Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Rudeness      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SCKittyKat
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 4
RudenessPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It is sad that it has gone this far. We went to high school together, and met again after 31 years apart. It felt so right in the beginning. But as you said, if he cared enough about me, he would at least make an effort. So how I feel doesn't matter to him. I just now have to get the nerve up to tell him without him turning it around on me like it's my fault.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 5
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 12:04:32 AM

I just now have to get the nerve up to tell him without him turning it around on me like it's my fault.

Since he's the one getting dumped, let him have that tiny piece of power in his mind. The fact is, it's neither person's fault, you're just not compatible with each other.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 2:37:38 AM
You are simply not compatible for each other, so nothing to feel guilty about, some people are just not affectionate and you are. It's probably better if you do break up, since you have communicated how it makes you feel and he has labelled it whining and that he will not change, so you have to decide if you are willing to tolerate this behaviour or move on and find someone who is more compatible. Good luck OP, hope you find what you are looking for.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:18:52 AM
You care about him why? Perhaps you THINK you do, simply because you knew him so long ago (or thought you did). Nothing you've said indicates there's ANYTHING good about your hanging around with him, even as an acquaintance. Why the act of typing in your OP failed to trigger your OWN resolve to dump him is mystifying to me.
No need to decide if he's being rude, or if it's cultural or whatever, since you find it unacceptable. No need to PROVE anything to him, or to give a damn about "him coming back saying I am being all about me or just whining."
Next time you think about investing more time and effort into him, take Nancy Reagan's sage advice: just say NO.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 8
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 11:19:34 AM
For some people, holding hand in public can make them uncomfortable. Personally, I like holding the hand of someone I am seeing but I've had some women that are uncomfortable with it.

However:

He says he isn't going to change the way he walks for me or anyone else.


Walking fast is not a part of his personality. Kick this guy to the curb. Do not answer his calls or emails. NEXT!
 SCKittyKat
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 9
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 12:26:50 PM
You would have to try to catch him in order to hold his arm. He isn't affectionate in public or at home. I try to try his hand, hug him, etc., but he is nonresponsive.
 SCKittyKat
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 10
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 12:32:35 PM
Girl you are exactly right. He probably does think I am a pushover, and willing to put up with his crap. But I've had enough. I've decided if he calls again, I am going to tell him what I want in a man,and a relationship. If he can't try, then I am gonna say, sorry, but you are not the man for me! Take care!

I know there are alot of other men out that are more compatiable for me.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:18:19 PM
What you see is what you get. He's not making it hard for you... He's making it easy by not pretending he's anything other than what he is. Deal with it(or not).
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:26:36 PM

I can't voice my opinion about anything to him without him coming back saying I am being all about me or just whining.

I've decided if he calls again, I am going to tell him what I want in a man,and a relationship.

i'd be interested to hear how you go about asking for what you want. not saying anyone is right or wrong here. but what i'm hearing is:
* lack of public affection. this is neither here nor there.
* lack of private affection. often a symptom of other problems in the relationship.
* different walking paces. maybe rude, maybe not. inconclusive on its face.

and here you are airing your grievances for strangers. often this is an expression of frustration by people who lack relationship communication skills.
 drgnflylady
Joined: 11/25/2009
Msg: 13
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 3:02:45 PM
I know I don't want a man that is rude and unaffectionate like this,

that said it all. Maybe you should ask yourself if who you are caring about is really the person you are seeing. Seems a bit cold way to look at it but I found it works when being realistice with myself. If the person I need in my heart seems to contridict with the person who I am seeing than I set time to accept the reality of the situation and if this is someone I can be with or not. If not... I am not doing myself any favors or the other person by living with the illusion.
 BOIT
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:38:16 PM
....why not walk faster....faster than him....if he speeds up.....you walk faster....that would be a funny way to make your point.....as far as the affection goes.....I'd do the same thing....withhold it....don't even shake hands....basically.....exagerate what he does to make fun of it....and smile.....at this point tho....I don't see how you can avoid a dump....maybe....but unlikely.....

Boit
 johninsd
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 15
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:39:40 PM

I have addressed these issues with him more than once, and his response his that he has always been that way and isn't gonna change.


What more could you need?
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 16
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:52:11 PM
^^^As silly as that little game seems, it does make you think about the OP's situation in reverse. What if he were to say, "Honey, it would really make me happy if you would walk faster and show less affection. Will you do that for me?"

Ideally, a couple should be willing to compromise but if neither side is willing to bend, that's when it's clear they're not compatible.
 BOIT
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:13:39 PM
lol....lady wa wa.....what lesson do you think he's been learning to date....how about maybe I can walk all over this woman and she'll put up with it....

Boit
 originalNw
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:46:53 PM
Awareness is the "key " to the problem your having.Is he aware of what is going on ? Have you mentioned that it's " NOT " against the law to walk around holding hands,or being equal on who walking with you. If you find any problem with these , I would tell you about "people who want to control and painful results there of" ! And it lead to painful issuses in court later. No one has the right ! Bee it boyfriend/girlfriend..or a married couple to control your way of thinking/actions. These dirtbags are being adbusive and that's against the law. Stop seeing him ,then the pain will go away. And you'll be a better and happier camper!

 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 19
Rudeness
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:11:19 AM
Just tell him it isnt working. You need your space and would like to stay friends. You really think he will find the person he is looking for but YOU dont think that person is you. ETC. ETC
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:16:44 PM
You sound very torn, but an important message is also coming through clearly in your posting:

"I know I don't want a man that is rude and unaffectionate like this."

I've experienced the walking ahead thing too and it bugged me at the time. I now realise it was because deep down he wasn't attached to me. It was an indicator of a lack of involvement and empathy (and bad manners!). He's being disrespectful to you and saying you just have to put up with it while you are with him. When I was in a very unhappy situation once and really couldn't see the wood for the trees, someone once said something important to me - "Your feelings matter too". Think about that.
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:55:26 AM
I don't care how good looking a man or a woman is, or how much of a catch they think they are.
There is no excuse for rudeness.

Attractive is as attractive does.

If you act like an @$$hole you ARE one.

Nobody wants to snuggle up with an @$$hole.
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/26/2010 5:16:55 AM
What is really ironic is that so many of these rude and flaky people seem too stupid to comprehend that thier very rudeness and/or flakiness is probably what is keeping them single and lonely. The bad and egotistical attitudes are undermining their search for love and their egos are keeping them from seeing it.

One great example is someone in my neck of the woods who is complaining how this site is not working for her, because when somebody who is not 'attractive' contacts her it is 'bothering' her.
I'm pretty sure if she would have posted a more accurate word portrayal of herself that she would not have been bothered by all those ugly people who have 'annoyed' her.

It's pretty common on other dating sites for folks to say "I'm looking for somebody height-weight proportoinate' or "I'm attractive and I expect anybody else to be too." etc....

Instead of expecting Brad Pitt and being upset when the guy next door sends an email. LOL...
From the profile update I am pretty sure that her messages will decrease dramatically now that she has updated it to say she is unhappy with this site because there are not too many attractive people on here.

LOL...

If I was THAT in love with myself, I don't think I would need anybody else....
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 23
Rudeness
Posted: 2/27/2010 5:20:46 AM
"he has always been that way and isn't gonna change" - he's made it clear where he stands, your only decision is where you stand; is this something you are willing to live with withOut resentment - after all, it's Your choice to be with him knowing this about him.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Rudeness
Posted: 2/28/2010 9:51:21 PM

Any suggestions?
Isn't it obvious?
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 25
Rudeness
Posted: 3/1/2010 2:42:04 AM
Frankly if something isnt working for you in the beginning when it comes to someone....then why has it gone on for 8 more months? If after 8 months, a person isnt at least compromising a bit...then why bother?



And if she has a man, that she cares about....then why is she on this site?
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Rudeness