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 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 187
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?Page 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Does anybody watch the show "Catfish"? Apparently, there was a Catfish marathon this weekend in the area where I live. I watched a couple of episodes yesterday and a couple today. For those not familiar with the show, the premise is people who are suspicious of being catfished on a dating site write to the show, and ask the hosts to look into and track down the suspected catfish. In each case, the "victim" has fallen madly in love with the catfisher, they tell each other "I love you and can't imagine my life without you', even though they have never met in person, and the catifsher always gives excuses why they can't meet in person just yet.

The pattern is almost always the same. The profile picture of a totally gorgeous person is always a fake, and the catfisher turns out to be a butt ugly, fat person who is just toying with people, probably trying to get even at society for being viewed as unattractive. I've seen the show before, and in a couple of episodes, the totally gorgeous woman in the profile turned out to be a guy, who was just looking for attention from anybody. In every case, when the guy met the girl, they couldn't overlook the lack of physical attraction, as well as the deception, and the "I'm totally in love with you and can't live without you" feelings fizzled out like flat soda.
 ItCouldBeNice
Joined: 7/6/2014
Msg: 188
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2015 12:36:42 AM
I am going to have to say Yes. It is possible to be in romantically in love with someone whom at first glance you might not be physically attracted to. However, you have to have an open heart, an open mind, and you need to be accepting of other people. Nobody is perfect. Not even you. Plus, looks fade with age and life circumstances change. That person has to have other compensating loveable qualities about them that make them an attractive person. Maybe they have a great voice. Or you appreciate their artistic or intellectual abilities... they are funny and fun to be with. They are kind and they love you. And, of course, you don't have to be beautiful to be a good lover. Being sexually skilled, patient and generous goes a long way towards leaving someone sexually satisfied.

It's not any different than not wanting to eat guacamole because you think it looks gross to you. If you can't move your mind past this concept... you'll never try guacamole... and you will never find out that it actually can taste very good and it's comparatively healthier for you than a large diet coke.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 189
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History
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2015 2:57:28 AM
The title is biased to begin, why do you have to be in that position in the first place? If you aren't attracted to them and physically is just one possibility, why would you be with them? It's such a silly set up, could you be with this or that, well if you are I guess you could, and if you turned them down for lack of attraction then I guess you couldn't. But that's going to be individual interaction, not some lineup of fugly people (in your mind) whom you feel the need to bash so you can go all EEEWWWWW!!! I wouldn't touch that! Good grief, how old are we?
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 190
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2015 5:46:18 AM
Oh sure, I can and do love people without being physically attracted to them like friends and family.

But then, I don't have sex with them, smile!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 191
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2015 6:57:18 AM

I am going to have to say Yes. It is possible to be in romantically in love with someone whom at first glance you might not be physically attracted to.

But that's not a Yes -- that's not what's being asked. Can you be in romantic love with someone you're not attracted to? At that first glance, no, you weren't in love (even if you were attracted anyway!). If you went out on a date with them, time elapsed, time spent together, and you still weren't physically attracted to them -- could you be Romantically in love with Them?

I say No. Can't happen until you're Together with them already where there was physical attraction sustained to fall in Actual love for a good amount of time. IMO, unless that happens, there's not really any argument or gray-area.

I will still say No to a more strict definition of love, if you're physically Unattracted to the person after falling love, over a sustained period of time. Such love won't be Complete. The good thing is though, after being in true love for a long time, said person is viewed/placed/thought-about in a different lens altogether. Even though if they were never together at all that one would find the other Unattractive, they Will find them physically attractive because they have been in actual love with them as they grew older, out of shape, etc. That Can break, don't get me wrong -- happens a lot, and an instigator as to why many couples start to erode -- but the actual love will have a good defensive barrier to keep it within reason.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 192
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2015 7:11:23 AM

Or the weight just never mattered. At the beginning looks don't matter that much to everyone. There's a lot of people who see intellect as what's attractive, not how they physically look. Being sexually attracted to intelligence is actually a thing. Not everything is looks. To you, maybe, to the next random person to post, no guarantee.

This is something that's relative to the two people involved, and nobody else. It happens all the time. Millions of people are sexually attracted to things like intelligence, personality (the entire exotic dancing industry is based on that fact)... Looks mean nothing to a lot of people.


I'm sure there are people that don't care about looks at all. But I think they are the exception though. For the most people, there needs to be at least some physical attraction although some people will put more emphasis on looks compared to others. Plus many people care about both looks and personality.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 193
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/16/2015 10:09:21 AM

I'm sure there are people that don't care about looks at all.


Are you talking about people who use white canes?
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 194
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:14:07 AM
Sexual attraction is NOT always based on looks. A personality can be sexually attractive. A level of intelligence can be sexually attractive. There's hundreds of books on this. Really all you need is about 20 seconds on Google.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 195
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:15:33 AM
yes, but the title doesn't say, "can you boink someone you aren't physically attracted to", it asks can you love them. which of course brings up the obvious question, "what type of love are we talking about?"

and of course, there are married couples. they might be sexually attracted to each other at a young age, but by 70, maybe not so much anymore, but the bonds have been made, forged, tested, and are just so strong, they even pass away only a year after their partner does, the will to live evaporating away.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 196
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:44:43 AM

Sexual attraction is NOT always based on looks.

It doesn't have to be the big core of it, no. But looks has to be There for it. Sexual Detraction can definitely be part of looks, even for those who claim looks doesn't matter. Looks ALWAYS matters.

A personality can be sexually attractive.

Yep. Certain facets of a personality can make someone who'd otherwise be so-so into attractive, to them. This is usually done when you already know the person, they grow on you, etc. Walking into a bar or online website to a stranger -- looks is always going to be a Big factor. Looks will influence how we judge their persona, too.

Looks isn't all about "hunkiness" or "hotness" in any classical sense. That's a key point one shouldn't ignore at all. Ethnicity, height, uncommo/unique body type, style that sticks out (for better or worse) -- those are factors that can also amp up or down one's attraction among those where "looks don't matter". Such a phrase tends to only hone in on one facet of looks that deals with general baseline hotness. In essence it means "I'm not as picky as others on looks", and "I care more about other things that are hard to find". Even as one woman in the forums pointed out, a guy being Too good looking will make her not be so interested. That IS looks mattering just as much as the opposite direction.

I'm sure there are people that don't care about looks at all.

I would say Everyone cares about looks. If they didn't care about looks, NO look would turn them off to any degree. NO look would turn them on to any degree, either. I believe it means they're Actually not very picky, in comparison to most the population.
 ApriLikesWhiteRosesOnly
Joined: 1/8/2015
Msg: 197
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2015 9:05:54 AM

Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them? And have sex with them and be satisfied?



YES, It is possible.........Speaking from the point of view of a woman.Men are more visual

The physical aspect of my ex husband did not attract me, it was the way that treated me what captivated me.
He was the ugly duckling of the family,but it was not why we divorced.
I liked very much to have sex with him.We had a daughter and he is a good dad.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 198
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2015 9:33:32 AM
There's a word for this. It's called settling. But that's a dirty word in the forums.
 Positiv4u
Joined: 12/5/2014
Msg: 199
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History
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/17/2015 1:42:50 PM
Yes. Love and sexual chemistry are not synonymous and the quicker you learn that the better your love life will be.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 200
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/18/2015 6:54:27 AM

I would say Everyone cares about looks. If they didn't care about looks, NO look would turn them off to any degree. NO look would turn them on to any degree, either. I believe it means they're Actually not very picky, in comparison to most the population.


They might be selective about other things. Such as women that date older men largely due to his money or power.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 201
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/18/2015 8:42:47 AM

There's a word for this. It's called settling. But that's a dirty word in the forums.

Bingo.

They might be selective about other things. Such as women that date older men largely due to his money or power.

Oh, they can be selective about other things, of course. Most usually are. But some physical attraction brings a match into Reality. One's persona can alter their look in the other's eyes, and one's look can alter their persona as well. Both are not distinctly separate, even though we tend to think that's the case. Point being, people are going to be turned off by certain looks, and turned on by them -- in Different ways with different people. Always going to happen. People want to jump Way too far to claim physical attraction isn't necessarily, as a front to be less "superficial" -- when in reality, they're (likely) just not picky about looks much at all.

I liked very much to have sex with him.

If you were attracted to have, and enjoyed having sex with him, you had physical attraction to him. You can say in the beginning there wasn't really any attraction, sure. But as things warmed up, you became physically attracted to him. If/when you have a desire to get physical with them, there's a physical attraction.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 202
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/18/2015 8:49:12 AM
I can love someone I'm not atttacted too, sure, but have sex with them, absolutely not.
 Diva1168
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 203
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/18/2015 9:56:41 AM
I need to have chemistry with the other person and I hate to be shallow but the physical attraction needs to be there or I just don't feel it. I personally cannot do it.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 204
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/19/2015 5:47:19 PM
Oluben.....

"Of course every woman wants to be valued because of their looks but I have found that when a women truly knows that you are into her because of the person she is - she will give you everything she has. Usually, for me, it's more than enough ;-)"


Very wise and nicely stated! How is it you are single? :)
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 205
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/19/2015 8:19:01 PM

IMO No-one is shallow for putting physical attraction above personality.

Of course not. There needs to be a certain baseline. It can be affected by personality to change our "lens" if we already know them. When it comes to strangers, looks means more, because we don't Know their personality. How do we assume/gauge/classify in general their persona? Looks -- whether it's conscious or sub-conscious. Personality & Looks, when it comes to people we even know a little -- is more like a Venn Diagram (overlapping). They aren't distinctly separate.

I don't even think it's shallow when people go after partners because they're wealthy. Who doesn't want a comfortable life?

I agree. But here's the thing: Looks & finances is only being Shallow when it's the driving force and everything else is Incompatible to what one's looking for. If someone's looking for a little fling (like when one's on the rebound) -- Looks Is very important. It's not Shallow. If one wanted to do finger-pointing for shallowness, it's the Act of wanting a fling that'd be "shallow". We like to (hastily) Call people out as "shallow" on looks or finances when we're Jealous. :)

I started to check out other things about women. Was she nice to people she didn't have to be nice to? Was she positive even when down? Supportive? Funny?
Generous with money?

Except for the last part (she can be Very generous with money to a variety of stores - lol) -- yeah, that's a good thing when your aim is potential Relationship-only.

It has allowed me to form relationships with wonderful women that I might not have given a second glance to if I had stuck with my old attitudes.

If they're not Attractive, all that is still meaningless though. Now, if you were conditioned to ONLY go for 10s and anything less is meaningless, then yeah, that's a good adjustment. Instead of 10s, go for Attractive (which don't have to be 10s of course).

Of course every woman wants to be valued because of their looks but I have found that when a women truly knows that you are into her because of the person she is - she will give you everything she has.

If she's not Attracted to you -- she won't give you everything she has, though. But yes, I see your (common-sense) point -- when you are That into her -- as opposed to just finding her "hot", she'll open up the gates of potentially being into you. If she is/has been, just merely finding her 'hot' will prevent things from moving forward very much down the line.
 ApriLikesWhiteRosesOnly
Joined: 1/8/2015
Msg: 206
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/20/2015 7:23:32 AM

If you were attracted to have, and enjoyed having sex with him, you had physical attraction to him.


Wrong.!
Remember that the sexual organ is located is the brain, and not where most people think It is.!!
The brain is the one that leads the erotic conduct of the human being.

That's why I said YES, on my Msg 208, Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them, And have sex with them and be satisfied.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 207
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:07:44 PM

Wrong.!
Remember that the sexual organ is located is the brain, and not where most people think It is.!!

We could argue about that, but that's moot. If you are Attracted (ENJOY/WANT) to be physical with a guy, you're physically ATTRACTED to him. Just because you don't think he's "hot" doesn't mean you're not physically attracted to him. You are what you do.

I can step back at a gal I've gone out on a date with in the past and step outside my own zone, lean back like I'm a photo critic, and say "Yeah, I don't find her look that attractive." But I can also say, "But after going out with her, I was attracted to her. That 'look' she has wasn't it, even though it grew on me -- but I was physically attracted to her, as I was attracted to notion of being physical with her."

If you're not attracted to the notion of being (non-platonically) physical with someone, you can then say you're not physically attracted to them.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 208
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/21/2015 4:10:24 AM
norwegianguy123
I disagree.

Prostitutes sleep with men they aren't attracted to. Being attracted to someone physically is not a pre-requisite for sex.
I found my first ex really repulsive physically but because I cared about him emotionally I had to kind of make myself complete the physical aspect, even though it was yuck.

I'm NEVER doing that again for anyone else. It's hell and unfair on both people. Just go with someone you're attracted to, don't force yourself to go with someone you only like emotionally or just want for sex/to fulfill a need/curiosity.

I only get attracted to someone when I like them/have an emotional connection with them. So even if they are really hot by other peoples standards, if they are a douche I would find them repulsive.

I think there is different forms of attraction though, maybe 2. aesthetic attraction/physical attraction and 1. personality attraction - which is how they are. Just happens for me I can't have 2 without 1 already there.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 209
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/21/2015 1:00:27 PM

Prostitutes sleep with men they aren't attracted to. Being attracted to someone physically is not a pre-requisite for sex.

Yes, but in those situations, they're not sleeping with someone because of attraction to physically engage in and of itself. They're doing so for money.

I found my first ex really repulsive physically but because I cared about him emotionally I had to kind of make myself complete the physical aspect, even though it was yuck.

Plug your nose, and dive right in, right? lol. The previous poster's situation wasn't like that, though.

Sure, you could get physical with someone for losing a bet, getting paid, owing someone and using that as 'currency', etc -- and it's not physical attraction, sure. But that's not what I'm talking about.

If you're Attracted with getting physical with them, even not being drawn to their looks by themselves, you're physically attracted to them. It's a simple concept. If you're not attracted to the notion of getting physical with them, but, say, you feel it's going to cause problems, you feel you owe them, see it like "it's my turn to clean the kitchen" -- then sure, you're not physically attracted to them.

If you Desire to get physical with someone, that's the Definition of physical attraction.... even if you take a few steps back, look at them, and don't find them to be that good looking. Those are two different concepts, is my point.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 210
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/22/2015 2:03:38 AM
Well I could want to get physical even with the most repulsive person if I like them emotionally (since I am demisexual), but it causes problems because...
It's a difficult concept like, you have to kind of hold your nose and ignore that you find them repulsive.
It's uncomfortable.

I think it's unhealthy to be with someone that you find repulsive or unattractive looks wise or even personality wise.

Okay maybe there is 3 types of attraction, overall attraction which is looks/physical attraction and personality/emotional attraction mixed together. So then if they don't look that great but they have a great personality it could even out so there is an overall attraction, as apposed to having no attraction because 1 aspect isn't entirely there. The same as if they are attractive but their personality isn't that great - doesn't really occur for me since I am demisexual, unless I delude myself into thinking they are great

What I'm trying to say is off the bat, aesthetically 98% of men don't appeal to me, you know physically and I would like to go with someone that I do have appeal for looks wise (since I find it unhealthy to go with someone I don't find aesthetically appealing).
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 211
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/22/2015 12:16:19 PM

Well I could want to get physical even with the most repulsive person if I like them emotionally (since I am demisexual), but it causes problems because...
It's a difficult concept like, you have to kind of hold your nose and ignore that you find them repulsive.
It's uncomfortable.

If you have to hold your nose and you find it uncomfortable, then you would Not Want to get physical with them. Again, it's like cleaning the kitchen. You don't Want to do it, but, sigh, I guess I should, so ya do.

For some reason some people (not saying you) like to Defend themselves as not being physically attracted to someone but that being OK, happy, etc in a physical relationship. They're trying to pat themselves on the back that they're not superficial. Society has conditioned us this way, Way too much. Part of it is our own faults, because We don't like being judged on looks so much, as we all tend to be sensitive about it. I'm sure if aliens came down to earth, they'd be Laughing their a$$es off at us for being so high-school.

But in actuality, you will be Physically Attracted to someone, even if you're called out to step back & look at them, and you think "They're not that attractive". But they have become to you if you Like having sexual relations with them (anywhere from 1st base or more).

Example: People are More attracted to famous people. They're looked upon and actually Seen as hotter than they would be if they weren't famous one bit. For instance, I can think of an actress who, when I step back, can see that she's not that great looking. Not ugly, but just a gal I wouldn't be drawn to otherwise, no. So in Vegas, say, I run into Meryl Streep -- mingle & flirt -- and realize I could bring her up to my room. I, and most guys, are going to be Physically Attracted to her when they otherwise wouldn't be if she weren't famous. I'm drawn to pork her brains out. Even if underneath it all it's driven by bragging rights, internally & externally. It's an emotional driving force that makes one Want to -- even if, standing back and surveying said person -- No, they're not that attractive. Sometimes we're clueless about it and them being famous makes them more attractive in our minds. Much like Kristen Stewart, who isn't attractive, but suddenly, when famous -- gals who had her 'look' suddenly had their looks stock-price go up - lol.
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