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Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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Is it over?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It isn't over from what you've said, HOWEVER:
What you describe him doing sounds like passive resistance (the staying an extra day, scheduling his time to avoid you a bit). In this case, it matches perfectly with what he's said, so it's not that bad a situation, IMO.
In any relationship, especially as we get older, there can be a period just after the initial rush, where our fears of picking wrong pop up and make a mess of things. If one or the other person panics and runs because of this, everything is over. However, since it IS a natural part of a budding relationship, if both are patient and work calmly through this, AND it isn't a protracted period of time, then things can turn out just fine.
That's a long-winded way of saying I think you should give both him AND yourself some more time. It reminds me of a kid who planted his first seed in the ground, but was so anxious about whether or not he did it right, that he kept digging it up over and over, and so tremendously slowed down it's progress to bloom.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:15:15 AM
It's all new. He has his own life and old friends, he enjoys being a single guy! You are not a major concern yet. Personally I would live my life, make plans with friends and if you are available when he calls, go out if you feel like it.
Don't extend yourself too much or put too much thinking into a man that considers you just a pleasant divergence.
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 17
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Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:31:19 AM
Its a brand new relationship...He went to visit his dad this past weekend, telling me he was going to miss me (especially seeing as his dad lives in the boonies where his cell doesn't work). So he stayed at his dad's for an extra day, knowing that I am leaving for a long weekend this Friday.
You're projecting. He didn't stay at his dad's place so that he couldn't talk to you before you left for your holiday. Maybe he stayed there an extra day because he hadn't seen his dad for awhile? You say it's a brand new relationship; do you really want a man to put a life-long relationship with his father on the backburner so that he come home to see you, a woman who he barely knows, for a day before you go off on a holiday without him?

This dude might be pushing the OP away, but it's more likely that the OP is neurotic.
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 18
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:09:46 PM
This is the guy who thinks you can get him over his ex?

Even without that, he's obviously pushing you away. But, put the two together, and I really don't understand why you're putting up with this.

I was very comfortable in this new relationship until he started talking about how unsure he is, now I feel like I'm constantly on the borderline of being let go.

That's because you are.

I would like to give him the space he needs, but when he tells me he wants nothing to change (in actions, communication, etc.) it confuses me.

Well, right now you're not seeing each other - for, a week? two weeks? I couldn't really work that out, but anyway, you're not - and he doesn't want anything to change. So what does that tell you?

You're a smart, kind-hearted, funny, good-looking woman. You could do better than this by standing outside your local farmer's market with a sign.
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 19
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:13:21 PM
This may be hard to do if you really care for this guy. But, I would pull back a little to see his reaction. If he's not making an effort to spend time with you, then he got what he wanted without have to say anything. He may find himself yearning for you a little more.

The "unsure" part that he talks about is just a way of preparing your and cushioning the blow for you if/when it ends. Personally...................I don't think he wants to be in committed relationship with you. I'm really sorry to say that. But I am a man, and I have a pretty good idea how we think. are a very attractive 29 year old! What are you worried about?

Good luck,

Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 21
Is it over?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:20:40 PM
Your expectations are unrealistic given the circumstances.

He already told you he's "unsure", so what more do you need?

Stay if you really like him that much or end it and find someone who is ready for a relationship.

Why is this so difficult to understand?

You're a woman........supposedly you should know these things.

I'm OK with going slow and not necessarily talking every single day. But when I try to abide by that he thinks that something is wrong or that I'm being distant...hence my confusion when he backs off too.

If you match his distance by backing off you will lose him permanently to another woman. You can't play "the game" of matching his behaviour with yours because you are two different people with two different perspectives on the relationship. You don't play games with adults, it never works.

I guarantee, if you want him, you will need to be patient. Otherwise, it's time to move on.

Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 23
Is it over?
Posted: 2/26/2010 11:46:01 PM
I was very comfortable in this new relationship until he started talking about how unsure he is, now I feel like I'm constantly on the borderline of being let go.

There is nothing worse than being with someone when you're constantly walking on egg shells and not knowing where you stand..If you want it to change reverse the roles, go silent, and I mean totally silent, no phone calls, messages, nothing at all...Let HIM wonder what's happening to you, once he has a dose of his own medicine he won't like it very much...two things can happen after this...A) He leaves you...which means he was never into you to begin with or B) He gets a taste of his own medicine and hopefully will change his behavior...If you really want the truth get rid of the fear of losing him, because it's that very fear that's pushing him away without you even knowing it.
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 24
Is it over?
Posted: 2/27/2010 4:59:46 AM
Honestly to me....if its REALLY brand new....and you've hardly gotten out of the gate, and you're already being hit with this clusterf*ck of issues, then perhaps you need to back off and reevaluate the ole' game plan huh?

If its like this now, do you HONESTLY think it'll improve?
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 27
Is it over?
Posted: 3/2/2010 10:29:55 AM
Heya, MuzakJunkie... I won't hide it, when I saw you'd written on the thread again, I was hoping you were posting to say you were over this situation... I wonder if part of the attraction is him not being over his ex. As in, it's a challenge. If people didn't find the unattainable attractive, "status bags" wouldn't exist, among other things.

Are you at least dating other people? There's no reason you shouldn't - you have no commitment with this guy. And it might help to lend some perspective.

Hope you're doing well generally!
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 28
Is it over?
Posted: 3/2/2010 11:32:21 AM
when a guy would rather be some were eles than with you its over.if you stay you will be no more than a when i want my bootty call.but since your brain hrts my guess is you will continue .good luck with that.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 29
view profile
Is it over?
Posted: 3/6/2010 9:19:29 PM

Let HIM wonder what's happening to you, once he has a dose of his own medicine he won't like it very much...two things can happen after this...A) He leaves you...which means he was never into you to begin with or B) He gets a taste of his own medicine and hopefully will change his behavior

op, i hope you're ignoring this 'advice.' when a partner can justify acting on a revenge motive, they are not fit for a relationship.
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 30
Is it over?
Posted: 3/6/2010 9:26:27 PM

^ The thing with that is that it has never gone that far and he has made it clear that he wants to wait. So no booty calls for me...not that I would be going down that road anyway.

What do you want?

That is the question.

Leos tend to want relationships to run their way, and in this case, you want to be the center of his world.

Depending on what type of guy he is, you may be asking the impossible.

If he's a Beta/Submissive, he may be open to it, but an Alpha would never do that.

Hopefully he's not a Dominant or you'll be waiting forever...

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