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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 11
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

womaninprogress
with reading your posts on the forums.. I get the notion you are in the military or something..
everything's tight sheduled...

I'm a linear thinker, a realist, and not good with spontaneity - comes from having a busy schedule. I am a military brat though, so perhaps it carried over in my DNA. I am also a control freak about myself and what involves me, though I am VERY laid back and don't judge others (just as I don't want to be judged).

do you do anything from your gut or heart..?

I do a lot from my guy actually. My heart quite frankly doesn't get involved in the initial stages of relationships. I save that for people I know, I trust, I'm close to.

is it your personality or are you hurt and jaded..?

It's mostly my personality. I'm just fair about things, and there's a reverse quality to it. I'm sure the media and nightclub industry has jaded me to some extent - it's typical of the environment...but I don't see that as a negative.

I sincerely don't think either person in a meet should be sitting there wondering how to get out of it - since I've been there. It's totally something a person I meet might deal with as well, so it's practical to want more time you don't have than have more time you don't want. It's also a scheduling thing. Unless I make plans with someone a week ahead of time I can't really leave myself open to a full night - and if I do, I'll be pissed if I'm trapped somewhere, or end up with hours free knowing I could have done something else...which is what tends to happen with complete strangers (anyone I haven't met once or twice). I don't want to waste someone else's time either.

Once I know a person and start dating them or I become friends with them, I can do that knowing that the place might suck but the company won't.

Finally, I'm not a huge romantic - dating to me isn't something I feel like I have to be doing unless the guy himself inspires me to want to - so meeting a stranger is already something I can take or leave. Sure, he might be the man of my dreams, but as far as I'm concerned, ignorance is bliss. If a meeting doesn't happen, then it doesn't.

sounds like overthinking and overplanning. i never felt the need to build in an escape hatch via time limit. there's no need. all you do is not plan dinner or a movie or any activity with a conclusion built in. that way, if things are going splendidly, you get to stay in it and enjoy.

To me, leaving the door open (unless it's just something you keep to yourself) is over planning and smacks of expectation. I really hate expectation, honestly. It's already a quick meet with a guy I probably won't like before I get there. If it's anything else - it's a bonus.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 12
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History
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/12/2010 3:29:38 PM
impohell : That's a thought if the the date is boring, I hope he fake chest pain earlier than 15 minute, I'll straddle him below the belt area for his comfort and give him mouth to mouth resusitation,ooops,, should I or not stick out my tongue ???
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 13
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/12/2010 8:29:32 PM

The other person gets a call on her cell phone, with a fake emergency!
How many times has this happened to you?

It's never happened to me nor have I done anything that classless to someone else. If it's not working out? Politely say so and go on your way. Pretty simple. JMO
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 14
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First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/13/2010 1:04:12 AM

I really hate expectation, honestly. It's already a quick meet with a guy I probably won't like before I get there.

the contradiction in these sentences is not apparent?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/13/2010 6:04:49 AM
I do a lot from my guy actually.

What a moron. I didn't see this while there was still time to edit yesterday. I meant to type:

"I do a lot from my GUT actually."

Apologies for the temporary loss of intelligence.

the contradiction in these sentences is not apparent?

Not at all. I don't expect it to amount to anything, or I don't get nervous over it - perhaps I should have worded it differently. Couple the lack of enthusiasm at meeting someone I don't know yet with not worrying who likes me generally (either way) and you get my situation.

Since to me dating is usually hinged on having already met someone I want to date, I just can't fake the excitement without a solid reason. If after I get there I discover I like the guy (and it's mutual) then I'll look forward to it the next time around.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 16
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/13/2010 9:54:40 AM
On my end, I don't plan to have anyone call me on a date. I think it rude but I do understand why people do it. Yes, women do get calls and no they have not left for emergencies even when we both know it is not going to work out. It's not lost on guys. That is not to say I haven't had short meetings but I've have to say I've been lucky.

If you listen to some of the stories women tell of dates, it is rude but understandable.

You really have to ask, if the person does not want to be there do you really want them there?
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 17
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/25/2010 4:39:47 AM
I've never been with a person on a first meet who received an "emergency call" 20 minutes or half an hour into our coffee/drink. Nor have I ever set it up to have someone call ME to give me an excuse to leave a first meet. I just can't imagine anything lamer than that.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 18
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First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/25/2010 3:06:58 PM
I've had that happen. But each time they say "ah ok, no worries then" as in everything is good at our end. I don't mind. It shows they are on the ball enough to have a plan, and be safe about things.
 vapeninsula
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 19
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First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/25/2010 4:30:44 PM
I guess I'm ignorant, I just don't think about using trickery on a date. I can't remember going on a date where I couldn't stand the other person so much that I had to have a way to check out after 30 minutes. It's just not me. It's sounds rather childish and cowardly to me anyway.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 20
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First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/25/2010 5:58:14 PM
Seems like a good plan to me. There's so many people, both genders, that show up 20 years older, 50lbs heavier than they said. An exscuse to leave could come in handy.
 VA-Shelley
Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 21
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/27/2010 10:37:48 AM
I agree. If you are not attracted to their picture - you won't be in the situation of an uncomfortable date. You most probably will have communicated by e-mail. You won't have to hear someone say "oh look my car is on fire in the parking lot - gotta go" . There is always something to talk about - even if there is no "spark". After all - we are all adults - aren't we. Oh and by the way, hey Vapeninsula - if you expanded your age range by a couple of years I could have sent this message to you via e-mail. I just have 2 more years experience than the range you are looking for lol. Shelley
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/28/2010 2:05:02 PM
easy answer:

If you find yourself looking at your watch/phone to see if its "30 minutes" yet - they probably aren't the right person for you.

If, on the other hand, you find yourself noticing people clearing out of the place, and you look at your watch and notice its been 3 hours and you didn't even realize it... they might be.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 2/28/2010 4:55:41 PM

In other words....I can receive a fake call from Bruce Wayne within 30 mins, to an hour or so into a date, and I can pretend hes telling me to suit up for some crime fighting action.


Ok, so I know if she answers her iPhone on our first date, and says she has to put on her catwoman suit to save the world... its a lie.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/5/2010 7:38:09 AM
I still think with first meets there's no need to have an escape plan if you keep it brief and low key in the first place. Save your hours of quality time and exciting and/or more expensive stuff for the first (heck or even second, for that matter) actual and official "date".
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 25
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/5/2010 8:44:46 AM
^^^LOL if you know anything about me, that stuff would be way too subtle. I don't throw an egg timer on the table like during a speed date, but since I plan most of my meets before other things, I'm pretty clear about time running out. If I couldn't make it to 30 minutes (which would be a pretty bad meet) I'd just thank him for his time and leave early.

However I'm nothing if not fair. I always make sure the time frame is determined while a meet is being planned so they know; I'd never make plans for a whole night and then suddenly end it 30 minutes in - I think that's wrong. If we like each other and want to hang out more, there's always planning a real date in the future.
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 26
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First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/5/2010 10:49:31 AM
Hmm I think maybe I am missing all this meet and great greatness everyone seems to not enjoy so much.

I mean my meetings are usually REAL meetings. We actually spend REAL time together not just hey lets sip some coffee at the Moca House and go on our ways. I actually take time and put thought and plan real dates...Dinner, movies, dancing, walking the Casway in Panama City.

Maybe that is why I only meet 2 or 3 people a year on here...cuz I am meeting up with real women who have real substance not a 30 min attention span :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/5/2010 5:12:10 PM
^^^Substance and time windows aren't related. Nice try though. I'm more than happy to spend good quality time with someone I know I like, who knows he likes me. I have more than enough attention span for someone who actually gets my attention IRL.

I'm all for a real date - and will even look forward to it when I actually know the guy and I've determined attraction. I can't possibly get excited over someone I've not met in person yet because I really don't know them until I get there.

Honestly, they don't know me either and may want to leave after 10 minutes. Neither should be forced to sit there through meals, activities and hours if they're pretty sure it's not a match after 15-30 minutes.

Of course, I didn't always know that - but after meeting a few people in person over the years, I adjusted my expectations and set a realistic time frame.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/5/2010 8:10:33 PM

OK, I got all that, but my question is still stands..How can you not tell from the emails, and phone conversation, that you won't want to leave after 15-30 minutes???
Forced??..LOL.The poster picturing you in a military gear, well, I start to think the guy wants to say Hey it was nice to met you, don't think we are a match tho, and you say, Sit your a$$ down before I slit your throat..LOL..
Have I just been lucky enough that I enjoyed all my meetings, or..again..I spent enough time on the phone that I knew we'll have a good time..Hm...

I'd never keep someone there that wanted to leave, if anything I'd be happy to know they want to cut it short and move on. The whole point of the short meet is so that neither of us feels obligated to stay.

To answer your question - to some extent I can tell if I get along with someone based on e-mails and especially phone calls, but in person can't be determined 100%, and there are times when I don't want to overlook meeting someone that might be a match if I'm not totally sure. There are people you meet in person and end up liking, and people you think you'll like until you get there. A short first meet is just easier for both involved. It's easier to want more time and not have it than have more time and not want it. *shrug*

A 30 minute date, I am laughing at this question. if any one of my dates said they had to leave 30 minutes later they would not get a second date or a first date for that matter if they said they could only meet for 30 minutes.

You expect a woman you date to be ok with numerous sexual arrangements with other women and will write her off immediately if she doesn't drop everything whenever you need attention, so that's not real shocking.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 29
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:21:11 AM
^^^Appollodrus, there you go again with what something "should" or "should not" be which is a projection. Unfortunately for you, not everyone does everything the way you think they should. You still don't get this I guess.

If you hate quickies (which by the way refers to sex, not meets), then don't agree to any - so YOU don't have to deal with one. It's better to say "a date I GO ON should be at least a couple hours", so it's clear that it's about you and not everyone.

Out of curiousity, why do you feel a date (for you) SHOULD BE a couple hours and SHOULD NOT BE a scheduled time slot. So you get the proper attention despite someone else's life or schedule, as usual?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 30
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:41:43 AM
Well..OK..My point is, I go there to spend as much time as I can with her, so I don't make plans for that day..If things go sour, I'll find something to do..
I would find it difficult to end a good time, that's all. And I go there to have a good time, and know it before hand..I am a psychic..LOL
Course than there are stories like Anasthasia's..LOL
So, maybe the escape plan not such a bad idea after all..

I hear ya. In my case schedule wise it's not something I can do unless I plan it a couple weeks out - most people want to meet sooner, so I throw it into the schedule I have, but I'd rather do it that way then a big build up, a whole day's event, and it fizzling out in the first 20 minutes. There's also something to be said for spending too much time in a first meet...I've seen that happen here and offline where there's not enough anticipation for seeing someone again since they're still in front of you.

I can find something else to do too - somewhere else without the person, but I figure that's more rude than just a quick meet the first time. Once I sniff someone out (and vice versa) and I know I like them and all that, scheduling something for a longer time isn't as much of a problem - and I know it'll be worth the wait.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 31
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:58:33 AM

Because you are getting to know someone if you make scheduled time slots especially a 30 minute one you learn nothing about the person

I'm determining interest in that 30 minutes, and I personally don't schedule all meets for that person as short and inexpensive, just the first one.

and it could take forever to get to know someone and I don't know about you but I don't have forever.

Oh ok - yeah I do have forever. I will learn about someone as long as it takes - I'm in no rush, and my a$$ isn't on fire to close any deals.

I want to know if we click

I can pretty much discover this in well under 30 minutes and I know other people that are the same, but if it takes you a lot longer, I understand.

and have a general idea of whether this is going to work or not by the end of the first date because I don't want to waste time on someone that I am not going to get along or be happy with and you just can't do that in 30 minutes.

I can tell if I want to know more about a guy in 30 minutes or not. If I don't - there's no point in staying any longer. If I do, getting together again isn't the end of the world, in fact that's what dating is. However I'm not looking to get that serious that early, so that's where I probably don't identify. No matter what I find out it takes months for me to get that serious about anyone - friends included.

suffice it too say if you are making me wait too long to determine your relationship potential I will quit on you.

Then someone who knows if you are dating material in 30 minutes or less is doing you a favor. It's better than taking 4 hours.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 32
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:25:13 AM
Sometimes 30 minutes is not enough time to fill out the application form, answer the questionnaire sheets, provide complete financial history, and provide blood and urine samples for analysis. In many cases, who you meet in the 30 minute meet is not the same person when dating. The 30 minute meet is not much different than a job interview-one or both people may be nervous, both are trying to say the right things and give perfect answers to questions and not say anything controversial. If you know immediately that the person you meet is not what you're after, more than likely it's strictly based on physical appearance.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:35:37 AM
I didn't know you will never die, that very cool

You missed the point, smartass. Sure I will die, but so what? I don't care if I'm single, dating or in a seriously relationship in relation to that. I'm in no rush to land a relationship based on my time left, lol. If I end up with someone I expect it will take most of my life to learn about them - if I'm lucky, because I like people who have a lot of character and are multi dimensional. I'd hate to meet someone and they don't have enough substance to last very long. Boring!
 bananadancing
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 34
First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/7/2010 11:15:04 AM
Oh boy, the old "emergency" phone call. I've had a few of these done in my day. I think most people get someone to call them 30 min to and 1hr into the date. Although if you like the person, you turn your phone off. If you don't then you get the call.

I remember one time a girl got this "call" She told me that one of her friends got into a car accident that she needed to go to the hospital. So I called her bluff and said, ok, I'll go with you. She rambled on with excuses about she didn't know how long she was going to be, yadda yadda. I then told her that I wasn't really into her, that it was better that she go anyway.
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 35
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First Date Test: How to tell it's thirty minutes?
Posted: 3/7/2010 3:31:03 PM
Its no different then someone telling you before you meet that they have plans and cant stay long, funny how those plans seem to vanish after we meet? weird! lol!
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