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 OSUguy99
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 15
Does the age or number of childrenPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
seeings how im relatively young, id imagine the kid would be young, and i still have plenty of options as far as childless ladies in my dating demographic. it would probably be a hard sell for me generally, but anything over 1 kid would be an absolute dealbreaker. plus if i got involved with a single parent i would want to raise it as if it were my own, and the fad today for women is to say their not looking for a father, which would further deter me from it.
 GeorgiaRedhead
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 16
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Does the age or number of children
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:30:45 PM
I don't think it's a fad to say you're not looking for a father for your child, I think it's honest. Just because you aren't looking for a father for your child doesn't mean getting seriously involved with someone they wouldn't play a part in the child's life.

I think so many times people assume a single parent is looking for someone to support their child or for help, therefore no looking for a relationship for the right reasons, does that make sense?

It's like a bonus if you find someone, fall in love and then that person loves your child. Not being with someone just because you want another parent for your child, in a lot of cases there is already a father involved.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
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Does the age or number of children
Posted: 2/18/2010 9:17:11 PM
OSU I would also not call it a fad because the word has a rather tacky connotation in this context but also because I don't believe it to be true. Speaking for myself and I believe many parents, not just women, you want to let the person know that your kids are just fine, whether the other parent is involved or not, just that the emphasis is on finding a good partner not getting an insta-parent for the kid.

Certainly anyone getting into a long-term relationship would hope that their SO would develop a good relationship with their child(ren) and this would be a quasi-parental role after time. It's going to develop naturally, so I think that is why people make that comment about not looking for a parent for their child, many men say the same.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 18
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Does the age or number of children
Posted: 2/19/2010 6:33:43 AM
Jesus lady calm down. You've shot down everyone's comments so far when you disagree or do not like what you are hearing. You asked if someone would have issues with you having a 14 month old and trying to date. Those were the issues I immediately thought of.
After remaining childless for 34 years you decided to have a child with a man. Guys will want to know why him and why you are not still together after such a short period of time. They will ask about the fathers involvement and speculate on the chance of reconciliation. These questions will come into play with any man that decides to date you.
 GeorgiaRedhead
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 19
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Does the age or number of children
Posted: 2/19/2010 8:12:06 AM
I would think past relationships and marriages would come up in any relationship, I don't think that is something that is only discussed by single parents. I think the possibility of getting back with an ex, depending on how old the break up is, is a fear of a lot of people. Isn't one of the first questions you ask someone you could be interested in, what happened in your last relationship?

I do think you are assuming anger/bitterness in my replies, I don't really see where they are negative. The truth is if someone had issue with my daughter,I wouldn't date them, that's pretty simple, as I assume would be the case with the majority of parents. My original post was just being curious as to what limits people have has far as dating someone with kids.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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Does the age or number of children
Posted: 2/19/2010 11:06:53 PM
I agree that it is a question not limited to dating but I also don't think most people in a dating situation are asking to gauge whether the person still is hung up on their ex, etc. When I ask the question it is because that would be a component of me getting to know anyone. Regardless of the social situation, the only way I have found to get to know people is ask questions and if someone was married or with someone for years I am going to ask them what happened.

With a guy I am dating in addition to just getting their general back story I can see whether they still seem to have an attitude about the ex, what situation they were in, what role they feel they played in the marriage going south and what they have done since to put their life back together again. Do they have a decent working relationship with their ex for the kids or is the ex a pain in the rear.

Normally the answers to that question would probably not give me pause but one guy told me about his divorce, he fought for custody, had the money and power in the situation it seemed. He also mentioned that he had forced her, in order to keep seeing the children at all, to give him permission to move the kids out of state. At no point did he indicate that the woman was a horrendously poor parent, that he felt at all badly for taking the kids away from their mother or that he did anything to facilitate a good relationship with their mother. The whole thing creeped me out, he seemed a control freak that would do whatever he wished to get what he wanted.
 GeorgiaRedhead
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 21
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Does the age or number of children
Posted: 2/21/2010 9:45:08 AM
Ok IM, thanks I was thinking the remarks are very offensive as well. Not sure why she has such an angry opinion with single mothers or mothers that have children in their 30s. Reading other of her posts in threads she has an issue with all of this that really has nothing to do with me.
 hotmamma5point0
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 22
Does the age or number of children
Posted: 2/24/2010 6:58:58 AM
Given I LOVE kids and can usually relate to them whatever their age, number and ages will not phase me. I have a few myself between the ages of sixteen and four and found once you get past three kids, its noisy no matter what, so it really does not matter! If I can click with a man, his kids are a part of him and I hope we would be able to work it all out.
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