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Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 15
Can you be Friends with an ex? Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
A lot of times people break up with someone they care about because they know they're not right for each other. So the break up lingers for awhile the way yours is. If you're okay with hooking up every now and then even though you know you won't get back together then I guess keep doing what you're doing. But you may be better off just ending things and refusing the attempts to be "friends." It's good to aim for friendly after a break up but people don't usually become actual friends until a good amount of time has passed.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 19
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Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/21/2010 6:02:24 AM
This sounds to me as though she simply wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to be able to date and sleep with other guys, so she wants to end the 'officially together' part of your relationship. Since it's not because she doesn't like you, and it's not because she has a new permanent guy lined up yet, then she still occasionally has sex with you just for fun, or from habit.

The only solution for you if you really DO have deep feelings for her, is to break it off completely and thoroughly. Otherwise you will be signing yourself up for repeated emotional pain.
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 20
Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/21/2010 6:38:25 AM
It's difficult enough to be "only friends" with an member of the opposite sex, yet alone a former lover. It's actually crazy to even consider it. Don't you have friends already? Why would you want to be friends with an ex? Are you kidding here? Friendly? Yes, that's great. But friends? Move on with your life and find someone who is looking to be your lover, not your friend.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 21
Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/21/2010 7:34:28 AM
Adults can be friends. Your female friend, isn't an adult in the mental sense. She wants sex, then can't handle being a woman who is having sex outside a relationship, then wants some sort of relationship so she won't feel like "one of those" women who sleep w/ a guy not her bf...she wants to be a mom, a good daughter, not a harlot, etc.
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 22
Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/21/2010 7:43:01 AM
Yes and no.

They're exes for a reason. But...if you're willing to be treated like a manhoe, then by all means, ENJOY!

She wants the d**k, not anything else. You want it all and the whole "I know she has feelings for me" thing is you HOPING she does. She doesn't want you back baby and I'm sorry that you keep hoping she does.

If you truly want to move on (I don't get the sense you do but anyway) then you need to cut her off and when she asks why (and she will cause she knows she's got you by the 'nads) tell her you still care and can't be the d**k on call that she wants and then tell her goodbye.

You guys are NOT friends...she's using you and that's ok if you like it but you don't. So either you stop allowing it or you keep going, knowing you're gonna get hurt.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 24
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Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/21/2010 8:05:02 AM
Cut loose. Completely. You may be able to be friends in the future but not now.
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 26
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Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/21/2010 12:18:31 PM
Ehh, it's kinda working for me, but it's all too easy to fall into the old temptations. If she doesn't love ya anymore, I suggest beginning a relationship with someone new. If you've begun a new relationship with someone new, you should (kindly) cut off all communication with the ex, I should think. Someone new will take your mind and heart off the ex. Not doing so is nothing but trouble.
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 27
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Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/21/2010 10:43:27 PM
Can you be friends with an ex?

Yes. But first you need an ex.

You two aren't there yet.

I've had friends with benefits. I've had exes become friends. I've never had an ex become a friend with benefits.

I cherish the friendships I have retained with exes, but sex is not part of the equation. Maybe there's someone out there who could manage it, but once I love someone, I can't transition from making love to recreational sex with the same person. Just not wired that way.

So process your situation. Get your heart in a healthy place. Then and only then can you answer for yourself if you can retain a friendship or not.

Good luck to you.

Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 29
Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:15:09 AM
yes im friends with a lot of my exes keep your thoughts and your privets in your own pants and alls good to go.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/22/2010 12:12:55 PM
The more you play this game, the worse is going to get. She will use it then to get you when ever she wants to, and then dump you when ever she does not feel like being with you. And little by little it will get worse. So I believe you need to bring closure. Either be together, or completely apart. But that uncertainty will eventually will destroy you. What is going to happen, when she goes out with somebody else? Or sleeps with them? Can you handle that?
Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 36
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Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/22/2010 5:32:37 PM
Except for my last relationship, i've been friends with all my exes. However, you can't go from a relationship to just friends straight away. That really is just torturing yourself. You still need time away from that person until the feelings that built up for them subside to a tolerable level. I see no reason not to be friendly and civil if someone doesn't feel the connection anymore and they give you an opportunity to understand what's going on versus the dumping and disappearing act I've grown accustomed to the past few years. Screw people like that.
Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 38
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Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/22/2010 5:39:19 PM
And no, it isn't because I'm hoping to get back together. I've moved on just fine from each one. I'm not really a believer in second chances when it comes to relationships anyway. MAYBE if it were MANY years down the road. But it just seems stupid to break up when things are difficult and then get back together later when they aren't. Kind of a backwards way to deal with your problems if you really do love and care about someone.
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 40
Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:03:43 PM
..."guess thats why I am asking if its possible to be "friends" with someone you are attracted to in a sexual way..."
Absolutely not. Are you sexually attracted to your male buddies, too? No? Well, there's your answer. This "friend" shi.t is really something that a lot people need to knock through their head - you can't be friends, ever, with a man/woman if you're attracted to him/her. Again, unless you're sexually attracted to ALL your friends then no, it's stupid and you're torturing yourself for no reason at all. This is an ex which makes it even more pathetic. Just move on for crying out loud. Isn't that why it's called "ex" in the first place?
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 42
Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/24/2010 5:40:49 PM
I guess it depends on your definition of "friends". My friends are people that I can count on through thick and thin. These are people who I want to share important life events with. These are the people that I can call at 3:00 AM and I know they have my back and I have their back in a similar situation (thank God I don't get jolted out of bed at that hour often).

If they had that level of importance in my life, we'd still be a couple. The fact that they are an ex is because they did something that was a deal-breaker, or we were so incompatible that being together was miserable. If I bump into an ex on the street and he wants grab some coffee and catch up, cool. I can be civil/cordial with my exes, but "friends"? Nope.

After an appropriate amount of time has passed, you can be in a civil/cordial relationship, but one of the two of you will always be wondering "what if" or "maybe we" and that will cloud any possibility of a true friendship. The one that was dumped is usually the one pretending to be a friend when in all reality they are hoping for another chance. In rare instances, I have had friends that split amicably because they were totally wrong for each other romantically and actually clicked better as friends.
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 44
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Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:06:38 PM

She is clearly confused, one day she says she just wants to be friends, the next day she says she wants to take it "slow", then the next she pushes me away and ignores me.
If you're still sleeping with her...then she is clearly NOT an "EX".
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 52
Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/1/2010 12:31:11 AM

So I just got out of a relationship that I was in for about 7 months. We really havent had any closure other than the fact she broke it off since she said it was to stressful for her since she has a lot of other personal issues going on in her life at the moment with family, raising a daughter solo, and being in school full time. I mean I really fell for this girl even though its been a short period of time and have became pretty close with her family. We have been broken up for about 2 weeks and still text each other on a daily basis and chat online. We have seen each other 3 times in person since our breakup and the first 2 times we acted like if we were together we went out for dinner then ended up going back to my house and had sex. Last night I went to her house and same thing happened a watching a movie led to sex except this time she denied me when I tried to kiss her but then later she initiated sex so I went for it. Each time ive seen her I get a text from her the next day saying we cant be having sex or kissing and we just have to be friends. I agree even though its truly killing me inside since I really want to be with her still. Should I continue to be friends with this girl even though I know she still has feelings for me even though she denies them? Or should I just get the hint and move on. She is clearly confused, one day she says she just wants to be friends, the next day she says she wants to take it "slow", then the next she pushes me away and ignores me. Guess I really dont know if to just treat her like a guy friend or like a girlfriend I have feelings with?

Buddy, im going to tell you right now....If you do not separate yourself from this situation fast, you are going to be in for FAR more hurt feelings in the long run by this woman.

BELIEVE ME. You are OBVIOUSLY still into her, and a "friendship" doesnt sound like what you're looking for at all. You're hoping she'll come back to you, admit it.

Too many emotions are still involved, too much nonsense, too much BS.

Again, if you do not walk away, you are asking for what will come next.
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 57
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Can you be Friends with an ex?
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:04:39 PM
only if there is no attraction any more. then again, it would depend if your breakup was a demonstration that you were never really friends.
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