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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 76
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?Page 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
If I don't feel like answering the phone...I don't...that's what my voice mail is for...to
take messages. I don't feel the need to defend myself about not answering nor do
I get into conversations about not wanting to talk. That's the beauty of caller ID
and voice mail.
However, I still can't imagine not taking a call from my significant other.
You don't have to be a chatty cathy phone person to say I just wanted to say
hello.

It doesn't seem to me there is a right or a wrong here...but people are answering
to extremes. A simple middle ground works for me.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 77
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:03:15 AM
My question is, why do you feel that there is the necessity for providing you with a reason for not picking up the phone? You wouldn't be satisfied with the answer because you feel it's mandatory that when you call it be answered or your sensibilities will be offended. You're not entitled to a "reason" - accept the fact that you don't have to be joined at the hip and have someone jump to every little bell you ring.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 78
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:04:59 AM
It is about not answering the phone because you just didn't feel like picking it up and you didn't give a better reason other than I just didn't feel like picking it up, as I said I think that is total BS,

Back to projection. Just because you think that's BS doesn't mean it is. There doesn't have to be a thing you're doing that prevents you from answering a phone. If you don't feel like talking on the phone it doesn't matter who's calling. People have an absolute right to look at the phone and decide they don't want to be on it at that time. No reason is required. Now you may not like that, but it is what it is.

Again there's no sense of live and let live on these forums. All who see it a certain way need to realize that's THEIR perception of it, and should they have an SO who doesn't agree it doesn't make them wrong. It makes them of a different preference.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 79
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:15:43 AM

To me common courtesy would be if you just do not want to talk at that time to answer the call and say, "can I call you back later I'm doing xyz".
I don't know about you all, but I don't carry my phone on me 24/7/365. When I do, it's on vibrate--half the time I don't notice that it's vibrating when a call or a text arrives. My cell account is pay-as-you-go because I'm not using it enough to warrant a $40/month cell phone subscription, as I don't like yakking on the phone at all--I use my phone for emergencies, making calls when I want to, and answering it when I feel like it when it is on me. I do answer calls when I know they are coming in--texting is a great device to get me to make an appointment to answer the phone if you want to speak to me. Hell, I can't remember the last time I checked my voicemail--since I'm charged per minute everytime I enter my voicemail, I don't go in there unless I know the message is important.

So I think the OP might be projecting somewhat regarding why someone is "deliberately" ignoring incoming calls.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 80
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:20:57 AM

Back to projection. Just because you think that's BS doesn't mean it is


True it may not be BS to someone else but it is BS to me and my point was I wouldn't let it happen ever and anyone in a relationship with me will know this and if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO because that's just rude.

What that tells me is that they really don't give a crap about me and hold me in low regard, so why should I be around someone that puts me so low on the importance scale.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 81
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:21:05 AM
you didn't give a better reason other than I just didn't feel like picking it up,



What is a better reason then I am not in the mood to talk right now? Not everyone feels like having a phone attached to their head. Sometimes we just want to watch our favorite show without trying to carry on a conversation at the same time and missing the entire show because someone is droning in our ear, sometimes we just want to read and enjoy a book without having to carry on a conversation at the same time, sometimes we just want to nap after a hard day and not have to talk on the phone. There may even be times when we don't want to talk because we are trying to eat dinner and would like to do so without trying to talk and possibly choke ourselves at the same time.There are times when we would just like to soak in the tub for an hour relaxing and being lazy while listening to music while we think about nothing,Sometimes we would rather not spend an hour trying to convince someone that no nothing is wrong,we still love them and I just don't feel like talking right now,Sometime we just had a fight with our boss, friend, cousin, neighbor,sister, mother etc... and don't feel like talking because we really need to think about and mentally digest the argument.


The better question would be why do you feel so entitled that someone must pick up the phone the second you call and must be waiting with bated breath ever single second for your call? Why are they not allowed to not feel like talking on the phone? Why in your world are they not allowed a life and thoughts outside of you? If it is such an emergency then why can't you leave a message or call 911? Of all of the times that I have had true health emergencies I have called the ambulance, not a boyfriend. The paramedics could save my life,give me medicine and get me to the hospital, a boyfriend can't.


Most normal people like some alone time and need some time during the day to wind down. You can't be alone and unwind when you have a phone attached to your head. Honestly the phone has become such an annoying thing in this day and age. I refuse to even have a cell phone or caller id because it is such a pain in the behind. You can't even meet someone for a coffee anymore without them taking 15 calls on their darn cell phone during your date. Unless you are running a country then you don't need to be answering every single ring on your cell phone out in public. Believe it or not parents could still get in touch with their kids before cell phones were invented. Phone booths are still everywhere and any parent worth their salt will leave information of where they will be with a babysitter when they go out.
 Diagoro
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 82
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:22:09 AM
IMO, not picking up the phone isn't necessarily rude, but her telling you that she just didn't feel like talking... now, that is rude. All she had to do is tell you that she was busy doing whatever she was doing the next time you guys talked. A lot of time when I call people I ask them what they are up to and they say, "nothing....". Well, that's an impossibility, thanks! I mean, everybody is always doing something every moment of their life, even if they're just laying around staring at the ceiling... LOL. All she has to do is say, "I didn't pick up, because I was in the middle of something...".

If she's worth being your SO, then should ask her to adapt her behavior. Don't expect her to pick up every time, but the least she can do is be more respectful when she doesn't pick up.

-D.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 83
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:22:42 AM

It is about not answering the phone because you just didn't feel like picking it up

many of us feel that WE are the ones that control the phone, not that the phone and whoever is on the other end controls US.

There might be any number of good reasons that someone doesn't want to interrupt what they are doing, what they are thinking, what they are about to do, to carry on a social conversation. And since this is not a case of one person OWNING the other one, why should the person who doesn't want to drop everything to answer the phone RIGHT NOW, have to give a minute and detailed explanation about why this is not a good time to have a chitchat. Perhaps the nonresponding telephonee just butted heads with a service person, business entity or family member and is mad at the whole wide world right at the moment?
And then there are people who just plain don't LIKE long phone conversations, or need some "recharge" time.
Again, if the OP was calling and leaving a nessage about an emergency that were being ignored, or the gf was cancelling dates/standing him up, that would be a different story. But to refuse to be cowed into obeying a ringing phone when they have no reason to believe it's an emergency or urgent situation?
I'm sure that most of us with time management requirements/preferences to deal with phone calls at OUR convenience, have ended up spending more time dealing with an affronted caller who started PROBING when told "can't talk right now" than we could spare.
IMO, unless there is more sh*t going on, this woman's sense of personal boundaries and control of her time/environment are NOT dealbreakers.
But someone who needs or wants to FIND a dealbreaker can find one anywhere, I guess.
Cindy O
 FourmProfile
Joined: 2/18/2010
Msg: 84
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:23:25 AM

if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO

Methinks you have issues that extend well beyond this one....
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 85
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:24:09 AM

Apollodorus commented:
I think post 71 and 73 and several of you are missing the point. It's not about not answering phone because you were out at work or something. It is about not answering the phone because you just didn't feel like picking it up and you didn't give a better reason other than I just didn't feel like picking it up, as I said I think that is total BS,

Since I am lucky #71 allow me to clarify that while telling your SO "I didn't feel like talking to you" is a tad gauche (i.e. blunt, off-putting, and POTENTIALLY hurtful), they are not obligated to give a reason for not answering. Naturally a smarter person would have simply circumnavigated the argument with a white lie like "I was asleep/unavailable", but this person didn't for whatever reason and opted for the Blunt Route instead. That's THEIR prerogative.


You're entitled to think what you want about "unacceptable reasons being total BS", that is your God-given civil liberty, but it doesn't make you right, and you sure as hello don't own ANYBODY: meaning they don't OWE you an answer. They can give one if they feel like it, and you just need to deal with it if they do. If their answer is so distressing, why are you even staying with them?


Lastly I stand by my post:

Fast forward to today, and we have an instant-reply demand society, where if someone can't reach you on THEIR time frame within 10 seconds, they have a hissy fit.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 86
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:25:44 AM

True it may not be BS to someone else but it is BS to me and my point was I wouldn't let it happen ever and anyone in a relationship with me will know this and if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO because that's just rude.

You have too many rules.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 87
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:36:46 AM

they did not feel like talking at that time.

this is what the OP reported being told...NOT that she "didn't feel like talking to him "

I agree with TW...I certainly wouldn't say "I didn't feel like talking to YOU" to anyone other than some sort of telephone invader( telemarketers, 'survey takers', whatever) I'd say I was "right in the middle of something" or "unable to come to/answer the phone at that time".
but the OP does not SAY he's being told "I didn't feel like talking to YOU"...people who are leaping to THAT conclusion are telling more on themselves than maybe they realize...
Cindy O
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 88
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:43:09 AM
You don't just not feel like not talking at the time to a friend or SO ladyc4, that's just plain BS
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 89
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:45:55 AM

True it may not be BS to someone else but it is BS to me and my point was I wouldn't let it happen ever and anyone in a relationship with me will know this and if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO because that's just rude.


Compromise is always the key. So let's say your SO was on the same side with the consensus here and didn't want to have to pick up every time the phone rings. If she agreed to always answer your calls as long as you didn't call between certain hours, like 8 am to 6 pm, would you agree to that?
 rhettsbutler
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 90
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:46:08 AM
I'm talking about seeing it ring, seeing it's you calling and deciding not to answer it for no good reason except they did not feel like talking at that time.

Do you have some physcic ability to know she's not doing anything else when you call? You think she's looking at the caller id, sees it's you and then she's saying she doesn't want to talk to you. No, I think you're reading way to much into this.

I can't actually see it going over well to say... "Can I call you back later, I'm staring mindlessly at the television."
Regardless what some people may think that's the polite thing to do....... minus the sarcasm about the tv.
 YYCIamMattYYC
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 91
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:47:27 AM
To be completely honest with you, it's a difficult question to answer truthfully, but here I go.

If she doesn't want to answer your phone calls or give you a message back, just go out and go do something by yourself, or with your friends. It's her fault she didn't pick up the phone, I wouldn't wait all day around for her. The moment she knows you're emotionally dependent, you're emotionally ****ed.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 92
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:55:01 AM

Compromise is always the key. So let's say your SO was on the same side with the consensus here and didn't want to have to pick up every time the phone rings. If she agreed to always answer your calls as long as you didn't call between certain hours, like 8 am to 6 pm, would you agree to that?


I would agree to that because that would mean my friend or SO is spacing out time for me and not just giving me the reason " i just didn't feel like picking up the phone".
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 93
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:12:46 PM
Isn't expecting someone to answer the phone just because you are calling similar to expecting someone to want to talk every time you do?

A man wants the woman to pick up the phone each and every time he calls, unless in HIS opinion she has a good reason not to. Then that same woman should be able to expect that man to have a conversation with her, unless in HER opinion he has a good reason not to. For those of you who are saying she should pick up the phone, are you willing to stop whatever you are doing to talk whenever she wants to talk?
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 94
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:16:34 PM
^^ (@msg 95) I think that's fair. Perhaps it sounds like a lot of people in this thread never want to take their SO's calls but I doubt that's the case-- I'm sure more often than not they do take their SO's calls and/or they call them back promptly. But I think it's important for two people to discuss their preferences and come to an understanding that works for both of them.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 95
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:18:34 PM
I aslo had a thought OP do you answer your phone each and everytime it rings. Or do you let it go to voicemail.

As to someof the comments about you want an S/O that wants to talk to you each time you call that is great and so do I. I just dont' have time to answer a phone for long chats
8 or 9x a day.

I also have amended recently if someone wants to send me a short text saying hey thinking of you. That is awesome as long as they know I will respond as soon as I can and if I am with a client it might be abit.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 96
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:18:54 PM

Back to projection. Just because you think that's BS doesn't mean it is.


I guess it is to him, and that's fine. We're all entitled to have needs, wants, opinions and dealbreakers. And it's still ok for his to disagree with yours and mine. To each their own and that's what makes some folks compatible and others not compatible. C'est la vie!



You have too many rules.


I think that's a hilarious comment since he's posted ONE rule and you find that too many.

Nutt
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 97
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:03:53 PM

You don't just not feel like not talking at the time to a friend or SO ladyc4, that's just plain BS

No, it's YOUR OPINION that it's BS.
It's MY opinion that a friend or SO who expects somebody to drop everything, answer the phone and chitchat, needs to get a life and some personal sense of emotional security.

Yes, by golly,if I'm up to my elbows in dishwater, sitting on the toilet, I have a screaming headache, I've just had a battle with some business entity or service provider, I may very well NOT want to talk to anyone on the phone unless it's about an urgent situation.
And furthermore, I may not feel like EXPLAINING all that...because it is MY business...when I do answer a subsequent call- or return a call.
Now, my opinion does not stretch to ignoring urgent calls, standing people up, short-notice/capricious cancellation or altering of planned activities. That's a whole 'nother ballgame.
But I do not think that valuing my privacy, time control, and adult autonomy by not feeling compelled to answer the phone every time it rings,constitutes BS.
Some people simply have NO tact, no sense of boundaries, and to answer the phone with "now is not a good time" or " I can't talk right now" would lead to a grilling and/or a hissy fit...indeed, it might be considered, in some people's minds, that " I can't talk right now" or "Now is not a good time" in other words, to refuse to comply with THEIR wish to talk, is "rude" and "BS".
It's about time management, personal sense of privacy, boundaries, and as some have mentioned, they just don't care for idle yakking on the phone.
Cindy O
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 98
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:13:03 PM

I just didn't feel like picking it up, as I said I think that is total BS,


Well apollo you can do what you like.

You have some posters who don't LOVE talking on the phone and do not feel obligated to do so when not in the mood to talk.

Nothing worse than having someone get you to answer and you can't get them to get to the point and get off.

What better reason not to answer the phone than you don't want to?

Tell me please..there is no better answer. Don't want to Don't have to.

What DON'T YOU GET?

op Message her on POF and see if see messages you back, maybe that will work better for you.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 99
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:20:17 PM

Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?

OP -- Nope. And if it IS a dealbreaker, then they have serious issues.

You say that it would be proper etiquette to just answer and say that you're doing whatever and can you call back? Yea, that all sounds good on paper...but the reality most times is, they will not wait for YOU to call back because it's not on THEIR schedule. You "took too long" to call them back. So you're right back at square one with them calling, and you telling them that you're STILL doing whatever and can ya call back later.

Then they get huffy and whiny and pouty thinking you're ducking them.

Best to just duck them outright and remove the speculation. Ducking them by NOT ANSWERING.

I do this all the time, and will always do so. Why? Because I've been that guy that tried the "polite" mannerisms of "I'll call you later when I'm free" only to see them call right back...and again...and again...and again...

It's not about being rude. It's about wanting some f*cking SPACE. About NOT wanting to blab for hours on the phone...then again in text...then again on FB...then again on PoF...then again in IM...and so on.

If a chick gets huffy with me about this, then they get pitched. I have no time for theatrics.

JMO
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 100
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:20:31 PM

I think that's a hilarious comment since he's posted ONE rule and you find that too many.


Ahhh but it's not the only rule he's posted. It's the only one he's discussing in this thread but not the only one he has.
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