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Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 42
Do We Attract Our Parents?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
good question...
I know I used to fear to be like any of them LOL!

but maybe you have a point....

although what if you grew up with your mom.. and there's no real relationship.. and your dad never was in your life..
does one date someone that used to be a rolemodel..?

that means Im screwed cuz joan jett is a lesbian!!!
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 43
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 2/26/2010 5:21:39 PM
The men I'm interested in are nothing like my father or step-father. They're better. I reflect on my "fathers" and tell myself, this is what I DON'T want. Fortunately, that makes it really easy for me to find great guys to go out with, I can spot a jerk from a mile away. Unfortunately, it also reduces the dating pool.
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 44
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 2/26/2010 5:28:00 PM
I'm hoping for a man like Pa, in Ma and Pa Kettle.
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 45
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 2/26/2010 6:14:22 PM
well...........the answer is not so black and white. those that are attracted to "types" that are "like" their parents are attracted to the comfort of familiarity that those relationships bring.
kpooks....................stretch yourself, you may find it's exactly what you need.
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 2/26/2010 7:16:47 PM
Good God I hope not.
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 47
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 3/1/2010 3:48:31 PM
I don't think that we attract our parents. What do they have to do with our choices. In my particular case, my mother was a damaged soul, so I realized she was going to be nothing but what she was. Domineering, controlling and distance. My father was a loving person, so I had a mix of opposites. All my relationships have all different and don't see a bit of my mother or father in any of them. javascript:smilie('')
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 48
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 3/3/2010 7:36:36 PM
God lets hope not.
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 49
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 3/3/2010 8:57:58 PM
i love this saying: god picks our friend and the devil picks our families.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 50
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 3/3/2010 11:48:44 PM
Do I pick my parents .... that would be a bit morbid, they are both dead. Maybe Zombie Love is the answer....
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 51
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 3/4/2010 12:00:51 AM
my parents are responsible for having sex,creating a new life form,,rising said life form to be able to exist as an independent ,thinking human being and then living there own lives as nature intended,,

anything beyond that ,is co-dependency leading to spoiled obnoxious children with a huge sense of entitlement..

also known as 'aholes" or "shitheads"
 Ms Nomer
Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 52
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 3/4/2010 1:06:48 AM
I tried to stay away from guys that were like my father as he was a dead beat dad and so was primarily raised by my mother. I had a step-father but he was away a lot with work.

My mother and I have an antagonistic relationship which was similar to what I had with my former husband since they had a lot of common traits.

So, it turns out I didn't marry someone like my father but instead married someone like my mother, due to familiarity, although of course I didn't realize it at the time.

She was the only "model" I had as I didn't have any strong male influences in my life. Although a funny thing is that my gf noticed that with my previous relationships, all of the guys consistently had the same physical trait...a large nose like my step-father, lol.
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 53
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 3/4/2010 1:31:29 PM
Pooks ~~ I think you're not getting the whole picture: who is attracted to us, or not, doesn't really impact on us *at all* unless we let them far enough into our lives that we notice it. . . . That these ladies who resemble your mom are getting close enough to you for you to be repelled is plenty of evidence that *you* are issuing invitations, eh?

Example: at one point in my life, for about a decade after my third brother killed himself, suicide threateners seemed to be following me around ~~ neighbors, friends, friends of friends, all kept my line busy. I was constantly running out to hold someone's hand to keep them alive. Finally, a roommate made a "try" while she was at home alone with my children. . . . When the hospital was ready to release her, they asked if she could come back to my place? I said, "NO!" And you know? That was then end of suicide attempters in my life; haven't had even one in the thirty years since.

As for who I am attracted to? I wouldn't mind having either of my parents' personalities, souls, life paths in my life ~~ they were astonishingly good, sane, centered, caring and giving human beings. Both to their family and to the world at large. They were both people who had they not been my parents, I would have chosen to have as friends. And they were that once I got into my twenties, and until they died. Every now and again I'll catch sight of a few traits of one or the other in a current mate, and am glad of it. But more often in my past I've found myself struggling to fix the relationship with my brother, lol! I love him dearly, and he was my boon companion and great buddy of all of my childhood. He's also a control freaque and a bully. I think/hope/pray that I'm past having to deal with that, and my last two loves, including the one I'm with now, do NOT exhibit those tendencies.

Live. Learn.
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 54
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 9/30/2010 8:04:47 PM
Harville Hendrix's theory is not so constrained that you only attract/are attracted to your opposite sex parent, but that you attract/are attracted to the best and worst characteristics of your primary caregivers - male and/or female. This could be a grandparent, nanny, parent, sibling, adopted parent; whomever had the lead role(s) in your life your first 7-10 yrs.

I've found this to ring true in my life - men in my significant relationships have been combination of the best and worst traits of my mom and grandparents.
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 55
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 9/30/2010 8:34:12 PM
But I guess I would do very well if I did.
Cus both my parents were successful in life.

But I know folks who did marry their mom/dad types.
And did so cus they were their mom/dad type.

If you find yourself doing that...
and want to break the pattern....
change your own type.

If you can't.
You're just a Fred waiting for your Ethel.
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 56
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/4/2010 4:59:25 AM
My dad died when I was 5, he was the youngest of 3. He was very young 26, and likeable (people that I don't even know and his sister say this). I find talkative, white males, who aren't angry, appealing but usually they are the married ones. Both parents were attractive, my dad was a blond w/blue eyes and pretty, (thank God), my Mom looked like Mary Tyler Moore when she was younger so it would be hard to meet anyone that was as attractive as my parents.
Joined: 8/25/2010
Msg: 57
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/5/2010 8:17:42 AM
I have to say that I might attract my parents...
most relationships I had, the women had some sort of thing in common with my mother...

so.. for the people who do look for traits in a "partner" that resemble theyre parents.. does that mean they look for approval on some level from theyre parents..??
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 58
view profile
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/5/2010 11:01:23 AM
Dear God, I hope not!
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 59
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/5/2010 11:24:35 AM
If you had great parents and a happy childhood for the most part I think it would be very common to want that type of mate..

As far as looks..NO that would be odd, but I hear most of us are to an extent and aren't aware of it.

My son draws and a lot of his female drawings have my face..HE isn't aware of it but I see it.
They just have bigger TA TA's

Joined: 8/25/2010
Msg: 60
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/5/2010 11:27:34 AM
^ freud would have a field day with this thread!!
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 61
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/6/2010 5:39:14 PM

Yeah alot of people hating on their parents. I liked my parents story. They were high school sweethearts and married young, both were each other's first love.
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 62
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/6/2010 6:53:23 PM
I love my parents and despite any shortcomings they may have they did ok. I'm not like them but I can respect thier lives.
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 63
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/6/2010 10:53:46 PM
I adored my father, and I do look for men who are simlar to him. He was a great guy, and I would be lucky to find someone like him. I am somewhat like my mom, but more outspoken. She is very shy.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 64
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Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/6/2010 11:51:35 PM
I think I'm drawn to men who have SOME traits similar to my Dad's ... the laid-back, fun-loving parts of my Dad's personality ... his artistic tendencies, enthusiasm ... his ready laugh and song ... ability to see the fun side of any situation ...

but I'd be repelled by men who have OTHER traits similar to my Dad's! for example, his lack of caution for his personal well-being, his irresponsibility and reckless behaviours ... reckless disregard for his safety or his family's ... his talent for throwing caution to the winds ...

I'd not be drawn to people with characteristics similar to my Mother's at all ...

as for "Do We Attract Our Parents?" ... I've attracted only TWO irresponsible, fun-loving men similar to my Dad ... I married one with the anticipated results ... divorce due to his lack of ability to grow up and be a mature contributing family member ...

with the other man, the similarity to my Dad was much more pronounced and I let him slip through my fingers ... I could just SEE where the relationship was heading ... he was charming, funny, beautiful, artistic ... but so irresponsible ... while compelling, it seemed doomed to fail ... I just opened my hand and let him slide on out ...

sadly, my natural personality is VERY similar to my maternal grandmother's ... altho I fight and struggle, my natural tendencies are to be similar to her! whereas, my only daughter's personality is VERY similar to my Mother's! while HER daughter and I are fairly like two peas in a pod! it feels like we're hopping generations!

analyzing my daughter's personality and her issues, experienced with deep love and appreciation, has certainly given me insights into my Mother though!

I AM really drawn to men like my Dad ... but I fight it ... GREAT TOPIC!

Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 65
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Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:44:02 AM
Only if I am really lucky.
My Dad loves to laugh, absolutely adores his wife of 48 years, very laid back, you always know where you stand with him and he's very even tempered. He thinks my Mom is the most beautiful woman in the world.
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 66
Do We Attract Our Parents?
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:58:11 AM
I'm drawn to men who share my mother's temperament and my father's intellect. He was a brilliant man---very accomplished and well-read, as well as movie-star handsome. He did tend to be somewhat self-absorbed, regimented and controlling. Conversely, my mother had a sweet and even-keeled disposition. I took after my father temperamentally, therefore I look for easygoing men who are more like my mother to balance things out.

The right partner for me can disarm me and my narcissistic tunnel vision and self-absorptions with a strong backbone---combined with a velvety touch, a soft voice, a gentle kiss. There's enough real drama out there---we don't need to make any up. I'm gradually learning that I would rather be happy than always be right. Luckily for me, I believe I have found such a man.
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