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 Ray89135
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 119
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Well of course you can...Didn't that happen in the movie Avatar?...However, it does not happen immediately, and it does take time to developed that "in love" feeling. However, when we have that immediate attraction (which I think we all prefer) we get fooled into believing in immediate compatibility as well.....Food for thought, don't you think....
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 120
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/1/2010 8:34:53 AM
This is why we have threads like the one about why do hot women go for geeks(which makes the assumption rather arrogantly that geeks are somehow hideous or something)....beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have often found myself happily dating someone that I would NEVER have found myself personally attracted to but upon reflection their personality won me over from the minute I met them which is what made them attractive or caused me to subconsciously not even take into account their less than desirable physical attributes.

My last boyfriend was 52 years old, I am 33, he does have the double chin, small belly, some sag to his skin, salt and pepper hair...more than one person has asked me WHAT DO YOU SEE IN A MAN 19 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU!?!?!?!? There are a lot of women who are his age who are chasing after him, so it's not like he's hideously ugly nor does he look like he's older than his years but he was blessed with the gift of gab, a silver tongue...he swept me off my feet with his personality so that his age and age related physical attributes didn't even enter the picture. I am so glad that I'm not so shallow that I would have immediately shunned his advances simply because the outer packaging didn't meet my superficial expectations.

Everyone has a right to be as shallow or "deep" as they choose to be...I just think it's a sad testament to the human condition that we have "evolved" so much and yet "advanced" so little in our manner of thinking when it comes to matters of the HEART. It's no wonder so many relationships fail....we're more concerned with how our partner "turns us on" visually than how WE can contribute to making a relationship work with someone who is otherwise compatible with us.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 123
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/1/2010 2:03:50 PM
Awww...Shire I love it when you talk dirty....proving that we like what we like...and looks/personality likes are an individual thingie!!!
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 124
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 1:36:08 PM
[quote}what they LOOK like is required to fall in love. If you cannot SEE their physical appearance are you saying you cannot fall in love?

A few poster have distinguished between love and being in love but in my opinion they are one in the same thing.if you are not in love as you guys call it then love is not what you are feeling. what you are feeling is just a comfortability with the person because you enjoy doing things with them, it is not love.

So again I say you cannot love someone you are not physically attracted too.
 Poodlefancy
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 129
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 6:51:30 PM
I am 59 yrs old. I have truly loved, and been in love only 3 times in my life. For it had nothing to do with their appearance, as when I first met the first 2 men, we were friends first. Then the attraction and love (being in love) followed. I felt they were the most handsome men in the world, at least to me. The sex was very gratifying and wonderful. I married the first man, and had an 8 year relationship with the second man.

About a year ago I met a man in our local Assoc. pool. He looked nothing like the first 2, but the sparks and chemistry flew, right from the beginning. I felt 16 again. He was my match, and his intelligence, smile and Witt made him the best looking I had ever seen. (In reality he wasn't very good looking) I have never believed in love at first sight, but the chemistry was unreal. We dating for a few months and he broke my heart, leaving me for someone that he had dated before that was married. I don't think I will ever have these feelings again, but I can never have a sexual relationship without a very strong physical attraction/and or love again. I do not think I could "fake it", have never been able too.

I think, it is a package deal and that sex is very private and the chemistry has to be there. Good Luck to you. I hope you get your answers.
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 130
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 7:33:32 PM

Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them? And have sex with them and be satisfied?



If it is possible can you tell me how?


Well...first of all you need to down a bottle of tequila. Then you need to get TWO paper bags (just in case the first bag falls off) and place it over the head of the person you are NOT physically attracted to.....
Voila!!
 susxo
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 131
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 7:45:01 PM
Love is love, anything is possible. What a silly question.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 133
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 10:49:48 PM
I think it works better for Stevie Wonder than it does for me.
 ace874
Joined: 12/13/2009
Msg: 135
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/11/2010 9:17:33 AM
yes you can. it happens all the time at the bar at the end of the night have you seen all the people who just have to find someone to sleep with at the end of the night. it's just sex we all want it and need it, so why not just do it. i have found some times it's the best sex ever with no feelings to get in the middle. try it you might like it.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 136
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/11/2010 2:20:09 PM
Killing for cupcakes,yes it's common knowledge that a good B.S er can get the girl...since you and him are no longer together i guess something went wrong...one of those other women get to him ? I guess all of his pretty words did not result in anything that lasted...so i guess you could say that looks last doesn't work any better than looks first as far as methods go.I beleive there are two kinds of women,the only difference is that one looks good while she's treating you like dirt and the other one doesn't...so i go for the best looking ones i can get because i know what is coming and want to at least have something nice to look at while it's happening.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 137
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/12/2010 12:09:47 AM
Yeah, that bar thing slipped my mind Ace,....for some reason I always wound up with ugly twins......and there was always an identical car parked beside of mine.
 TeresaMT
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 140
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:01:49 PM
I've been there, I don't care what anyone said previously, I've lived through it for years.

I loved or cared for my ex-husband for years, but I was NEVER sexually attracted to him. We had a great sex life, but I have a great imagination. We eventually went our separate ways, I could no longer go on like that.

Loving someone you aren't physically attracted to is like loving a member of your family, when it comes to an actual relationship, sexual attraction has to be there for a proper relationship.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 143
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/15/2010 12:28:14 PM
Yes, I am proof of that....Humor and respect and reflection is very important and definitely draws meeee.....like electricity. I was crazy about someone who I at first was not attracted to but his sense of humor was dynamic and he was a good person so I did not even see his outer appearance....I looked at his heart and his dynamic humor. He grew on me....I think yes....But then there is how he takes care of himself too. However, no matter how dynamic his sense of humor is or how good looking he may be---if he is abusive in any way---HE IS OUT..... and
 Ahron123
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 145
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/16/2010 4:26:29 PM
ShadeZE,

I have a great deal of respect for your interest in the research and evolutionary side of it, rather than just basing your opinion on subjective information. I don't know too much about that side, so I wont comment too much. However, in responce to this:



And if one of your responses to all this is that being superficial is pointless because eventually everyone gets old and flabby and wrinkly, you need to consider that by the time that happens, you have spent everyday of 30-50 years growing close to your partner, and it takes that kind of time to develop the ingrained and everlasting connection that replaces some of your brain's need for 'X' physical attributes.


I definitely feel I can develop that ‘ingrained’ connection which ‘replaces the brains need for X physical attribute’ much much faster. Of course, it isn’t always ‘everlasting’, however.

I once met two ugly fat girls. When I first met them were equally ugly. However, one had a very charming personality and the other had the opposite. I can honestly say that after some time, maybe a week, of getting to know them the charming one began to appear less fat and more physically attractive.

I also know a slightly overweight girl who LOTS of guys are very attracted to. I was talking to one of my male friends about it and he said, “she oozes sexuality”, which is so true, but it’s ALL personality based, and NOT AT ALL based on her physical appearance.

Even if girls aren’t exactly ‘ugly’, I still often don’t really notice how physically attractive a girl is until I have known them for a while, and then one day I just look them and think “you know they’re actually really cute, in their own way” and I can feel physically attracted to them (but the change of heart is based on their personality, after having got to know them). The reverse is also true; If I meet a really really hot girl but I decide I dislike her, I can become un-attracted in about 5 minutes or less. Although I’m not sure what i mean by ‘un-attracted’ seeing i probably still won’t be turning down a one night stand with a really hot girl – okay maybe the reverse isn’t as true ha ha.

Of course, photographs and videos of girls I don’t know can be arousing, so I’m not saying that physical attributes aren’t a factor, they are, they’re a HUGE one, but the points made above still remain true (at least for me).

Am I describing the change which you are describing and claiming can only occur over a long period of time? I’m also curious about how many other guys can agree with what I just wrote above??? Anyone?
 HippieChica
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 146
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 2:09:52 AM
I think you can grow to love someone you arent initially physically attracted to, but I know for a fact that you can be sexually blown away by someone who is not your "physical" ideal. After maintaining a line of communication with a man who I had never seen, but appealed to my sense of humor and my need to be stimulated emotionally and intellectually, I felt very sexually drawn to him. When I finally saw him for the first time, he pretty much was the embodiment of every physical trait I have never found attractive, but I was still sexually attracted to him. When we finally had sex for the first time, he blew me away with his abilities and I had the most and best orgasms I have ever had in my life. In fact, just thinking about his aptitude in the area of understanding the female body and putting my needs first, makes my heart race. The saying" dont judge a book by it cover" always fell flat with me, but not anymore. I had to reconcile the fact that maybe it isnt always about the wrapping paper but the gift inside that counts.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 147
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 6:25:33 AM
Two part answer.
No, I don't think I could love someone I am not physically attracted.
Yes, I could have sex with her, and be satisfied.
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 149
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 6:33:46 AM
I could LOVE someone I am not physically attracted too.
NO I am not having sex with someone I am not physically attracted too.

Hello I love my dog but I am not having sex with her. Same goes for my best friend or my kids.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 150
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 6:42:04 AM

Tho, if I am not physically attracted~ why am I having sex with them I would wonder? I can't imagine it would be pleasurable for either of us in that case

My thoughts as well!
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 151
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 7:13:39 AM
Two part answer.
Yes, I could love someone to whom I am not physically attracted, but would not start a physical relationship with them to begin with.
No, I could not have sex with someone unattractive, and be satisfied - unless I already loved them.

Caveat: Many married couples start out with both love and lust, and let themselves go. They still love each other and have sex with each other, so clearly you can love someone who is no longer physically attractive. The attraction here, though, may be in the eyes of the beholder, and no-one else!
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 152
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 7:17:04 AM

Tho, if I am not physically attracted~ why am I having sex with them I would wonder? I can't imagine it would be pleasurable for either of us in that case

Wonder why it wouldn't be pleasurable?
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 153
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 10:10:58 AM

Wonder why it wouldn't be pleasurable?

Because for a lot of people there needs to be an emotional connection as well as a physical one.
No way could I have sex with someone who I wasn't physically attracted to - it just wouldn't happen.
I could have sex with someone I don't care about, but it wouldn't be enjoyable either and I know I'd regret it.

As for loving someone I am not physically attracted to - yes, of course I can. I love tons of people I don't find attractive - I'd just never have sex with them.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 154
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 11:16:09 AM
yes you can.. I have.. but I would prefer to be physically attracted to them aswell.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 155
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 1:52:56 PM

I could LOVE someone I am not physically attracted too.
NO I am not having sex with someone I am not physically attracted too.

What?
You're talking about a platonic friendship. Doesn't count, and is completely different.
 slp82
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 156
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 8:37:53 PM
I think it's possible, but to love someone requires time, and are you going to commit that time to someone you have no physical attraction to? I wouldn't. I love my best friend. I treat him better than I treat my boyfriends, but I couldn't imagine creating a life and family with him, because there is no sexual interest. Call it shallow, but it's true. Sex is a huge part of any successful relationship.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 157
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 8/12/2012 11:24:36 PM
No I dont believe you can be in love with someone you dont fancy. You may love them but it would be platonic.
I dont see how you can enjoy sex with such a person. A lot of fantasy would have to come into play and why would you bother?
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