Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to sharePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I had a friend like that, nothing but negative life draining crap. People tried to talk to her about it, even resorted to telling her off, but she didnt get it, she would just glaze over like she didnt hear what was just screamed in her face. All her friends told her if she didnt change her attitude she would have no friends left. She wouldnt even try to talk about it so she lost all her closest friends. Its been almost a year now, she has realized how she pushed everyone away with the negativity and she has actually started acting differently. Its a shame it had to go that far but at least she realized what her friends were telling her was the truth for her own good.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:17:31 PM
I agree, emotional vampires. We do all seem to have friends like this in our lives, or at least have had them. Its not just that they rarely have anything to share with you other than hard luck stories about how bad things are with them and some other friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a parent/sibling. You do the good friend thing and listen, provide any support you can, even offer the occasional tough love aspect and tell them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. The breaking point for me however is when the shoe is on the other foot and I need to vent to them about something, but they are bored, easily distracted or just uninterested in helping, even if its just to listen for a change. That can be such a moment of clarity, and high time to cut these kind of people out of your life.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:32:35 PM
I'm all about SOLVING problems. I've more than once had someone glam onto me because at first, I try to help. By this time in my life, I notice VERY quickly whether someone is looking for a solution, or to BRIEFLY vent, or just to "brag" about their rough life. The ones I can help I do, the ones who need to vent, I smile and say silly things to until they cheer up, and the ones who CLEARLY only want to fuss, I actually interrupt as soon as I recognize them, with something like " If you want help, I'm here for you. If you are glorying in crapulence, I'm not. You've ignored two of my suggestions entirely, one more and I'm gone."
I haven't had anyone succeed in SUSTAINED emotional vampirism in years.
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:33:52 PM

Emotional vampires.

What a great and befitting term!
 Honesty is hardly ever
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 21
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/22/2010 2:34:45 PM
I'm looking and this and all I can do is sit on the fence a bit. It would be helpful to know what some of the Shyte is. When I went through my divorce, I'm SURE I poured enough of it on every friendly ear I could find. I was a Train Wreck for a long time. Then I had a friend find himself in the same boat. Because of the similarities I was pretty much the ONLY ear he was talking too. Yeah, It sucks. It's boring. It's repetitious. You actually may have to toughen them up. It might not be pretty, but that what Friends do. You don't have to just listen, You can talk too. Like I tried to validate at the beginning, A little more background would be nice. Is this a friend...or a FRIEND. I know I don't quit on mine and if mine would quit on me I'd rather get a dog.

For anyone who hasn't heard this...In comparing FRIENDS, Lock your friend and your dog in the trunk of a car for a couple hours and see which one's happier to see you when you let them out. Have a blessed day, all
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/22/2010 3:50:07 PM
We all have our difficulties and need to be able to share them with friends, but enough is enough. I once had a guy friend that complained about his girlfriend mistreating him every single time we spoke. I finally said, "I care about you and it pains me to hear you tell me how this woman is mistreating you. I can't keep listening to this. It's your choice to stay with her, but I don't want to hear about her mistreating you any more." He stopped.

I had a guy ask me for a date and his entire conversation was negative. I finally stopped him and said, "Do you realize that everything you are saying is negative?" He paused, then continued with the negativity nonstop. I interrupted him again. "Look, everything you are saying is negative and I find negativity boring. If you want my company, you'll have to be a lot more interesting." He didn't seem to know how to carry on a conversation without constantly complaining. I redirected the conversation to the one topic I knew he'd talk about: movies. However, soon he was back to the negativity: complaining about the economy, complaining about health care, stories of people getting terrible illnesses, etc., etc. Fortunately, I didn't hear from him after that and if he'd called, I would have said, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Some people don't realize they are doing it. It's okay to tell them to stop. You are doing them a favor. And if they won't - then it's okay to tell them you have to back off and then do it.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:32:45 PM
^^^You have been here a week and your posts are already tired, the obtuse crap, are you really that devoid of any intellect? Perhaps you haven't had a friend who calls several times a week for a 2 hour rant. I don't care how good a friend you are, after a while you do feel like they are wasting significant components of your life because you have exhausted any means to help them so it is essentially rehashing the same crap, different twist each time.

I know it's kind of hard OP but maybe she needs to hear you tell her what you have written here. You care about her but you are getting to the point that you almost want to avoid her calls when you see who is on the caller I.D.

If she's a good friend, she'll understand the predicament she has placed you in. It sounds like a part of the problem is that she isn't interested in your life because it is not drama-laden. She also seems to thrive on the upheaval and drama. She needs to know that part of your quandary is related to whether you are in some way enabling her by being that long-suffering sounding board.

Sometimes people get lost in their shit/pain and it takes someone that cares about them to point it out so they can adjust their coping skills so they aren't a drain on people they care about. If she gets her shorts in a knot, maybe it is better to create some distance, which she will do on her own.
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:43:34 PM
Don't allow someone to drain you like that! How depressing!! I would cut off all communication. Just don't answer your phone when she calls. You could even have one last conversation with her first and tell her that you just can't be a part of that kind of relationship anymore.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:01:49 PM
Emotional/energy vampires are usually people who thrive on non-stop drama. If there is none, they create it. I have no tolerance anymore for it. I want to live a happy and upbeat life and while I can be a compassionate friend to the occasional drama that all of us experience from time to time, I cannot and will not allow someone to suck me into a daily dose of it.

I too, have let a few friendships go over it. I also choose not to reply to some forum posters on this site because they are so into drama and if you dare to disagree with them, the drama begins. It ALL has to be about them. Most everyone has had reason to be negative at one time or another, but an emotionally healthy person deals with it by not lettiing the issue control them and their every waking thought. They do not need constant validation and/or consoling.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:34:08 AM
I been trying to divorce that person for last 14 months.............................wow and she was your friend , huh, so it was you who gave her that advice!!!!!!

we all need to work on not giving misery company.................................................
 Kixel
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 43
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/26/2010 11:39:21 AM
This depends on the situation and the quality of your friendship. I've had two situations like this.

The first was a girl who was always stressed and freaked out by choices she made. When she wouldn't do anything to change things she basically got annoyed by me constantly telling her to stop doing the thing that stressed her out. It sucked because when she wasn't bogged down by the stuff she was a lot of fun to be around.

The second was a woman who was constantly b*tching about the situation she was in with a dude she was dating (it was casual for over a year). I finally told her I couldn't listen to her anymore. We distanced from each other but are now closer again. She still has a tendency to obsess, but she doesn't go to the extreme any longer.

Set boundaries and people can't be energy vampires.
 funnygirl2no
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/26/2010 6:37:34 PM
IS that YOU , Harriet????? sometimes we get on a roll and it helps to vent , sorry.
My mentor is Woody Allen. Luv him.
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:41:57 PM
I have good news for you OP. In about 15 years you are going to have enough life experience to see these , sucking black holes of need, as a waste of your time and a strain on your energy. You will walk away, guilt free.
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/27/2010 10:42:17 AM
Give me her email address and I will send her the link to this page. Honestly, she needs to know how you feel and how she is acting. Your friendship will be over soon if it continues in the same way.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 61
view profile
History
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/28/2010 8:38:34 AM
I generally don't associate with bitter people. They can go whine elsewere. Most people I associate with, are on a pretty even keel. I'm pretty easy going, and I think we tend to attract what we put out there.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 64
Dealing with someone who has nothing but negativity to share
Posted: 2/28/2010 5:01:28 PM
There's a lot of them on POF I think.

At least, I get a boatload of negativity out of browsing these threads most of the time...
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >