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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?      Home login  
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 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 76
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?Page 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

True it may not be BS to someone else but it is BS to me and my point was I wouldn't let it happen ever and anyone in a relationship with me will know this and if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO because that's just rude.

You have too many rules.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 77
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:36:46 AM

they did not feel like talking at that time.

this is what the OP reported being told...NOT that she "didn't feel like talking to him "

I agree with TW...I certainly wouldn't say "I didn't feel like talking to YOU" to anyone other than some sort of telephone invader( telemarketers, 'survey takers', whatever) I'd say I was "right in the middle of something" or "unable to come to/answer the phone at that time".
but the OP does not SAY he's being told "I didn't feel like talking to YOU"...people who are leaping to THAT conclusion are telling more on themselves than maybe they realize...
Cindy O
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 78
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:43:09 AM
You don't just not feel like not talking at the time to a friend or SO ladyc4, that's just plain BS
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 79
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:45:55 AM

True it may not be BS to someone else but it is BS to me and my point was I wouldn't let it happen ever and anyone in a relationship with me will know this and if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO because that's just rude.


Compromise is always the key. So let's say your SO was on the same side with the consensus here and didn't want to have to pick up every time the phone rings. If she agreed to always answer your calls as long as you didn't call between certain hours, like 8 am to 6 pm, would you agree to that?
 rhettsbutler
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 80
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:46:08 AM
I'm talking about seeing it ring, seeing it's you calling and deciding not to answer it for no good reason except they did not feel like talking at that time.

Do you have some physcic ability to know she's not doing anything else when you call? You think she's looking at the caller id, sees it's you and then she's saying she doesn't want to talk to you. No, I think you're reading way to much into this.

I can't actually see it going over well to say... "Can I call you back later, I'm staring mindlessly at the television."
Regardless what some people may think that's the polite thing to do....... minus the sarcasm about the tv.
 YYCIamMattYYC
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 81
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:47:27 AM
To be completely honest with you, it's a difficult question to answer truthfully, but here I go.

If she doesn't want to answer your phone calls or give you a message back, just go out and go do something by yourself, or with your friends. It's her fault she didn't pick up the phone, I wouldn't wait all day around for her. The moment she knows you're emotionally dependent, you're emotionally ****ed.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 82
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:55:01 AM

Compromise is always the key. So let's say your SO was on the same side with the consensus here and didn't want to have to pick up every time the phone rings. If she agreed to always answer your calls as long as you didn't call between certain hours, like 8 am to 6 pm, would you agree to that?


I would agree to that because that would mean my friend or SO is spacing out time for me and not just giving me the reason " i just didn't feel like picking up the phone".
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 83
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History
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:12:46 PM
Isn't expecting someone to answer the phone just because you are calling similar to expecting someone to want to talk every time you do?

A man wants the woman to pick up the phone each and every time he calls, unless in HIS opinion she has a good reason not to. Then that same woman should be able to expect that man to have a conversation with her, unless in HER opinion he has a good reason not to. For those of you who are saying she should pick up the phone, are you willing to stop whatever you are doing to talk whenever she wants to talk?
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 84
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:16:34 PM
^^ (@msg 95) I think that's fair. Perhaps it sounds like a lot of people in this thread never want to take their SO's calls but I doubt that's the case-- I'm sure more often than not they do take their SO's calls and/or they call them back promptly. But I think it's important for two people to discuss their preferences and come to an understanding that works for both of them.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 85
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:18:34 PM
I aslo had a thought OP do you answer your phone each and everytime it rings. Or do you let it go to voicemail.

As to someof the comments about you want an S/O that wants to talk to you each time you call that is great and so do I. I just dont' have time to answer a phone for long chats
8 or 9x a day.

I also have amended recently if someone wants to send me a short text saying hey thinking of you. That is awesome as long as they know I will respond as soon as I can and if I am with a client it might be abit.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 86
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:18:54 PM

Back to projection. Just because you think that's BS doesn't mean it is.


I guess it is to him, and that's fine. We're all entitled to have needs, wants, opinions and dealbreakers. And it's still ok for his to disagree with yours and mine. To each their own and that's what makes some folks compatible and others not compatible. C'est la vie!



You have too many rules.


I think that's a hilarious comment since he's posted ONE rule and you find that too many.

Nutt
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 87
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:03:53 PM

You don't just not feel like not talking at the time to a friend or SO ladyc4, that's just plain BS

No, it's YOUR OPINION that it's BS.
It's MY opinion that a friend or SO who expects somebody to drop everything, answer the phone and chitchat, needs to get a life and some personal sense of emotional security.

Yes, by golly,if I'm up to my elbows in dishwater, sitting on the toilet, I have a screaming headache, I've just had a battle with some business entity or service provider, I may very well NOT want to talk to anyone on the phone unless it's about an urgent situation.
And furthermore, I may not feel like EXPLAINING all that...because it is MY business...when I do answer a subsequent call- or return a call.
Now, my opinion does not stretch to ignoring urgent calls, standing people up, short-notice/capricious cancellation or altering of planned activities. That's a whole 'nother ballgame.
But I do not think that valuing my privacy, time control, and adult autonomy by not feeling compelled to answer the phone every time it rings,constitutes BS.
Some people simply have NO tact, no sense of boundaries, and to answer the phone with "now is not a good time" or " I can't talk right now" would lead to a grilling and/or a hissy fit...indeed, it might be considered, in some people's minds, that " I can't talk right now" or "Now is not a good time" in other words, to refuse to comply with THEIR wish to talk, is "rude" and "BS".
It's about time management, personal sense of privacy, boundaries, and as some have mentioned, they just don't care for idle yakking on the phone.
Cindy O
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 88
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:13:03 PM

I just didn't feel like picking it up, as I said I think that is total BS,


Well apollo you can do what you like.

You have some posters who don't LOVE talking on the phone and do not feel obligated to do so when not in the mood to talk.

Nothing worse than having someone get you to answer and you can't get them to get to the point and get off.

What better reason not to answer the phone than you don't want to?

Tell me please..there is no better answer. Don't want to Don't have to.

What DON'T YOU GET?

op Message her on POF and see if see messages you back, maybe that will work better for you.
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 89
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:20:31 PM

I think that's a hilarious comment since he's posted ONE rule and you find that too many.


Ahhh but it's not the only rule he's posted. It's the only one he's discussing in this thread but not the only one he has.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 90
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:22:49 PM

True it may not be BS to someone else but it is BS to me and my point was I wouldn't let it happen ever and anyone in a relationship with me will know this and if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO because that's just rude.

B-b-b-but, what if I didn’t feel like talking at that time, because I had to take a great bit shit? In order to be your friend, would I have to say, “No time to talk, gotta hunker down for a duke?” Are you sure there are never any personal and private circumstances, indispositions, ablutions, etc., that would justify a response of, “I didn’t feel like talking at that time”? It wouldn’t be a falsehood, for I assure you, when the moon comes over the mountain, I must howl. Would code words be better? Could I say, “Unable to send transmission...The Enola Gay is readying her drop of Little Boy over Hiroshima?”
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 91
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:41:15 PM
Frau Blucher that's a bit extreme. I am talking about not answering the phone because the person just didn't feel like it at the time and that's the reason they gave to me when they finally did talk to me. As far as I am concerned I was just told too f off and that's very wrong and rude.
 CaramelSweetness2
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 92
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:42:21 PM
Haven't read all the replies here but this is a pet peeve of mine (people not answering the phone)

My last XBF made it a rule to NOT answer his cell. Whenever I wanted to reach him I would have to call like 3 times in a row - sometimes he would answer on the 3rd call, other times he would wait about 10 min to an hour and then call me back. He knew full well I was calling. And NO, I am not "needy". I only called him about twice a week. It's funny he made himself available when HE wanted to see me and come over. We were supposed to be a "couple". He was the one who asked me to be exclusive with him in the beginning. I thought we had something, but as time progressed I realized I was not a priority to him and the phone thing got to be really irratating.

On the otherhand whenever he called me I was "overjoyed" to see him calling. I think if a person is a "SIGNIFICANT OTHER" in your life they should be "significant". At least to my mind I would think that the person would WANT to talk to you and enjoy hearing from you once a day or at least every couple of days. If it annoying to them to hear from you I think you may be with someone who doesn't value you that much. My next go round - I want someone who is as excited about me as I am about them - period! I think there are just a lot of selfish people now-a-days - so into themselves that they make no room for another person and only want them around when THEY want!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 93
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:49:04 PM

just didn't feel like it at the time

"at the time" does not mean NEVER.
People-like the OP-who get this a LOT, might want to wonder whether they are just one of those people that tend to be somewhat of a drain on energy/patience or that they are "wearing out their welcome" with pressure for frequent contact...
IMO, endless yakking on the phone,absent a specific reason, topic, or need. with romantic partners or friends in general, is something I attribute to teenagers and other children.
Cindy O
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 94
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:53:56 PM
I think there are just a lot of selfish people now-a-days - so into themselves that they make no room for another person and only want them around when THEY want!

Do tell. Would the THEY not apply to the person who is so into themselves that they figure someone else has no right to private time, no matter what that private time entails? ooooo a whole 10 minutes to an hour to call a person back, which apparently negates the fact that a return call was made - just not at the time the caller figured they should drop everything to respond to the command...aka bell ringing. You know what it reminds me of? Those old black and white movies where some cantankerous, petulant, spoiled rotten brat (of any age or gender) is laid up in bed with a case of the sniffles and tinkles their little bell to summon the servants at their every beck and call. It's amazing, the parallel.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 95
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:55:24 PM

Frau Blucher that's a bit extreme. I am talking about not answering the phone because the person just didn't feel like it at the time and that's the reason they gave to me when they finally did talk to me. As far as I am concerned I was just told too f off and that's very wrong and rude.

The reason is NOT extreme, because no one would want to TELL you if they had to shit, or had some other PERSONAL reason. My point was that there is a distinct possibility that whatever caused them to feel like not picking up the phone could be extremely personal or private in nature, or just none of your business, so a more “generic” reason is proffered. You do NOT know what others are thinking, and are taking their RIGHT to privacy as a personal affront.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 96
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:56:28 PM
True it may not be BS to someone else but it is BS to me and my point was I wouldn't let it happen ever and anyone in a relationship with me will know this and if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO because that's just rude.

Rude to you, you mean. You did it again.

What that tells me is that they really don't give a crap about me and hold me in low regard, so why should I be around someone that puts me so low on the importance scale.

And again, that's all YOUR perception of what's going on - which as I said, is projection as none of that may be true from their end.

You don't just not feel like not talking at the time to a friend or SO ladyc4, that's just plain BS

And you're back at it here. There are people who don't feel like talking to anyone at certain times - you may want to talk to anyone who'll talk to you any time of day, but there are people who do not always want to engage in conversations with people they know, don't know, date, don't date, whatever. So I take it what you mean here is it's BS TO YOU only...and you just forgot to add that part.


Compromise is always the key. So let's say your SO was on the same side with the consensus here and didn't want to have to pick up every time the phone rings. If she agreed to always answer your calls as long as you didn't call between certain hours, like 8 am to 6 pm, would you agree to that?

I would agree to that because that would mean my friend or SO is spacing out time for me and not just giving me the reason " i just didn't feel like picking up the phone".

Ok, so if she said she'd only feel like talking within a certain window every day and you didn't hit that window you'd be ok with her not answering if you called beyond the window? Good to know.

Personally I wouldn't last long with anyone who took everything I did as personal and relevant to themselves, but for the people who have the time and patience to give it a try, it's good to know what your compromising points are.
 Diagoro
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 97
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:59:17 PM
I had a narcissistic "friend" recently, and her one redeeming quality was that she either picked up the phone or called back about 75% of the time. If not for that, I would never have been "friends" with her as long as I was. People that don't pick up the phone are annoying as ****. I pick up the phone every time it rings, unless I don't hear it or I'm on the other line, because I follow the golden rule. There are way to many flakes out there, and judging by the responses on this thread... on here too - LOL! My definition of a flake: people who prove themselves to be unreliable.

-D.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 98
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:02:53 PM
BDJ, I agree with you on this one, but you have the shoe on the wrong foot, here. It's the original poster doing the calling and huffing, not his girlfriend. So what you really said was:

"OP -- Nope. And if it IS a dealbreaker, then you have serious issues.

You say that it would be proper etiquette to just answer and say that she's doing whatever and can she call back? Yea, that all sounds good on paper...but the reality most times is, you will not wait for HER to call back because it's not on YOUR schedule. She "took too long" to call you back. So she's right back at square one with you calling, and her telling you that she's STILL doing whatever and can she call back later.

Then you get huffy and whiny and pouty thinking she's ducking you.

Best to just duck you outright and remove the speculation. Ducking you by NOT ANSWERING."
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 99
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:41:01 PM

.The Enola Gay is readying her drop of Little Boy over Hiroshima?


OMG frau I'm choking here woman. * snort*

Op and others that think this is rude, just feel entitled to have someone acknowledge them
because of insecurities IMO.

Find someone who thinks like you do guys and don't mind you have a profile up on a dating site looking for long term. Gaaaaaaaaaaaawd.


Nope. And if it IS a dealbreaker, then they have serious issues.


Exactly..
 savepolarbears
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 100
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:41:10 PM
If I have to lose my freedom not to pick up the phone when I don't feel like to do in a relationship, I'd rather be alone.
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