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 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 107
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

My reference to dealing with rules is past tense. I don't play games anymore. I do what suits me now. The woman is more than welcome to come along for the ride if she wants.


And I think this probably the best way, and when a partner is found, they can both decide how they ride and where they’re going.
 Misbehaving1001
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 108
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 11/17/2010 4:42:09 PM
I guess I dont understand why people cant just do what they want to do and others let them do it....some people never dated, they got married and stayed married for years. Others have been up to bat at dating for years and want to find the person who they can go on the last date with.

We are all different but in the same boat and no one is right and no one is wrong...we just all ARE.

Good communication is all it takes, the ability to talk to someone and find out what about them fits with what you have to offer and what about you fits them.

If you cant communicate at the start, if you are to OVER it all to try-- then how can you expect someone else to want to like you? You don't belong on a site trying to date you need therapy.

If I cant have a good conversation with a man to show me his sense of humor, his intelligence etc I dont care what else he has going for him. He might want to date, he might want to find someone, we might end up friends and have a blast doing things together all of it doesnt matter if you cant get on the same path to start with and Im not going on that path toward a relationship until I have dated you to know I want to.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 109
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 11/18/2010 6:40:00 PM
...No, I would say that my ultimate goal is to meet someone "relatively" normal and upbeat...I'm tired of splashing around in this ole pond...Im looking for someone I can grow old disgracefully with.....

Please, if you're out there



...mae
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 110
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 11/18/2010 7:17:51 PM

Please, if you're out there


With that new picture you're sporting, you should have no problem.
 countrymiss52
Joined: 11/15/2010
Msg: 111
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 11/28/2010 1:00:41 PM
What Mae said! ^^^^^^
 rustygetsit
Joined: 4/4/2010
Msg: 112
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/7/2010 7:41:35 AM
I don't see the point in dating just for the sake of it. If I want to kill time or just hang out and grab a meal, I have friends for that. At this point in my life, I am seeking (hopefully) an eventual mate. Life changes has made it difficult for me to just pick up and go or jump right into a relationship - which would be foolish - I take care of my mother, so I don't know how much I can offer as far as a real relationship goes at this point. However, I do want to build towards that - something special with a special someone.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 113
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/7/2010 11:26:24 AM
Not sure how appropriate this is in this thread, but it does somewhat address the 'date to mate' concept. Unless you're looking for a more casual hook-up, anyway.

http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/marriage-just-rich?fbwall
 wgb2563
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 114
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/11/2010 9:19:16 AM
Unfortunately, we are in the age having had experiences from our past in terms of relationship. In my opinion I have to be extremely careful to make sure that the next man if it meant to be will be my soul mate and hoping to be the right one for the rest of my life. I would not mind dating again which is the only way to get to know that person but certainly does not like the idea when the man turned to be possessive and obsessive in the early stage of your dating process. I see potential problem far ahead if the dating scene continues.
 hemanmachostudlovegod
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 115
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/11/2010 5:03:50 PM
I don't see the point in dating just for the sake of it.
Neither do I, or for any other reason.

I can stand outside a bar or restaurant handing out cash to women going in, and get the same result. They eat and drink for free, I go home alone. Here in Austin there are homeless people waiting for handouts by the freeway entrances, and downtown on the streets are some more. Some are women. I can give them money without being asked questions about my past relationships, my work, or why don't I have my antlers removed because that would make me look younger, really, I should think about it. No, I shouldn't. Be quiet. Eat your ham sandwich so I can take you home.

It's perhaps odd for me to look sideways at dating, since once upon a time I did go out on a date and met a woman that way. We went out several times, getting to know each other. We would go out sometimes ever after just for the romance. She was fun to go on dates with. Nobody else has been. Dating can be good, I can't deny the times it was, but except for those dates with that one woman, holy hell it's a drag.

It's like showing up to pay to be inspected by women whose acceptance would be punishment if it meant continuing to see them. I have figured this to be due to the basic premise of dating, as I understand it, from watching TV and some bad dreams I had after eating sharp mustard. The set of expectations portrays a perversion of romance, in which women flaunt sex while demanding tribute, all dolled up, flirting with mercenary intent, requiring certain gestures of subservience and holding themselves up as prizes to be won. The man is, I guess? supposed to grovel for approval in hopes of one day being allowed the privilege of her affection on a conditional basis. I have never been able to figure out what besides the dinner a woman wants from dating. The obvious answer is that she enjoys holding court. I reject that on the grounds it is more cynical than I wish to get, whether or not it is true.

When a woman likes me and wants to be with me we will do things together, like people do. None of our time together is spent dating. Dining is good. Seeing a movie, a show, going for a walk, looking for lost relatives at the zoo, whatever the activity might be, it's not a date. It's not that weird habit of rituals you see in romantic comedies, or read about online at places like this. To me, dates are skirmishes in the battle of the sexes. I am a non-combatant. Being together on a friendly basis is enjoyable. Dating is a sinister ordeal.

Collectively with few exceptions the women of online dating appear to me ambivalent about men, sex, love and all. There is so much anger and complaining, berating, so many demands, such rampant negativity it looks like the women were sent on a mission to be dated, against their will, and hate every minute of it. I can only guess what worse threat they avoid by agreeing to date men. It must be really bad, whatever it is. There is no hint of enjoyment, and as badly as their dates go, as horrible as the men are, it escapes me why they want to meet a man in the first place. What would they do with one if the dating worked out, and they ended up together? It's like watching vegetarians forced to go fishing.

The redeeming virtue of dating is pizza. I like pizza now and then, and it is said of dating that sometimes you can go for pizza, instead of having it delivered. That makes a nice change.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 116
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/11/2010 5:32:12 PM
^^^

The overall sentiment of that post.. fits how I feel also.

"date to date" sounds like torture to me.
Or else, I'd sit there giggling (as I said in my profile).
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 117
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/11/2010 5:36:40 PM
The more I read about dating in these forums, the more I appreciate my dogs. Their only agenda is "FEED ME!"
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 118
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/11/2010 8:01:56 PM

Their only agenda is "FEED ME!"


You forgot walks.

I haven't been on a date for so long I hope it's like riding a bike. Now I need to find a bike I like.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 119
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/11/2010 9:06:10 PM
When you find someone you want to spend time with you no longer wish to look around.

It's not a rule -- rather just common sense.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 120
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/22/2010 4:37:18 PM
Both. Is this guy nice dinner company? Would I lay this guy if given the opportunity? Or does he have long term potential? None of the above? I'm still looking for the one I'd answer "yes" to "all of the above."
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 121
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/22/2010 5:20:21 PM

You forgot walks.

I haven't been on a date for so long I hope it's like riding a bike. Now I need to find a bike I like.

Didn't forget anything. I have a nice big fenced back yard.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 122
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/23/2010 5:25:33 PM

Not all that long ago, the word "dating" meant a couple who were seeing each other, and sleeping with each other, and doing things together, said couple perhaps moving towards a long term committment, i.e., "mating" or perhaps not.

Today, "dating" means meals in table cloth restaurants, while "mating" means male/female companionship, typically under one roof. The word "mating" today is just slightly more than the word "dating" meant 20 some years ago.

Some people want to "date", others want to "mate," as the terms are used today. Occasionally, there are people who haven't yet found out the words are used differently today than they were in their later youth. But they figure it out after a bit.

There has been a sea-state change in that men way back when in their early to late youth who CRAVED what is now called "dating" are now much, much more inclined to be involved in what is now called "mating'. Some would say that is good, some would say that is bad. But the change is notable and permanent. Having tasted the sweet fruit of involved partnership, "sowing wild oats" is no longer of interest. Besides, after a few thousand table-cloth restaurant meals, the "newness" of the experience has long ago worn off.


Forget the table-cloth restaurant dates. Take her to the zoo and show her the spontaneity of real mating.
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 123
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/23/2010 6:19:37 PM

Didn't forget anything. I have a nice big fenced back yard.


I'm not a dog and can't clear a six foot fence in one jump.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 124
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 12/23/2010 6:37:03 PM

I'm not a dog and can't clear a six foot fence in one jump.

Only one does, though at least two could. But if you show up ready to talk a walk, I'll let you hold one leash while I hold another.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 125
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 10/11/2015 9:59:11 AM
I know that it sounds much "cooler" to say/write, "Oh, I just go out to enjoy the moment and 'see what happens.'"

But, the reality (for me), is that I have found precious few (like 1 or 2) women in my life, where I didn't find it a d*mn chore, just to go meet them. Where I truly enjoyed their company, just for the sake of it.

It's "1 in a million" rare to meet someone where there is attraction AND reciprocal, interesting conversation where the time just flies.

I think Walts put it best, a while ago, in a similar thread, "At our age, who the hell enjoys dating?"

My sentiments exactly.

ENOUGH with all the..............................."What kind of food do you like?", "What do you do for fun?", "What's your favorite color?" Woo, woo.

only to have to do it ALL over again in 6 months, 2 years, etc.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 126
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 10/11/2015 10:27:37 AM
I would like, sitting across the table, someone not wearing an infatuated look but a different face, maybe calm, in the moment, no preconceptions. We likely met and had a sense of the other from prior conversations.

I would just like to be myself and for them to be themselves, no pretenses or good behavior or goals or nervousness from forcing an outcome.
Serenity, pleasant conversation, enjoying the moment. It is idealistic, because ime, my date often just wanted a thumbs up, even if they ultimately do not need to date me. That seems another artificial construct to me. I would like whatever is honest to unfold, the good or not so good.

If the connection is strong enough, I want to feel like I can love differently this time, more honestly, given that every person is different, every relationship unique.

As for funerals or just the moment, I think I do want an enduring connection vs going into one just to fill voids, so I would pass on anything but one precipitated by a strong sense of positive intuition. But, one can never predict endurance.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 127
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 10/11/2015 3:02:25 PM
To be honest I would have to say I both date for fun (and we all know what that means) and I date to find a mate. However it is quite unlikely the twain shall meet.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 128
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 10/11/2015 3:22:12 PM
karma1160- Well said! my thoughts, exactly. :) (post#7)
 2Maggie22
Joined: 8/11/2018
Msg: 129
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 8/18/2018 7:46:16 AM
I come on here when I get bored, If I wanted a boyfriend I go to church to find one not online.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 130
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At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 8/18/2018 8:36:24 AM

I come on here when I get bored, If I wanted a boyfriend I go to church to find one not online.


I, myself, am a Bride of Christ and come here only because I was told there would be cake.
(Fork at the ready)
 Inicia
Joined: 8/1/2018
Msg: 131
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 8/18/2018 9:32:15 AM
Me too (that bigamist) i am going to divorce him- i will not share- mine all mine-additionally we never have date night too busy being in the spirit and i need a little loving: no human can compare- so never married- definitely enjoying the date not categorizing pros and cons list for longterm criteria- and people asking or wanting exclusivity after a few emails or one date-does not work for me-if a natural intimacy and compatibility develop while dating a long term companion would be lovely.
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