enjoy watching Carol please herself. Also Carol gets to do it alone as much as she wants.


thecatsmeoww
 pleasurelimits
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 107
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:30:20 PM
I can assure you FarmBoy that the best way to approach an 'older' woman is straight up being dead straight honest in your feelings. The beauty of more mature women is they have 'been there done that,,, many times' and they know what they like and are not afraid to tell you, so just say to them 'I am still in charge of a very active libido, will that work with us?' and dont worry she will tell you. She has been 'conned, lied to, and in some cases manipulated and just wants to be loved and as a lady recently told me who is 75, when talking about her 'boyfriend' "hey I am not dead" so everything goes, gotta love them
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 109
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:34:49 PM
Most people live the life they want to live, including Eleanor Ribgy. That's okay with me, for it's their life not mine. Can you imagine Elly trying to get along with Pete Townshend?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 110
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:35:08 PM

"she really didn't like giving bjs or receiving oral sex "

I have no idea how a man who I have had sex with before is with bjs or roal sex. How am I going to know with I am going to like those two things with him. How do I know if he has poor washing habits? These are all things I am going to find out when it happens, as he will find out.

I will never forget have a few days with this guy. On maybe the 3 or 4th. day, he wore a shirt that had baked on yellow sweat stains on the armpits. I sure wasn't sticking around to see what was baked on to his shorts.

He is still on several sites, and all I can think about is those stains. Sure I could have nicely suggested he fix the issue, but if in his 50's he didn't know about cleaniness, words for me wouldn't change anything.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 112
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:42:28 PM

if we had discussed the probability of various sexual positions beforehand i would not have got my big toe stuck in his earlobe..


There goes the element of surprise.. By the way

I think everyone should read Mating in Captivity.. It would help to initiate conversations when in a relationship.. Cause you have to.. There is only one bull and one cow. lol

thecatsmeoww
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 114
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:47:55 PM

My observations were and are that older women are just as interested in sex as men, probably more so as they age. There is no way you can really tell until you actually meet and date them. Once you meet face to face and spend time together it usually becomes pretty obvious.

I've found this to be true to some extent. The problem I've seen is that ***WHERE I LIVE*** [don't wanna sidetrack or hijack the thread, now] it's not all that uncommon for people - both genders - to have had only one partner in their adult lives. My life experience has been different in a lot of ways. I don't mind a brief discussion of 'do you think outside the box?' [usually meaning 'are you interested in anything more adventurous than the missionary position?] What I do find insulting and a turn-off is conversation that is stuck in that rut. It's like the man forgets I actually have a brain and know how to use it, or thinks that I'm no more than a receptacle for his pleasure.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 116
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:55:59 PM

will never forget have a few days with this guy. On maybe the 3 or 4th. day, he wore a shirt that had baked on yellow sweat stains on the armpits. I sure wasn't sticking around to see what was baked on to his shorts


Jaysus Mori hun, did you have to paint me that pic?
And Miss Roper does have an actual point. There are still ladies out there who are of the old fashioned school of thought. Good girls don't do certain things...cuz they just D'ONT! Hmm.....wonder what school I came from?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 117
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 2:58:27 PM
"Believe it or not in this day and age there STILL are women who "don't do that sort of thing. EWWWW!" And you can't blame a man for wanting something besides missionary position with a cold, dead, dry f... f... fish. "

I just love the way people have been with cold, dead fish, and ask others to prove they aren't cold, dead fish. From what I have seen, those who found their partner to be a cold, dead fish, were usually cold dead (some times smelly) fish themselves. Not my problem that other people haven't enjoyed their sex life in the past. Not my job to guarantee that with me it will be different.

Funny how it goes. Usually you hear the ex was a dead fish whine, followed by the ex says I talk too much, followed by the ex says I am too selfish....................at that point you zone out because already you are agreeing with the ex.
 onlyfootprints
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 119
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 3:13:37 PM
moraima
I would never come right out and ask about sex, that's tacky. My question is usually What are you looking for. Do you desire a complete relationship, looking for endless dating, or just friendship. I usually ask this before I invite her out to dinner. I usually work the question into dinner conversation again. If her answer is anything but a complete relationship, I leave immediately. I'll leave enough cash on the table to cover dinner and a nice tip and I'm in my car driving away. I have no time for liars.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 120
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 3:18:58 PM
I am going to say this, and of course, it is just my experience I am talking about, but if a man can really kiss, then he is going to have some skills in bed. You can tell if someone has a sensual nature, IMO, from how you interact with one another. I cannot imagine that a man cannot tell if a woman is comfortable in her sexuality, at least a little bit anyway.

I had a "good Christian man" write to me and right out of the blue, he asked me if I like to give oral because he was not aiming to spend the rest of his life without it. His ex did not give it to him and he wanted very much to enjoy that with a woman. He had NEVER experienced it he told me, after having been married to a woman for almost 40 years. DAMN! Can you imagine not having all kinds of fun in bed together given that you had shared a bed with someone that long?

I did not find this man appealing at all, would not have even if he had not been so crass, so we did not communicate further. However, I did feel for him to have never known much pleasure with his wife according to his side of the story.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 122
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:10:00 PM

Tink
what is it that gives men and women the right to play childish games at a dating site?We're supposed to be here for dating and the possibility of a relationship. Those who are only here for friendship should be honest right upfront and say I'm only here to pamper my ego not find a relationship. I find those who employ the type of dishonesty so prevelant here to be nothing more than liars. My "picker" as you call it can't distinguish between truthful women and liars.

I have no idea why you keep asserting that men and women are playing childish games with you. It must be that "picker" of yours that needs a tune up because countless other people seem to be able to distinguish that which you fail to. Perhaps courses in reading comprehension and elementary psychology might be of benefit. You really need to consider taking responsibility for your inability to discern your own mistakes when it comes to your selective choices rather than placing the blame on others.

Where is it written that We're supposed to be here for dating and the possibility of a relationship? Once again I will spell it out for you - this site is open to anyone over the age of 18 years old who chooses to join irregardless of whether they intend to commence dating, friendship - platonic or otherwise, long term relationship, activity partner, e-mail/chat, intimate encounter or other relationship. Again, I reiterate that YOU do not get to decide who is allowed to become a member of this site.

I am one of those that is on this site for friends and the fora. I have always been upfront about that as have many, many other members of this site of both genders. I never have and never will be here to "pamper my ego" as you state but if you feel better thinking that is the case for me as well as the many others that are here for the friends and the fora, then have at 'er!
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 123
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:10:03 PM

I have no idea how a man who I have had sex with before is with bjs or oral sex. How am I going to know with I am going to like those two things with him. How do I know if he has poor washing habits? These are all things I am going to find out when it happens, as he will find out.


You mean if he has poor washing habits ...you would consider anything sexual with him??????? ewwww

If his teeth arent clean ...he aint even getting a kiss!

If a man isnt clean he isnt getting near me!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 124
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:21:09 PM
"If her answer is anything but a complete relationship, I leave immediately. I'll leave enough cash on the table to cover dinner and a nice tip and I'm in my car driving away. I have no time for liars."

I don't get where the lying comes in. Why would anyone say they wanted a complete relationship, if that is the last thing they wanted??? Comes no sense to me.

Not clearing the what are you looking for in emails, but not yipping on about "you better do this sexually etc." only makes sense. If the man is talking about long term in his profile, and am sure going to be asking him why he has contacted me without reading my profile.

Please explain why women would lie about wanting a relationship with you, then not give you a relationship.

Don't think it has a darn thing to do with lying, but has everything to do with not wanting a relationship with that specific man.

I make it clear on my profile and in the forum at I would date about 1% of the available population. I also make it clear that their will be no living together. Maybe 10% of people get the no living together.

I see a lot of anger about people not getting the sex they want. I can only imagine this is an ongoing problem. Maybe time to look at why they aren't getting it.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 125
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:33:24 PM
The gospel truth ,I would rather lose my man (if I have one) into a woman and I don't feel bad. but if I lose my man into another man "and ask the question to myself ,what he's got that I ain't got, it is obvious that I ain't got what he's got,,,,,But if my man wanted a real MCcoy I can do what the other man can do to him...............

But this doesn't mean that if I was invited to dinner that I was already into him,when I am not even warm up to the person if I decided, I like him or not and that is not mean I am lying to him... and it is vice versa..



 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 126
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:37:14 PM
onlyfootprints says:

I would never come right out and ask about sex, that's tacky. My question is usually What are you looking for. Do you desire a complete relationship, looking for endless dating, or just friendship. I usually ask this before I invite her out to dinner. I usually work the question into dinner conversation again. If her answer is anything but a complete relationship, I leave immediately. I'll leave enough cash on the table to cover dinner and a nice tip and I'm in my car driving away. I have no time for liars.

okay... I can comprehend the fact that YOU desire a complete relationship...but to slam everyone else on a dating site who isn't on the same page as you, is rather insulting.
What? You think that just because a woman doesn't want to have a "complete" relationships with YOU (translation: has no desire to jump YOUR bones) she's a LIAR!!!
In a "perfect world" we all probably desire the full-meal deal, complete with sunshine, rainbows and crazy wild monkey sex...
BUT your sense of entitlement cracks me up.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 128
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:42:14 PM

Please explain why women would lie about wanting a relationship with you, then not give you a relationship.

Some women, as well as some men, will say whatever they think one wants to hear, because they simply do not want to be alone. And there are a very few who sincerely don't get what a relationship is - they truly think it's a glorified friendship or a housemate kind of living arrangement. In the first case, it's lying. In the second case, it's ignorance.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 129
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:43:18 PM
Free-At-Last has good points, it is my guess as well, that your sense of what is expected of these ladies is what turned things into dead-end dates. Ladies, at least some of us, want to be given some time to get to know you before we are ready for a more intimate relationship. Many of us wait until we have an exclusive relationship before take the relationship to the sexual level.

Oh, the days of wild monkey sex, I lament that it has been longer than I care to admit since I have had that kind of jundle love.
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