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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?      Home login  
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 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 43
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
People that are constantly accusing of things that you clearly did not do, more often than not, are projecting. What that means is that they more than likely have cheated, or will cheat again. So if you are the one with the clear conscience, tell her that you did not cheat, and that you find it insulting that there is not trust there. If you are always at the defensive, because the constant mistrust, then be prepare for THAT person to soon, be the ones that will cheat on you.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 44
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 2:59:40 PM
I've never been accused of cheating, probably because:

(1) I've never cheated; and
(2) I don't have any objection to answering questions and letting a woman do as much detective work as she wants so she doesn't have to just take my word for it.
 jmim
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 45
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History
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 9:25:34 PM
If someone accuses me of cheating..
That's when I know they themselves are cheaters.

No one wants to think that they are a bad person.
So when they cheat on someone they all of the sudden realize that,
"Hey, I did this and I am a good person. So that means ANYONE could
cheat... even my boyfriend!"
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 46
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 9:36:52 PM
I’ve never cheated on my girlfriends and have never been accused of it but, the accusation would indeed be symptomatic of a bigger problem.

If I was in a committed relationship and she accused me of cheating, I would hear much more than the words she would say.

The words could very be “you cheated on me” but what I would hear is “I have my suspicions about your loyalty regarding me, and since I can’t explain that in so many words, I will simply accuse you of cheating”.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 47
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/17/2010 10:33:43 PM
JMim I agree 100%!!!! The times I caught my 1st and 2od wives cheating was after they accused me!!!!
A bit dog always barks!!!!
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 48
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/18/2010 12:32:14 PM
I was accused by my ex wife about a year before we got divorced. What bothered me most was that there was no way to prove that I didn't do it. I was guilty by suspician; my car was in the shop, and a classmate gave me a ride home. That was it. She said I should have used a taxi rather than accept a ride from a single woman. In retrospect, my ex was just plain nuts.
 brewswain
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 49
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/18/2010 3:07:16 PM
That woman I was married to accused me of cheating.
Nope.
No way in hell would I cheat.
I was MARRIED!
I guess that makes me a real oddball nowadays
Its just something I will NOT do.

So how did it make me feel?

nothing.

The accusation was so far out there that it meant nothing.
It was a couple of years later before I found out that she was cheating.
Thats when I found out that its common for the cheater to make that accusation against the innocent.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 50
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 3/18/2010 7:19:32 PM
I was once continually under scrutiny for cheating and even noticing girls that might be within my field of vision. This was while I was together with a very pretty and sweet girlfriend that I lived with for five years. The extent of this treatment began to make me behave in very bizarre ways. When I would meet an attractive girl say at work, I would get nervous that somehow my girlfriend would give me trouble about talking to this girl. I would become anxious if trips didn't conclude on time so that I could be back home with the girlfriend when expected. It was a bit stressful. But I was faithful for my own reasons.

Later I learned that this girl had been a serial cheater, was an exceptional liar, and was all along projecting her fears upon me for the infidelities. So later when she broke up with me to go off and pursue things I didn't find appealing (posing for soft porn photos) she announced her indiscretions with the intention of taking a last swipe at me. She then asked if I had been cheating myself. No, I replied, I did not. And in the end I was left with that at least. I wished her well and we parted ways.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 51
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 4/24/2010 1:05:24 PM
Hurt by the injustice and relieved to know I was dealing with a person who I could no longer be involved with due to trust issues.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 52
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 4/24/2010 8:26:16 PM
Without actually answering the question I can say this: I agree with those who say that people who accuse others for cheating do it themselves - not always, but quite often. However, it's very easy to start calling somebody insecure, having trust issues, etc., if so, then why put him/her through that in the first place? A relationship is supposed to make two people feel good and comfortable. If A does something that B dislikes then obviously there's either no communication or it's just plain disrespect. Some people can't handle it, they can't BE in a relationship because of their personality. For example, if attention from strangers means a lot, if going out often means a lot, etc., then maybe it's better to get over those relationship destroyers first and stay single.
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 53
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 4/24/2010 10:58:31 PM
Can't say I've ever been verbally accused of cheating I have had guys get squirly because I didn't answer my phone?? If you are falsely accused...it probably has more to do with the other person then yourself ie. they are cheating themselves so they are paraonoid you are...
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 54
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 4/26/2010 12:51:56 AM

Can't say I've ever been verbally accused of cheating I have had guys get squirly because I didn't answer my phone?? If you are falsely accused...it probably has more to do with the other person then yourself ie. they are cheating themselves so they are paraonoid you are...


You are 100% correct every woman that has ever accused me of cheating was guilty!!!
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 55
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 4/26/2010 7:46:57 AM
Frustrated. The accusation was of something that really wasn't possible, i.e., that I was having sex with someone while I was at school. I couldn't understand how my ex could imagine how I'd be able to do that. How else can you feel when you're doing everthing you can to make someone happy but nothing seems enough?
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 56
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 4/29/2010 9:02:02 PM
If someone had ever accused me of cheating I think I would ask them, "Then why are you wasting your time with me?"

I think a lot of people need the security and assurance that things are ok so they foolishly assert themselves and make false accusations just as a means to mentally and emotionally console their own insecurity. That's not to say that some accusers aren't right. I'm speaking of those who don't want the relationship to end, they simply need feedback indicating that it's ok to continue the relationship.

If I was ever asked that question I know there are underlying problems with her. IO don't think I've ever gave reason to be suspicious of me. I'm always at the place I claim I'll be; I'm usually very easy to find or get a hold of; and I like sex with a woman who feels comfortable with me.

The sex isn't as emotional and intense if one partner is suspicious - I love that rough, passionate energy that exists between a happy couple...... that's my motivation to remain monogamous.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 57
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 4/29/2010 9:42:58 PM
it is a very sad feeling when the person that i was in love with accused me
of wrongdoing because he himself is was and always will be a lying cheating
stinking fool. it is a hallow hole in my gut. if it ever happens again, i will know
to abandon ship quickly. there is no salvaging or saving a fool who tries to pass
the buck by blaming you for his own indiscretions.
 HereN916
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 58
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:41:40 PM
I was accused of having an affair because he thought I was gone too long grocery shopping. I finally got tired of defending myself and told him, yup, aisle 11 frozen food section cause we're just so damn hot.......
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 59
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/2/2010 8:52:16 AM

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
Kurt Cobain

Actually, it was Andre Gide who originated that quote...

My favorite Andre Gide quote is: "Believe those who seek the truth. Doubt those who find it."
 theoneandonly1975
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 60
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/13/2011 11:50:14 AM
Hey ildub,

I've only been accused as a knee-jerk reaction, from the two girlfriends I caught cheating, when I was dumping them. A psychologist would call it distribution. Otherwise, I know I would handle it like any other false accusation, and just laugh it off. At worst, and borne of care for my girlfriend, I'd ask if I was doing something to make her feel that way. For example, I've offered passwords to email accounts/computers/online dating accounts (funny though, this only came up in the aforementioned two instances haha).

The Man
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 61
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/13/2011 4:41:05 PM
This has happened to me once and it just seemed insane to me to think that someone would actually start a fight and want to break up because of their fear.
This person actually told me that they didn't think I was but that I put myself in a place where men might ask me out if they wanted to. geez
Like I am not fully capable of charting my own course and taking care of myself.
I walk out my door and go to the gas station and someone could ask me out.
I was giving over and above what I should have, because if that were not true, I would have seen how possessive this person was.
NO amount of chains will keep someone that doesn't want to be kept.

I truly truly believe that this says more about the accuser than the accused.

Such a waste I
 five-marie
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 62
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/13/2011 6:16:24 PM
My ex accused me constantly, even when I was 9 months pregnant. He accused me of all kinds of bizarre things, things I eventually found out he had done.
Lot of posters are right, if you're being accused for no good reason, take a good look at them.
(It also made me almost want to cheat, at least I'd be guilty of what I was being accused of.)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 63
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/13/2011 6:37:14 PM
For the last year or two of my marriage, my ex changed-for the worse. She became very paranoid, always thought people were out to get her, didn't trust anyone and was coming up with some crazy ideas. Then one day she left without warning. She came back later in the day with a co-worker and the co-worker said she came to gather her belongings because she was moving out and didn't give me a reason. The ex didn't say anything to me.

A couple of weeks later, I noticed I was being followed and watched. When I was home, a car was always parked in front of the house and noticed two guys in the car and one guy had a camera and was taking pictures. My ex had hired private detectives to watch me. Whenever I went anywhere, they followed. It was creepy, but I wasn't overly concerned because I wasn't doing anything wrong and didn't go to any seedy areas. I was just going about living my life I figured it was my ex trying to find evidence of me cheating.

We never suspected or accused each other of cheating. I never had any desire to have a secret lover and thought my ex felt the same way. We always did things together and never had any questionable time away.

But what I found out later is when my ex moved out, she ended up moving in with another guy. The guy was married with four kids, and he left his wife and kids to play house with my ex. I never suspected a thing. So I guess she was hoping that I would suddenly find a lover so that she doesn't look like the cheating one. But her plan backfired because I never had a secret lover.

So to answer the question, I was shocked at first, especially when she tried to turn the tables on me, but knew that at some point, the truth will bite her in the ass (that Karma thingy).
 suburban_gal
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 64
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/14/2011 7:31:55 AM
It happened to me once. Obvious I wasn't happy about it. I don't think anyone would be pleased when they are falsely accused of doing something. Whether it's cheating, stealing, or some other immoral / illegal act.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 65
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/14/2011 10:19:58 AM


Can't say I've ever been verbally accused of cheating I have had guys get squirly because I didn't answer my phone?? If you are falsely accused...it probably has more to do with the other person then yourself ie. they are cheating themselves so they are paraonoid you are...

You are 100% correct every woman that has ever accused me of cheating was guilty!!!


Apparently from this thread, its been both my experience and the experience of many others here that the accuser is often guilty of it themselves... or at least guilty of 'thinking about it' and having someone else lined up (one might not have been physically "cheating", but I'm guessing it was her "out" - a "breakup strategy" if you will).
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 66
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/14/2011 5:52:45 PM
youre cheating on me !
nope, I just need my space
I dont BELIEVE you!
no amount of me telling MORE truth will make you believe any different;
but I KNOW you are sleeping around !
um, ok, heres the deal, you are now more work than fun. I am going to go ride, leave your key on the dresser.

ps she moved in with her new beau in under a month, and I spent nearly three years out in the field before finding the 'one' and had to leave the country at that !

It is probably more than a bit of transference. Like the 'who smelt it, dealt it' scenario we remember from when we were kids.
 rbandit
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 67
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 5/27/2011 11:10:30 AM
For almost 3 years every arguement we had started accusing me of cheating, and I never did...not one thing even resembling cheating. I thought over time it would get better and I could help her work out the insecurity issues but when I was accused of cheating with a cousin of mine, I had enough and broke it off. The joke of it is, I've never met this cousin, not even to talk on the phone. I found her online searching family trees.
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