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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How him to appreiciate me more?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 8
How him to appreiciate me more? Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

How him to appreiciate me more?


For starters, try closing your account here, and other dating websites.



I'm wondering of some ideas on how I can encourage my boyfriend to appreciate me more sexually and romantically.




Encourage to appreciate, eh? That sounds a lot like manipulation under the radar!

Given that I appreciate things that I value, and my values are based on my beliefs, which are in turn based on reason and experience, trying to "encourage" me to like you, or appreciate you when I don't, is social suicide. Of course, I doubt you give a shit if I like you or not. But if the guy is like me, he most likely sees things in a similar fashion. Obviously if I don't appreciate a person or a thing, it's because I don't value it, and probably because it's not valuable, and it's not likely I can be convinced it is without a great argument, or in cases of a person, their attitude, intelligence, and skills among other things.

People who don't appreciate themselves, will generally project a low self-esteem, and thus devalue themselves even further by their own actions. And when they try to make others value them, they devalue themselves yet further, not to mention, it can be seen as manipulation.

So, if you want him to appreciate your more, appreciate yourself first - just make sure you don't turn into a b*tch who says things like, "What are you looking at?".

To "force" or "trick" him to "appreciate you" is like making a vegetarian out of a tiger - no intelligent person would make such an attempt - as it's evidently pointless.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 9
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/18/2010 2:16:17 PM

Op....it states in your profile that you are married and yet in your post you mention he is your boyfriend. Kind of confusing! Are you married to the guy that you call your boyfriend in your opening post or his he an extra?


Actually she listed him as a financee, but her profile does say married....just wants friends...maybe she wanted to list as married to keep the hounds at bay.


Will letting him initiate calling me or sending me more would be a good idea for


It seems like myself a nd a few others read this backwards....my mistake...I stand corrected....

I guess you can use my advice in reverse and listen to Arabian Angel....if either is mostly the giver, the other gets used to recieving and doesn't find it necessary to intiate....back of and let him wonder a bit...then see if he initiates more....

Good luck.......
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 10
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/18/2010 2:17:22 PM
If you want him to appreciate you more, do something that's worth his appreciation.
Also, if you would stop calling, texting,etc., and totally evaporate for a week or two, that should give him the opportunity to miss you.
As for making him feel differently than he does, that's quite a tall order and requires Big Guns that have been banned from the market.


 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 11
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:05:09 PM
There is an author out there that basically contends that men are simple. If women give us three basic things:

Affection (this can range from a warm smile when you spot us across the room to F'ing our brains out for no apparent reason)

Appreciation (a gesture of acknowledgment and thanks for something we did/do for you)

Admiration (for the choices/actions we have made in life)

Then men will pretty much give you anything you want, and do it gladly.

After a lot of thought I have to say that, at least for me, this is absolutely right on.

When I think of the relationships I have been in and why they didn't work, ultimately it boiled down to not getting one or more of these needs satisfied.

What the author is saying is that women pretty much determine whether a relationship is going to work or not, they hold the keys to being happy...of course, I am working on the assumption we are not talking about inherently evil people - so those of you attracted to jerks on either side, well what can I say?

Is this contention just common sense, or outrageously simplistic?
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 12
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:20:39 PM

how I can encourage my boyfriend to appreciate me more sexually

Having sex with him should do the trick.


and romantically.


I want him to miss me like I miss him lots.

You have to keep in mind that men are wired differently than women and expressions of romance and emotions don't usually come as easily to them. Even if your guy started giving you gestures that indicate he misses you, it wouldn't mean that he actually misses you any more than he does now.

It sucks to have to do this but you really have to vocalize your desires to him. Let him know the sort of things he does or could do that make you happy: like coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around you while nuzzling your neck or sending you a text in the middle of the day just to say he's thinking of you or surprising you with a picnic. In fact, you could do those things for him and if he responds with pleasure that's your cue to say it would make you happy if he did those things in return. It would be wonderful if all men knew exactly what they needed to do to make you swoon but they don't so you have to help them out a bit.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 13
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How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/19/2010 11:40:11 AM
Something tells me someone who choses the name "goddess" will never be appreciated as much as they feel is their due.

Narcissists always hold unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment and near-automatic compliance because they consider themselves uniquely special. It's all the rage these days.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 14
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How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/19/2010 12:21:03 PM
You are only 20, and having relationship problems but you want to marry him anyway. Why are you even considering getting married to someone that does not appreciate you or treat you as you want to be treated? The reason he is not doing what you want is because he too is barely out of his teens and has no clue how to act like a considerate mature man yet. For gods sake don't get married yet, you and he are not ready you have your whole life to meet someone.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 15
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:14:49 PM
i am thinking that maybe there are different ways that you need to feel appreciated that he is unaware of.

he may appreciate you very much and you may not be feeling it.
so...he needs to know from you the ways in which he can show you his appreciation.

there is a book about this..it is called something like..
the Five Love Languages. i will try to look it up and post it later.

but this is just a guess.

and congrats on yr engagement to him. please work this out before you marry. you want to be happy right?
if he is a good man...consider yourself blessed. just work out the communication.

and please...show your appreciation and enthusiasm for him. if you read the book..you may find out that you each have different ways that you need one another to show love.
 DR_RUTHLESS
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 16
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:28:04 PM
it's all in how you present and carry yourself baby
 eroch
Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 17
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How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/22/2010 5:43:53 PM
Playing games is a game you will lose. Just don't. Communication and honesty is the key for a long lasting relationship. Just figure out exactly what the problem is for you and talk to him about it.

How often do you see each other? Maybe he needs a tad more space? Either way, just talking to him is probably the best thing you can do.
 ChildGoddess
Joined: 1/11/2010
Msg: 18
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:32:05 PM
I don't plan on marrying on him for awhile. I have many stuff I want to do before I marry him. I've deciciding I want to be engaged for awhile. Too me its already marriage in its own way.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 19
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:45:50 PM
you need to appreciate and respect him more, getting off this SINGLE and DATING site would be a good start.
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 20
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:48:00 PM
These days, guys just want to be the princess. Do you really want that? Are you sure you want to marry this person? Doesnt sound like he's making you happy.

Me, I'm old fashioned. Guys need to show that they care. When you love someone, they are your world...not basketball..not damn football games...not strip clubs...not friends...IT IS YOU THAT MAKES HIM HAPPY.

someone else said lead by example...i tried this once, and where did it get me? kicked me in the ass..he took advantage.

be true to you, and don't sugar coat the situation.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 21
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How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:09:05 AM
i am going to get bashed for this, but history and life has taught me that women who are feminine, and very sexual, get treated well, never get abused, cheated on, they become everything to there men, my advice is for you to develop your sexuality,if you want to really ,really be loved and appreiciated, do anything and everything for him sexually
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 22
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:18:07 AM

women who are feminine, and very sexual, get treated well, never get abused, cheated on,

Never? I want to laugh at that comment but I have the scary suspicion you're being serious.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 23
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/25/2010 11:59:45 PM
Put a spell, curse, hex, encantation on him.


Or care less about trying to control / manipulate somebody elses display of affection and level of devotion to 'missing' you.

Its the I miss you this much..... But I miss you more arguement.

or give me his address I a will fed-ex him a gallon of MissU, so he always has some handy.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 24
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How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/26/2010 2:33:56 AM
If he is the same age as you are then he probably isn't all that interested in the finer points of a relationship, he is probably trying to find his feet in the world, understand himself better and that type of stuff. I think the emphasis of his life in terms of relationships would be enjoying it and having fun as i don't think he would know what to appreciate yet or what is important to him or what he wants in a person. I think appreciation will come through experience as that is when you really learn that stuff rather then straight away. Maybe as the relationship goes along and you experience more things together that he will appreciate what you have together or life itself may teach it but i don't think it can be rushed.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 25
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How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 2/26/2010 3:07:19 AM
Simple: Withhold sex! Can't believe I just said that...

Focus on exercise, and other physical and mental activities that bring you pleasure, and try not to consume yourself with thoughts of him (it's hard, I know).
 ChildGoddess
Joined: 1/11/2010
Msg: 26
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 3/1/2010 6:31:56 PM
I have told him about how I feel about being romantic, spontaneous and he is slowly coming around to it :).
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 27
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 4/5/2010 12:32:45 PM
He won't miss you/appreciate you if you are "always" there.. ie..If he knows that you are going to call him at 8oc every night and every morning at breakfast then he won't bother calling you.. You have to give him space to miss you.. Stop handing everything to him on a platter.. Many people don't appreciate/value things unless they have to put in some effort to get them...
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 28
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 4/5/2010 12:42:18 PM

someone else said lead by example...i tried this once, and where did it get me? kicked me in the ass..he took advantage.


If somebody took advantage in this way was probably not a good choice to begin with. Everybody wants to be appreciated. It should not be about who does it first, in a way that sounds a bit selfish to me.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 29
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 4/9/2010 5:06:48 PM

Why? We manage it on christmas somehow.


Offcourse we do! Because the materialistic society we live in needs "christmas" to be the reason to give, and the rest of the 11 months is all about paying off the debts of these gifts.

Back on topic...OP, no one likes to be smothered with too much attention...I still stand with my earlier comment...

"Give room for others to give back, they can’t do that when they’re too busy receiving."
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 30
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 4/10/2010 12:20:04 AM
calling all the time to tell me you miss me....
um, if you quit doing THAT, and leave me alone for a while, I will indeed genuinely miss you.

it is the equivelant of if you never leave, we cant talk about you behind your back .
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 31
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How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 4/10/2010 8:38:44 AM
Msg:1,
Whatever a person does, with sincerity and passion with herself or someone and s/he appreciate herself, others will will follow to appreciate her................



Vannili
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 32
How him to appreiciate me more?
Posted: 4/11/2010 6:22:35 AM
How is your relationship with your father...that makes you yearn for your bf to show love to you? Maybe, get some counselling to look into the depths of your issue. When you are able to sort this will your love life would improve especially in the area you seem to yearn for


You're kidding? Please say your kidding? Huge, huge assumption. Practicing as psychotherapist without a mastery of theories of change, models, and evidence is very dangerous.

The OP might have issues as all humans do of varying intensity and levels. To assert that she has daddy issues based on her post is beyond the pale.

Regards,

ACP
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