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Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 87
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People Who Can't Be PunctualPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
People who can't be someplace on time routinely lack respect or discipline.

Honestly, my job requires me to be all over town at specific times and I am seldom late.
How hard is it to look at a watch and leave in time to get someplace in a normal manner.

When somebody doesn't show up on time its because they dont CARE.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 88
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:10:17 AM
One of my best friends is chronically late. She is fun, wacky, vivacious and great to just yack with on the phone, but planning any kind of a face to face meeting creates so much anxiety for and a couple of our mutual friends, that I simply avoid planning anything that hinges on her being there.

She was an hour late for her own wedding, which was outdoors, in September in Michigan by the water and the sun was setting. Everyone was shivering and my fingers were getting stiff on cold dewey piano keys after playing continuously for an hour.

She was a no show for something she planned last fall that took a lot of preparation for me and 3 other friends. We all stopped talking to her for a while after that. I was ready to call it quits.

She doesn't like be questioned about it and either plays the victim. laughs it off, or gives me a laundry list of all of the things she had to do. In the hours leading up to the meeting there is always a succession of phone calls with questions about wardrobe planning, and telling me all the things she has to do.

I really think that someone who is late ALL the time has a mental illness. I don't know if it's ADD, OCD, or Narcissism.

I get sick to my stomach at the thought of being late for anything.
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 89
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:19:31 AM
Merrylass had a good thought that bears repeating:

Time sense is one of the 'Executive functions' of the brain. Google it. Some people's executive function is broken. No amount of anger, angst, insult, or other battery will help them fix it. It is what it is. Learn to deal with it or bail.

I think some posters have inadvertently touched on this, whether talking about themselves or another, in describing a personality who does care about keeping people waiting but just can't always seem to get it together on time.

I have no idea what the rate of incidence is that people have a genuine impairment in this area (which, as executive-function impairments go, is pretty minor), but IMO it is certainly a possibility worth considering before dismissing someone entirely.

As noted previously, though I am generally punctual, I don't get worked up about people being a little late anyway - but this had not occurred to me and it is definitely a real thing that may be happening in some instances.
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 90
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:27:18 AM
People have to know themselves and their 'hot button' issues, like, among other things, mullets, orderliness, having kids, pets, belief in God, and yes...punctuality.

Do yourself a huge favour and know yourself so you can discuss and discover these things (falling under the category of compatibility) before getting terribly emotionally and financially 'invested' in the relationship...these things don't go away. The way you meet 'em is the way you leave 'em.

"Charles Bukowski had a story that essentially was saying that it's the little things that drive men mad. It's not the big things. It's not World War II. It's the broken shoe lace when there is no time left that sends men completely out their minds." --Tom Waits
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 92
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:26:11 AM

And he was a really GREAT guy, but he just couldn't get ANYWHERE on time.
LOL!!! CRINGE!!!!! Ok, I admit it.....I'm one of those people! I know there's that popular theory that we're all inconsiderate, lazy, passive aggressive personality types....BUT, I'd like to offer an alternative theory...which may account for some of us at least.

It's....ADHD. For me, getting up was never an issue; even since retiring, I still get up at 5am every morning. No, the fact is...that the earlier I would get up...the later I was probably going to be running by the time it was time to head out the door. If I woke up late however....I was never rushed. Having to leave the house at 5:30am (work at 6am), I'd usually get up around 3:30-4am. On the way to make coffee, I'd figure....ok, I'll switch loads in the laundry while it's brewing. Then, grabbing a cup to take to the bathroom....LOL! I'd find a million other little things that "needed" done along the way...and do them. I'd get so busy with all the things that I could do "while I had the time" that I'd loose track of the time..and my original purpose for getting up 2 hrs before I had to leave for work.

I do agree with you that it's aggravating, LOL! it aggravated even ME at times, but equally aggravating is being somewhere 30 minutes early.....and WAITING! I HATE waiting! I keep thinking of all the things I could have gotten accomplished....rather than waiting!

Well, you asked:
Has anyone else dealt with people like this (or are one themselves) and have any insight?
so, there's my 2 cents worth. I'm not saying that this is the reason for everyone...but for was the ADHD. I simply can't walk by something that needs done...without doing it. HOW TO RECTIFY the problem? Boy, I don't know, but for sure, complaining about it is not likely to work. For me, it was developing a CONSCIOUS understanding of the root cause for it and simply willing myself to IGNORE the things that would distract me from my goal....which be out of the house at a certain time.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 94
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/26/2010 12:29:21 AM
Early is ON -Time
On-Time is Late
Late is DEAD

Now drop and give me 30 maggot.

Civilians phew.
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 97
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:13:18 AM
People that are late show a lack of commitmnet either to work or realtionships or what ever. I fired more people for being late to work than any thing, and what pissed me off more than anything they were being paid 25.00 dollars or more pre hour. Thier is alot of people that would give thier eye teeth for a job that pays that well. I am 62 years old and was late only one time the guy that was driving that day his engine blew up and we were late, I have allways be early up to 45 mins if I thought trafic was bad .
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 98
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/26/2010 4:12:08 PM
Honestly, I've tried to get my head around the replies from those of you that have said that being late applies to them. (It would seem you're vastly outnumbered on this thread!) However, the one thing that seems to keep coming up is this:

- I just keep getting side-tracked.
- Things keep coming up to make me late.

I don't think anyone here is talking about someone who is late "once in awhile". But for the chronically late, it would seem that most, if not all of you do know what makes you late! And yet, you continue to let it happen. My question is obviously...WHY??????

I do hope it doesn't feel like you're getting ganged up on. I really would be interested in the "why" of your actions. I think we'd all appreciate a little understanding into this. So, if you have an idea... Not just the fact that you keep seeing things that could be done...or that things seem to come up that take more time than you thought they would. The "why" I'm asking about is why you allow these things to take up your time.

Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 100
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/27/2010 4:57:51 PM

I went through the same thing with my I have almost unending reserves of patience, but it is still aggrivating to me. I just don't understand how hard it is to be somewhere ON TIME. My ex was always apologizing and saying he just couldn't help feeling is that if you're truly sorry about something, then why do you keep doing it? With people like that, is it really beyond their control? Is it a lack of self-conrol, laziness, passive-aggressiveness, or what? Has anyone else dealt with people like this (or are one themselves) and have any insight?
I used to attend a group. One day, the subject of punctuality came up. One of the people in the group really got annoyed whenever anyone was late. So we discussed it. In turned out that the group was split in two.

Half had a huge problem with it. They would always be punctual, and would expect everyone else to as well. They'd get very annoyed whenever anyone was late, and say no reason not to vent their annoyance on the people who were late.

The other half would rarely be punctual. They too got annoyed when people were not punctual. But they understood that people can be punctual, and so would not hold it against them.

However, what was really interesting to me, was that each half also differed on their expectations of life.

The half that were punctual, were of the view that they could achieve what they wanted.
The half that were late, were of the view that they couldn't achieve what they wanted.

There generally seemed to be a massive difference in attitude between the punctuals and the latecomers, that showed that the punctuals were the "confident" people, and the latecomers were the unconfident people.

So I'd say that it's simply a difference in whether you are confident in your life, or not.

That won't make it easier for you to accept, not until you accept that whether or not you have confidence, is very often more to do with the accident of which family you were born into, and which you were in the order of your sibling's birth, rather than anything else. Then you'll accept that your punctuality is more a matter of accident, than any actual choice on your part.
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 101
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/28/2010 8:19:08 AM

Thanks for the reply. I really am trying to understand it. It may be something I won't be able to "get" any more than you might be able to "explain". Let me ask this to you...and others...

You know you don't want to be late. You would like to change this behavior. From your explanation, it doesn't seem to happen...or at least to the point you want it to.

Compared with...

You know that a flame is hot because you stuck your hand in and burned it. You would like to change this behavior. You do and have not purposely stuck your hand in another flame.

Both are, or can be learned behaviors. Why would there be a difference and why not change the behavior on lateness?
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 104
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/28/2010 12:25:55 PM

So that being said...if I were poked with a cattle prod any time I was late...the odds of my improving my tardiness would likely improve 100%.

Hee! And, I'm not so sure. You might just get used to the cattle prod as a painful and annoying but routine thing.

I know that's what would happen if someone cattle-prodded me at 6 AM every day.

Although, fortunately, my inability to wake up most mornings very, very rarely affects my punctuality anymore. Yay for the advent of flex time!
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 105
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/28/2010 12:30:09 PM

;-) Hopefully, your friends can stay away from the use of sharp, or hot objects!

But, that's partly my point. The flame obviously has a negative (in this case painful) consequence. One could argue that the consequence of being late is not sufficiently negative for someone who is late. From that, it can be inferred that the respect for the situation, or person, is not it is for the pain of the flame.

I would hate to think that people always need a painful stimulus to remind them what they should do, or in this case what they "think" they should do. I say it this way, not because "I" think that people who are late should change their ways and be on time. But, because almost always, THEY state that they believe they should be on time and are always apologizing for being late.

I certainly wish others could chime in on this point too. Maybe with some examples of what spurred a change in habit, even if it was only temporary...or for one particular person, etc...
 Earl Dirt
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 106
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 2/28/2010 12:46:27 PM
I guess my Cattle prod would be in the form of a time clock if I had to clock in,thankfully,I get to write my time in because I'm not relieving anyone,in one way I don't feel I abuse it,I seem to make it a point to be 10 minutes late most days but stay over by 15 to 20 min. every day so it's not like I am taking anything from the Hospital,they get an hour or so a week of my time uncharged LOL,but I always awaken before the alarm goes off.
Yeah yeah,I know!! still irisponsible
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 109
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:18:17 AM

What is the punctuation between inhale and exhale..?

Do time create obedient or obedient create time..?

Who created the obedient to time..?

Who created the time to obey .......

'Life persist no matter you agree or disagree on punctuations.'

birth and death are related. they hold each others hand, the seen from the unseen.


Seriously though, wtf are you even rambling about?
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 111
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:21:30 AM
my guy friend just pulled the same crap on last weekend when we were going to leave at 8 am didint get to my house till 10 i was pissed so i just returned the favor cause he wanted to play and i show ed up late
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 112
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:22:04 AM
See, what I dont understand here is....why must I adjust myself in order to deal with someone's complete inability to be on time for something?

I mean, would you show up late for an appt, or late for a job? So why would you constantly be late to meet up with someone?

Say, you made reservations for a show, and she STILL shows up late....? Is it REEEEEALLY that difficult for her to adjust herself, and her schedule to try and make something on time?

Im sorry, but its discourteous to have someone constantly waiting for you since you cannot be on time to ANYTHING in your life.

Organize yourself.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 113
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/2/2010 7:40:06 AM

my guy friend just pulled the same crap on last weekend when we were going to leave at 8 am didint get to my house till 10 i was pissed

I'd never still be there two hours later when he showed up. I'd rather drive to an empty parking lot and sit in it than be home two hours after I made plans with someone.

I say if you're supposed to go somewhere with someone else - go anyway, and let them miss half of it. If you're supposed to meet someone, go anyway and enjoy it without them. Sometimes it's not wanting to go alone that makes you wait for someone else in order to have a good time. Don't get trapped in that corner.
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 116
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/2/2010 9:29:32 AM
I had that problem with someone I lived with. I did all the cooking, and lost my temper once when she was late again for a meal.

"Why do you take it personally?" she asked. "I'm late with everybody."

"I take it personally," I said, "because it's happening to me!
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 119
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/2/2010 9:48:34 AM
But social life? I'll get there when I get there. It causes no stress or conflict with my friends, because I don't break agreements about being places at a certain time. I just rarely make them.

Of course it doesn't hurt that I'm basically a solitary creature. I mostly go around and do things by myself.

I'm in agreement with this. The less you schedule your life around anyone, the less it matters what they do. If you don't want to be on time, tell people not to wait or don't make definite plans to break in the first place. If you don't like others being late, don't plan your stuff around them or wait for them.

I like to be early, but I don't care if someone's late. Why? Because I go on with the activity regardless. If someone misses some of the food, or fun, or whatever - that's certainly their choice.

It's all about mindset in life. A lot of stress comes from trying to control or worrying about stuff you can't change.
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 120
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/2/2010 9:51:38 AM
KillingForCupcakes, the cultural references remind me of a Cuban-American guy I almost dated a couple of times... we only managed to actually get together once. The reason it's "almost" was, we'd make plans, then he'd call me two hours after he'd said he would, and ask me to do something completely different. Like, we'd have plans to call each other around 5:00 to firm up what time to go out for dinner that evening, I'd try him and get voice mail, and then he'd call at 7:30 to say he was at a nearby relative's house and ask me to come there to visit instead, to watch a movie with a bunch of friends and relatives. Now.

Of course by that time I was either out doing something else, or washed up and in my PJs all set to read and watch TV for the night, having figured we weren't getting together!

If I'd grown up with everything being so laissez-faire like that, it probably wouldn't have fazed me at all. But, I didn't, and it was just impossible to actually see the man. Too bad. I liked him a lot. He's a very sweet guy! He just has a really different idea of what it means to have plans with someone than I do.
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 122
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/2/2010 12:00:17 PM
I've had friends who can't be punctual, ever. I simply stop inviting them to anything that is time-sensitive, and see them when the timing doesn't matter. I'll usually turn down invitations from them that require meeting anywhere but their home, as I know they will be late. I will also do as one other poster suggested - set off to meet them once they're already on their way and have a clear arrival time. People who are chronically late irritate me, so Iwould never stay in a relationship with such a person.
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 123
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/2/2010 4:18:38 PM
died1000deaths: You're killing me! LOL! That must be some seriously good sh!t you are smoking! Why haven't I seen you showing up in any other threads? You should make this your full time gig! ....Words from BEYOND!
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 125
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/2/2010 5:29:11 PM
You know, these two sides will NEVER meet! But, I think most people who want punctuality are NOT talking about someone who is "laid back" or who lets them know they'll "get there when they get there". Personally, that's fine with me. I'm actually a pretty laid back person, too. If they miss the dinner or miss the dancing or miss the movie because they got there late and we all left...why should I worry or fret about that?

No, as someone mentioned, it's the person who is habitually late AND expects others to wait for them or adjust schedules for them. THIS is the unacceptable part. If someone wants to live their life at a slower pace...great! No problem! But, once that person EXPECTS others to change or cater to them...that becomes a problem.

Okay, so that seems pretty simple to me, right? If it's one-on-one, you're either incompatible or you make it work. If it's a group situation, you let the "late" person deal with being late. We still do what we do and the "late" person is able to not stress and be on their own schedule. Problem solved!
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 126
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People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/2/2010 7:53:56 PM
I struggle with this on occasion. When I lived with my kids Dad on the farm I found myself constantly late for work as it was a bit of a drive. My solution was to set every clock in the house for a different time; all of them early. It drove him nuts, but I was never late.

I am rarely late these days, though once in awhile something happens with one of the kids to cause a delay. Oh, and the only clock that's fast now is the one in my bedroom.

What is the punctuation between inhale and exhale..?

Do time create obedient or obedient create time..?

Who created the obedient to time..?

Who created the time to obey .......

'Life persist no matter you agree or disagree on punctuations.'

birth and death are related. they hold each others hand, the seen from the unseen.


This is America killing for cupcakes. Adapt to our culture.
When I go to Mexico city, I'll adapt to yours.
In the mean time, show courtesy and be on time.

and may be a bit of a control thing.

Ya think?

Oh....bite me.


Jesus ellena, rude much? You take patriotism to a whole new level..being punctual isn't an American thing, sorry to disappoint. And for the record, neither is this website.

Takes all kinds to make these forums go round...

Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 130
People Who Can't Be Punctual
Posted: 3/4/2010 11:31:34 AM

I've posted photos before, and been falsely accused of posting pictures of a model, more than once.

Ha, I remember one of those instances. It was pretty funny. I don't really remember just what you look like, but I recall that you do have that "model type" look.

But aren't we getting pretty far afield here?

If you two are getting together for breakfast, count me out... unless you're willing to make it a 1:00 PM brunch! Or at least noon. I can make noon without having to rush. Uh, usually. My hair might still be wet.

Okay, in all seriousness, getting back to it... in the responses, I note that many feel that lateness is offensive in various ways, usually saying that it's "disrespectful," and I find it hard to argue with that.

But I also find it hard to feel that it's a big deal, myself, if it's under about half an hour; maybe due to my own past problems with timeliness, before I finally clued in that I simply needed to schedule things for later in the day, I really can't get offended about it. I do expect an en route call if possible, and an apology, just in the ordinary social manner, but not that it be more than the automatic pro forma sort of thing we're all taught to issue at such times.

'Round about half an hour, if I haven't heard, is when I start figuring the plan is off. That's really rare, though. Usually if people are late it's maybe 10-15 minutes. I cannot get worked up about that.
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