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 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 35
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Part of physical attraction is an "attitude".
When they stop liking themselves, the attraction disappears.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 36
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:43:44 AM
Love is a lot like selling door to door.

Good looks will get you in the door.
But, if your product's no good, you'll never make a sale.

If you've got a good product, it sells itself.
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 37
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:17:56 AM
I think this is why so many relationships fail in the long run...they are based on way too many superficial issues like looks (which fade) or finances (which can fluctuate).

I wonder how blind people manage to meet and fall in love with someone?

It's totally possible OP. I've done it. In the end issues that had nothing to do with "attractiveness" or "money" did the relationships in but I have learned that how attracted I am to a person has very little to do with how compatible I am with someone. I'm not discounting physical attraction, it's nice to have that there...but it's not necessary. Eventually both you and your partner are going to start aging and most of us can't afford plastic surgery....there is nothing we are going to be able to do to stop the march of time across our faces and bodies....do we then stop loving our partner because they no longer look like the lithe young vixen or strapping young buck you fell in love with?

And how should we feel if we are the ones getting dumped with the words: "I'm not longer physically attracted to you" by someone who once claimed to love us ? That's not a relationship based on love. It's based on physical attraction or even lust but LOVE is selfless...it seeks the wellbeing and best for the OTHER person not personal gratification.

Until ALL people can learn to love selflessly we'll continue to foster an environment of broken relationships based on little more than physical attraction that just go south the minute she stops putting on her make up or he starts packing on a few pounds.

I can totally agree with the poster who said that you can meet someone attractive and then find yourself totally turned off by their personality once you start to get to know them....and in the same vein you can meet someone you would not normally be attracted to and by spending time with them you might find that you discover things about him/her that you ARE attracted to and would have overlooked had you not took the time to know them.

LET LOVE RULE!!
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 39
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:23:19 AM
edit: how attracted i am had little to do with how "good" they looked but more to do with how compatible I am with someone.

LOL

I read this on a friends facebook status today:

You attract people by the qualities you display...you keep them by the qualities you possess.

the qualities you display might be physical only but what is going to KEEP your partner there if you can no longer display those qualities?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 42
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 12:33:04 PM
Yes you can love someone and not be physically attracted to them. It's called friendship.


And have sex with them and be satisfied?



If there is no physical attraction then how can there be satisfaction if you have sex with them? I tried this once dating a man I had no attraction too. He was a great guy but there was no physical attraction at all. Kissing him was a chore and something to be avoided and to be dreaded.
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 44
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 12:54:12 PM
Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them? And have sex with them and be satisfied?
Just wondering...I've never done it myself.
If it is possible can you tell me how?


You're a smart girl, so I think you know the answer to this.

Unequivocally, NO.

If I am not sexually attracted to begin with, I wouldn't even get to know the woman.......so it's a moot point.

Seriously, who engages in LTR with people they aren't attracted to physically?

I need to meet them.......

Are they in a church group or something?

Then again, half of you people on the forum ask questions I think could/should/would be answered by common sense.........so......


Are you physically attracted to your vibrator?


If you consider penetration via a vibrator to be "sex" you are clearly lost.

I don't think I've ever heard a woman confuse a "toy" with a man.

I feel sorry for you if that's the extent of your love life.



 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 45
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 12:59:17 PM

Are you physically attracted to your vibrator?



Do you consider your vibrator to be a human being? Do you make love to your sex toys? Do you kiss them, hug them, hold them, tell them you love them, stroke them, try to give them pleasure?Your example is a silly one that makes no sense. We all know and view sex toys as just that, toys you use for sex and that gives you sexual pleasure. Trying to have sex with someone, a person not an inanimate sex toy who you feel zero physical attraction to, is impossible for me. Perhaps other people can close their eyes and imagine they are with someone else, but my imagination does not work that well I guess.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 47
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 1:43:37 PM

Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them? And have sex with them and be satisfied?

Neither would be an option for me.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 49
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 1:59:46 PM
Bypassing the other responses.

Isn't physical attraction one of the main things we go for in a potential partner? I can't imply that I could ever fall in love with a guy that I am not physically attracted to, because for me, physically attraction is first and foremost.

With all honestly, I don't even date men I don't find physically attractive at least in some form.

As for sex, I haven't even done that with a guy I had absolutely no physical attraction to. In my case, I don't think it's possible.

For others, it could be a possibility. There is a possibility that there are people out there who fell in love with someone that they weren't in the least bit physically attracted to.
 DR_RUTHLESS
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 51
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:13:46 PM
Maybe you can or want to but I do not think most could to offer advise.

It is possible to love as in the greatest friends ever but any lust would defiantly violate the enormous respect for it to ever be great sex let alone sex at all.

Chemistry is a must in clinical love, physical and mental, and this usually furnishes the best sexual gratification for both partners...or should as it is the most repairable if ever so rarely dysfunctional for any reason. A physical turn off is not repairable.

Now how did this entered your mind to begin with? Love with no attraction and yet great sex? Sounds frigid to me. Br-r-r-r-r.

Even though you claim you have never done it, are you thinking about it to even ask?

You post comments to almost every post 24/7 with mean spirited dispassion and now you come out with this? Why am I not surprised...
 *pisceseyes
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 59
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:13:30 PM
yes but have you seen the pics of those couples 50 years back? thats when the initial attraction took place..most of them looking like hollywood starlets.

i could fall in love with a man now with unspecified features (because i really dont have any) but there would HAVE to be some sort of physical attraction to me initially THEN once that established bond has been made- aging, injury etc would have no relevance to me.. love & loyalty, ahhh
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 60
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:23:00 PM
Nope,

Welcome to the friend zone.
 Eric5563
Joined: 2/19/2010
Msg: 61
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:41:24 PM
I think that you "must" find someone physically attractive to have a loving relationship with them. In my opinion, if you try to force yourself to love without attraction, you are going against your instinct. You are going against nature. That is a battle you will not win. I can go to a bar and see a 100 beautiful women and there is only a handful of them that spark any kind of want for a connection. Even in nature animals have to attract a mate. I think as humans some of us try to push that instinct aside in some foolish attempt to be noble. Not to say that it is "all" physical. There have been plenty of times i have thought to my self, "I would totally sleep with that girl, but I would never want to talk to her" that may sound superficial but it's not, it's the visceral truth. That is where the instinct comes in. But because I don't have an intellectual interest, I won't even make an attempt at even just a sexual connection. Superficial is when you try to fake an intellectual connection just to get laid. I have also thought that a girl was awesome to talk to, but I had no interest in sleeping with them. That is how you end up meeting new friends. That is the difference between friendship and love, Physical/Sexual attraction. Through that you get more deeply involved with someones feelings. But, that is just my opinion, other people may not need Physical/Sexual attraction as much. Basically you have to find out what's important to you and not let people make you feel bad about it.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 62
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:53:09 PM

How does one explain those couples who have their 50th anniversary? ... each one looks like a wrinkly sack of flesh with some tufts of hair in odd places. Yet there is love...


This is silly and completely irrelevant to the actual topic. Couples who have been married for 50 years, and more, were probably more than likely physically attracted to each other.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 64
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 11:44:39 PM
not for me , it's all part of the package
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 65
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:19:00 AM

How does one explain those couples who have their 50th anniversary? ... each one looks like a wrinkly sack of flesh with some tufts of hair in odd places.

As unattractive as that may look to you or me, it doesn't mean they're not still physically attracted to each other. After all, when I was 8 I was attracted to boys around my age and now that I'm 39 I'm still attracted to guys around my age so I think it's quite possible to still be attracted to men my age when I'm 60. Not only that but the aging process is so slow that I think people get used to it as it's happening. It's not the same as a spouse who's gained 100 pounds in two years.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 66
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:58:32 AM
Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them? And have sex with them and be satisfied?

Yes, it is!
I had a boyfriend who looked exactly like Shrek, without the green.
I wish I could post his picture here, you would see, what I'm talking about.
We were together for almost a year, I loved him for the person he was.
He was GREAT in bed.
None of my girlfriends could understand why would I want to be with this guy.
I was attracted to him as a person, I liked the way he thought, he was funny and kind.
Then again, I've never been into looks, I'm a sucker for funny.

Then again, I'm a woman.
Can men do that? I don't think so!
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 67
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/24/2010 5:35:48 AM

How does one explain those couples who have their 50th anniversary? ... each one looks like a wrinkly sack of flesh with some tufts of hair in odd places.


I'd read this on the boards some time ago and believe it to be true for me:

At the start we must be pretty to each other..so that...we may grow old, gray, and wrinklie together...fighting over the last depends....

imo, you can fall in love with someone who's not physically attractive to you...you can have sex with them....but, IRL...this is not likely to happen....nor is it the way most of us would envision...our last first date...
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 70
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/24/2010 6:44:31 AM
No! and No!



Charlie
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 71
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:55:07 AM

(TuffLuv1984) How does one explain those couples who have their 50th anniversary? ... each one looks like a wrinkly sack of flesh with some tufts of hair in odd places. Yet there is love...


Ah, to be young and know it all again...

*sigh* Initial attraction is not the same as the love between people who have been together for a significant length of time. Presumably, the couple married for 50+ years have grown to love other things about each other, and thus are physically beautiful... oh, why am I even bothering? People who think that all love is created equal are clue-proof...

Tozaar...
 Raspyrex!
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 73
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:16:35 PM
Well from experience. I was not attracted at all to this guy I became friends with. Lets just say he looked a lot like George on Seinfeld. After three months of hanging out I realized I had fallen in love with him and therefore also found him very attractive and sexy. I realized this when one night when he was leaving my place I grabbed him and kissed him goodnight. So I think once you love someone truly love them they become Great looking in all aspects.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 74
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/25/2010 12:43:30 AM

Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them?


If you are referring to couples that have been together for a long time, then yes. In long term relationships the attraction tends to come and go.

If you mean can you fall in love with someone that you did not find attractive when you first met them I have to say definitely. I've told this before, but several years ago I met a man online that looked much better in pictures. He was sweet and fun so I went out with him again. By the 3rd date I was trying to figure out how to give him the "let's just be friends" speech. To my total surprise he invaded my space and planted one heck of liplock on me. Wow! I mean - WOW! We dated for about 6 months. It didn't work out, but I do not regret one minute I spent with him.
 OSUguy99
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 75
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/25/2010 1:03:30 AM
physical attraction is great, and always a perk in a relationship. however its probably the reason most people have never experienced unconditional love. if someone is repulsive to you, it doesnt benefit you or them to try and force a relationship. however if you were on a stranded island with that person, never saw tv or jessica alba or your own face in a mirror do you not believe you could fall in love with that person. better yet if you put physical attraction too high on your list to feel an uncontrollable emotion, isnt any relationship doomed to failure as i dont see to many hot 60 somethings strolling around. were all gonna get old, ugly, and die. theres no botox for that. choose wisely, or those rocking chair years could be awkward.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 77
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:15:46 AM
depends how you are defining "in love"
but from what i am thinking then yes and no.
first..if it is someone you are not physically attracted to and you begin to love them i think that they begin to look more attractive to you.
so by the time you are "in" love they will be attractive to you.

I have had the opposite happen
once i was engaged to a man who i was in love with. i was attracted to him physically as he was handsome. but our chemistry was never as strong as i had previously experienced with a past boyfriend. as time went on, for several reasons , i began to feel very unattracted to him. but he did not change. he was just as handsome as he always was.
so it was the chemistry that lessened not the physical attraction.
and that happened because I came to see that we were not spiritually in tune with one another at all. He thought we were. I tried to explain it. He did not understand.
once that happens in a relationship one of the people will need to leave or it will be an unhappy relationship for both.

one poster above alluded to arranged marriages within certain communities.
i have known people who married that way. and the marriages work.
they have alot in common and it is in their mindset to marry that person and love them and make it work.
also...in those cases it is usually the couples first intimate relationship. so there are no comparisions of feelings with other people stored in their memories.
it seems to work for all who i have known to marry that way. and most seem happy and satisfied.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 78
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/26/2010 12:42:23 PM
OP,

Yes you can love someone you're not attracted to...and some will have a relationship with a person they're not attracted to...and other's will have sex with a person they love but aren't attracted to...

But, not me.
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