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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Rudeness      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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RudenessPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You care about him why? Perhaps you THINK you do, simply because you knew him so long ago (or thought you did). Nothing you've said indicates there's ANYTHING good about your hanging around with him, even as an acquaintance. Why the act of typing in your OP failed to trigger your OWN resolve to dump him is mystifying to me.
No need to decide if he's being rude, or if it's cultural or whatever, since you find it unacceptable. No need to PROVE anything to him, or to give a damn about "him coming back saying I am being all about me or just whining."
Next time you think about investing more time and effort into him, take Nancy Reagan's sage advice: just say NO.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 11
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 11:19:34 AM
For some people, holding hand in public can make them uncomfortable. Personally, I like holding the hand of someone I am seeing but I've had some women that are uncomfortable with it.

However:

He says he isn't going to change the way he walks for me or anyone else.


Walking fast is not a part of his personality. Kick this guy to the curb. Do not answer his calls or emails. NEXT!
 SCKittyKat
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 12
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 12:26:50 PM
You would have to try to catch him in order to hold his arm. He isn't affectionate in public or at home. I try to try his hand, hug him, etc., but he is nonresponsive.
 SCKittyKat
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 13
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 12:32:35 PM
Girl you are exactly right. He probably does think I am a pushover, and willing to put up with his crap. But I've had enough. I've decided if he calls again, I am going to tell him what I want in a man,and a relationship. If he can't try, then I am gonna say, sorry, but you are not the man for me! Take care!

I know there are alot of other men out that are more compatiable for me.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 14
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Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:18:19 PM
What you see is what you get. He's not making it hard for you... He's making it easy by not pretending he's anything other than what he is. Deal with it(or not).
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 15
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:24:16 PM

Any suggestions?

Just one - don't expect him to be surprised or to care when you break it off. He's pushing you away pretty hard. I think he just doesn't want to be the one to say "It's over."

No, wait, one more - don't ever put up with this again!

Not that you're likely to encounter it again, thank goodness.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 16
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Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:26:36 PM

I can't voice my opinion about anything to him without him coming back saying I am being all about me or just whining.

I've decided if he calls again, I am going to tell him what I want in a man,and a relationship.

i'd be interested to hear how you go about asking for what you want. not saying anyone is right or wrong here. but what i'm hearing is:
* lack of public affection. this is neither here nor there.
* lack of private affection. often a symptom of other problems in the relationship.
* different walking paces. maybe rude, maybe not. inconclusive on its face.

and here you are airing your grievances for strangers. often this is an expression of frustration by people who lack relationship communication skills.
 drgnflylady
Joined: 11/25/2009
Msg: 17
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 3:02:45 PM
I know I don't want a man that is rude and unaffectionate like this,

that said it all. Maybe you should ask yourself if who you are caring about is really the person you are seeing. Seems a bit cold way to look at it but I found it works when being realistice with myself. If the person I need in my heart seems to contridict with the person who I am seeing than I set time to accept the reality of the situation and if this is someone I can be with or not. If not... I am not doing myself any favors or the other person by living with the illusion.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 18
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:30:41 PM
It makes me wonder why you would waste eight months of your life on a man who you already know is not compatible with you. If someone is not an affectionate person to begin with then you are not going to change them.He has even told you that this is how he is and he is not going to change, yet you stay. Why would you do that? Why would you care about someone who you have described and rude and unaffectionate?
 BOIT
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 19
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Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:38:16 PM
....why not walk faster....faster than him....if he speeds up.....you walk faster....that would be a funny way to make your point.....as far as the affection goes.....I'd do the same thing....withhold it....don't even shake hands....basically.....exagerate what he does to make fun of it....and smile.....at this point tho....I don't see how you can avoid a dump....maybe....but unlikely.....

Boit
 johninsd
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 20
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:39:40 PM

I have addressed these issues with him more than once, and his response his that he has always been that way and isn't gonna change.


What more could you need?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 21
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:40:14 PM

....why not walk faster....faster than him....if he speeds up.....you walk faster....that would be a funny way to make your point.....as far as the affection goes.....I'd do the same thing....withhold it....don't even shake hands....basically.....exagerate what he does to make fun of it....and smile.....



Oh yeah that's really the answer.Play stupid,silly,immature little games. Oh yeah that will really teach him a lesson.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 22
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:52:11 PM
^^^As silly as that little game seems, it does make you think about the OP's situation in reverse. What if he were to say, "Honey, it would really make me happy if you would walk faster and show less affection. Will you do that for me?"

Ideally, a couple should be willing to compromise but if neither side is willing to bend, that's when it's clear they're not compatible.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 23
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:55:36 PM

Ideally, a couple should be willing to compromise



I agree with you 100% but this man has already told her that he is not going to change or even try to change. You can't compromise when one person is unwilling. Her best bet is to leave.
 BOIT
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 24
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Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:13:39 PM
lol....lady wa wa.....what lesson do you think he's been learning to date....how about maybe I can walk all over this woman and she'll put up with it....

Boit
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 25
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:25:36 PM
Dump him OP.
He sounds like he is ready to be a dog owner.
 originalNw
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 26
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Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:46:53 PM
Awareness is the "key " to the problem your having.Is he aware of what is going on ? Have you mentioned that it's " NOT " against the law to walk around holding hands,or being equal on who walking with you. If you find any problem with these , I would tell you about "people who want to control and painful results there of" ! And it lead to painful issuses in court later. No one has the right ! Bee it boyfriend/girlfriend..or a married couple to control your way of thinking/actions. These dirtbags are being adbusive and that's against the law. Stop seeing him ,then the pain will go away. And you'll be a better and happier camper!

 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 27
Rudeness
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:11:19 AM
Just tell him it isnt working. You need your space and would like to stay friends. You really think he will find the person he is looking for but YOU dont think that person is you. ETC. ETC
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 28
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Rudeness
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:16:44 PM
You sound very torn, but an important message is also coming through clearly in your posting:

"I know I don't want a man that is rude and unaffectionate like this."

I've experienced the walking ahead thing too and it bugged me at the time. I now realise it was because deep down he wasn't attached to me. It was an indicator of a lack of involvement and empathy (and bad manners!). He's being disrespectful to you and saying you just have to put up with it while you are with him. When I was in a very unhappy situation once and really couldn't see the wood for the trees, someone once said something important to me - "Your feelings matter too". Think about that.
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 29
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Rudeness
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:55:26 AM
I don't care how good looking a man or a woman is, or how much of a catch they think they are.
There is no excuse for rudeness.

Attractive is as attractive does.

If you act like an @$$hole you ARE one.

Nobody wants to snuggle up with an @$$hole.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 30
Rudeness
Posted: 2/25/2010 8:09:28 AM

and I am still waiting to find out what PG thinks she could do to "work on her relationship" to make it bearable, when this guy won't budge an inch.

Yeah, a few people have told her to work on it, or that it's just a compatibility issue, both.

The amount-of-affection disparity can reasonably be surmised a compatibility issue, but I don't see how the OP can work on that if he won't compromise with her; and his walking ahead of her is not a a compatibility issue, it is flatly rude and would be a rude thing to do to anyone. So is his refusal to slow down upon being asked.

I'm a fast walker, too (very, AAMOF), and I slow down for those who aren't, so that we can talk, and so that we appear and feel as equals, walking together. I thought this was something most of us got taught by about age six.
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 31
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Rudeness
Posted: 2/26/2010 5:16:55 AM
What is really ironic is that so many of these rude and flaky people seem too stupid to comprehend that thier very rudeness and/or flakiness is probably what is keeping them single and lonely. The bad and egotistical attitudes are undermining their search for love and their egos are keeping them from seeing it.

One great example is someone in my neck of the woods who is complaining how this site is not working for her, because when somebody who is not 'attractive' contacts her it is 'bothering' her.
I'm pretty sure if she would have posted a more accurate word portrayal of herself that she would not have been bothered by all those ugly people who have 'annoyed' her.

It's pretty common on other dating sites for folks to say "I'm looking for somebody height-weight proportoinate' or "I'm attractive and I expect anybody else to be too." etc....

Instead of expecting Brad Pitt and being upset when the guy next door sends an email. LOL...
From the profile update I am pretty sure that her messages will decrease dramatically now that she has updated it to say she is unhappy with this site because there are not too many attractive people on here.

LOL...

If I was THAT in love with myself, I don't think I would need anybody else....
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 32
Rudeness
Posted: 2/27/2010 5:20:46 AM
"he has always been that way and isn't gonna change" - he's made it clear where he stands, your only decision is where you stand; is this something you are willing to live with withOut resentment - after all, it's Your choice to be with him knowing this about him.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 33
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Rudeness
Posted: 2/28/2010 9:51:21 PM

Any suggestions?
Isn't it obvious?
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 34
Rudeness
Posted: 3/1/2010 2:42:04 AM
Frankly if something isnt working for you in the beginning when it comes to someone....then why has it gone on for 8 more months? If after 8 months, a person isnt at least compromising a bit...then why bother?



And if she has a man, that she cares about....then why is she on this site?
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