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Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 56
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People Who Can't Be PunctualPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Confessions of Tardiness:

It's simply bad time management skills. I used to have the same problem. I think it is more common in people who tend to be dreamers or have an artistic temperment. We get lost in thought when we should be getting ready. Time just seems to escape us.

It took a lot of work on my part to get better about it. It was a problem I had had my entire life. I would miss the bus most of the time in elementary school and have to be driven in. In highschool when I was driving myself there, I got 30 detentions in a row one time just for always walking in to class a few minutes after the bell. It wasn't until I began working at a place with a time clock that I started pulling things together. But not before I almost lost my job over it!

It affected my social life too. My friends told me years later that they would tell me to meet them about half an hour before they actually planned to be somewhere so that we would get there around the same time.

It took me years of consciously planning all the moments leading up to my departure before it became easy to get somewhere on time. I would even write down my schedule so I could refer to it. I started laying out my clothes for the next day the previous night. Now I have taken it a step further than that, and I wear basically the same outfit EVERY day! I bought at least 8 of everything (an extra set for laundry day). So, that saves some time. I now wear short hair which is styled the same way every day. All this in an attempt to be able to get out the door faster. I also bought A LOT of clocks so that there is now a clock basically every where you turn in my apartment . It's practically a collection. It is in fact! Some of them are pretty unique!

So, don't think that people who are always late don't realize that it affects the lives of others, and that we don't feel bad about it. It does feel like it certainly can't be helped when it is happening. Perhaps you might be able to suggest some tips to your S/O to help him to improve his time management skills.
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 57
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:25:12 PM
I tried telling my daughter to be an hour earlier then I wanted her, but then she showed up 2 hrs late. I have a friend who comes to my salon, she is always late for her appt and being that she is the last of the evening really ticks me off. I just started cancelling her if she wasnt there on time, do that enough, they will start showing up on time.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 59
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:59:35 PM

When I arrive early to pick someone up, I take a walk or something until the appointed time, unless I've called and they've said it's okay to come early. What's so hard about that? Nothing, that's what.

I agree that picking someone up or coming to their house early is one thing. Meeting at a restaurant or coffee shop or movie theater or something that's a public place I go in sit down and order something while I wait - I even bring a book or use the time to check e-mails. I doubt that bothers anyone.
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 63
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:03:36 AM

I've developed coping skills over the years...

This is what intelligent, respectful people do. Kudos to you Calray. And, it's too bad that you, and others, are made to feel bad.

However, that being said... For those of you that just say, "Meh, it's who I am!". Sorry, doesn't cut it. If you know it's a problem, then fix the problem! If you know it takes you 15 minutes to drive there, plan on 30. If you know you have an hour to be somewhere and it takes 30 minutes to get there, you do NOT have 30 minutes to read a book.

It IS as simple as that kind of planning. And that just doesn't sound like something difficult to do. I have to say that I do think it's about respecting others. If I'm going to an appointment with anyone or for anything, why in the world would I ever think that my time is more important than theirs?

I can't remember if I've EVER heard someone say "You know, I went to the doctor's office yesterday and had to wait 2 hours past my appointment time to get in. But, I didn't mind. It was a FUN experience!"

I think anyone can justify anything they want to in their own mind. However, expecting a different outcome based on the same behaviors... Well, the saying applies here, too.
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 67
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/23/2010 2:04:46 PM
If your ex couldn't make it any where on time, OP, I wonder how he was able to stay employed.

He was probably like that all of his life.
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 68
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/24/2010 10:10:50 AM
im very often late, not by hours, usually only 5-15 mins, that is sometimes the fault of public transport but if im honest, more often down to my leaving things until the last minute and then dashing about trying to catch up time...

if someone is soo purturbed by having to wait 5-10 mins then i wouldnt be losing any sleep over them, im not overly concerned if someone keeps me waiting for 10 mins or so either... i dont see it as controlling or anything intentional, im just a bugger for starting to do something and then getting sidetracked and losing timescales...
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 69
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:05:53 PM
...Can I get back to you on this?????
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 70
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:00:19 PM
I don't have a lot of patience for lateness. I know sometimes it's unavoidable and people get caught up in traffic, but ALL the time? Some people seem so airheaded, selfish and lazy when it comes to planning when they need to end off on whatever they're doing in order to make it to a place on time.
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 71
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:35:53 PM
Time sense is one of the 'Executive functions' of the brain. Google it. Some people's executive function is broken. No amount of anger, angst, insult, or other battery will help them fix it. It is what it is. Learn to deal with it or bail.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 76
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:58:06 PM
I will wait 15 minutes for a person to show up. After that I am gone.

I used to do that - but honestly that just creates more stress. Now I won't make plans with anyone to do anything I wouldn't do without them. So it's more like the person meeting me is actually joining me instead - I bring a book, drink my coffee or whatever and relax and go about my day. I don't get rattled that way. I just think twice before making plans with them in the future.

Same with restaurants - I order and eat, or end up talking to a bunch of people at the bar. The person I am meeting is incidental to my plans. I did once end up meeting one person while waiting for another person who was late. Shit happens.

If I am meeting someone for a half hour and they are 20 minutes late, I still leave within 30 minutes of the time we agreed on.
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 78
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:42:11 PM
^^^ @msg 89: If a boss said that if you were late one more time you'd be fired, do you think you could get to work on time? If not, I guess it's a good thing you've got the work situation that you do. If so, why not make it happen on your own?

I can understand the oversleeping thing because I'm the sort of person who has a lot of difficulty prying my eyes open if I've had less than 8 hours of sleep. But I can't quite grasp why a morning person would be late because of dilly dallying.
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 80
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:54:22 PM
^^^^I don't understand being late to work if you're an early riser. What is relaxation time after having had 7-8 hours sleep? Is it playing around on the internet? I've always been the type that hit the shower, get dressed, make-up, and get kid's lunch together and out the door. I'm almost never late. It's just A to B just because I've got a thing for being on time.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 82
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 4:46:44 AM
I really do try but there always seems to be that one last thing.

"" Lack of planning on your behalf,,,does NOT create an emergency for me. ""
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 84
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 5:36:18 AM

I was just leaving when he strolled in like nothing was wrong.

This is actually more irritating to me than the tardiness itself. Maybe those people think that if they don't say anything then you won't notice they were late. For someone to be so inconsiderate with their late arrival and then not even bother to offer up a simple apology, it's just stacking rude on top of rude.
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 87
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 8:52:29 AM
People who can't be someplace on time routinely lack respect or discipline.

Honestly, my job requires me to be all over town at specific times and I am seldom late.
How hard is it to look at a watch and leave in time to get someplace in a normal manner.

When somebody doesn't show up on time its because they dont CARE.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 88
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:10:17 AM
One of my best friends is chronically late. She is fun, wacky, vivacious and great to just yack with on the phone, but planning any kind of a face to face meeting creates so much anxiety for and a couple of our mutual friends, that I simply avoid planning anything that hinges on her being there.

She was an hour late for her own wedding, which was outdoors, in September in Michigan by the water and the sun was setting. Everyone was shivering and my fingers were getting stiff on cold dewey piano keys after playing continuously for an hour.

She was a no show for something she planned last fall that took a lot of preparation for me and 3 other friends. We all stopped talking to her for a while after that. I was ready to call it quits.

She doesn't like be questioned about it and either plays the victim. laughs it off, or gives me a laundry list of all of the things she had to do. In the hours leading up to the meeting there is always a succession of phone calls with questions about wardrobe planning, and telling me all the things she has to do.

I really think that someone who is late ALL the time has a mental illness. I don't know if it's ADD, OCD, or Narcissism.

I get sick to my stomach at the thought of being late for anything.
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 90
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:27:18 AM
People have to know themselves and their 'hot button' issues, like, among other things, mullets, orderliness, having kids, pets, belief in God, and yes...punctuality.

Do yourself a huge favour and know yourself so you can discuss and discover these things (falling under the category of compatibility) before getting terribly emotionally and financially 'invested' in the relationship...these things don't go away. The way you meet 'em is the way you leave 'em.

"Charles Bukowski had a story that essentially was saying that it's the little things that drive men mad. It's not the big things. It's not World War II. It's the broken shoe lace when there is no time left that sends men completely out their minds." --Tom Waits
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 92
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:26:11 AM

And he was a really GREAT guy, but he just couldn't get ANYWHERE on time.
LOL!!! CRINGE!!!!! Ok, I admit it.....I'm one of those people! I know there's that popular theory that we're all inconsiderate, lazy, passive aggressive personality types....BUT, I'd like to offer an alternative theory...which may account for some of us at least.

It's....ADHD. For me, getting up was never an issue; even since retiring, I still get up at 5am every morning. No, the fact is...that the earlier I would get up...the later I was probably going to be running by the time it was time to head out the door. If I woke up late however....I was never rushed. Having to leave the house at 5:30am (work at 6am), I'd usually get up around 3:30-4am. On the way to make coffee, I'd figure....ok, I'll switch loads in the laundry while it's brewing. Then, grabbing a cup to take to the bathroom....LOL! I'd find a million other little things that "needed" done along the way...and do them. I'd get so busy with all the things that I could do "while I had the time" that I'd loose track of the time..and my original purpose for getting up 2 hrs before I had to leave for work.

I do agree with you that it's aggravating, LOL! it aggravated even ME at times, but equally aggravating is being somewhere 30 minutes early.....and WAITING! I HATE waiting! I keep thinking of all the things I could have gotten accomplished....rather than waiting!

Well, you asked:
Has anyone else dealt with people like this (or are one themselves) and have any insight?
so, there's my 2 cents worth. I'm not saying that this is the reason for everyone...but for was the ADHD. I simply can't walk by something that needs done...without doing it. HOW TO RECTIFY the problem? Boy, I don't know, but for sure, complaining about it is not likely to work. For me, it was developing a CONSCIOUS understanding of the root cause for it and simply willing myself to IGNORE the things that would distract me from my goal....which be out of the house at a certain time.
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 97
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:13:18 AM
People that are late show a lack of commitmnet either to work or realtionships or what ever. I fired more people for being late to work than any thing, and what pissed me off more than anything they were being paid 25.00 dollars or more pre hour. Thier is alot of people that would give thier eye teeth for a job that pays that well. I am 62 years old and was late only one time the guy that was driving that day his engine blew up and we were late, I have allways be early up to 45 mins if I thought trafic was bad .
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 98
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/26/2010 4:12:08 PM
Honestly, I've tried to get my head around the replies from those of you that have said that being late applies to them. (It would seem you're vastly outnumbered on this thread!) However, the one thing that seems to keep coming up is this:

- I just keep getting side-tracked.
- Things keep coming up to make me late.

I don't think anyone here is talking about someone who is late "once in awhile". But for the chronically late, it would seem that most, if not all of you do know what makes you late! And yet, you continue to let it happen. My question is obviously...WHY??????

I do hope it doesn't feel like you're getting ganged up on. I really would be interested in the "why" of your actions. I think we'd all appreciate a little understanding into this. So, if you have an idea... Not just the fact that you keep seeing things that could be done...or that things seem to come up that take more time than you thought they would. The "why" I'm asking about is why you allow these things to take up your time.

Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 100
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/27/2010 4:57:51 PM

I went through the same thing with my I have almost unending reserves of patience, but it is still aggrivating to me. I just don't understand how hard it is to be somewhere ON TIME. My ex was always apologizing and saying he just couldn't help feeling is that if you're truly sorry about something, then why do you keep doing it? With people like that, is it really beyond their control? Is it a lack of self-conrol, laziness, passive-aggressiveness, or what? Has anyone else dealt with people like this (or are one themselves) and have any insight?
I used to attend a group. One day, the subject of punctuality came up. One of the people in the group really got annoyed whenever anyone was late. So we discussed it. In turned out that the group was split in two.

Half had a huge problem with it. They would always be punctual, and would expect everyone else to as well. They'd get very annoyed whenever anyone was late, and say no reason not to vent their annoyance on the people who were late.

The other half would rarely be punctual. They too got annoyed when people were not punctual. But they understood that people can be punctual, and so would not hold it against them.

However, what was really interesting to me, was that each half also differed on their expectations of life.

The half that were punctual, were of the view that they could achieve what they wanted.
The half that were late, were of the view that they couldn't achieve what they wanted.

There generally seemed to be a massive difference in attitude between the punctuals and the latecomers, that showed that the punctuals were the "confident" people, and the latecomers were the unconfident people.

So I'd say that it's simply a difference in whether you are confident in your life, or not.

That won't make it easier for you to accept, not until you accept that whether or not you have confidence, is very often more to do with the accident of which family you were born into, and which you were in the order of your sibling's birth, rather than anything else. Then you'll accept that your punctuality is more a matter of accident, than any actual choice on your part.
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 101
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/28/2010 8:19:08 AM

Thanks for the reply. I really am trying to understand it. It may be something I won't be able to "get" any more than you might be able to "explain". Let me ask this to you...and others...

You know you don't want to be late. You would like to change this behavior. From your explanation, it doesn't seem to happen...or at least to the point you want it to.

Compared with...

You know that a flame is hot because you stuck your hand in and burned it. You would like to change this behavior. You do and have not purposely stuck your hand in another flame.

Both are, or can be learned behaviors. Why would there be a difference and why not change the behavior on lateness?
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 105
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/28/2010 12:30:09 PM

;-) Hopefully, your friends can stay away from the use of sharp, or hot objects!

But, that's partly my point. The flame obviously has a negative (in this case painful) consequence. One could argue that the consequence of being late is not sufficiently negative for someone who is late. From that, it can be inferred that the respect for the situation, or person, is not it is for the pain of the flame.

I would hate to think that people always need a painful stimulus to remind them what they should do, or in this case what they "think" they should do. I say it this way, not because "I" think that people who are late should change their ways and be on time. But, because almost always, THEY state that they believe they should be on time and are always apologizing for being late.

I certainly wish others could chime in on this point too. Maybe with some examples of what spurred a change in habit, even if it was only temporary...or for one particular person, etc...
 Earl Dirt
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 106
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/28/2010 12:46:27 PM
I guess my Cattle prod would be in the form of a time clock if I had to clock in,thankfully,I get to write my time in because I'm not relieving anyone,in one way I don't feel I abuse it,I seem to make it a point to be 10 minutes late most days but stay over by 15 to 20 min. every day so it's not like I am taking anything from the Hospital,they get an hour or so a week of my time uncharged LOL,but I always awaken before the alarm goes off.
Yeah yeah,I know!! still irisponsible
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 109
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:18:17 AM

What is the punctuation between inhale and exhale..?

Do time create obedient or obedient create time..?

Who created the obedient to time..?

Who created the time to obey .......

'Life persist no matter you agree or disagree on punctuations.'

birth and death are related. they hold each others hand, the seen from the unseen.


Seriously though, wtf are you even rambling about?
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