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 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 2
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Bringing other people on the date?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You said they were nice people... what's the problem again?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 5
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/13/2010 5:49:12 PM
Did it occur to you that it was the brother and not her? Some people are still a little bit freaked out about Internet dating and as some people that have used these sites have turned out to be total whackos, it is not without some merit.

Perhaps they wanted to go to sort of at least be around if you turned out to be a jerk.

She did engineer eating alone and you enjoyed talking with the other couple so it seems to me that you are kind of tripping for no reason. It would have been nice to not have been blind-sided by this but it was a last minute thing, so why don't you just call her and tell her that you would like to see her again but you would prefer to spend the time just with her.

Then if she tries to bring someone else along for the ride I'd say, yeah, later. This is probably NOT personal at all and if you take it personally that is a choice. You think your sales career prepared you to talk to people that you don't know, why would you even need the training? She didn't know you so how could this be personally insulting to you?

Now, three dates down the line if she is bringing back-up, yeah, then maybe you would have an issue.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 7
Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/13/2010 5:55:46 PM
I had a similar experience. Met a woman for lunch, on a workday, and had a picnic planed. She asked if a coworker could go and I said no but it was OK if they watched us to keep an eye on her. It's the rules that go with online dating, always meet in a public place, have a cell phone, etc. Also, in some cultures such as in Italy, first dates are done with groups of people unlike here in the U.S.

In addition, you have to expect people to take seriously some of the things you put in your profile.

IMO, she did everything right. It's expected that she should feel safe meeting someone new.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 10
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/13/2010 6:56:53 PM
What if you had a chaperon and didn't know it? You know where you are meeting in advance, it is possible that someone does have a couple eating at the same restaurant so that they feel more comfortable but also don't make a guy uncomfortable knowing he is "watched," would that be unacceptable?

My ex didn't meet one of his children until she was 10. When he met her for lunch one day we found out later that her godfather and stepfather had been in the parking lot the whole time. It seemed ridiculous to me, what did they think he was going to do to her? And I think they made her a nervous wreck acting the way they did, but of course, different situation.

I usually make sure that someone knows where I am meeting a guy and his name, where he works if I know it. The first time I met someone it was for breakfast after I dropped off my kids at Sunday school and one of the ladies told me to be careful, which seemed a bit over the top during the day, etc. When I mentioned it to the guy, he wasn't offended but he brought up a good point. If I had met him at a bar, probably most people wouldn't have thought anything about him driving me home, it happened on occasion 20 some odd years ago when I was dating and still doing the club thing. In that case, I would have known much less about him. I knew this man's name, that he was a school teacher, even knew where he lived.

So, part of this I think is unnecessarily heightened caution because there is still the specter of weirdness to some people. As another mentioned, there have been more than one person that seems to have chosen a victim using the Internet both here and Craig's List. I think perhaps if it was a decent date outside that, why not have a sense of humor about it, give the chick a second chance and if she still seems paranoid or otherwise odd, you haven't wasted a whole slew of time and maybe she is a great gal.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 11
Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/13/2010 7:05:21 PM

She was just being safe. If she was 'paranoid,' she would have had her brother sit with you guys.


"Safe" means not meeting at a stranger's house or hopping into his car. "Paranoid" is when you can't go to a public location by yourself. Not only was this girl paranoid but she was rude for not mentioning she was bringing friends when the date was planned.

I'm sure there are some guys who would like a woman so fearful that she can't venture out of the house on her own but most guys would steer clear of that.

(P.S.- What reason that "should be obvious" is this thread up for deletion?)
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 12
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/13/2010 7:43:49 PM
So, you are bragging, or complaining, but the only question you have is, should we have believed what you put in your profile?
Your logic in your final comment is ridiculously faulty. "I can understand being afraid when you're meeting someone for the first time, but if you can't trust them then, you never will." It contradicts itself. If taken at face value, it means that you believe someone should simply TRUST strangers upon first meeting them. It makes you appear to be irrational, egotistical, and resentful that she took care to protect herself from a total stranger during a first meeting. Further, by your own statements here, you feel she followed you requested advice by including her family member in the first meeting, yet you look down on her for doing so.
All I can say in response, other than what I have, is that I hope my business and yours do not coincide at any time, as you would not appear to be a rational person to deal with.
 upper_west_side
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 15
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/14/2010 5:36:43 AM
I went on a date with a girl last year in Muswell Hill. Met up in the pub, nice lass, chatted away, got on well. I suggested we go to play pool, so we do, and all is good. Then a few hours into the date, some guys wander over, and they know her. Turns out they went to the same school years ago (she was mid-20s). I don't think this was a set up, but they all started chatting away and I felt like a spare part. Then one asked if they could join in our pool game. I quietly said no and explained we were on a date and would prefer they disappeared... they did, but muttering what a tw*t I was, etc.

Things went back to going OK again, then we went to a late bar (I chose it). And would you believe, there was someone else there she knew (another guy), and started talking to, while I stood around. I said I was going to the toilet, then just left.

She obviously has lived around there all her life, and knows people, but it would have been polite for HER to explain we were on a date, rather than leaving me standing around while she chatted away to these other men. Rude.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 16
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/14/2010 8:40:09 AM
I am already out of that phaze with chaperone on a date or parties, but I would bring 2 Body Guards with me on a date with you, because you 're hiding yourself in your twisted humor,or is the the real you that you see the worst in every person???
Your looks is captivating, and I don't blame these women who wants to know you with "cautious" if you are Mr.Hyde and Dr. Jeckle....
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 24
Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/14/2010 6:34:34 PM

I just think that for a FIRST MEET there is nothing wrong with a girl wanting to bring a friend, cousin, brother along


So how would you feel about a first meet where you arrived alone and the guy showed up with his 240 pound body builder buddy?
 RK831
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 25
Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/14/2010 6:50:18 PM
Two can play at that game, dude. Next time she brings along her friends, you go and bring yours along. See how she feels.
 thwipp89
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 29
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/15/2010 2:28:28 AM
i had a girl bring along 3 of her guy friends on our first date (bowling) without telling me ahead of time. so...i had to compete with 3 other dudes who already knew her better for her attention. she ended up getting drunk with them and i paid for all our bowling. what a nightmare.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 31
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/15/2010 7:34:46 AM
Op, i have no sympathy for you at all.
You say you''re smartass.
You brought this upon yourself!!


Op has a GOOD LOOKS,~ He's Hott!!!!and that stop there, I reckon he was joking of what he wants in a girl , that was very cruel to make a sense of humor of girls unfortunate experiences or who they are in a negative way. Checking the OP's profile , touched me in a different way .

Don't get me wrong , I am a person with sense of humor and at one time in my life in life,I earned my dinners with my jokes to make people LAUGH not to creep them.. Vannili
ps msg:29 is a joke but there is an underlying serious message on it..


 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 37
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/15/2010 10:28:42 PM
I have to say LOL to all the people who bring chaperons on dates



In my case, I have an entourage of hunk Body Guards, because when ever I go on a date with POF guy ,there is a rampage of people wants to get close to me, they mistakes me of Jennifer Lopez because of my big AZZ..
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 38
Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 2/16/2010 1:28:59 AM

Weeding out the guys who would freak out at the idea is just one more bonus.


If the responses here are representative of men in general, your "bonus" would include weeding out pretty much everybody. And for what? If you are aware of any instances when women were attacked by their online dates in public locations, I'd be curious to hear about them. But I'm not familiar with even one. So that's why bringing a friend along strikes me as beyond paranoid.
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 41
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 3/1/2010 8:21:19 PM
I saw an article about this sort of thing at a PUA site, and the man was furious. His date showed up with an unexpected girlfriend. He made it clear to his date that it was incredibly disrespectful, and she would get away with it just this one time. The lesson had to do with navigating women's "tests". In that case, the "test" was to see how well he'd hold his personal boundaries.
It does happen!

I had one date from here ask nicely, in advance, if she could bring a friend along, and I was happy to oblige. We had planned to visit a country farm fair, and I knew it would be pure enjoyment. Friends would be welcome, as far I was concerned! Her "friend" didn't come with us, so I don't know if she was genuine, or just a "test".
We had a good time, though.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 45
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Bringing other people on the date?
Posted: 3/2/2010 5:38:32 AM
"meh, I have been screened by the friend .... your danger here is that I liked the friend better (you have been warned )"

That's happened to me multiple times -- this is a woman's #1 danger in bringing a female friend on a first (or even second) date! As this guy said, you've been warned!

But I can't say I've had the friend tagalong issue in quite some time (well, that's partially because I haven't had a date period in 3 years, but it's been a lot more years than that since the last time a date asked to bring a friend or relative for a first meeting). That seems to be more of a young woman's thing, like college-age. A couple of times I could tell it was because the woman herself was freaked out about internet dating but other times it was because the friend or a parent was freaked out about it (in one of the cases, it wasn't really a "friend tagalong" so much as "meet the young woman on her college campus when her much hotter and wilder roommate just happened to be with her" -- not a good idea at all!). And who knows, maybe it was a race thing, as it seems to have happened with me far more often than anyone else in this thread. I don't really have a problem with it so long as I'm warned in advance and it's not a parent, because I hate meeting parents period, much less on a first date. Or a brother -- sisters are okay (but see orginal warning!) but brothers always seem to want to beat you up for being with their sisters.
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