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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?      Home login  
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 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 101
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?Page 5 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

True it may not be BS to someone else but it is BS to me and my point was I wouldn't let it happen ever and anyone in a relationship with me will know this and if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO because that's just rude.

B-b-b-but, what if I didn’t feel like talking at that time, because I had to take a great bit shit? In order to be your friend, would I have to say, “No time to talk, gotta hunker down for a duke?” Are you sure there are never any personal and private circumstances, indispositions, ablutions, etc., that would justify a response of, “I didn’t feel like talking at that time”? It wouldn’t be a falsehood, for I assure you, when the moon comes over the mountain, I must howl. Would code words be better? Could I say, “Unable to send transmission...The Enola Gay is readying her drop of Little Boy over Hiroshima?”
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 102
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:41:15 PM
Frau Blucher that's a bit extreme. I am talking about not answering the phone because the person just didn't feel like it at the time and that's the reason they gave to me when they finally did talk to me. As far as I am concerned I was just told too f off and that's very wrong and rude.
 CaramelSweetness2
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 103
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:42:21 PM
Haven't read all the replies here but this is a pet peeve of mine (people not answering the phone)

My last XBF made it a rule to NOT answer his cell. Whenever I wanted to reach him I would have to call like 3 times in a row - sometimes he would answer on the 3rd call, other times he would wait about 10 min to an hour and then call me back. He knew full well I was calling. And NO, I am not "needy". I only called him about twice a week. It's funny he made himself available when HE wanted to see me and come over. We were supposed to be a "couple". He was the one who asked me to be exclusive with him in the beginning. I thought we had something, but as time progressed I realized I was not a priority to him and the phone thing got to be really irratating.

On the otherhand whenever he called me I was "overjoyed" to see him calling. I think if a person is a "SIGNIFICANT OTHER" in your life they should be "significant". At least to my mind I would think that the person would WANT to talk to you and enjoy hearing from you once a day or at least every couple of days. If it annoying to them to hear from you I think you may be with someone who doesn't value you that much. My next go round - I want someone who is as excited about me as I am about them - period! I think there are just a lot of selfish people now-a-days - so into themselves that they make no room for another person and only want them around when THEY want!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 104
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:49:04 PM

just didn't feel like it at the time

"at the time" does not mean NEVER.
People-like the OP-who get this a LOT, might want to wonder whether they are just one of those people that tend to be somewhat of a drain on energy/patience or that they are "wearing out their welcome" with pressure for frequent contact...
IMO, endless yakking on the phone,absent a specific reason, topic, or need. with romantic partners or friends in general, is something I attribute to teenagers and other children.
Cindy O
 clt47
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 105
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:52:10 PM
This is definitely one of those things that each person because of their personality will see differently. For me however if it is TRULY my SO then of course I will answer my phone, if I am able. You know not in the shower, or taking a hot dish out of the oven, etc. .

I personally would see it as they really don't care that much about me. If they could not give that little bit of themselves to at least answer my call and say "can I call you back?" Unless maybe we had been arguing or we had already talked several times that day.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 106
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:53:56 PM
I think there are just a lot of selfish people now-a-days - so into themselves that they make no room for another person and only want them around when THEY want!

Do tell. Would the THEY not apply to the person who is so into themselves that they figure someone else has no right to private time, no matter what that private time entails? ooooo a whole 10 minutes to an hour to call a person back, which apparently negates the fact that a return call was made - just not at the time the caller figured they should drop everything to respond to the command...aka bell ringing. You know what it reminds me of? Those old black and white movies where some cantankerous, petulant, spoiled rotten brat (of any age or gender) is laid up in bed with a case of the sniffles and tinkles their little bell to summon the servants at their every beck and call. It's amazing, the parallel.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 107
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:55:24 PM

Frau Blucher that's a bit extreme. I am talking about not answering the phone because the person just didn't feel like it at the time and that's the reason they gave to me when they finally did talk to me. As far as I am concerned I was just told too f off and that's very wrong and rude.

The reason is NOT extreme, because no one would want to TELL you if they had to shit, or had some other PERSONAL reason. My point was that there is a distinct possibility that whatever caused them to feel like not picking up the phone could be extremely personal or private in nature, or just none of your business, so a more “generic” reason is proffered. You do NOT know what others are thinking, and are taking their RIGHT to privacy as a personal affront.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 108
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:56:28 PM
True it may not be BS to someone else but it is BS to me and my point was I wouldn't let it happen ever and anyone in a relationship with me will know this and if it does happen they would be history whether it be a friend or SO because that's just rude.

Rude to you, you mean. You did it again.

What that tells me is that they really don't give a crap about me and hold me in low regard, so why should I be around someone that puts me so low on the importance scale.

And again, that's all YOUR perception of what's going on - which as I said, is projection as none of that may be true from their end.

You don't just not feel like not talking at the time to a friend or SO ladyc4, that's just plain BS

And you're back at it here. There are people who don't feel like talking to anyone at certain times - you may want to talk to anyone who'll talk to you any time of day, but there are people who do not always want to engage in conversations with people they know, don't know, date, don't date, whatever. So I take it what you mean here is it's BS TO YOU only...and you just forgot to add that part.


Compromise is always the key. So let's say your SO was on the same side with the consensus here and didn't want to have to pick up every time the phone rings. If she agreed to always answer your calls as long as you didn't call between certain hours, like 8 am to 6 pm, would you agree to that?

I would agree to that because that would mean my friend or SO is spacing out time for me and not just giving me the reason " i just didn't feel like picking up the phone".

Ok, so if she said she'd only feel like talking within a certain window every day and you didn't hit that window you'd be ok with her not answering if you called beyond the window? Good to know.

Personally I wouldn't last long with anyone who took everything I did as personal and relevant to themselves, but for the people who have the time and patience to give it a try, it's good to know what your compromising points are.
 Diagoro
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 109
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:59:17 PM
I had a narcissistic "friend" recently, and her one redeeming quality was that she either picked up the phone or called back about 75% of the time. If not for that, I would never have been "friends" with her as long as I was. People that don't pick up the phone are annoying as ****. I pick up the phone every time it rings, unless I don't hear it or I'm on the other line, because I follow the golden rule. There are way to many flakes out there, and judging by the responses on this thread... on here too - LOL! My definition of a flake: people who prove themselves to be unreliable.

-D.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 110
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:02:53 PM
BDJ, I agree with you on this one, but you have the shoe on the wrong foot, here. It's the original poster doing the calling and huffing, not his girlfriend. So what you really said was:

"OP -- Nope. And if it IS a dealbreaker, then you have serious issues.

You say that it would be proper etiquette to just answer and say that she's doing whatever and can she call back? Yea, that all sounds good on paper...but the reality most times is, you will not wait for HER to call back because it's not on YOUR schedule. She "took too long" to call you back. So she's right back at square one with you calling, and her telling you that she's STILL doing whatever and can she call back later.

Then you get huffy and whiny and pouty thinking she's ducking you.

Best to just duck you outright and remove the speculation. Ducking you by NOT ANSWERING."
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 111
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:07:51 PM

Good God prevent me from ever dating someone who flips out about someone who does not answer the phone every single time they call.


Good God prevent ME from ever dating someone, who deliberately chooses to ignore my calls, "just because".

OP, I'm not really a phone person either (to my mind, it's more a tool for making plans, a bit of chit chat, then finishing the conversation in person at the appointed date we've just set up), and especially during the work day, I just don't have time to take or make personal calls.

At home, though, I really can't think of any reason I would deliberately ignore an S/O's call without good reason. (As others have already said, they are in the shower, in the middle of something they can't take their hands away from, going to the bathroom, things like that). But, as the OP stated, those are things one can't really help, not deliberate choices. I've never dated anyone who flipped out if I answered and said "Hey, I'm right in the middle of xyz, can I call you back later?" though,nor have I dated anyone who makes mulitple calls a day since I make it clear in the beginning that I'm really not a phone yakker, so that's never been an issue for me.

So, if an S/O called, I'd answer the call or return it as soon as I could, even if it was just to say "I did get your call, but I'll need to call you back in two hours" or whatnot.

Personally, I'd have to think, if an S/O was deliberately choosing to screen calls from me? That the relationship was likely on its last legs by then anyway. Most people enjoy speaking with their S/O when they're happy, after all. JMO.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 112
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:25:54 PM

BDJ, I agree with you on this one, but you have the shoe on the wrong foot, here. It's the original poster doing the calling and huffing, not his girlfriend.

Well thanks for the clarification. The edit was appreciated.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 113
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:41:01 PM

.The Enola Gay is readying her drop of Little Boy over Hiroshima?


OMG frau I'm choking here woman. * snort*

Op and others that think this is rude, just feel entitled to have someone acknowledge them
because of insecurities IMO.

Find someone who thinks like you do guys and don't mind you have a profile up on a dating site looking for long term. Gaaaaaaaaaaaawd.


Nope. And if it IS a dealbreaker, then they have serious issues.


Exactly..
 savepolarbears
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 114
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 2:41:10 PM
If I have to lose my freedom not to pick up the phone when I don't feel like to do in a relationship, I'd rather be alone.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 115
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:02:09 PM
Sweetness one I gave many examples on this thread over and over. Never did I give a "just because" answer. Just because you don't happen to believe that someone wanting some down time or time to unwind is not a good enough reason does not mean it's not a good enough reason for everyone else.

Most reasonable and rationale people get not wanting to answer the phone (even thought they don't want to)only to go on an hour long chat just to tell someone you don't want to talk right now while the person on the other end whines"but why don't you want to talk now","is it me","don't you love me anymore","why can't you just talk for a minute","you don't want to talk so something must be wrong","why can't I help you by talking to you","if you loved me you would take the time to talk to me RIGHT NOW". More often then not this is how that conversation would go. Most people would just not be able to handle someone saying "I am just not in the mood to talk right now because, "I had a bad day and I am cranky","I got into a fight with my boss or got fired", "I just found out it's going to take a lot of money to fix my car", "I just want to lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling while thinking about nothing".


I wonder what would happen if two of these overly clingy, overly needy people got into a relationship with each other? Most likely their overly needy and clingy behavior would suck them both into a black hole of never ending swirling talking,texting emailing and declarations of undying and never ending love.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 116
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:10:53 PM

I wonder what would happen if two of these overly clingy, overly needy people got into a relationship with each other? Most likely their overly needy and clingy behavior would suck them both into a black hole of never ending swirling talking,texting emailing and declarations of undying and never ending love


Re-read my post, in case it wasn't clear. I also stated that I am not a phone person either, and don't want multiple phone calls from an S/O in one day either.

Again, though...as your post indicates, even in replying to mine. Lack of communication is still rampant. I am straight up right away with anyone I date, about not being a phone person...so the "Oh baby are you mad at me?" blah blah never becomes an issue in any relationship I've ever been in.

Mock "clinginess" all you want. A reasonable response, would have been along the lines of "Obviously the two people in question have different communication styles, one person needs more phone contact, one doesn't".

Again, life isn't that hard. If you don't want phone calls, then like I said...make that clear right from the beginning, and, problem solved. Personally, I find it odd that so many say "I just want down time" or "They wouldn't understand, I'd get a thousand questions like 'Baby why are you mad at me?' and other third degrees.

That makes me think that overall lack of communication is the real problem in said relationship, if someone can't just be honest enough to say "I don't like talking on the phone", no?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 117
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:21:22 PM

life isn't that hard.


That's an entirely separate issue. For some it is and others it is not. Either way off topic.


If you don't want phone calls, then like I said...make that clear right from the beginning,


No one here,including me, is saying that we don't want to talk to our partners, we just object to multiple phone calls a day and someone demanding that we talk to them NOW! No one here is saying that a phone call a day is a bad thing or even and undesirable thing, you are reading things that are not there. What people are saying is that just because you call at a certain time and we either can't, or at the moment,do not feel like being on the phone, does not mean you should flip out just because we would rather talk at a better time. People really need to get over this NOW NOW NOW! mentality.

The op of his thread never said anything about his girlfriend not wanting to ever talk to him only that she did not want to talk at the particular moment he called. She even called him back later on the same day at a more convenient time. It is the op who is the irrational one regarding phone calls.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 118
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:33:51 PM

That's an entirely separate issue. For some it is and others it is not. Either way off topic.


You are either being way too literal, or just being obtuse. When I said "life isn't hard", I meant, "something as relatively simple/dumb as phone call frequency, really shouldn't be the biggest worry on anyone's plate, unless they choose to make it so". But again...it ain't hard....spell that out in the beginning and, problem solved, no?


No one here,including me, is saying that we don't want to talk to our partners, we just object to multiple phone calls a day and someone demanding that we talk to them NOW! No one here is saying that a phone call a day is a bad thing or even and undesirable thing, you are reading things that are not there.


Again, lack of communication or reading comprehension. I said the same thing both times, in my previous posts. So, please don't be deliberately obtuse.


What people are saying is that just because you call at a certain time and we either can't, or at the moment,do not feel like being on the phone, does not mean you should flip out just because we would rather talk at a better time. People really need to get over this NOW NOW NOW! mentality.


Actually, the thread was about deliberately ignoring an S/O's phone call. Not sure what off-topic tangent you are speaking of.



The op of his thread never said anything about his girlfriend not wanting to ever talk to him only that she did not want to talk at the particular moment he called. She even called him back later on the same day at a more convenient time. It is the op who is the irrational one regarding phone calls


Agreed, he is being a bit irrational and demanding.

But...I still find it odd, so many saying they wouldn't actually WANT to answer an S/O's phone call. Any relationship I've ever been in? If I was deliberately screening an S/O's phone calls? Then the relationship was about over.

Otherwise...wtf kind of relationships are people engaging in, that they don't want the "hassle" of actually answering an S/O's phone call in the first place? That's not a relationship I would want to be in.
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 119
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:35:36 PM
I didn't answer the phone sometimes or get back to my ex when he would call and he would pitch the hissiest of fits....drove me batty.

But I think far worse than his juvenile sh*t fits about me not answering the phone was that he would answer the phone ALWAYS....even if he was busy dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool. DISGUSTING!!!! Have some limits...draw a line somewhere...at the bathroom door at least...He would even answer the phone if he was in the shower. Once he stopped in the middle of sex to answer the phone. Oh and nothing spells R-U-D-E to me than to put me on hold and chit chat with someone else on the other line.

This topic as with all things requires limits and boundaries folks.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 120
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 4:10:48 PM

Once he stopped in the middle of sex to answer the phone.

Now, unless that call were about a death in the familyor some other dire situation,that would about be a dealbreaker for me!
Talk about having no boundaries!
Cindy O
 BBQ Spider
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 121
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 4:35:47 PM
What, POFers at war with each other already over such a seemingly simple question? I am SHOCKED.

This thread with its original question, and every one of the responses, illustrates very well the underlying real issue which never goes away: whether, when we meet up with differences, we try to understand/compromise or control/condemn.
 rex-pilot
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 122
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 4:49:01 PM

But I think far worse than his juvenile sh*t fits about me not answering the phone was that he would answer the phone ALWAYS....even if he was busy dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool. DISGUSTING!!!! Have some limits...draw a line somewhere...at the bathroom door at least...He would even answer the phone if he was in the shower. Once he stopped in the middle of sex to answer the phone. Oh and nothing spells R-U-D-E to me than to put me on hold and chit chat with someone else on the other line.


i sure am glad someone brought this one up. it demonstrates the 2 different extremes. some folks are on their phone no matter what is going on. you see them everywhere in your travels. i see this as a bit needy and really how can they even have a one on one conversation with you if they are doing something else while you are on the phone with them. most of the time they are talking to hear themselves and you are not really even part of the conversation.....at least how i felt when it was done to me. i made it very clear that I would talk to them when i could give them my full undivided attention and not just be on the phone to be on the phone..

i will clarify that when i had a SO i always took her calls and wanted to talk to her, but she always gave me her full attention when calling and we always had something to talk about. if i was busy, she would understand and let me go, knowing i would call her back as soon as i was able. now, on the other hand the girl that started calling as soon as she got out of work just to have me on the phone with her as she went about her daily chores and errands.....not.

-chip
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 123
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 6:41:02 PM

But...I still find it odd, so many saying they wouldn't actually WANT to answer an S/O's phone call.



Talk about being obtuse.


No one is saying they don't want to talk to their partner. What they are saying is that at that particular moment when that call comes in they don't feel like talking to anyone. The girlfriend of the op was not deliberately avoidinghis calls she just didn't want to talk on the phone to anyone at that moment. Reading comprehension problems much?


Copied from the post of the op:


they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time


She never said she did not want to talk to him simply at that they did not feel like talking at that time



Actually, the thread was about deliberately ignoring an S/O's phone call.



Actually it's not if you would actually read what he wrote.She was ignoring every ones phone calls not just the op. What you are stubbornly refusing to see is that not everyone at every single second of the day feels like being on the phone. Yes yes yes I know you say that you don't care for being on the phone yet somehow you don't understand that not all of us want to take every phone call that comes in every single second of the day.Sometimes when a call comes in we do not feel like being on the phone with anyone no matter who.



Otherwise...wtf kind of relationships are people engaging in, that they don't want the "hassle" of actually answering an S/O's phone call in the first place?



She called him back later that day when it was a better time.What is the huge deal? It's not like she was avoiding him for days just until later that day when it was a better time. Just because someone doesn't jump when you say jump and then ask how high does not mean they don't love you or want to be in a relationship with you.
 cuban delite
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 124
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:30:01 PM
My phone is there for MY convenience , not anyone elses.
I would like to know who makes up these phone etiquette rules anyways.
 wings on my butt
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 125
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:55:36 PM
Spent alot of time in the military did ya terry? Did ya also expect her to jump to attention and salute you when you walked in the room terry?


Dang men like you tire me out. You're way too hardcore. Don't sweat the small stuff ok? When you think of all the biggies out there in relationships this is nothing.
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