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 luv2travel02
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 39
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
While I would not go out on a date simply with the idea "that this is the one"..way too limiting, I also won't date (if it happens) someone who doesn't have similar interests or values to mine. I was lucky to be married for 36 years before he passed and hope to have a relationship (possibly not marriage) with someone who makes me feel that way again. No I won't compare them, just want to feel that way.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 40
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 7:17:50 PM
I used to date to find a mate.
But now, in the midst of the winter, I'm more practical.
I tend to go out with strong women, who can push me in my car through the snowdrifts on the way to the opera.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 42
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 7:42:28 PM
Am I dating with the expectation of finding a mate? Nope. For me, its about getting out there, getting to know someone, enjoy life's experiences, finally letting the chips fall where they may.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 43
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:06:14 PM
waywardwynde: this is coming from a brooklyn jewish girl (lost in CA). get out of the east side and away from the poodles, go downtown (not including wall street) and i would HOPE there are still some real interesting people who would not demand so much per minute. i am not talking about the hookers either!

now, if i've been away too long and my nyc is becoming corrupted, then take the tubes and go across to hoboken or newark or hackensack. do not move to southern CA! from what pof forum friends have told me, there it will cost you big time.

ps also try meetup dot com. usually folks who are interest driven!
 sanddallor
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 44
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 9:58:58 PM
1965 Ford Custom 500...lol

I don't care to date just to be dating. When I go on a date with a girl it's usually because I think there may be relationship material. Otherwise I might take a gal to lunch just to get to know here better, but that's not really a date...
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 45
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 10:37:46 PM

Climbing fifty feet high to the crow's nest, image-stabilized binoculars in the hand, to scan nearly hundred square miles of water, horizon to horizon fore/aft, port/starboard, finds only the occasional wooden rowboat to be found on even the longest of passages.

If one is looking for a rowboat (or "pumpkin pie" as another thread used the term), one is best served by going where the rowboats (or pumpking pies) are.

When I was in the selling business (my corporate career), it was often said, "Anybody can sell ice cream on the 4th of July, but God himself can't sell ice cream on the beach on the 15th of February."

Yes, there some rowboats (pumpkin pies) out there of vintage, but it's more like the beach the last Wednesday of October.

For women who float a vibrant rowboat (or know the aroma of fresh pumpkin pie) this is a GOOD thing, for they have precious little competition. Trust me, a vibrant rowboat is treasured by all those stalwart mariners out there. Old mariners with miles of blue water under the keel far and away prefer an old wooden rowboat to a "clorox-bottle" looking plastic dinghy.


Uh?
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 46
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:23:21 PM
The response to this question has a lot more to do with what our experiences have been over the last 5o years (give or take) than our age. I was married for 29 years so I do not date to mate. I am on a dating site and date, because I like men. When I am out with a man I live it in the moment, enjoying the pleasure of getting to know someone. By the end of the first date we usually come to a decision if there will be a second and then it goes or stops from there.
I feel compelled to say that I do not date for a free meal or expensive wine. I can buy my own. It surprises me when I read about these women who allegedly use men for fine dining. If a man is experiencing this more than once I would suggest the problem is more in his choices, than a reflection of the general female population. I actually find eating on the first few dates to be more of an interference than a pleasure.
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 47
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/19/2010 5:11:53 PM
Both. In order to find a mate I have to date. However. When I do a meet and greet I am interested in getting to know that person. I do not have a list of questions and I like things to go wherever they go in terms of conversation. I think it is a process of discovery and I will not know if I am interested in a LTR with someone until I have seen him for at least three months. The only thing I can tell is if I would like to see him again after a meet and greet. There has to be enough interest and attraction so I will want to see him again. I am clear with potential fellows that I want a LTR and for me that means marriage. If we are not on the same page then better we go our separate ways. The rest will take time to find out.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 48
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/19/2010 5:50:28 PM
Both and neither. I just like ro have aomeone alive to talk to once in awhile. That part is for fun, if/when it happens. However, it's impossible to consider anyone as a potential mate without actually meeting them first, no matter how many emails or phone conversations one has. While I do have some fine email correspondents that I think might be a good match, they are all too far away to even consider visiting to meet, so I get friends, if nothing else.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 49
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/19/2010 7:09:22 PM
It's not an 'age' thing, as far as I'm concerned, It's a 'personality' thing.

Some people, even right from the start, date to find a mate...others date to date; Same goes for people of all ages. I'm sure some change their focus as they get older, but some don't...I don't think there's a hard fast rule. I've always dated to find a mate...sometimes I wish that I dated more just to date...but that's not who I've ever been.
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 52
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/19/2010 9:30:15 PM
S V X, why do you think time is running out? Nothing in your profile or pictures would lead me to think you were starting to "go bad" or close to an expiration date.

I would like to restate the wording of my previous post, to one that is more accurate which is , I do not date to mate, but I do date with hopes of it evolving into a meaningful, extended , non-limited relationship.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 53
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/19/2010 9:48:46 PM
When I date ,I date only men who I believe may have the potential of being long-term, and there's been only a hand full, and even fewer have made it to the 2nd date. After the initial coffee or drink meet, if I don't think there's any future it doesn't get to the first "date". I wouldn't lead a man on, everyone deserves to spend their time , with someone who really sees something in them.


Are you there to enjoy the company you are keeping? Not thinking any further ahead than not to talk with a mouthful relaxing in the ambience?

A few laughs discussing today's headlines or drilling your date with the notorious 20 questions?


This sounds exactly like a night spent with a friend or a date.
The major difference between "friends" and " men I'd "date" is that friends don't have the potential of becoming mates. A mate would be someone who holds a much more important position in my life.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 54
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/20/2010 12:21:24 AM
Why 'find a date' when meeting a online friend is so much more valuable & without cliches & structure...lif'es too short!..unless your desperate in whics case serial dating should be your cup-of-tea

~sc~
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 55
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/20/2010 3:20:10 PM
Op, like a few posters have pointed out, you begin your thread with these words....
"With time running out are you.....OR....are you....?"
I'd like to address your first assumption, or projection/expectation...your wording...
I don't feel time is running out.
I believe I'm just where I am meant to be with no expectation of where I 'should' be at this point in my life.
The second point is, for me, I don't think it's all one or the other, as you have put it...
I rarely date, but when I meet someone new for coffee, it is to be in the present or how else would I be able to focus on the person, the moment, the feeling hanging out with them?
If there's a mutual attraction/interest in person, then perhaps 'dating' might follow...and if things develop, then I'm open to that too, though not attached to the idea.
I guess I have never been at the age to "date to date or find a mate".
One more thing...traditionally, a 'mate' is someone you mate with, and as I am happilly past my child-bearing years, I can safely say I am not looking for that kind of mate....
but it might be nice one of these days to have a loving companion to share the quiet moments...and family celebrations. :)
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 56
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/20/2010 5:19:49 PM
The fact is that most (if not all) men looking for a sex partner, most women for a life partner. To be a mate for life a man must be understanding, supportive, considerate, caring, loving, the best friend, a good listener and more. Many women do not care if he is a good lover, some even do not want to have sex. To be a sex partner for men, a woman must be hot. Many men can not get hot women, settle with whatever they can get. So, for most men it's just short-term dating until they get a better looking woman. "So many women, so little time..." Many women are disappointed with men and say: "I am through with men!" No man will say so. They need women.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 57
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/20/2010 8:06:09 PM

Ideally, it would be an opportunity to meet THE person ...someone I might spend the time I have left, with. If that doesn't turn out, at least I might have enjoyed the date.

But I will say this...if the person I go on one date with is absolutely not anyone I would consider as a possible life mate, I would not be so rude as to waste her time by asking her out again, even if I did enjoy her company for one date. It just would not seem right...almost deceiving, to continue to date.


I don't think it would be rude to ask for a second date if you enjoyed her company. It could be deceptive, unless you have made it clear it's just company and she's in the friend zone. I have certainly in the past done so, and hopefully, will do so again. It's more fun to have fun with a friend sometimes. Life is for living and enjoying, not to focus strictly on one goal.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 59
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/20/2010 10:26:04 PM
I date to date and to find the perfect mate for me....
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 61
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/20/2010 10:39:25 PM

In comparison, a good woman is like a good vintage Gibson guitar. It/she gets so much better with age, and the more you play it/her, the more familiar you get with it/her, and the better the "music" you can make.


facal hollis: Thank you for the above quote.......you are absolutely right.... Now tell me again why you are still single with that attitude... you deserve the best... You have a great outlook.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 62
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/21/2010 3:03:50 AM
At 50 I do not think my time is running out esp with the 45-60 age group.

I am and can be very picky. I date quality over quantity when I date and they are more like spending a day or evening together after the dreaded first meet.

I do not have to drill 20 questions as I have gotten much of that out of the way before a first meet.
I know he has a job or not or retired ect., if he has children (esp) living at home.
I know if he is attractive to me with a current picture.

His morality and character have already been determined via e mail and phone as much as possible..
I love messages back and forth of our common interests.

First meets are still a pain I don't like them or the "anticipation" of them lets say.


At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?


To find a mate. I want my SO and partner.

Not a party gal..but I will go dancing..

First car is always an interesting subject especially since I have has so many cool cars in my life.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 63
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/21/2010 8:04:54 AM
The fact is that most (if not all) men looking for a sex partner, most women for a life partner.

Oh, my, lol! Never met these people. Will say that most of the men I know do consider sex part of a life partnership, but only about half of the women I know do. (Or ever did.)

When my profile was still "looking" my first date section said: No such thing as a date, just spending time with someone you already know and like. If I were ever to be "looking" again, that would still be true. Have prolly had fewer than ten actual dates in my nearly seventy years. . . . Since we are each our own creature, I don't expect that to work for everyone, but it has worked very well for me, so I'd be unlikely to change it.

 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 64
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/21/2010 8:09:42 AM
Right now I am dating to be dating.....whenever I a meet the right person I will be dating to have a mate....or mate.........
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 65
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/21/2010 10:55:00 AM
"In comparison, a good woman is like a good vintage Gibson guitar. It/she gets so much better with age, and the more you play it/her, the more familiar you get with it/her, and the better the "music" you can make."

Right idea ( but I prefer my Hamer cruisebass she's the 83 model) and very true to the point. Once you have discovered that quality you dont need to look to a newer model to improve on it. The quality comes with practise and dedication not a different or newer instrument. The music you make changes over time but the ability to make that music never changes and a newer model doesn't give you anymore capability to do so in fact it can have to opposite effect.
 Stumbled In
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 66
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/21/2010 10:06:23 PM

With time running out are you seriously looking across the table, on the first date, and debating in your mind if this person would look good in black accompanying you to Aunt Gertrude's funeral in a few years?
OR
Are you there to enjoy the company you are keeping? Not thinking any further ahead than not to talk with a mouthful relaxing in the ambience?


Neither and/or both. I go into a first date to learn more about this person I've been emailing and talking with on the phone. A first date is just an extension of that to see where it goes. No expectations. Even if it goes nowhere, which is often the case, seems there's always something enjoyable about spending the time. Maybe I've just been lucky, but I've never experienced the proverbial date from hell. By the way, if I felt my time was running out, I doubt I'd even be there.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 67
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/21/2010 10:37:07 PM
I would suspect for most people it is a bit of both, from the standpoint that if you want a long-term relationship, seeing someone that you know that will never happen seems a waste of time. Conversely, someone told me a while back that if you focus too much on the future you do not really enjoy what is right there in front of you, so I evaluate somewhat relative to the potential for a future and try to enjoy spending the time with the person.

Color me a hopeless romantic in a sense because while I am in no hurry to find someone that I could spend the rest of my life with, I still look at those old couples that you know have been together 50-60+ years, and I want to be them someday. Those that are there while they are both declining, helping each other, offering comfort in their unavoidable suffering relative to the advance of time.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 68
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:09:51 AM

I still look at those old couples that you know have been together 50-60+ years, and I want to be them someday. Those that are there while they are both declining, helping each other, offering comfort in their unavoidable suffering relative to the advance of time.


I must admit I also look at them especially since most of them are my close neighbors. I also realize though that I could never be them..That time passed when my first husband passed away young. I honestly have no idea had he lived if we would still be together today or if our paths would have eventually taken us in different directions.

Interesting to note.. some of the woman that have been with their husband's for the past 50 years often say they envy me and my life. To be very honest about it I do have a very good life and and I know it and so do they. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. It just depends on just who is doing the looking.

thecatsmeoww
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