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 onlyfootprints
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 130
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Approaching the subject of sex with older womenPage 5 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Free at last,
What I was slamming are the numerous women who are quite willing to date and are unwilling to be honest about what they're looking for. I have no issue if she's not interested in me, that's just the way it is. My issue is with women who have no intention of becoming involved in a relationship with ANYONE. and just like the attention men are willing to give them, thus my statement about pampering their egos. I'm NOT talking about sex, I'm talking about honesty. I try to take everyone at their word but after I've become part of their little game it becomes quite clear that they are nothing but liars. And, yes, once it's become clear I've misjudged their lies for honesty I leave. No explanation necessary.
AS far as my sense of entitlement you are way off base. I'm honest about everything with a woman. I think I am entitled to honesty in return. It's no all about sex, it's about being honest. If you can't be honest why would I be interested. I guess women are entitled to lie and men are not? Enough of the games. Be honest about your intentions. Sorry I invaded your personal territory of the forums with a little truth.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 131
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:09:29 PM
I don't have any problem with peeps who are here wanting all kinds of different things. If all Markus's drop down boxes don't cover exactly what you're looking for, you have the body of the profile to expand/expound upon it. But, yes, I do think there's a certain percentage, of both sexes, who decline to be honest. I'm not willing to say why, because I don't *know* why. I could speculate, but that's pretty pointless -- better to just get on with the looking. . . .

As for OPie's question, I think pleasurelimits has about got it right, lol! Would work with me. But, yay for me, I'm past that point, hopefully for all time.

 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 132
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:21:10 PM
Re: Post 127 from pleasurelimits

I can assure you FarmBoy that the best way to approach an 'older' woman is straight up being dead straight honest in your feelings. The beauty of more mature women is they have 'been there done that,,, many times' and they know what they like and are not afraid to tell you, so just say to them 'I am still in charge of a very active libido, will that work with us?' and dont worry she will tell you. She has been 'conned, lied to, and in some cases manipulated and just wants to be loved and as a lady recently told me who is 75, when talking about her 'boyfriend' "hey I am not dead" so everything goes, gotta love them


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As for OPie's question, I think pleasurelimits has about got it right, lol! Would work with me. But, yay for me, I'm past that point, hopefully for all time.

I agree, Wooby, that pleasurelimits knows of what he speaks... but that could be because I'm prejudice since he's mine. But I must say that he and I have always been open and honest in our feelings and desires so that neither of us was left to wonder.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 134
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:45:59 PM

I was under the mistaken impression the was a dating site. Anyone here for other reasons should be adult enough to state their intentions upfront and clearly. I'm personally tired of the game playing. Pamper your ego with someone else.

And there are some of us who had the mistaken impression that dates would be possible, too. I started out with 'long term' on my profile, but I've long since sort of given up on that and changed it to 'friends.' Mostly I'm just here for the forums and to make the occasional long distance friend. It's a good thing I enjoy making friends, because that's what I get. If lightning strikes, the earth shakes, blah blah, and I actually find a real live person, great. But I'm not holding my breath, either. If I recall correctly, I couldn't even contact you, because of your email restrictions. Not that I'm anywhere close to you and I doubt very much if we'd be any kind of match, but just think - you might have missed out of Ms Just Right, because of your own exclusions,

Lighten up. The search is supposed to be fun, too.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 135
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:51:02 PM
"I seem to have a difficult time approaching this subject with older women to determine if they are interested in sex."

This isn't gender specific, and could as easily add light as to whether men would make good lovers.

Do they have good self esteem?

Do they truly like the opposite sex? (Loving people of the opposite is most often easier than liking somone they love.)

Are they affectionate or shy or reserved?

Do they spend a lot of time talking about the bitterness of past relationship(s)?

Do they have a resonable amount of energy?

Do they talk about being used by others?

Do these seem selfish?

There are many other things that could be added to this list, but I think the list so far gives an indication of how sharing people would be with a lover.
 Kranck
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 136
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:57:11 PM
As I’ve said elsewhere… let them bring it up. Invariably they do. I never met a woman here who didn’t like talking about sex. In their own way. In their own time.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 140
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 7:46:01 PM

And there are some of us who had the mistaken impression that dates would be possible, too. I started out with 'long term' on my profile, but I've long since sort of given up on that

So true! Sadly!!!!!

~OT~

Approaching the subject of sex with older women

Maybe I'm just simplistic in thought on this, but you wouldn't be approaching me for sex. If you did, I don't care how old you are or aren't, you're not going to get very far. Now if we're in a relationship, it would happen naturally. Geez, the analyzations are so thick anymore it's no wonder so many aren't dating. It's getting too mentally draining to leave the old in-box. And that's even becoming taxing. Sigh.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 141
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:22:04 PM

I can assure you FarmBoy that the best way to approach an 'older' woman is straight up being dead straight honest in your feelings. The beauty of more mature women is they have 'been there done that,,, many times' and they know what they like and are not afraid to tell you, so just say to them 'I am still in charge of a very active libido, will that work with us?' and dont worry she will tell you. She has been 'conned, lied to, and in some cases manipulated and just wants to be loved and as a lady recently told me who is 75, when talking about her 'boyfriend' "hey I am not dead" so everything goes, gotta love them


...Give the guy a gold star. He knows of what he speaks....
Forumfilly you're a smart lady.


...mae
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 143
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:27:17 AM
AB I'd say you said it quite well in your profile;

Quiet, reserved, easy-going, curious, astute, focused, amorous, self-reliant, fit, financially secure.


Ask them if they have read your profile well and if they agree with who you are and your goals, if not, would they mention what may not be to their liking ;)?

Now if there's a European trip somewhere in your future... please feel free to drop a line, be happy to show you around .
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 144
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:28:23 AM

I agree, Wooby, that pleasurelimits knows of what he speaks... but that could be because I'm prejudice since he's mine. But I must say that he and I have always been open and honest in our feelings and desires so that neither of us was left to wonder.


Meanwhile ( I am assuming here and please correct me if I am wrong) you have both been living a celibate life for some time now? This goes to show how emotions play a much larger part in a relationship. Also desires will fluctuate it is how we deal with them that will make the difference. However I think you know that.. After all you both have been waiting sometime now.

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 145
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:21:44 AM
Just wanted to add to my above post. If I had been waiting 8 months to meet someone in the flesh chances are we would probably would have discussed sexual desires. After all we would be in need of lots of topics of conversation to keep this relationship on course..It would also be an intimacy we can only unfortunately share over a phone or an email because we are unable to share in person.

thecatsmeoww
 ron5000
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 148
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/5/2010 4:47:32 PM
I agree with kranck (post 157) I always let the lady bring up sex, and they do quite early. It is always brought up by the 2nd date.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 149
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/5/2010 6:53:12 PM

Some want to date because they haven't seen the latest movie or play not because they want to meet a man who respect them and wants to take the relationship further
I would have thought that women who just want to date to get out or have a man pay for their dinner are in a minority. A date is a way of seeing how you get on with someone. If, during the course of the date, you feel you are not hitting it off with them or that their focus is mainly on getting you into bed, you may well decide he's not the one. Presumably, if you decide he's not the one, then he'll assume you weren't serious about dating and were just using him. Not everyone is the right one. If you are worried about being used, don't pay for meals or tickets, just meet for a coffee or drink.

Honestly, if all you are interested in is getting the woman into bed as soon as possible on the first date, she will sense it. If you're too distracted to be able to talk to me as a person, then I won't be wanting a second date. I know I want a passionate lover with a strong sex drive, but respect absolutely must come first.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 150
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/5/2010 7:44:41 PM
Is she into you?
Does she flip her hair?
Lean into you as your talking?
Make a point to touch you?
Turn towards you?
Make eye contact with you?
Body language can give you a great big hint.......
If she isn't making eye contact.
Turning away from you.
Crossing her arms over her chest.
Chances are she is pretty closed off from you.
Simplest way is just to ask if she likes you.
And gentlemen.....dating doesn't mean spending a lot of money. Some of the best dates I have had involved a bag of chicken and a picnic at the river.....
Of course I am pretty simple and to wine and dine me at star restaurants would just go over my head........
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 151
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/5/2010 8:27:56 PM
It isn't a question of whether or not a woman is into a man immediately. It's about whether she has a healthy libido or not. Those are two completely different subjects. He isn't trying to bed her right away... he just wants to know IF things worked out between them, is she a woman who enjoys frequent sex or not.

It has nothing to do with a lack of respect or rushing things. He isn't asking blatant sexual questions or preferences. What is so difficult about telling someone upfront that, when you are involved with someone you care about and are attracted to, that you enjoy having an active sex life? That's all he wants to know.

Every woman but Fluffy Brain is professing to be a sexual dynamo with the right guy. And maybe they are. But I sure have met a lot of women who are the exact opposite. They don't want to be bothered (their words, not mine). If they didn't have to 'put out' at all, they'd be happy as can be but they will subject themselves to HAVING to do the deed once a week, if their partner insists. But he'd better not expect any BJs and don't even mention swallowing or anal cuz that's just too gross.

And I doubt that all the women who are not huge fans of sex are that way because of their 'lousy' partners. Some women, and some men, just aren't into sex. And I'd rather find out sooner than later if the man I'm seeing is of a like mind.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 152
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/5/2010 8:41:34 PM

Approaching the subject of sex with older women


1) check to see if her hearing aid is on
2) make sure the diadie is clean
3) if she's got a vibrating medical bed it's a good sign
4) clean gums indicates readiness
5) drum roll....if she's wearing clean support hose...well, she's ready for a rockin'
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 153
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/5/2010 8:47:47 PM

If she is comfortable and relaxed Let her know you want more then friendship and you are willing to wait until she is ready for more.


You can discuss anything you want, as long as you make it known that you are 'willing to wait' till she is ready. That's the part that lets her know that you aren't just being a horn dog.




He isn't asking the woman if she wants to have sex with him... he is asking, IF she is attracted to a man and they care about each other, does she like to have an active, varied sex life with him or does she prefer only occasional, basic vanilla sex. To see someone for a length of time, become emotionally involved, only to find out that there is no way in hell you are both going to have a satisfying sex life is ludicrous. Sexual compatibility is imperative to a healthy successful relationship. Why are so many women loathe to speak of it? He isn't asking her favorite positions, whether or not she owns stock in K-Y gel, and if she swallows... he just wants to know whether she would be interested having an active sex life if she was with a man she cares about. Why do women find that to be out of line?


I don't see it as 'out of line at all. Like I said above, it all depends on how it is approached...and how soon. If your emails are of a decent length and cover many topics, that will allow it to be approached sooner than if each email is only 10 words or less, even if they are daily. The key here is to make her feel comfortable with you. I won't even MEET someone who doesn't make me feel comfortable, let alone discuss sex with him.




As I said, romantic intimacy is nurtured IN TANDEM with the friendship dynamic; it’s what separates a platonic friendship from a romantic relationship. As the process progresses, so will the sexual intimacy (and that includes more than just coitus); there should be smooching, caressing, hand holding, fondling, moving from etc. to etc.; building trust and comfort levels; a continual communication and open dialog as to how things are progressing, a sharing of feelings, likes, dislikes et al.


This is true...as the date progresses, a lot can be sensed by how sensual they are, how they respond to touch, etc.




But why do people find it so difficult to say "For me, sex once a week is plenty. I really am not into having sex more often." Or "I just love sex in the morning! What a great way to start the day". Therefore if the other person HATES morning sex, you know it right away. It they want daily sex, or even multiple times each day, you know that there is going to be a conflict. You aren't discussing anything overly intimate, but you are letting you preferences be known in general.


It shouldn't be uncomfortable at all...but not in a first email, and not asked just out of the blue. It can be brought up as a natural part of the conversation. It can even be initiated by telling little jokes about oral sex or whatever, and seeing how the other responds...usually something will be shared in the conversation that follows.

I had one first email that said, "I'm interested in a sexual relationship and seeing where it goes from there" Duh! He was going about it all backwards, so it was doomed before he started. After I laughed at him and basically told him to keep dreaming, he came back with, "Well, now that we broke the ice, would you like to go out?" Uhhhh no....silly man!

~DC~
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 154
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/5/2010 9:27:51 PM

I had one first email that said, "I'm interested in a sexual relationship and seeing where it goes from there" Duh! He was going about it all backwards, so it was doomed before he started. After I laughed at him and basically told him to keep dreaming, he came back with, "Well, now that we broke the ice, would you like to go out?" Uhhhh no....silly man!
Too funny, DC! And he's probably still wonder why you said no.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 155
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/5/2010 10:55:51 PM

I have been scanning each and every page written by women to see first of all if I am falling in line with how they feel. AND I have been looking to see the response of the men.


Please do not allow yourself to fall into the mind trap of trying to justify your actions, beliefs, etc by those of the posters on this forum, this is a very small group of people who have found the forums basically out of frustration of not finding someone they want to be with, date, or whatever initially got them to be on POF to start with. In other words this is normally a very disgruntled group and their perception of reality of online dating is going to be very very jaded to say the least.


But you are 100 percent correct ...you are wonderful :P
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 157
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/6/2010 6:52:25 AM
isn't a question of whether or not a woman is into a man immediately. It's about whether she has a healthy libido or not

Body language is important to understanding people. They can say one thing their bodies say something else. And yes you can tell if they are sexually interested in them.
But the rest ,...........Who knows. It takes time and effort to get to know someone.
I know that I am not sexually compatible with just anyone. And to be sexually compatible it also has to do with my partner. If it turns out badly I am not going there again. Why? Because I either didn't get to know them well enough. Or its just not there. I dated someone recently and it wasn't there for me so why bother to keep the relationship going? It takes two. And I wasn't into him that is my part. I wanted to be he was a great guy but that spark wasn't there. Even through he was a attractive man I wasn't attracted to him. The chemistry that I am attracted to wasn't there. So why prolong something that wasn't working? But I can be amazing with the right partner. This isn't always about having a sexually healthy libido...I believe I have one. It is about what I find and don't find attractive. And who I like and don't like. Just because someone is nice and attractive doesn't mean that they are the right partner for me. Just as my friend wasn't right. It was awkward and very uncomfrontable for both of us. I know that he couldn't figure it out because he liked me. Sex was like pulling teeth and it shouldn't be that way. So it isn't always about having a sexual appetite it is also about being compatible with someone.
My last partner I couldn't wait to get him home and alone. We were like teenagers all the time. But am I that gutsy with everyone? No.
I believe most women are healthy in that department. And most men. But it also takes the right partner to bring it on. And make it work. Attraction is key and a must. Does this mean that they need to look like a movie star? Not at all but chemistry is important and it plays a very important part with sex.....and that has nothing to do with age.......
 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 159
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/6/2010 9:40:19 AM
There is a world of difference between being interested in sex and being interested in sex with a specific man.

The first is general--does she anticipate sex as a welcome part of a relationship, or is she "done" with that part of her life?

The second is about the chemistry between you. Few women I know feel "chemistry" with simply every guy they date. And it can take time for a woman to know if she's going to be comfortable getting naked with a particular guy, even if she feels the chemistry. So this is a much more nuanced issue.

You can ascertain the first by looking at profiles and making sure that women you contact read yours--where you can say the stuff about being healthy and virile and having all the same interests and capacities you always had, and it's important to you that the woman in your life feel the same about herself. Be sure to ask women to read it and respond only if they are comfortable with who you are and what you want in a relationship. Any intelligent woman of our age will see that you want to have a relationship including sex and those who are not interested can self-filter.

As for the rest, no quick way to know. Simply be yourself, read body language, and take things slowly. Don't say anything until you have some responses to kissing, etc., that lead you to believe an inquiry or comment is appropriate. Then you can say something about finding her attractive in all ways, and wanting her to let you know when she's ready to take the relationship to the next level. You've opened the door and she needs to take the responsibility to walk through. If it takes longer than you feel like waiting, you can decide to move on. If you are enjoying what you have, you give it time. It's not more complicated than that.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 160
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Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:49:20 AM
Webgarden :
Thank you , I respect your opinion, but there are some women on any dating website that the acquaintance isn't stablished yet just name bases Yet, example>>>(IM) Like my name is Hurry oops ! typo error Harry, when is your last relationship? Then it become stumbling blocks of sex like a porno,,, This is a routine line -- my ex is a biotch she don't want to have sex with me, ME {-:0 ) Did your 4 kids concieved as Immaculate conception ?? I am not trying to be Ditsy Dits but trying to trade carefully for those poor men . For I am a person who doesn't web bad vibes to any one,if I can help it....
I will not judge those women whom I have not meet or met and befriend personally until I walk in their shoes a mile. Those women that I befriended have different reasons why they don't sex with their partners or "no sex at all" that I can not share with the forum.
My personal opinion if a man at any age is AMOROUS ,women will respond to him with sensuality..
As a dancer ,I think dancing is like sex >>>you do it with passion, (in mind and soul )synchronization,of body,and emotion with sone one you love..
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 161
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:49:50 PM
Re: Post 182 from TruGold

As an older woman (even older than you!) I would say that the subject needs to be discussed openly when contemplating a relationship. At my age, men sometimes have no way of knowing if I'm still interested in sex or not, so we talk about it. Some automatically assume that I won't be. Wrong!! To me, a relationship without sex is just a friendship. I'm sure there are other women my age who feel the same.

Only way to know is to ask. And I don't mean asking for sex. All subjects of importance should be discussed as soon as possible. Likes and dislikes that are of importance. Being still interested in sex or not would fall under that category, I would think!

Communication is the key. Body language can lie. How many times have I had men think I was flirting, or sending messages that I would, when I wouldn't? Or that I wouldn't when it's possible that I would? (lol)
I agree wholeheartedly, TruGold. Verbal communication is key to be sure you are in agreement.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 162
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:06:48 AM
Just curious how many people discussed this before getting into a relationship when younger? I know I sure did not. It was discussed when in a relationship.

This entire thought pattern makes me feel like I am going to a darn doctor's office being interviewed as to how my sexual health is.

I am saying this because it is taking something that can be very beautiful and emotionally fulfilling to a very clinical level. What a turn off.

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 164
Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:20:23 AM

Maybe when you were younger you were less inclined to know what exactly it is that moved you erotically? Maybe when you're older you simply know yourself better, know what it is you need to be intimately fulfilled? Don't you know better now than you did when you were much younger?


No that has not changed.. I am still very much the same person I was back then. I am more mental than physical and that is what I find most erotic.

thecatsmeoww
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