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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Failing Grades, again.      Home login  
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 24
Failing Grades, again. Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
When is the high school teenager responsible for their own directions and actions. ?

What a loaded question that is......

If you were the type of parent who sat with him night after night and made him do his homework, if you were the type of parent who nagged at him constantly, when did you expect him to learn consequences for not doing what he needed to do? If you babied him by enabling his behaviour for years, this is expected. Now that he is a teen and Dad isn't babying him, you are seeing that he never INTERNALIZED a strong work ethic.

He is responsible for his own directions and actions...absolutely. If he hasn't been taught HOW to direct himself and to make good decisions for himself, whose fault is that?

It does seem like you and his Dad have a toxic relationship and haven't been able to effectively co-parent your child.....sad for your son.

Now he is a teen and raising a teen is like nailing jello to a tree. If the foundation isn't there, then the house falls and his true abilities are crystal clear. Can you fix it? I don't honestly know....teens don't really like being dictated to, controlled or manipulated because of course we all know that teens know everything. I do think you have to talk with him like he is an adult, not a child. I do think you need to find out what his plans are for his future (assuming he has some) and guide him to understanding what he needs to do to achieve whatever goals he has set for himself (if any).
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 25
Failing Grades, again.
Posted: 2/13/2010 9:26:19 AM
I have always wanted to take things away from him, restriction and take away family vacation time, like renting a house boat for a week in the summer or, to be able to go hunting with his father and others.
I wanted to be strict with him.
I come from a very strict home, and have always let my son know I expect him to do well, His best.
his father would never work with me and does not like confrontation. He is very mellow and prefers to be my sons buddy rather then a harsher figure in his life.
He views it like he does not want to miss out on time with his son, so he allows him to go and do anything, there is no discipline in his home.
About a year ago, once my son was in high school, I made him start to stay more and more time at his fathers home, hoping the stability would be better and his dad could guide him more. I got tired of fighting a one way fight with my son about his grades, I did not want to stress out our relationship.
He can always run to his dads house and do as he pleases, His father refuses to stand up and parent.

So you are or want to be strict...yet you have problems with your ex and his parenting when he was seeing his child every other weekend.

Or is it my way is the only way and why is he unable to see why I am doing what is best?

Yet you posted 3/20/09

Well here I am, 42 and single.
Mother to a 16 yr old., and need a new career. I am a a high school drop out,
I was a stay home mother for the last 17 yrs, and it sucks to be starting over.
any advise ?
Thank you,

I have no problem with high school drop outs....i was one but returned to finish...then returned to go to university. It really is not that difficult when you want it to happen.

What is difficult is learning study habits. Staying up at the dinner table going over the homework so they know and learn how to study and to get the foundation for later.

You posted 5/6/2009

As some of you might know I am currently trying to further my education , going to school at a very late age. I am having trouble retaining the knowledge and even understanding many questions. Can anyone share how you are able to find tricks or what might of helped you to make things understandable and retain it?
Thank You for any input.

Perhaps your son is also having those same problems retaining or understanding the classes. So the problem may not be what you were trying to get support for...The terrible ex who does not follow your co-parenting doctrines. The problem could be the lessons he did not learn about doing his homework when it was much easier. The foundation or early lessons lay the groundwork for when they are in high school. To late is when they start to struggle.

Is there such a thing as Unconditional love ?

But when you post something like this I wonder if the issues with you and your son is your love and affection for him is conditional and he is also rebelling againts your conditions?

Long story short,
The father of my son and I have been apart for a while now.
My son is now 16 yrs old and a sophomore in High School.. Do I have any say in the wake up time at his father's home ?
At my home wake up time is 9 am.. this is for the summer and weekends. I feel that is a late enough time to sleep in, if you are tired go to bed earlier. I don't like him to sleep his day away.
At his father's home, he can stay up as late as he wants and sleep in as late as he wants too.. My son was suppose to come visit me on Sunday morning, I waited all day for him to call me. finally he calls at 130 pm.. says he just woke up at 1.. needless to say I was grrrowling mad.
I have tried to communicate with his father over this issue, I guess he don't hear me!

Kasia...effectively his house his rules...your house your rules. Yet at the same time within that comes the realization that at 16...he is starting to make his own rules about where he wants and how he wants live.

I have no legal separation agreement. The children spend all or the majority of time here. They have homework...they are found here doing it. I rewarded from an early age doing homework and bringing in grades based on their ability.

Now both are mid 80's and really I should have set the bar a little higher...but then it may have defeated the purpose. They have the ability to do better and they have the foundation from study habits learned and followed through from primary grades...

And I also have used a tutor when they needed the extra help in High school. At that point I found it easier for someone else to assist I was struggling to remember 1/2 of it anyways...and reality is...they learn better from someone else anyways.

Just out of have mentioned repercussions...what were the carrots you used for your son in getting the successes?
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 26
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Failing Grades, again.
Posted: 2/14/2010 3:07:06 PM
My understanding of Sylvan is that their job is tutoring, to assess the child's capabilities and move from there. Generally whether it is the school or some outside agency that gets involved, parents need to request evaluations for learning disabilities. This should have been done by the school but many schools let kids fall through the cracks and many kids with ADD do fall through the cracks because people know they are smart, kids with ADD tend to be somewhat argumentative, so they are easily pegged from very early on in their academic careers as problem children rather than a kid with a problem that isn't glaring so no one is looking for it.

And seriously, it is totally abnormal for them to have never mentioned it even from the standpoint of okay, he doesn't have an attention disorder, or dyslexia, so we are dealing with motivations and habits in order to help this child perform well in school.

You should speak with Sylvan and find out specifically if they did diagnostic testing to determine more than where he was in his skill sets and what he had an aptitude for. If you never asked them about it, they may also have assumed that you had him tested through school which btw, if you are in the U.S. this type of thing is mandated by the federal government and a school cannot fail to provide this type of testing. They are also obligated to create an educational plan for your child but many schools do nothing unless a parent pushes for it.

You should speak with the school and find out what if anything they ever did in the way of diagnostics for learning disabilities, anxiety issues, or other variables that could have been affecting your son's performance.
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