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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?      Home login  
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 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 26
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
If at every instance you are going to accuse me of cheating, chasing another girl, or being overly jealous about nothing..... I am going to give you one shot to fix it. If I am not cheating but you incessantly think I am.... well then f'it, we arent in a relationship anyways. I aint cheating on you, there is the door. I am done with you.

If I were to want to sleep around on you, there would have been the talk. I dont feel that this is performing to the needs that I see a relationship needing. I need more/better/creative/kinky sex. Do you think we can work on it, or do I need to seek other positions. Yep, you just been put on notice. I aint sneaking around behind you back. Get over it.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 27
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 11:04:57 PM
Well..honestly I've never been accused of cheating , falsely or otherwise. At least not in a reasonable setting. I was with an abusive guy who did so every week..but it was so extensive that it was almost comical and I knew it was him and not a reflection of me (the bagger at the grocery store, my boss, the waiter that smiled at me, his friend that defended me when he hit me...etc,etc). And how that made me feel was kind of the least of my problems at the time =)

I don't know..I'm just not the kind of person that I think anybody would even remotely think I'm capable of it (and I'm not)..and I take it seriously to walk in the center line of integrity, so my man pretty much knows it. I'm not the wife that gets too sloppy drunk and clingy with guys at a party ,etc.

I can see where it would be hard to take..but I'm a big believer in relationships, if you have something on your mind ..and it's not something that is just going to go away (ie. it will affect the relationship)..then it needs to be brought to light. Even if it isn't pleasant. If I was in a situation where , some innocent thing I did caused my lover doubt..I would hope he would ask rather than wonder. If he asked, it wouldn't offend me..because how he feels is important. Of course, that's providing he is not some insecure little boy..because I don't deal well with that anyway..and providing he *listens* to the answer. It's all about communication. And sometimes not taking things too personally (from The Four Agreements; great book).

=) K
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 28
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 11:06:04 PM
In the beginning I was trusting, but I've been cheated on more than once. Between that and all the talk about cheating every time one turns around I find it fed (and can still feed) my insecurities. When I am dating someone I will get that bad feeling. I used to go nuts and sabotage myself. Now I'm much better at the self talk when something silly gets me going.

In the beginning I was puzzled when accusations of cheating started. Turns out the cheaters always accused me of cheating. Now if someone were to accuse me I wouldn't stick around.
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 29
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 11:21:28 PM

Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?

The first 2 years we went out everything was cool...however as time went on and we grew closer and more in love with each other..HE started to unravel.
In the beginning I thought he was just acting insecure...but as time went on his accusations just became more bizarre and friggin outrageous. I tried reasoning with him to no avail...but it was hopeless. The more I tried to defend myself against his wild accusations the more he was convinced I was guilty.
Before I knew it I was apparently having an affair with my boss and multiple other co-workers, a man at the local Produce store, multiple firemen, and my neighbour!!!!
I actually convinced him to go to counseling with me in an effort to try and sort things out. Next thing I know I'm getting accused of having an affair with the counselor!! (ya I can laugh about it NOW...but man it was crazy at the time!)
Anyhoo...the counselor told me that WE did not have a relationship problem...but that HE had a reality problem....
Turned out to be true. He was projecting a bunch of crap from his childhood due to witnessing his mother having multiple affairs while she was with his father.

~moral of the story is this: you never really know a persons true colors until you've known them for at least two years!~
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 30
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/12/2010 5:52:01 AM
see, thebugisback, I now follow that same line.

Am a proud man; I have many huge and complicated accomplishments that I've done during my life time without any support nor the help of anyone, I own them fully. I've seen Heaven in many ways and I've seen Hell in combat. Always took responsibilities for all my mistakes and errors. I live my life according a strict personal code and with integrity no matter what. Am willing to do some abnegation of the self, to go beyond or to endure more then most in order to help , share and understand ; so call it pride if you must (but I think I've earned the right to be pride), but I will now not let anyone challenge my honor or integrity.

False accusation? You do not know me at all and anyway, never will: as you're out of here faster then you can say "whaaat?".

I will not take it personally or it will not bring me down, as I know whom I am and know my true self worth.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 31
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/12/2010 7:53:58 AM
The people who do the accusing are usually the ones who have cheated...they just want to place the blame elsewhere...usually on an innocent victim.

I've never cheated on anyone in the 43 years I've been on this planet...

Have I been accused of cheating? Yes.
How did it make me feel? Pissed.
How did I feel when I found out HE was the one who had been cheating all along? Betrayed.
 Joel246
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 32
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/12/2010 11:03:26 AM
Hasn't happened to me but it's very interesting to see how many people were accused by people who cheated themselves. Very telling.

I would find it deeply insulting to my integrity, and a blow to the trust in a relationship that may be irreversible. Once you become suspicious, jealousy, insecurity and all the other negative traits that destroy relationships are soon to follow. I think I would outline to my partner once very clearly that I would not cheat and that I would break up with them if I were unhappy enough to consider cheating, and if they continued to ponder the line in any way after that, it'd pretty much be over.
 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 33
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/14/2010 2:17:05 PM
well i'll tell ya pal i've been married a few times and in every single instance when they started accusing me of cheating i found out....they were the ones that were actually cheating. a guilty conscious thinks you're doing the same thing. if you're honest then you think people think like you. that's been my experience in every case
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 34
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/19/2010 8:32:34 PM
Only once have I been accused of cheating. He had been pulling away for a few weeks and then just went insane, making accusations. Of course I wasn't cheating...I have never cheated on anyone. But he didn't want to believe it. So I let him go. I figure, if he's freaking out and I'm not doing anything....he must be doing something that is making him feel guilty.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 35
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/22/2010 3:21:39 AM
People who accuse of cheating are normally looking for justification for their own cheating.... They don't need to feel guilty about their own infidelity if they can convince themselves that your doing the same.

I suggest looking at the relationship a bit more closely.

You have been warned!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 36
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/22/2010 9:05:05 AM

I don't know but if you were accused then you must have been acting differently for some reason which would make a woman believe you were cheating. Most of the time when this happens the man usually is.

There are crazy asshats that would have accused Mother Theresa of infidelity, they need absolutely no reason to accuse you of pretty much screwing every man/woman you encounter.
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 37
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/22/2010 10:01:15 AM
One former GF accused me of cheating. I was upset. I denied it-as I was innocent-and told her she was being an idiot, and warned her to knock it off. She continued, and I dumped her. I get enough BS from other sources. I don't need any, and won't take such, from a S.O. After the break up, her best friend started making moves on me. I later learned that it was that friend who gave her the idea I was cheating to begin with. The friend wanted to break us up, so she could have me herself. I brushed her off, and dated her Mom instead...just to teach the conniving B a lesson. Life is too short to waste it relating to people who don't trust you. No amount of familiarity, sex, money, or anything else, can make a relationship with a false accuser worth the BS it involves.
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 38
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/22/2010 10:25:36 AM
I feel mildly annoyed...because well, it's an inconvenience for me to find a new boyfriend but I simply can't deal with a broken one and the guy who falsely accuses with no proof only unjustified and ridiculous suspicion and insecurity is broken. No trust= no relationship for me.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 39
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/22/2010 10:56:03 AM
It hasn't happened, but if it did, I'd probably be angry, and then suspicious. Often, an accuser in such cases is projecting their own guilt onto an existing partner. I'd almost certainly be showing them the door as fast as possible.
 markdafedman
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 40
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:22:26 PM
It helped me decide to break off an engagement. Since my word wasn't worth more than the rumors spread by her friends, I decided she had no trust or respect for me.

Buh- Bye!
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 41
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 11:23:54 AM
If my ex said it was so........it was reality,
in the end is was just wild to see how things could get so twisted and tossed into that mind and it be so far from the truth to what she told everyone we knew as a couple, just amazing

Bewildered, befuddled and darn right confused.........
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 42
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 11:54:23 AM
"...How did it make you feel?"
Pissed off.


"...Did you feel you were giving it your all beforehand?"
At that point it didnt matter, It was over.


"...And are you still with that person"
Oh hell no! No trust....no relationship.


"or was the accusation just a tipping point in the grand scheme of things?"
I dont know I didnt stick around to find out.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 43
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 12:52:20 PM
People that are constantly accusing of things that you clearly did not do, more often than not, are projecting. What that means is that they more than likely have cheated, or will cheat again. So if you are the one with the clear conscience, tell her that you did not cheat, and that you find it insulting that there is not trust there. If you are always at the defensive, because the constant mistrust, then be prepare for THAT person to soon, be the ones that will cheat on you.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 44
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 2:59:40 PM
I've never been accused of cheating, probably because:

(1) I've never cheated; and
(2) I don't have any objection to answering questions and letting a woman do as much detective work as she wants so she doesn't have to just take my word for it.
 jmim
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 45
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 9:25:34 PM
If someone accuses me of cheating..
That's when I know they themselves are cheaters.

No one wants to think that they are a bad person.
So when they cheat on someone they all of the sudden realize that,
"Hey, I did this and I am a good person. So that means ANYONE could
cheat... even my boyfriend!"
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 46
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 9:36:52 PM
I’ve never cheated on my girlfriends and have never been accused of it but, the accusation would indeed be symptomatic of a bigger problem.

If I was in a committed relationship and she accused me of cheating, I would hear much more than the words she would say.

The words could very be “you cheated on me” but what I would hear is “I have my suspicions about your loyalty regarding me, and since I can’t explain that in so many words, I will simply accuse you of cheating”.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 47
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:33:43 PM
JMim I agree 100%!!!! The times I caught my 1st and 2od wives cheating was after they accused me!!!!
A bit dog always barks!!!!
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 48
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/18/2010 12:32:14 PM
I was accused by my ex wife about a year before we got divorced. What bothered me most was that there was no way to prove that I didn't do it. I was guilty by suspician; my car was in the shop, and a classmate gave me a ride home. That was it. She said I should have used a taxi rather than accept a ride from a single woman. In retrospect, my ex was just plain nuts.
 brewswain
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 49
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/18/2010 3:07:16 PM
That woman I was married to accused me of cheating.
Nope.
No way in hell would I cheat.
I was MARRIED!
I guess that makes me a real oddball nowadays
Its just something I will NOT do.

So how did it make me feel?

nothing.

The accusation was so far out there that it meant nothing.
It was a couple of years later before I found out that she was cheating.
Thats when I found out that its common for the cheater to make that accusation against the innocent.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 50
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/18/2010 7:19:32 PM
I was once continually under scrutiny for cheating and even noticing girls that might be within my field of vision. This was while I was together with a very pretty and sweet girlfriend that I lived with for five years. The extent of this treatment began to make me behave in very bizarre ways. When I would meet an attractive girl say at work, I would get nervous that somehow my girlfriend would give me trouble about talking to this girl. I would become anxious if trips didn't conclude on time so that I could be back home with the girlfriend when expected. It was a bit stressful. But I was faithful for my own reasons.

Later I learned that this girl had been a serial cheater, was an exceptional liar, and was all along projecting her fears upon me for the infidelities. So later when she broke up with me to go off and pursue things I didn't find appealing (posing for soft porn photos) she announced her indiscretions with the intention of taking a last swipe at me. She then asked if I had been cheating myself. No, I replied, I did not. And in the end I was left with that at least. I wished her well and we parted ways.
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