Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I think by the age of 28 you would have found living with your Nan to be a bit stiffling. Why have you not checked into sharing a flat with some girls your own age? I understand you are probably a great comfort to her and her to you but young people do need to live their own lives. You say she understands that you will be leaving one day. So why not do it before your own chances of marrying or having children is diminished.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/15/2010 2:48:34 PM
All for your smile, at 19 it isn't such a stigma, however at beyond 25 then the brows go up...

I went out a couple of times with a 49 yr old that lived with ma and pa... In this guys case he said he was helping them because they were old... He was very immature and his mama babied him like he was about 12...

My oldest stayed until she was 19, then she didn't want to do any chores around the house, I gave her a choice, get out, or do chores, which wasn't much... She was in college and whined she'd have to drop out of school I told her that that would be a personal choice of hers. She moved out with room mates...

I was at home in school til I was 23, had two kids, but I didn't date, because I was focused on college and my kids... I paid rent, and took care of all of my kids and i's food, as well as telephone and electricity... It was a small apartment attached to their house...

Smile, nobody is looking down on you, it is the people who are grown, have been on their own, and don't pay rent or do anything to help their parents because of health reasons...

Men and women do look down on others when they are grown adults, does it make it right? meh judgment is judgment... once again Smile, it isn't you that people are looking down on, but rather people who they feel should have their own space, and should be mature enough to do so...

Reality people judge others for all sorts of things, those who are judged for these things have a reason to feel hurt, or annoyed for the judgment, BUT sadly it is what it is... This forum won't change anyone from what they see as unacceptable...
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 7
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/15/2010 4:39:42 PM
Amoangelus: tough words coming from a 22 year old...

Moving out doesn't mean or prove anything. A lot of these so called "independent" people are as far from true independence you can get. They still ask mom and dad for money now and then. If you're a spoiled kid, maybe you don't even pay your own rent. Heck, maybe your parents even own the house you're living in. So cut the bullshi.t here. Even a retarded person is capable of paying the rent. As for responsibility, a sign of maturtiy of having your own place, well how about drunks, criminals, drug addicts and people with mental illness? Are they also mature and responsible because they also have an apartment except that they usually get kicked out after a few months..?
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 12
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/16/2010 12:42:07 AM
I'm surprised to see you're in the UK as I thought the "you must live on your own" mentality very American in nature. And I don't agree with it, unless it is needful for emotional development, and that varies greatly from person to person. IMO there's nothing absolute about any of this.

I don't like to live alone, either, and it doesn't make sense financially unless one is quite comfortable that way. Even then it may not make sense emotionally. Living alone is not for everyone. I have done it, and enjoyed it, up to a point... then I got to feeling like I'd really rather have someone else around, after a couple of years. My boyfriend at that time was not a candidate.

The rest is a long story that's very dull if you don't happen to be me, but where it wound up is, at 42 I share a house and car with my mother, and it makes sense for both of us. I handle the things that are hard for her physically or that she doesn't really have time for, and that's my rent. She is one of the best housemates I have ever had, because we know each other so well and the mutual trust is absolute.

It works out great and we both save - for me, mostly financially, and for her, mostly in effort and time. Which, if I were not present, would be losses for her financially as well, as she'd have to hire done the things that I take care of. It's a good balance. We both feel that things are fair between us, which I think is crucial in living with anyone.

I have met very few men who had any issue with this. You being so much younger, maybe it's different because they might want to see you taking steps toward being independent. I've already done that, long since, in fact I left home a bit early for an American, at about 17.

But still, I don't see that it ought to be such a huge deal for you. Maybe it's just that if they live with family, too, they're concerned about when and where you'd manage to be alone together, if things develop between you!
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 13
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/16/2010 2:28:37 AM
Because guys usually want to have sex with their girlfriends-- sometimes at her place. It's bad enough to know a roommate who's the same age is in the next room hearing every squeak of the bed frame but nobody wants to deal with the disapproving stare of a grandma as he makes that walk of shame in the morning.
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 14
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/16/2010 6:09:35 AM
with the way life is going, people usually do not get a chance to move out of their parents until like their late 20s or early 30s. living with your mother does not make you a mama's boy (or girl for the matter)
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 15
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/16/2010 8:35:44 AM
I agree with Robert. Having your own place doesn't necessarily scream 'independent', and the quote below is exactly why.


Tax payers are supporting your unemployed ass and no doubt your claiming lovely job seekers (UK welfare system to people not from here), so your rent and council tax will be paid courtesy of employed people.


This is exactly it. Having your own place and living off of tax payers money is not a form of independence.

OP,

Not to come off as harsh, but those men you 'speak' of have every right to have preferences. If they choose not to date women that are still living at home, it is their choice and given right.

Frankly, there are people still living at home, but aren't living off of their parents support.
Some have jobs and are in school. I am mainly referring to individuals in their early to mid 20s.

Earlier to mid 20s, I'd say it's fine. Reaching 30? 30 and over yet still living at home with relatives? It's time to step up your game and FAST.

By 30, individuals should already be established in that department. Even if that means living with roommates.
 A Moment in Time
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 19
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/17/2010 10:22:40 AM
When I was 20 I was out on my own, paying my own bills and i NEVER turned to anyone to help me pay for anything.

It is about growing up and taking responsibility for your own life and living on your own. It is difficult if you have family to take care of but you have to find a balance where you can do both, maybe rent a place where you each have your own entrance and area where you can bring someone over, otherwise it really cuts into your dating life and just growing up.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 24
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/19/2010 4:02:03 PM

Because if you don't have your own place, where will y'all hook up?


This is why motels exist. Pay for a cheap room and get it on.
 RJWNY
Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 26
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/20/2010 2:44:12 PM
I understand that for some, times are tough. I'd prefer to get to know someone who is on their own, though, but do understand that circumstances may dictate moving in with parents. By and large, a part of what I'm looking for is a woman who is appropriately established for her age.

I once started talking to an attractive woman who was 45 years old. Met her through a job at work and we exchanged phone numbers. I came to find out that not only had she been living with her parents, but that she had never, ever moved out of her childhood bedroom at her parents' house. I didn't coax this information out of her, either. I just guessed. Maybe it was her near-constant need for her parents' help with even the most basic of responsibilities. Needless to say, for me, this was a deal-breaker. There just didn't seem to be any effort, whatsoever, to "grow up" and move out on her own.

Those still living with their parents or family will simply have to accept that it will be a bit more difficult to date and/or find a relationship. There is nothing wrong with it, but some people - maybe many - will not prefer to get involved with someone in this circumstance. There's no reason to be embarassed or upset about it. Just accept that it will potentially take a bit longer, that's all.
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/25/2010 8:09:08 AM
Bingo.

I just split up with a 26 year old I was dating who lived at home with Mommmmeee and Daaaaaddddyyyy.
Every time we were supposed to hook up, she would whine about how she couldn't get away to spend the night out with me.

Then of course, she would carp about how she hated to live at home, had no freedom, yatta, yatta, yatta.

Mind you, she made over $2 more an hour than I do. And I have been out on my own for a decade now.
We were supposed to get a hotel room last Friday and of course, you guessed it. She was over an hour late showing up for our date. When she did she started in about how Moooommmmeee and Daaaaadddddeee wouldn't let her stay out all night. So I took her @$$ home and dropped her off. I told her that if she would rather spend a Friday night listening to her parents gripe and complain at her than to make sweet love to me, I was gonna make her happy.

This woman has extended her childhood into her late 20s.
It IS babyish. Even when I did live at home I didn't tolerate that crap. I was an adult and I let it be known I was gonna act like one and be treated like one.
Yeah, we live in rough economic times. And it's really rough on those of us who go it alone and don' t have a mate to bring in a second income. But if you ARE stuck at home due to finances, that's still no excuse to victimize YOURSELF and let your parents treat you like an infant.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/27/2010 3:23:18 AM
To the OP:

This site really does judge by the basic standards, as do its members.
They don't match based on Interest and a lot of times it is left completely blank by users.
The Matching system is mostly based on once your already in a relationship would you be a decent match for each other.

Little things like: Do you own your own car might as well say "Do I have to drive you around to go on dates and are you wealthy enough to not be dependent on me?, what body type are you should read are you athletic or skinny because only those that prefer the other types which is probably under 10% of the population will want to get in contact with you, what Religion are you will probably read "Are you the same religion as I am?", are as superficial as they get.

Living with your parents is just another one of these questions.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/28/2010 11:16:01 PM
I think it depends on the circumstances of each individual situation.

I see nothing inherently wrong with simply living with parents. So many factors come into play and you cannot simply box people in just because of this one variable. I've seen some very independent people that still live at home and I've seen some of the most dependent people ever living on their own or with roommates.

One rule doesn't just apply simply to everyone in this small category, because it doesn't determine or display all these variables people point out just based on that one simple fact.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 4/4/2010 8:04:46 PM
I don't care what anyone's parameters are, they have a right to have them. Even if they are racists, sexists, whateverists, they have a right to choose who they want. It's the SAME right that makes it okay for YOU to choose to be what they DON'T want. You can't have one without the other, so suck it up! Keep looking until you find the one who DOESN'T care about that.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 4/9/2010 8:47:25 PM
I understand it's pretty expensive in the UK

A lot of women feel the same way about men living with their parents as well. It's just the nature of the beast.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >