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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 3
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Is it over?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OK, you're 30, you have like 50 more years on the planet, relax, sounds like he is comfortable enough with the relationship to not need to spend every single moment with you, not a bad thing.

If he really is pushing you away, you haven't really seen evidence of it. He spent an extra day with his dad who lives in bfe whom he rarely ever sees. You will be gone for like 3 days, you think it is a huge deal to not see him for a couple of days?
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 4
Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 4:52:42 PM
Hey Junkie,

Rather than letting this man control your relationship (and essentially controlling you as well), why don't you take the initiative. Why whould YOU put your heart on the line, when you know he's not sure he wants this relationship.

I would suggest that YOU decide to take a few steps back into a more casual relationship (like perhaps dating non-exlusively). Tell him when he knows he's "ready" and wanting a more serious relationship, that you can discuss it again. Maybe you'll end up in a relationship with Mr. On The Fence, maybe you'll end up finding some wonderful man who IS ready and whom you really enjoy.

Either way YOU are taking control of your own life, heart and decisions rather than being a passive, potential victim. Being in charge of yourself and your own destiny is always a great thing!

Good luck!

Nutt
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 4:54:23 PM
You're a Leo so only feel comfortable when in charge of the relationship and often need reassurance of your #1 place in your guy's life. (I know this cus I've dated Leos)

Easy enuff.

But if the guy is also a cardinal sign he will do just as your BF is doing.
Create distance and cunningly try to control the relationship his own way.

To make this succeed you are going to have to step outside your Leo throne to give him space and let him control some aspects of the relationship. Lots of communication will help.

Or if that is too frustrating....find a mutable or fixed sign that will let you rule and will worship at your feet. Which is what most Leo women eventually do.

so either:
submit to him.
or rule another.

Tis an age old Leo quandary.
Good Luck with it.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:41:22 PM
Move on. Keep dating him if you want but don't consider it an exclusive, committed relationship and act acordingly. As in, use condoms, take birth control like it's your job and don't turn down other dates if you would like to go out with someone else. In other words, you are only casually dating this man, no reason to pretend to be in a relationship that he isn't in with you.
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 8
Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:57:43 PM
i'm going to be very honest with you. My bf of five months broke up with me 2 days before valentines...all the signs were there, lack of interest, me always texting/calling first, me seeing him. I ended up getting hurt. So, I want you to ask yourself, "am i happy?" It doesnt sound like you are. It sounds like you are wanting more from him. Please break up with him before he breaks your heart.

thanks.
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 9
Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:00:17 PM

pretend he is innocent until proven guilty


BAD BAD BAD ADVICE!!! if you're pretending about anything, you are NOT in a relationship! Also, trust your intuition, you think somethings up, you can bet for damn sure it usually is.
 tuktuk55
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 10
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:37:28 PM
"Am I being neurotic or is he pushing me away?"...and/or the better question might be: does this person know what they are doing? the answer to which seems to be "no," which in turn suggests a limited chance of long term success. just to be realistic
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 11
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:48:13 PM
We don't allow people to be busy anymore, do we?


And now I find out that I won't be seeing him until at least next Monday now cause he has 2 "guys nights" this week, watching hockey tonight and playing hockey tomorrow night.

Our house gets scheduled around hockey, so I don't find this alarming at all.

I can't tell you if he is cooling his jets from lack of interest or if it is just poor timing of circumstance. I *can* tell you that people move away from pressure. You'll know more in the next week; be cool and don't drive it in any direction. Let things unfold in the fullness of time.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:03:21 AM
It isn't over from what you've said, HOWEVER:
What you describe him doing sounds like passive resistance (the staying an extra day, scheduling his time to avoid you a bit). In this case, it matches perfectly with what he's said, so it's not that bad a situation, IMO.
In any relationship, especially as we get older, there can be a period just after the initial rush, where our fears of picking wrong pop up and make a mess of things. If one or the other person panics and runs because of this, everything is over. However, since it IS a natural part of a budding relationship, if both are patient and work calmly through this, AND it isn't a protracted period of time, then things can turn out just fine.
That's a long-winded way of saying I think you should give both him AND yourself some more time. It reminds me of a kid who planted his first seed in the ground, but was so anxious about whether or not he did it right, that he kept digging it up over and over, and so tremendously slowed down it's progress to bloom.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:15:15 AM
It's all new. He has his own life and old friends, he enjoys being a single guy! You are not a major concern yet. Personally I would live my life, make plans with friends and if you are available when he calls, go out if you feel like it.
Don't extend yourself too much or put too much thinking into a man that considers you just a pleasant divergence.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 16
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:29:06 AM
OP: Ok, so he's not sure about a committed relationship with you. That would concern me too (you're not being neurotic in the least), but at least he discussed it with you instead of blind-siding you.

I don't know what he's doing while visiting his Dad (he may very well just need some time to think things over/visit Dad), but let things be (don't jump the gun/fight with him). Go on about your business, keep yourself busy, and go on your long wkend.

Hopefully, when you return and see each other you may have a better idea of what exactly is going on (i.e. you two will discuss this in length and he will know exactly what he wants................)

Good luck!
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 17
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:31:19 AM
Its a brand new relationship...He went to visit his dad this past weekend, telling me he was going to miss me (especially seeing as his dad lives in the boonies where his cell doesn't work). So he stayed at his dad's for an extra day, knowing that I am leaving for a long weekend this Friday.
You're projecting. He didn't stay at his dad's place so that he couldn't talk to you before you left for your holiday. Maybe he stayed there an extra day because he hadn't seen his dad for awhile? You say it's a brand new relationship; do you really want a man to put a life-long relationship with his father on the backburner so that he come home to see you, a woman who he barely knows, for a day before you go off on a holiday without him?

This dude might be pushing the OP away, but it's more likely that the OP is neurotic.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 18
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:09:46 PM
This is the guy who thinks you can get him over his ex?

Even without that, he's obviously pushing you away. But, put the two together, and I really don't understand why you're putting up with this.

I was very comfortable in this new relationship until he started talking about how unsure he is, now I feel like I'm constantly on the borderline of being let go.

That's because you are.

I would like to give him the space he needs, but when he tells me he wants nothing to change (in actions, communication, etc.) it confuses me.

Well, right now you're not seeing each other - for, a week? two weeks? I couldn't really work that out, but anyway, you're not - and he doesn't want anything to change. So what does that tell you?

You're a smart, kind-hearted, funny, good-looking woman. You could do better than this by standing outside your local farmer's market with a sign.
 Handsomelaughs
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 19
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:13:21 PM
This may be hard to do if you really care for this guy. But, I would pull back a little to see his reaction. If he's not making an effort to spend time with you, then he got what he wanted without have to say anything. He may find himself yearning for you a little more.

The "unsure" part that he talks about is just a way of preparing your and cushioning the blow for you if/when it ends. Personally...................I don't think he wants to be in committed relationship with you. I'm really sorry to say that. But I am a man, and I have a pretty good idea how we think.

Besides......................you are a very attractive 29 year old! What are you worried about?

Good luck,

Tom
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 21
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:20:40 PM
Your expectations are unrealistic given the circumstances.

He already told you he's "unsure", so what more do you need?

Stay if you really like him that much or end it and find someone who is ready for a relationship.

Why is this so difficult to understand?

You're a woman........supposedly you should know these things.



I'm OK with going slow and not necessarily talking every single day. But when I try to abide by that he thinks that something is wrong or that I'm being distant...hence my confusion when he backs off too.


If you match his distance by backing off you will lose him permanently to another woman. You can't play "the game" of matching his behaviour with yours because you are two different people with two different perspectives on the relationship. You don't play games with adults, it never works.

I guarantee, if you want him, you will need to be patient. Otherwise, it's time to move on.




 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 23
Is it over?
Posted: 2/26/2010 11:46:01 PM
I was very comfortable in this new relationship until he started talking about how unsure he is, now I feel like I'm constantly on the borderline of being let go.


There is nothing worse than being with someone when you're constantly walking on egg shells and not knowing where you stand..If you want it to change reverse the roles, go silent, and I mean totally silent, no phone calls, messages, nothing at all...Let HIM wonder what's happening to you, once he has a dose of his own medicine he won't like it very much...two things can happen after this...A) He leaves you...which means he was never into you to begin with or B) He gets a taste of his own medicine and hopefully will change his behavior...If you really want the truth get rid of the fear of losing him, because it's that very fear that's pushing him away without you even knowing it.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 24
Is it over?
Posted: 2/27/2010 4:59:46 AM
Honestly to me....if its REALLY brand new....and you've hardly gotten out of the gate, and you're already being hit with this clusterf*ck of issues, then perhaps you need to back off and reevaluate the ole' game plan huh?



If its like this now, do you HONESTLY think it'll improve?
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 27
Is it over?
Posted: 3/2/2010 10:29:55 AM
Heya, MuzakJunkie... I won't hide it, when I saw you'd written on the thread again, I was hoping you were posting to say you were over this situation... I wonder if part of the attraction is him not being over his ex. As in, it's a challenge. If people didn't find the unattainable attractive, "status bags" wouldn't exist, among other things.

Are you at least dating other people? There's no reason you shouldn't - you have no commitment with this guy. And it might help to lend some perspective.

Hope you're doing well generally!
 Water75
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 28
Is it over?
Posted: 3/2/2010 11:32:21 AM
when a guy would rather be some were eles than with you its over.if you stay you will be no more than a when i want my bootty call.but since your brain hrts my guess is you will continue .good luck with that.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 29
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Is it over?
Posted: 3/6/2010 9:19:29 PM

Let HIM wonder what's happening to you, once he has a dose of his own medicine he won't like it very much...two things can happen after this...A) He leaves you...which means he was never into you to begin with or B) He gets a taste of his own medicine and hopefully will change his behavior

op, i hope you're ignoring this 'advice.' when a partner can justify acting on a revenge motive, they are not fit for a relationship.
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 30
Is it over?
Posted: 3/6/2010 9:26:27 PM

^ The thing with that is that it has never gone that far and he has made it clear that he wants to wait. So no booty calls for me...not that I would be going down that road anyway.


What do you want?

That is the question.

Leos tend to want relationships to run their way, and in this case, you want to be the center of his world.

Depending on what type of guy he is, you may be asking the impossible.

If he's a Beta/Submissive, he may be open to it, but an Alpha would never do that.

Hopefully he's not a Dominant or you'll be waiting forever...


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