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Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 40
If you are not attracting those you are attracted to, how can you change?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
People might be able to fake it for awhile, but the truth always comes out, especially in the pressure cooker of a relationship.

If the relatuionship is like a pressure cooker perhaps change is exactly what you need. Not suyre what your trying to say. I know I have yet to know this pressure cooker situation you speak of?
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 42
view profile
...The same frickin' people who will tell you not to change are the ones who tell you to try new thi
Posted: 3/2/2010 8:10:01 PM
Speaking of change.....what about that PROFILE FORUM ???
I tell ya,,,,, people are brutal on there.
Perfect example of people wanting to"change " .
Hoping to
How do you get a Profile Thread deleted anyway???

Are you really going to cut your hair????????????
That's going a little too far!!!!!!!
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 43
If you are not attracting those you are attracted to, how can you change?
Posted: 3/3/2010 3:47:20 AM
^^^^^^ Why else would anyone ever go through that? The driving force of love and sex is the answer.

Funny all I read about is how people are looking to find friendship and companionship in a lasting caring relationship with lots of communication . No, that must of been a different forum? Come to think of it, it was a different state.
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 44
If you are not attracting those who you are attracted to, how do you change?
Posted: 3/3/2010 11:57:05 AM

I was told recently that I'm too old for long hair as well as my hair covers my energy, and I should go with a look that matches my personality in order to "get" a man.

What about the reverse? If you are in a relationship and the time comes that you decide to cut your hair-- the man you are involved with likes 'long hair'. Does that mean you can never cut your hair??

When I decided I was ready to cut my hair, I had 28" taken off (and continue to keep it trimmed so that it doesn't get that long again). That would be quite upsetting for someone who has a really defined/strong attraction to long hair! How I wear my hair is something that is so personal to me, it really isn't something I would even consider discussing with them before the fact... color, length, style is totally the choice of the person that is wearing it. They would show up for a date and that would be the 1st they even knew I had changed it.

The same goes with the way a person dresses, or how a woman does (or doesn't) wear makeup. Their own personal "style" is part of their personality.
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 48
If you are not attracting those who you are attracted to, how do you change?
Posted: 3/8/2010 3:52:36 PM
I think some are getting the wrong idea about change. No one is suggesting that anyone should change at all or for anyone else. You don't have to change your looks, your weight, your financial status, your friends, or even what you like to do. I don't think anyone is saying that.

But what I am saying, and I think others are also suggesting is that if...

~you are finding that those who you are attracted to are not attracted to you back~

Then you cannot force those people to like you.

You cannot ask them to change their standards, or change themselves.

You have no control over them, how they think, who they choose, or what they do.

~But you do have control over yourself.~

So you have a few choices...

Keep doing what you've always done and expect the same results.

Make changes in your self or lifestyle. Yes, weight can be an issue depending on who you are attracted to, and so can your hair, or your height. And some of these things you can improve on, or just change.

Or don't improve or change. Certainly don't change yourself to make others happy if it makes you unhappy, or somehow feel like it's just not you.

And of course these things are not an issue for everyone. So not every guy will have issues with how much a girl weighs just as not every girl will have an issue with how tall a guy is.

But don't be a hypocrite about it. It's perfect if you meet someone who you think is too short and he thinks your too fat. You can both equally walk away knowing there was no attraction right? Or will you somehow, in the back of your mind, find him shallow for seeing your weight as an issue. And will he still see you as being shallow for your finding his shortness to be an issue? Or can you both accept that there are simply things that some people will be attracted to or not attracted to?

Personally, I'm attracted to laugh lines. But I'm not attracted to heavy hips. Are you gonna dog me for being shallow? Fine, then I'm shallow.

But I'm not going to sit around and whine about why so and so, and so and so, and so and so aren't getting butterflies in my presence. If I really want them so bad, then it's up to me to find out what it is about me that is so unnattractive. And if I find it's worth changing within myself, then I will. But if it's not worth the change, then I need to change who it is I'm looking for.

This really is not so hard to understand. But what is hard to accept is that some people just are going to find you are not good enough for them. Just like you are not going to find some people good enough for you. And that is what it comes down to.

Feel lucky that you are overweight rather than too short. At least you can manage your weight... if you want to.

But don't be upset if an avid runner doesn't care to give you the time of day if you are an avid couch potato. And if that example doesn't work for you or make sense, then I will find one that works for you personally. You probably wouldn't like that if I did.

Was it Dale Carnegie that said if you want something then you should emulate those who have what you want? You want to be successful in business, then you have to find successful business people and emulate them. But hey if that causes you to change and make you no longer feel like you, then maybe you should forget about being successful in business.
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