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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What      Home login  
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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 26
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Well, the first problem is that your girlfriend had this kid when she was still a kid and it doesn't sound like she has probably ever had any control over the girl. The girl on the other hand is more than old enough to be responsible for her behavior.

Dude, you have to realize that to many people it would be more appropriate for you to date the daughter than the mom but then again, most 40-year-old women don't have 25-year-old daughters. There would be some resentment there regardless.

One of my friend's brothers is 30 with kids 2 and 4. He is dating a 19-year-old twit and it was really all we could do not to fall out on the floor laughing at Christmas because her brother and mother came over and it was so clearly obvious that the mother (40) would have been a more suitable dating partner than the daughter because in his case, he didn't need an idiot that is barely a child herself and doesn't really care about those kids beyond impressing him.

You have been together a month, why are you even around her daughter at all? This is really a question for mom and I expect with her reaction that it isn't all the kid, sounds like mom is the type to parade boyfriend after boyfriend in front of the kid.

Your girlfriend should not allow her to live in the house if she cannot respect her mother and who her mother brings to the house. This you have no control over and while the situation will change some when the girl does eventually move out, it's probably never going to be much better than this until daughter gets a life of her own.

You have to decide what you wish to put up with and helloooo, don't go to the girlfriend's house, have her come to your place. There is no reason for her to be there to in any way supervise her adult daughter so you are essentially making the problem for yourself.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 27
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:51:50 PM
This don't sound promising. You get to a point in a relationship where your partner is #1 and everything else is NOT #1. You will get to this point with this woman I think sooner rather than later.

She won't put her foot down with her daughter.
Without knowing any other details, this can't last.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 28
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:58:45 PM
I would tell her to get her daughter out of her house, so she can have her own life. She's already "done her time" raising her kid(s) and is now entitled to something for herself. If the daughter can't handle the way things are at moms house, then the daughter needs to get out.

Of course this will never happen as long as mom continues to cave in to her daughters demands. Someday when she realizes that she's going to grow old alone, she'll grow some vertabrae and boot the daughter out.
 whzcheatinwho
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 29
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:12:10 PM
It doesn't matter where the daughter lives, the daughter runs the show. That is the family dynamic the mother has set up and where they live is just geography ~ barely even relevant. Even if she moves out, she'll be over all the time, or on the phone all the time. She will find a way to interfere and manufacture problems. She is alpha in their relationship, the mother is the whipping boy.

I have a friend who had this problem with his lady friend of many years in their on and off again relationship. Her married and grown daughters lived an hour away but still continuously caused emotional turmoil in their relationship.

I've also experienced it myself, the man's daughter was grown, with a career a boyfriend and her own home. That wasn't enough to satisfy her and she found it necessary to sabotage the only relationship he had had in 10 years.

The way things start out is the way they'll go. It won't end happily, regardless of who lives where because this isn't about living arrangements, it's about territory and control.
 Artemis2009
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 30
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:51:52 PM
Your GF was a child (15 years of age) rearing a child and the result is a 25 year old brat. I can't see things changing with the daughter, unless her mother decides to throw her out, and I'd move on if I were you.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 31
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:10:44 PM
Just to give the general idea (so the extremist out there, be quiet) :

As the British say: Spare the rode, spoil the child.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 32
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:32:32 PM
~OP~ I can only speak from my own life, my step-father was 10 years older than me. I HATED him in the beginning (but I was 10!) He literally had the patience in a human being that is rare and that I've never encountered again. He loved my Mother, tolerated me (from my perceptions now) and was, without a doubt, the best Father/Grandfather to my son that I've personally witnessed (they were together until I was nearly 35.) The sad part about your situation? You aren't dealing with a child, you are dealing with TWO children. The Mother and her daughter. I don't see you winning in this situation. (I don't think it has to do with the difference between the GF and you.) I think it has to do with the reality you are dealing with a woman who has NO control over her daughter. That isn't likely going to change. JMO
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 33
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:38:41 PM
As the British say: Spare the rode, spoil the child.
So are you saying the mother erred in not allowing her child more latitude in bike riding?


you are dealing with TWO children. The Mother and her daughter.
Good point vge, this woman was a child-mother and may be lacking significantly in her own emotional development. Perhaps that is why she feels attracted to someone your age!
 gotchagrl
Joined: 1/28/2010
Msg: 34
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:39:32 PM
How does she feel about you...and how do you feel about her? Go from there....if its love...the kid will eventually grow up, come around...or get a life of her own.
 Prime Material
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 35
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 6:03:23 PM
@whzcheatinwho- You hit the nail on the head! It doesn't matter where we go. We're always at my house, but the daughter will always call while we're together to run guilt trips on her mom. The 1st thing she always say is that her mom is putting a man over her. This has been with every guy she's dated since her husband died. The daugther is a college graduate, but her mom thinks something is mentally wrong with the her. You're right its not about living conditions, its about making her mom unhappy.
 EmotionallyDetached
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 36
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 6:19:10 PM
Her daughter is jealous of her mother because she has a man. If your girlfriend won't put her foot down with her daughter, then it is high time for you to hit the road. No amount of pleading will work with her and it seems as if she is trying to make up for something in the past.

Your gf is ten years older than you, which makes her 15 years older than her daughter. Having babies as a teen is tough on many levels. I think that guilt is the big problem here and she seems to think that laying low with her daughter is going to make up for what she lacked in while raising her up from such a young age.

Doesn't look like her daughter is going anywhere anytime soon. You don't have to put up with that nonsense and there couldn't be that much love in the world that would make anyone want to stay under those conditions. Sacrifice is a **** so pick yourself up by the boot straps and keep it moving.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 37
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 6:48:40 PM
Get out of the relationship now! Once a kid, grown or not, decides that they don't want mom or dad dating someone then your relationship is doomed. Just break up with her now because it will only get worse.
 walking the pooch
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 38
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:28:11 PM
Unless you have a sexual interest in the 25 year old get the heck out of town.
 WasabiGal2
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 39
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:28:59 PM

Ok WOW...is it "Kid ruins relationship" week on PoF?


that's what I was thinking....toddler-type kids, kids-kids, teenagers, kids with disabilities...and now young adults

nothing you can do, OP, unless the mother is willing to take a stand. If it were me, I wouldn't stick around. There are lots of single, childless women your own age...

unless on some level you like the sneaking around and the drama?
 whzcheatinwho
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 40
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:39:11 PM
Sorry bout your luck cowboy, if you try to ride it out you will get skidded eventually anyway. The girl will eventually manipulate and wear that poor woman down until she finally gives in and sends you packing just cause it's easier. If nothing else works the daughter will give her the ultimatum of "it's him or me" and you know who she's gonna choose... don't waste your time hoping it will get better. It doesn't.

When I first brought up the problem with the guy I was seeing his response was "well she doesn't run things around here, I do." It only took about five months for him to back down from that statement and meet his daughters ultimatum. Pretty clear who was really in charge around there, he was the only one who couldn't see it. Blood is thicker than water. I should've followed my instincts and stopped seeing him instead of even mentioning it.
 cucme65
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 41
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:08:46 PM

We've been together for about a month and its great, we love each other. Should I stick it out or let it be.


You've been together for only a month and you "love" each other? If I were the 25 year old daughter I'd have a problem too.
 Chill Pill
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 42
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:29:37 PM
You're in LOVE after a month. Really?

She cries and begs you to stay but has no back bone with her kid?

Her kid manipulates you and so does she. Do you like it?

That mother daughter dyad is not going to change without therapy.

Do you want to be the therapist or were you looking for a girl friend.

You are going to need therapy if you stay, the patience of a saint and prolly a script of valium. There is to much damage done. You have a classic case of babies raising babies.
A girl can get laid at 15 and have a kid, doesn;t make her a mother. 25 years later doesnt necessarily make her a mother either.

They have a toxic, sick relationship. You think you can make a difference with a "sensible" conversation. Forget it. You may as well be speaking Greek. This daughter doesn;t respect her mother or you. She sounds like a self centered lil witch.

She doesn't even like you, you think you can make any kind of impact on her? Good LUCK.

If you think your in LOVE after a month, maybe you need some help too. She won't put her foot down??? Doesn't sound like she is in LOVE...at all.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 10:16:18 PM
Sounds like a big dramatic mess, I'd leave them to be together and find someone sane to date, while suggesting they get therapy. They both sound extremely immature and
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 44
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 10:55:21 PM
hmm...now let me get this straight. her daughter is ONLY 5 years younger than you? well that's a bit odd don't you think? also you have been with your gf for ONLY one month and you are both in love?? well that's just stupid and ridiculous and i don't believe it. you can't possibly know someone well enough to love them in such a short time. i say dump her and move on. or maybe date the daughter since you are much closer in age. you probably have more in common with her than the mother.
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 45
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/7/2010 11:02:02 PM
@IgorFrankensteen-that’s a fair assessment! I never intended to date a woman this old. In her defense she was married when she was 15 so she does have morals, but I can definitely see where you’re coming from.


married @ 15? wow, WTF?? where is she from? Kansas or Louisiana?? i don't think it's legal where i live to get married when you are still a child. that's kind of disgusting really.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 46
My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/8/2010 1:03:59 AM

We've been together for about a month and its great, we love each other.

Love each other? After about four weeks, you’re just getting to know one another, and if you would wipe the steam off the love goggles for a second, you would see that this woman and The Bad Seed come as a set. My advice? Never be the hand that rocks the dysfunctional cradle.
 AGhost
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 47
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/8/2010 3:29:18 AM
Bro ; listen up and listen close..... I'm going to be to the point , & blunt about this... Leave that woman & , her tripped out a_s daughter alone !!! I wouldn't give a rats a_s if she 15 years old ! Nor do I give a damn , as to the reasons "why", she exhibits the character traits she does ! (Abuse, "molestation", neglect, whatever !) YOU , are INNOCENT !
Inspite of anything , her daughter might have experienced throughout her life ! It's a deffinant red flag bro !!! :o Take it from me ; i'm speaking from experience. I promise you ! If you choose to stay involved with that woman. You WILL revictimize yourself ! And ultimately , you will have noone to blame in the end ; but YOURSELF ! :(

P.S It's hard enough to deal with women in general, (And all of their stupid ideaology) as it is ! Without having to deal with her tripped out a_s daughter too ! wtf ! Is she pissed , because her mom attracts more attention than she does ! :( Laugh if you want ; but don't rule this possibility out... Women can be VERY "territorial" ! Either way ; you'd better know whats good , and know when to walk away.....
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 48
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/8/2010 3:49:52 AM

The 1st thing she always say is that her mom is putting a man over her.

After spending 25 years raising this adult-child, moms answer to this should be "That's right, I am." Click.

Of course the ideal thing would be not to answer the phone at all when she calls, but like I said, this woman is going to have to grow a spine in order to deal with this daughter of hers.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 49
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:45:06 AM
One month? And you think this level of BS is worth it? The daughter will never leave or change. No normal man would put up with that kind of garbage.
 lily1990
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 50
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My girlfriend's 25 yr old daughter is ruining our relationship? What should I do?
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:51:40 AM
ok,

I have to say that you need to get out of that relationship while you can. If there is no respect from the mother or from the daughter then there is no reason for you to be there. Take it from me, I was in a relationship for seven months and It was hell. He had six girls ranging in age from 13-21 and they had no respect for anyone. No matter what I tried to do I kept hitting walls and getting no where. Not only did I not get respect from them but I didnt get the respect from the BF. You are not getting the respect from either one because the mother lets the 24 year old treat you like that and she doesnt put her foot down. It sounds like you need to find someone that will respect you and get the hell out of there.
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