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 eattoplease
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 8
Should I be concerned?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Give it time...you will figure it out...might be hes not with it....good luck!
 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 9
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 2/9/2010 8:15:59 AM
Secret #1 - not every guy loves BJ's (blasphemy, I know, but there are some).

Secret #2 - not every girl loves giving BJ's (more blasphemy in the 21st century?) and when they don't, guys know it (there's a huge difference between technique and adoration).

Secret #3 - first time sex which begins with a BJ but never really gives the guy the opportunity to play the role of the seducer...to allow you to have that "swept away" feeling...doesn't necessarily stoke his libido. He may have been lying there thinking about a million other things, but not the key one, 'possessing you'.

Secret #4 - even if he's just a bit turgid, relax, lay back and let him crawl up between your legs (our primal brains still like the conquest idea whether our 21st century man will admit it or not). Let him relax and simply slide the underside of his penis between your labia and over your slippery clit. In a few moments, your reactions are going to start creating sounds, scents and reactions which should kick a 33yo's libido into high gear. He's going to get much more firm and one simple tilt of the hips and he'll be in. My guess is after that it's going to be a pretty nice ride.

Secret #5 - there are a few His&Hers lubes out there that...individually they are great, but when the two lubes mingle inside of you, my guess is he's going to totally get off.
 hamster-dance
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 10
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 2/9/2010 11:26:50 AM

This is one of the all time WTF threads ever. I never want to hear a woman tell me it's all about the guys rushing things. H-D...you decide 'after' this that you don't want to rush things? What a friggin joke!


By "in no hurry" I mean that I do not have a set timeline that we have to have sex by or I'm gone. If it happens tomorrow that is fine. If it happens in a few months that is also fine. I have no "rules" when it comes to how long I wait or don't wait to have sex.

He was the one who went to great lengths so that I could spend the night, so I figured that was his intention. And that was in no way a problem for me. I didn't exactly have to drag him into bed.

FTR, I've never in my life complained about a guy rushing things. You've got the wrong girl.
 hamster-dance
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 11
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 2/9/2010 12:00:48 PM

Haven't you ever been with a man who's had performance anxiety? The shaking visibly thing?


Not really. And to be fair I thought it was because he was cold. We had been outside for hours. I asked him a couple of times if he wanted to go inside because he looked cold. He told me later it was because he was nervous, but that it was one of those moments he knew he'd remember forever. I think he was ok with it.


Keep it light...just realize that he might not be an aggressor or initiator, so YOU might have to do it yourself...but one step at a time.


I'm perfectly ok with that. I just want him to be comfortable.


OP, I don’t think avoiding and not brining it up is going to help, if he truly has performance anxiety he will most likely just fall farther into isolation and the thought will keep going through his head adding to the problem.


Really? I mean it's not like we're sitting at opposite ends of the couch not making eye contact now. We still can't keep our hands off each other. I could see if it had been six months and multiple attempts, but at this point I think a heavy discussion would be premature.


Try not to bring it up. Talking about it, particularly on your end, will only exacerbate matters. He knows he's got a performance issue, so he doesn't need you to bring it up.


That's pretty much what I thought.


Try watching a porno together, and act like it's really turning you on.


What do you mean "act like"?


I say, add alcohol but not too much. Also if it isn't working for him, take the focus off the penis. Insist that he give you oral or whatever, once he stops thinking about it the plumbing might just start up on it's own.


This makes sense. Sounds like a good plan.


Secret #1 - not every guy loves BJ's (blasphemy, I know, but there are some).


True.


Secret #2 - not every girl loves giving BJ's (more blasphemy in the 21st century?) and when they don't, guys know it (there's a huge difference between technique and adoration).


True, but not in my case.


Secret #3 - first time sex which begins with a BJ but never really gives the guy the opportunity to play the role of the seducer...to allow you to have that "swept away" feeling...doesn't necessarily stoke his libido. He may have been lying there thinking about a million other things, but not the key one, 'possessing you'.


There was a fairly natural progression to get to the BJ, however I can see your point here.


Secret #4 - even if he's just a bit turgid, relax, lay back and let him crawl up between your legs (our primal brains still like the conquest idea whether our 21st century man will admit it or not). Let him relax and simply slide the underside of his penis between your labia and over your slippery clit. In a few moments, your reactions are going to start creating sounds, scents and reactions which should kick a 33yo's libido into high gear. He's going to get much more firm and one simple tilt of the hips and he'll be in. My guess is after that it's going to be a pretty nice ride.


This is a great idea. Also the last one.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 12
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 2/10/2010 2:08:21 AM
Op, your going to get varied answers with every post....just like some questions, they all can't be taken seriously...all you can do is read them all, and try to surmise what it might be...but nothing beats talking to the actual person.

The first time I ever had sex with my ex.....I wasn't as hard as I could be....guess insides feelings had mustered, and maybe it mattered more with her than others???

I get the feeling, he is just more emotional than most and went thru a hard time with his last relation.........there might be more to it than this, but not being there...who knows.

I think if he gains trust, etc...it might all work out well...I've been talking to a woman who's man won't initiate after being together for a while....it seems he has the fear of getting his feelings in too deep, cause of the hurt of past relations...etc.

If this guy is worth it to you...just let trust develop, talk about it....

Then again it might just be the first time in a while jitters.....this isn't that rare even in men.
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:44:43 AM
Yeah,
Its normal. Once I was with a stunning young woman. When she asked me back to her place I didn't know why.

I had trouble performing too.
I honestly thought age had caught up with me and I was wimpotent.

I told my ex about it and she laughed. We used to do tantric sex all the time.
We met up and got it on and did it all night long.

"See, you don't have an ED problem after all," she said. "You were just nervous."
She slept around a lot and knows the male reproductive organ better than a eurologist, so I guess she was right.....
 hamster-dance
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 14
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:31:10 AM
Ok, so I have an update. Last night I stayed over and we were fooling around. He said that he was going to see a doctor on Friday because he'd been on Celexa (antidepressant) and it was causing him to have these problems. Until now it wasn't much of an issue for him.

So that's good news because it's one of the easiest things in the world to fix. I've known other guys who had the same problem on various other drugs and as soon as they switched or went off the problem went away.
 nicestguy2know
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 15
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:22:11 PM
No,not reallly. Sometimes I've been nervous (or maybe just too tired) the first time with a new lover. The 2nd or 3rd time gets better. It takes a while to learn each other's likes and dislikes and what they are comfortable with and to become comfortable with each other. My ex (of many years ago) never liked me to finish in her mouth and to this day (unless told otherewise) I get nervouse the first time a new partner does that.
 hamster-dance
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 16
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 2/13/2010 10:12:20 PM
He actually is (or was) diabetic. I'm not sure. I know he at least used to be insulin dependent, but he's lost a lot of weight and may not need it anymore. I haven't pried into his medical history. I just go on what he tells me.

He also said that the impotence didn't start until he went on antidepressants though, which was last summer about. The diabetes was diagnosed several years ago. His doctor is tweaking things, so we'll see how it goes.
 hamster-dance
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 17
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 2/16/2010 1:19:08 AM
Not a chance that I'd give up on him or pressure him or anything like that. I'm very happy with our sex life how it is right now, and when we can have intercourse it will be all the better. If it takes months I am willing to wait. He's totally worth it. :)
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 18
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 6/24/2010 1:17:44 PM
Yo baby, it's normal for men to experience performance anxiety and so on. I see this as a negative bi-product of our modern day society. I think many men these days have anxiety towards women and sex as a result of all are often complex social norms and laws. Some men are just skitish about being able to be men as nature intended us to be. With all the expectations placed on people these days And coinciding stress, it can sometimes interfere with some of our most primal desires. So don't be to hard on the guy.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Should I be concerned?
Posted: 6/24/2010 1:49:52 PM
ever think its that you give bad head, thats what i think happened , bery few women know how to give really good blowjobs, in north america
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