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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 76
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?Page 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

.The Enola Gay is readying her drop of Little Boy over Hiroshima?


OMG frau I'm choking here woman. * snort*

Op and others that think this is rude, just feel entitled to have someone acknowledge them
because of insecurities IMO.

Find someone who thinks like you do guys and don't mind you have a profile up on a dating site looking for long term. Gaaaaaaaaaaaawd.


Nope. And if it IS a dealbreaker, then they have serious issues.


Exactly..
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 77
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:02:09 PM
Sweetness one I gave many examples on this thread over and over. Never did I give a "just because" answer. Just because you don't happen to believe that someone wanting some down time or time to unwind is not a good enough reason does not mean it's not a good enough reason for everyone else.

Most reasonable and rationale people get not wanting to answer the phone (even thought they don't want to)only to go on an hour long chat just to tell someone you don't want to talk right now while the person on the other end whines"but why don't you want to talk now","is it me","don't you love me anymore","why can't you just talk for a minute","you don't want to talk so something must be wrong","why can't I help you by talking to you","if you loved me you would take the time to talk to me RIGHT NOW". More often then not this is how that conversation would go. Most people would just not be able to handle someone saying "I am just not in the mood to talk right now because, "I had a bad day and I am cranky","I got into a fight with my boss or got fired", "I just found out it's going to take a lot of money to fix my car", "I just want to lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling while thinking about nothing".


I wonder what would happen if two of these overly clingy, overly needy people got into a relationship with each other? Most likely their overly needy and clingy behavior would suck them both into a black hole of never ending swirling talking,texting emailing and declarations of undying and never ending love.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 78
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:21:22 PM

life isn't that hard.


That's an entirely separate issue. For some it is and others it is not. Either way off topic.


If you don't want phone calls, then like I said...make that clear right from the beginning,


No one here,including me, is saying that we don't want to talk to our partners, we just object to multiple phone calls a day and someone demanding that we talk to them NOW! No one here is saying that a phone call a day is a bad thing or even and undesirable thing, you are reading things that are not there. What people are saying is that just because you call at a certain time and we either can't, or at the moment,do not feel like being on the phone, does not mean you should flip out just because we would rather talk at a better time. People really need to get over this NOW NOW NOW! mentality.

The op of his thread never said anything about his girlfriend not wanting to ever talk to him only that she did not want to talk at the particular moment he called. She even called him back later on the same day at a more convenient time. It is the op who is the irrational one regarding phone calls.
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 79
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:35:36 PM
I didn't answer the phone sometimes or get back to my ex when he would call and he would pitch the hissiest of fits....drove me batty.

But I think far worse than his juvenile sh*t fits about me not answering the phone was that he would answer the phone ALWAYS....even if he was busy dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool. DISGUSTING!!!! Have some limits...draw a line somewhere...at the bathroom door at least...He would even answer the phone if he was in the shower. Once he stopped in the middle of sex to answer the phone. Oh and nothing spells R-U-D-E to me than to put me on hold and chit chat with someone else on the other line.

This topic as with all things requires limits and boundaries folks.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 80
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 4:10:48 PM

Once he stopped in the middle of sex to answer the phone.

Now, unless that call were about a death in the familyor some other dire situation,that would about be a dealbreaker for me!
Talk about having no boundaries!
Cindy O
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 81
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 6:41:02 PM

But...I still find it odd, so many saying they wouldn't actually WANT to answer an S/O's phone call.



Talk about being obtuse.


No one is saying they don't want to talk to their partner. What they are saying is that at that particular moment when that call comes in they don't feel like talking to anyone. The girlfriend of the op was not deliberately avoidinghis calls she just didn't want to talk on the phone to anyone at that moment. Reading comprehension problems much?


Copied from the post of the op:


they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time


She never said she did not want to talk to him simply at that they did not feel like talking at that time



Actually, the thread was about deliberately ignoring an S/O's phone call.



Actually it's not if you would actually read what he wrote.She was ignoring every ones phone calls not just the op. What you are stubbornly refusing to see is that not everyone at every single second of the day feels like being on the phone. Yes yes yes I know you say that you don't care for being on the phone yet somehow you don't understand that not all of us want to take every phone call that comes in every single second of the day.Sometimes when a call comes in we do not feel like being on the phone with anyone no matter who.



Otherwise...wtf kind of relationships are people engaging in, that they don't want the "hassle" of actually answering an S/O's phone call in the first place?



She called him back later that day when it was a better time.What is the huge deal? It's not like she was avoiding him for days just until later that day when it was a better time. Just because someone doesn't jump when you say jump and then ask how high does not mean they don't love you or want to be in a relationship with you.
 cuban delite
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 82
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:30:01 PM
My phone is there for MY convenience , not anyone elses.
I would like to know who makes up these phone etiquette rules anyways.
 wings on my butt
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 83
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:55:36 PM
Spent alot of time in the military did ya terry? Did ya also expect her to jump to attention and salute you when you walked in the room terry?


Dang men like you tire me out. You're way too hardcore. Don't sweat the small stuff ok? When you think of all the biggies out there in relationships this is nothing.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 84
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:48:37 PM
OP, I have not read all 6 pages of this but it is a person's perogative whether or not to answer the phone. It doesn't mean that we don't like you, it is just that we may be in the midst of something or we just don't feel like it. I've dated guys who if at first you don't answer they try, try again. Big time turn off for it screams insecurity from the rooftops.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 85
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:50:56 PM

No one is saying they don't want to talk to their partner. What they are saying is that at that particular moment when that call comes in they don't feel like talking to anyone. The girlfriend of the op was not deliberately avoidinghis calls she just didn't want to talk on the phone to anyone at that moment. Reading comprehension problems much?


Actually that's not true. You should make sure you're actually accurate before you start being snotty with other posters. The OP is very clear that his girlfriend knows it's him calling and doesn't want to talk. It doesn't say that she doesn't want to talk with "anyone." You're inferring that because it happens to suit your personal beliefs on this issue. Other people are inferring she didn't want to talk to him because for them that's the issue.

Just saying you should actually have the facts perfectly straight before trying to be rude. Or better yet, not be rude at all because everyone has the right to their own opinion and feelings even if they, shockingly, happen to differ from yours.

Nutt
 PlanelyCrazy
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 86
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:27:53 PM
Personally, I'm much like the OP's girlfriend. I NEVER answer the phone. I let the answering machine pick up. When the other party starts talking, and I want to talk, I pick up. Otherwise, I'll call back later. That's my electronics communication style. It's neither courteous or discourteous. The phone is not another human being. It's just a technical gadget that facilitates long-distance communication. So is text, email, twitter, and the like. If you want an instantaneous courteous human response, talk to me face-to-face.

What I find most interesting about this thread is the number of young women posting who don't jump like Pavlov's dog at the first ring. That's counter to my experience with the young cashier the other day who put a ringing phone above the five people standing in line in front of her waiting to check out. And she wasn't the first. I thought *every* young person today was assigned a cell number and Twitter ID at birth, and conditioned to treat incoming avatars as better then the actual thing IRL. I'm not so discouraged now about the future of the human race...

My suggestion to the OP is to find another SO. There's nothing more important in a relationship than being able to communicate effectively, and that requires having similar or complimentary communication styles. You two don't. Move on.
 _GeekyGirl_
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 87
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:31:45 PM

But to see your SO call and then call again an hour later and still not answer the phone. Then when they actually do call back they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time and do not understand why your upset.


There are times that I just do not feel like talking, to anybody. I think that if your girlfriend feels this way than you should respect it. Talking is a drain and can be exhausting at times. Even the thought of picking up the phone to say, "I'll call you back later," can feel daunting because you never know what the person's reaction will be.

If you make repeated calls in a short time then this can be annoying and can have the opposite effect of what you want. When she finally calls you back, don't punish her by asking lots of questions or being upset. Be GLAD when she calls, then she'll call more. But if you are upset then you are actually reinforcing her desire not to pick up the phone. Make sense?

If she is a rude person, then her rudeness will show in other areas. Does it? Because if this is the only area where you feel she is rude, then perhaps she is not being rude. Perhaps she's being honest.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 88
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:42:03 PM
I admit, I am guilty of not taking a call because I simply don't feel like talking at that time. But my kids and my SO are the exception. These are the most important people in my life, so I can't see any good reason to treat them with such disregard. I don't expect to be on the top of everyone's priority list, but I DO expect my partner make me a priority in his life. I don't know if that in itself would be a deal breaker (but perhaps) but I would think that lack of consideration would be manifesting in other ways within the relationship as well, and a pattern of inconsideration would definately be cause to end things.
 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 89
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:57:34 AM



This is SUCH A DOUBLE STANDARD. A women expected her man to be Johnny on the spot with the phone calls, yet is she does not answer it's fine.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 90
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:26:55 AM

If I call and a guy is busy no biggie.

Agreed, it isn't like leaving a message is all that hard. He'll call me back when it's a good time for him.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 91
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:48:29 AM

This is SUCH A DOUBLE STANDARD. A women expected her man to be Johnny on the spot with the phone calls, yet is she does not answer it's fine.

For starters, this isn't a gender issue. There are men and women on both sides of the debate. A double standard would be if person A demanded that person B answer their calls but then A didn't pick up when B called.

And it would certainly be rude if a woman expected a guy to call at 3:00 sharp and he did but she didn't pick up. But an unplanned phone call is being made at the caller's convenience and sometimes that conflicts with the recipient's convenience.

What's important to me is that a guy return my call in a timely fashion and I'll do the same for him. Sooner or later we'll reach a point where it's convenient for both of us to talk on the phone.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 92
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:58:26 AM
From reading post from several woman in this thread, to be give the reason " I just didn't feel like answering the phone" is ludacris and very disrespectful especially to a friend or SO, the guy is not on your schedule and can only talk to you when " you" feel like it. a relationship is about give and give not just on your terms ladies , there is the other person in the relationship too and you have to equally share his needs with yours. You know what, that does mean doing something you may not want to do at the moment.

I will say this is the very reason here my last relationship of 4 years failed.
 Queen_Mab
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 93
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:58:41 AM
What it comes down to, OP, is if it is a dealbreaker for you. Personally a dealbreaker for me would be having an SO that got annoyed when I didn't take his call, he called back in an hour and I didn't take the second call either. But I detest phones. I use the phone for several hours with work each day and do not want to spend my down time on the damned phone.

I would much rather get together in person and talk than spend my time with my phone attached to my ear.
 jaymiebaybie
Joined: 2/20/2010
Msg: 94
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:59:12 AM
I think Tallchick61 was right when she responded with she wouldnt have a SO that she didn't feel like talking to. Although sometimes people aren't really in the chattiest of moods and feels like being alone - but I see it as you do, she should at least have the common courtesy to pick up and say, i'll talk to you later i'm not in the mood, or i'm busy.

Basically, I think you're just answering your own question. Let the phone calls die down, show you're not going to wait around for her call - you put your effort in there and she's not giving it back. - good luck!
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 95
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:03:05 AM
Apollodorus...that's what being in a relationship means to YOU. there are plenty of people out there who will agree with you and there are people who will disagree with you, myself included.

The beauty of relationships is that there are no RULES (bro/chick) that apply to ALL relationships. What works for YOU may not work for ME and thus we would not be compatible and we move on to try our luck with someone else who does value our ideals about phone call etiquette. Simple as that.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 96
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:06:02 AM
^^^ I agree with you 100%
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 97
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:07:23 AM
its my phone, here for my use amd my choice as to when and who I want to talk with.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 98
Is it a deal-breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:07:53 AM

You know what, that does mean doing something you may not want to do at the moment.

Which, for you and for Terry430, means leaving a message and accepting that she will call back when it's a good time for her. For most people this is known simply as "normal behavior."
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 99
Is it a deal-breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:27:02 AM
^^^^ yes but if the reason my SO didn't pick up the phone is just because my SO didn't feel like picking up the phone I would hightail it out of the relationship because I am not going to be talking to my SO just on hers/his terms.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 100
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:33:48 AM
How the heck did this turn into a GENDER battle?! People need to get a grip. It is no wonder so many are single - jaded jaded jaded...........
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