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Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 34
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Msg 32 "It's a sad way to be to get so old or so bitter you forget this, or deny it.
Great sex with a great lover can be one of life's finest pleasures. "

I'm far from bitter. I made the decision about a year ago to remain single. I'm four years past a forty year marriage and enjoy a very full life and have learned to value the freedom I have. The women in my age group deserve more than someone pursuing them just for sex. I still do a search occasionally and notice that quite a few have long-term on their profile. I think I'd be called worse than bitter if I pursued a meet, a couple of dates, telling her everything she wants to hear, me knowing all the while that I'm not in it for the long haul and just using her for sex. I think I'll sleep better going the route I've chosen.
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 37
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/20/2010 7:20:31 PM
^^Actually, I see Passionate Gent's suggestion as an incentive for getting a person out there to meet women. The more effort a guy puts into actively pursuing women, the better his chances of meeting someone he likes. It doesn't mean he has to be a "player" whose only intention is to bed women. And even if bedding women is his only intention, it doesn't mean he has to be a jerk about it. There are plenty of women looking for casual sex just as men are.
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 39
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/20/2010 11:36:43 PM
OK.. I said that... But the subtext should have been clear...

I meant the real untainted thing...

The only "untainted" things are inexperienced, horridly uncoordinated things, when it comes to sex. Pass.
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 40
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/21/2010 12:33:03 AM
Nocturnal emmissions do not cease with age...until impotency. They are a way of expelling built up resevoirs of sperm, and so usually afflict young teen males who aren't having sex, or maturbating. Older males tend to get laid, or masturbate, enough that their resevoirs do not build up to the point where a wet dream is required to expel the load. If you are a healthy, non-impotent, male who goes long enough without some release-via: intercourse, BJs, masturbation, etc-you will have a nocturnal emmission. That the OP is not having them says he is getting some kind of sex. It seems he is one of those who wants to save his virginity for marriage, and feels masturbation is perverted, or sinful. Even so, he masturbates, or gets laid, or something, often enough to avoid having wet dreams. Perhaps he is having wet dreams and just not admitting it, and hopes there is an alternative. The best alternative is to have sex, or masturbate... depending upon his morality goals...unless he is willing to settle for the wet dreams.

Porn is usually bad, but may be the lesser of evils. It fosters disrespect for women-as the females get about ten seconds of head for every hour they give in a typical porn movie-and it teaches poor technique. It also encourages guys to go fast, and hard, which makes them premature ejaculators...which upsets the women they finally do get with. Porn also teaches unhealthy sex...going from the anus to the mouth/vagina without washing first, not using condoms, etc. Still, for some guys, a porn movie may be the only stimulation they can there are no available women around.

Another bad thing about porn is that it encourages guys to see women as toys for their amusement, rather than as equal partners who deserve consideration and fulfillment. Then, again, porn can give the unimaginative couple ideas for things to try in order to spice up their sex life...dressing her as a nurse, or nun, or him as a pirate....doing it on a public beach (preferably when no one else is around to call the cops), and so on. Porn is sometimes better than nothing...but just barely.
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 41
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/21/2010 4:11:00 AM
It also encourages guys to go fast, and hard, which makes them premature ejaculators...which upsets the women they finally do get with.

Just had to call BS on this one. Maybe if you're a virgin or something and have no skill what-so-ever in the bedroom when it comes to pacing yourself and controlling things and changing position at the right times, etc. If you aren't capable of giving the average woman multiples by the time you get yours, you need to work on it. Notice I say capable, this doesn't mean always willing. Also notice I say average, some women are more difficult than others and even 1 might be the most anyone other than Peter North would get out of her. I have run into maybe 2 or 3 girls like that in the past. The rest, it seemed 3-5 was about the norm. I did have one friend in highschool that suffered from serious premature ejaculation, as in, before he was even all the way in his girlfriend. Gave him a program to help him with that and his girl (who I was friends with, not sexually, mind you. I don't mess with my friend's women, and vice-versa) thanked me and told me a few weeks later that noticeable improvement had occured.

Porn. You learn something if you watch the right stuff.
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 42
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Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/21/2010 5:00:19 AM

100% sure my hand has no STD's vs. a girl that I can't be sure

Ha soo true. That and you don't have to worry about emotional attachments or getting someone pregnant.
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 43
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Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/21/2010 7:13:12 AM
Its interesting the we're just talking about the mechanical portion of sex. Sex has two componets, mechanical, and emotional. For it to be truely satisfying it should contain both elements.

Ancedoteal observation on masterbation, I found I was having lots of sex (good sex) I was more willing to masterbate. This is because the previous encounter was fresh in your mind, and that memory would be a turn-on.

On purguing sexual frustration, you need to find methods of channeling it. I would find activites that would naturally rase sertoin, and andorphine levels in the brain. This will improve over sense of well being, and confidence. This improved self confidence will improve your chances with your women. I like to paint, make ceramics, work out or other self-improvement.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 44
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Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/21/2010 8:23:52 AM
Sexual frustration is not terminal. No one has died from it.

Masturbation. Lots.

Craig's List.

Lots of physical activity. One of my friends channeled his sexual frustration into rehabbing a house. Take up running. Work out at the gym. Get involved in volunteer activity.

Just live with it. And date a lot so you increase the odds of putting an end to it.
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 45
view profile
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/21/2010 12:34:29 PM

: One word...


I have a Fleshligh and its too tight.
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 47
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/21/2010 12:46:10 PM
I have a Fleshligh and its too tight.

I know you are trying to enhance your rep with that comment, but admitting to owning a fleshlight cancels out any kind of Mr. Big **** image you may have attempted to create by claiming it is too tight.

Only a woman could make such an obviously incorrect assertion. Plenty of men have died from sexual frustration. As the object of the drive and not subject to its powers directly, you couldn't know from personal experience the lethality of sexual frustration that threatens men, but you could at least have noticed them dropping like flies all around you.

It seems every day some lecherous person is being shot and the news spins a glorious story about it. I agree. It has caused many a death.
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 49
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Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/21/2010 9:09:15 PM
It's not so much the world is changing, it's the consequences that have changed. AIDS pretty much put a damper on the one night stand for me (and lots of others) years ago.

I'd much rather roll around in the sheets with a "hot body" as long as I know that hot body hasn't been rolling around with a hundred other bodies in the past month.
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 53
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Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/22/2010 5:23:21 PM

One word...


You seldom lack a good answer do you?
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 55
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:08:15 AM
I suppose you could always get a dog....

You'll want to be outside for runs all the'll be too busy to think about sex.....
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 58
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:50:29 PM
I don't know what's up with you Indian and Pakistani guys are the most sexually-deprived guys I have ever seen.

This is the culmination of all those years of masturbating behind my fathers woodshop.

Sorry, but this popular quote provides the answer, if you look into it. It seems that jerking off isn't working, and there's the "rub". I suggest a better/different porn site or genre or something.

If you MUST get laid, here is some advice for you if you live alone. Take a girl home with you. Women want sex just as much as men it seems. Any dumb excuse to get her home will work. Stupid crap. Whatever. An idiot could convince a girl to go home with him. I used to use all sorts of dumb crap. Really, anything that gets her in the door. If a girl is going to put out, she knows it already, and if that stupid, lame excuse gets her in the door, about 7 times out of 10, she will put out. You just have to busy yourself and her about stuff. Show her your place. Don't have to impress her, just show her junk. (This is my TV, it's old as shit. This is my dog, I know he's a stuffed pillow, but I had him since I was 4, hey, check out my sock collection...!). There will inevitably come a time when you run out of stupid crap and the two of you are left staring at each other, both thinking "what next"? At this point in time, you will either get "the vibe", or not. If not, then you don't. If so, there you go.

Bragging about your ability to massage (Who cares if it's narcissistic? A woman who wants a great massage...and maybe more... sure doesn't) is a great opener to ever-increasing physical contact, but don't fool yourself. If you can't give a good massage, don't say you can. Find something else. However, if you can deliver a mean massage, women wonder what other mean things you can sling. Most girls like a massage. Some even preen for it, sticking out their pretty necks and rubbing at them while whimpering and the like.

So many cheap tricks to throw that a girl will see right through, but still put out for because she's not a whore if she comes over and sees your stuffed dog and you massaged her shoulders and she smelled your cologn and it got her all turned on, she's "a victim of the moment". Going home with you "Because she wants sex", makes her a whore, in her mind. Women don't want to be whores, they just want to have sex, so give her an excuse to have sex without being a whore, and if she even remotely wants it, she will take the excuse and run with it, no matter how stupid it is. Hell, you could even get a fake cast and claim it's on your "favorite hand" and you're going INSANE. Be creative.
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 59
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:09:03 AM
Sexual frustration....What kind?

If it's just lust, sexually objectifying the gender you want to have sex with and with no emotional connection desired, use intelligence and care against STD's and pregnancy and either pay for it or find a web site or bar that helps you find it. I'm mean, just suck it up and do it. I really don't think it's that difficult.

If it's a frustration for a specific fetish sex, again, do a little research and find where you will be accommodated.

If it's the endorphin high you need, vigorous exercise really does do the trick and some serious yoga does, too. Some sexy dancing at the club might help- or make it worse!

If it's the physical touch, not sexual, that you need, pets, friends, and family really help. Sometimes hugging the neighbor at church really tight is great, but it's the best friend who hugs YOU so terribly tight that you probably really want and you sometimes might have to ask for the hug, because people don't read minds.

If it's because you're "backed up", so-to-speak, the obvious self stimulation is in order, but there is always the happy ending massage, or maybe a talk with a trusted friend that you know a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship wouldn't work but the two of you are mature enough to work something out- it lacks passion and emotional intimacy but isn't as cold and empty as the non-monogamous FB or the one nighter. However, these kind of functional and drama free relationships can be as difficult to find and manage as the romantic LTR's.

If it's emotional based sexual intimacy, this is even harder to get, and a hugely difficult frustration to deal with, but if you combine solutions from above, you can deal with it.

If it's passionate sexual love, something more than lust, that is shared between two, well, even functional happy couples with a history struggle to recapture this, or get it in the first place. If you have the partner, I suggest couples sex counseling/education or couples hypnosis.

If it's relieving the boredom of being monogamous, most guys I know, even in happy relationships, turn to porn in their free time. I recall reading that there was a grant funded study to discover the effects of porn on a couple and it looked for a control group of men who didn't look at porn to study alongside the group that did. After an extensive effort to find even one single volunteer for the control group, it was determined that "there are no men who don't look at porn." There was a guy (think 40 year old virgin, religious) at work who claimed he didn't do it because it was sinful and objectified women, so the other guys, refusing to accept this aberration of mankind (and they didn't believe him anyway, same as they finally made him fess up that he masturbated but once claimed that he didn't) drew stick figure porn for him.

I think that the most important thing is accepting these frustrations with the ebb and flow of life for all feelings and experiences. It's natural, and something that you either have to ignore (like the headache that comes too far from the aspirin) or you have to face it head on and make a choice (like the barking dog who just might bite) and if you don't, life, and your body, chooses for you and you get inappropriately timed temptations that are incredibly powerful and some freaky weird, and possibly disturbing, dreams, complete with nocturnal emissions that you gotta clean up later.
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 60
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:27:11 AM
^It's peer-pressure because he thinks that his friends and society expect him to not be a virgin at age 29, and he's right, but it's a personal decision and he is letting others make it for him, it seems.
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 62
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:21:39 PM

I am afraid of roaches. A big fat roach tried to crawl on my neck the other day in my office. I jumped and i threw the roach away immeidately and I ran towards my co worker. I was in such a state of shock, I felt like hugging her. That time, I felt so miserable and I really wish I had some one to hold on to.

This sounds more like you want a mommy (or a man?) to take care of you than a need for a sexual partner.
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 63
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:29:30 PM
Msg 82, IMO , not to be a jerk, but, you won't have a lot of luck getting a girlfriend with this kind of overall attitude and feeling. This can come off to many women as emotionally needy or worse. That's why you have to , sort of, pull it together (IMO) before you start having more success dating. Otherwise even on first or second dates you'll be feeling like making confessions of love. That's no good. That can turn women off. Girls often don't want you to be afraid of the roach. They'd rather you kill the roach for them.

If she wanted someone to scream and run to her and hug her because of a roach that would be her daughter, or maybe some other female co-worker. First, you have to know (and really know; which means internalize) that you CAN live happily without a woman. Just like single women can live happily without a man. Then when you feel better in that regard, better about yourself and more confident about being by yourself, you'll be more psychologically and emotionally prepared to head into the dating arena. You may even come off as more attractive when you do go on a date. Just one man's advice; consider it, along with others' as well.
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 64
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:42:51 PM
^ absolutely^ If you approach dating with a neediness for a woman then all you will attract is those who will use you - be they deliberate or just broken, frankly, I prefer the deliberate users over the truly broken, the broken have no concept of their sins against you as being wrong, they can justify their victimhood even while stabbing you, and they desperately cry for your sacrifice as evidence of your devotion even while investing theirs elsewhere. The attraction of the broken is their absolute sincerity at every critical moment: They really mean everything they say at the moment for exactly as long as it is necessary to convince you of their integrity and adoration and intention to be all that you need. Once you are convinced, they don't need to *be* what they claimed to be. YOU, OP, are a bleeding target for the users. Get strong in yourself. It truly matters.
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 65
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:34:49 PM
there's lots of people that own Fleshlights, myself included. It's quite simply the greatest creation since the light bulb

Wow..where have I been?? I had to Google it!!
Mind you I'm not a MAN so why would I be checking out the male sex toy aisle.
Looks like an interesting "party tool" for men......must be a hassle to clean afterwards though.
Does it come with a pressure washer?
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 66
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:33:50 PM
LOL I had a couple of guy friends tell me that pocket puzzies are a beech to clean, I wonder if there's a market for disposable versions? What will archeologists think when they go through our landfills, I mean if you buy a toy you don't like, what do you do with it, donate it to charity for resale? Damn, 20- 150 bucks down the drain.

I suggested to one friend that he put a condom on first, maybe the kind that are ribbed inside? No cleaning needed. I mean women use condoms on their toys because, if it worked well, who wants to get up do dishes?
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 67
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:42:21 PM
OP, the roach thing suggests to me that you are feeling overly vulnerable in certain situations, for instance, there have been times when men at work have run screaming like girls from giant bugs/snakes/rats/spiders and Ihad to handle it like the quasi-male that I guess I am sometimes, but at home, when I was barefoot, this squirrel came running through the house and my daughter and I were squealing and jumping on furniture trying to sweep it out, then there was this giant roach that literally came in the front door and headed for my room and I swatted it on the wall and could see where it was until I stepped backwards and stepped on it with my BARE heel, CRUNCH, like a girl, I jumped on the bed with my daughter to get away from the critter that I had already killed. Logical? Hardly. But in bare feet I feel vulnerable. Sitting on the toilet at work I look up and see this giant roach on the wall and it flies toward me, ohno, mudderfudder! I was, understandably, feeling vulnerable at the moment. I did, however, chill out and deal, because I didn't want everyone to hear me screaming in the restroom.

Wanting to run and hug for comfort, means you feel vulnerable, if those feelings are in your work place, you might want to consider a different work environment or career. Something about your life and work circumstances is emasculating you, and it's not the lack of sex, nor is sex going to make you more of a *man*. You will be more attractive to women when you make your life, and yourself, more attractive to you.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 68
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:39:36 AM
Msg 82, IMO , not to be a jerk, but, you won't have a lot of luck getting a girlfriend with this kind of overall attitude and feeling. This can come off to many women as emotionally needy or worse.

I second this. Logically (or at least what you think is logic when you're in a state like that) you'd figure women would love a man who's that desperate for a relationship - but realistically women don't find being a warm body or just anyone who comes along as flattering. Women also don't want to have to entertain someone or keep them constant company while involved - it's a lot to ask that a person complete you, and few will want to sign up for it.

Rather, it's when you learn to be (genuinely, acts don't work) happy being single/alone that women will find you attractive. They'll want you to be open to a relationship rather than trying to hunt one down and kill it with a tranquilizer gun. It's an ironic formula, but it does work.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 69
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:59:41 AM
Apparently grabbing a grapefruit, coring it, warming it in the microwave for a minute... supposed to be better than 'American Pie'

This brought to you courtesy of Good Luck Chuck and a bout of insmonia

I prefer strippers and lap dances though; supporting single moms one song at a time.
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 70
Sexual Frustration!!! How to Deal With It?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:13:02 AM
Well try living in Nashville Tn women here don't know what sex is LOL very hard to find a woman that will be just a friend sex partner Tom
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