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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?      Home login  
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 Aloha_Beauty78
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 126
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?Page 6 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Unless its an emergency, I do not understand the logic behind having to phone someone consistently in a short amount of time ( in this case, one hour) when the person has not answered the first time.

Most people have caller ID on their phone, they know its you...they will get back to you when they can.

If you want to fix the problem, start doing what she does to you and see if she starts to get irritated. I will guarantee you that once this has been processed, the behavior on her part will stop.

Otherwise OP....I really don't think its rude when someone chooses not to answer the phone because they don't feel like talking. Answering the phone and stating that they will call you some other time will NOT make things better....because they are stating the exact same thing " I choose NOT to talk to you right now..."...how would that even change anything?

I personally do not like talking on the phone but if a significant other wants to chat, I will pick it up but will make it clear that I have no desire to talk on the phone everyday esp if I see the person frequently. If its really that important, leave a voicemail or text message stating what's so urgent. Otherwise, I think it should be a person's personal choice whether or not they want to pick up the phone. If you really mean that much to them, they WILL get back to you. There are people out there who do not have the energy or desire to talk on the phone, me being one of them.

By the way, the more you phone someone in a short time frame...the more likely they will not pick up the phone. Give her space....this will most likely make her want to call you back and call you more frequently. If you are phoning her just to chat and she is not one of those phone people...maybe you two can compromise on how many days a week you want to chat. For example, keep in touch once-twice a week then the rest for making plans only.
 Nohno
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 127
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:31:23 PM
It's not a deal breaker, but how would she feel if you did that to her? Women play games, but if a man did that to her all hell would beak loose...
 tallsmilesforyou
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 128
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:35:04 PM
I'm convinced some people who need to talk to their SOs eleventeen times an hour still harbor separation anxiety issues from childhood.

For a good laugh about this issue see http://theoatmeal.com/comics/phone

Its called 10 Reasons To Avoid Answering The Phone.
 thistime05
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 129
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:38:13 PM
I agree with the OP on this and know where is coming from...

it's just a "new" pride factor that girls have and another one of those Disrespecting situations towards a guy that he HAS to put up with....girls never see why this is a problem, or at least they pretend they don't notice it.

I wouldn't say this is a dealbreaker, it's not a BIG problem or medicore, however it still is annoying. I would actually suggest to do this to her also to show that you're not a doormat.

Basically i know what you mean, you feel like a bit of courtesy goes a long way...Not many girls or guys know what that means anymore, but hey who knows...the key here is to not get pissed off or else you will lose some ground.

Unfortunately when this happens often she isn't into you....so take note of this.

If someone likes you, they will show it.....not picking up all the time isn't a good sign..
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 130
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:48:37 PM
OP, I have not read all 6 pages of this but it is a person's perogative whether or not to answer the phone. It doesn't mean that we don't like you, it is just that we may be in the midst of something or we just don't feel like it. I've dated guys who if at first you don't answer they try, try again. Big time turn off for it screams insecurity from the rooftops.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 131
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:50:56 PM

No one is saying they don't want to talk to their partner. What they are saying is that at that particular moment when that call comes in they don't feel like talking to anyone. The girlfriend of the op was not deliberately avoidinghis calls she just didn't want to talk on the phone to anyone at that moment. Reading comprehension problems much?


Actually that's not true. You should make sure you're actually accurate before you start being snotty with other posters. The OP is very clear that his girlfriend knows it's him calling and doesn't want to talk. It doesn't say that she doesn't want to talk with "anyone." You're inferring that because it happens to suit your personal beliefs on this issue. Other people are inferring she didn't want to talk to him because for them that's the issue.

Just saying you should actually have the facts perfectly straight before trying to be rude. Or better yet, not be rude at all because everyone has the right to their own opinion and feelings even if they, shockingly, happen to differ from yours.

Nutt
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 132
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:06:19 PM
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?

What's the emergency?

I'm talking about seeing it ring, seeing it's you calling and deciding not to answer it for no good reason except they did not feel like talking at that time.

Is that like you say "Jump!" and they're don't respond by "jumping'?

I see it as rude behavior.

You mean when they don't "jump"?

Let me help you with that.
Write this down.

Expectations are a b***h

Life isn't a game of "Simon says..."

Ever get the sense that some people are like a rat experiment gone mad where they are conditioned to respond to bells?

You mean like when someone says "Promise you'll never leave me, no matter what", you're supposed to respond by marrying them?

Ya, I get that sense, all the time...

What is the deal breaker?

When they turn out to be insane?
 PlanelyCrazy
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 133
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:27:53 PM
Personally, I'm much like the OP's girlfriend. I NEVER answer the phone. I let the answering machine pick up. When the other party starts talking, and I want to talk, I pick up. Otherwise, I'll call back later. That's my electronics communication style. It's neither courteous or discourteous. The phone is not another human being. It's just a technical gadget that facilitates long-distance communication. So is text, email, twitter, and the like. If you want an instantaneous courteous human response, talk to me face-to-face.

What I find most interesting about this thread is the number of young women posting who don't jump like Pavlov's dog at the first ring. That's counter to my experience with the young cashier the other day who put a ringing phone above the five people standing in line in front of her waiting to check out. And she wasn't the first. I thought *every* young person today was assigned a cell number and Twitter ID at birth, and conditioned to treat incoming avatars as better then the actual thing IRL. I'm not so discouraged now about the future of the human race...

My suggestion to the OP is to find another SO. There's nothing more important in a relationship than being able to communicate effectively, and that requires having similar or complimentary communication styles. You two don't. Move on.
 _GeekyGirl_
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 134
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:31:45 PM

But to see your SO call and then call again an hour later and still not answer the phone. Then when they actually do call back they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time and do not understand why your upset.


There are times that I just do not feel like talking, to anybody. I think that if your girlfriend feels this way than you should respect it. Talking is a drain and can be exhausting at times. Even the thought of picking up the phone to say, "I'll call you back later," can feel daunting because you never know what the person's reaction will be.

If you make repeated calls in a short time then this can be annoying and can have the opposite effect of what you want. When she finally calls you back, don't punish her by asking lots of questions or being upset. Be GLAD when she calls, then she'll call more. But if you are upset then you are actually reinforcing her desire not to pick up the phone. Make sense?

If she is a rude person, then her rudeness will show in other areas. Does it? Because if this is the only area where you feel she is rude, then perhaps she is not being rude. Perhaps she's being honest.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 135
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:42:03 PM
I admit, I am guilty of not taking a call because I simply don't feel like talking at that time. But my kids and my SO are the exception. These are the most important people in my life, so I can't see any good reason to treat them with such disregard. I don't expect to be on the top of everyone's priority list, but I DO expect my partner make me a priority in his life. I don't know if that in itself would be a deal breaker (but perhaps) but I would think that lack of consideration would be manifesting in other ways within the relationship as well, and a pattern of inconsideration would definately be cause to end things.
 greatcatch1965
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 136
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:50:05 PM
If it's a pattern, it could be that she is self centered and emotionally unavailable to participate in a healthy relationship. People "tell on themselves" with their actions, not their words.
 Amillio-Bello
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 137
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/24/2010 10:04:00 PM
This is alittle funny, I don't understand how is not picking up the phone a deal breaker?? I mean the person may not be home, or may be sleeping. Unless the person calling gets offended to the point where they just can't stand you not picking up the phone, I don't see why this would be a deal breaker. I actually laughed when I read the title of this thread, it just comes across as abit odd lol.
 Ambrosiax
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 138
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 1:00:51 AM
I think it's a deal breaker when you try to ring them and 99.9% of the time they have their phones switched off or don't answer the phone. It becomes annoying after a while and you wonder why you even bother.
 CaramelSweetness2
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 139
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:40:12 AM
^^^^ Exactly! And this is just how my X -SO was. That's why he's an X. So yes, it can be a deal breaker. Also, as some other posters have said. This action or "inaction" was just 1 one indication of his "self-centered" personality. When people are essentially selfish and disregard you it is usually manifested in various ways in the context of a relationship (not just in their refusal to answer phone calls) but in a myriad of other ways.
 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 140
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:57:34 AM



This is SUCH A DOUBLE STANDARD. A women expected her man to be Johnny on the spot with the phone calls, yet is she does not answer it's fine.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 141
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:15:09 AM

It's not a deal breaker, but how would she feel if you did that to her? Women play games, but if a man did that to her all hell would beak loose...

I have to disagree with this totally. If I call and a guy is busy no biggie. Sometimes the phone is a pain in the ass.

I believe we all need that time, it isn't about not wanting to, to talk to that special person it is about I have talked to you already today and I am taking a bit of time for me.

I have had men call me so much during the day that I ran out of things to say. Sorry my life isn't that hectic or what ever to have something new to talk about every half hour or so. a couple times aday is great if there is time in our schedules if not make the most of the time we have shared.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 142
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:26:55 AM

If I call and a guy is busy no biggie.

Agreed, it isn't like leaving a message is all that hard. He'll call me back when it's a good time for him.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 143
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:48:29 AM

This is SUCH A DOUBLE STANDARD. A women expected her man to be Johnny on the spot with the phone calls, yet is she does not answer it's fine.

For starters, this isn't a gender issue. There are men and women on both sides of the debate. A double standard would be if person A demanded that person B answer their calls but then A didn't pick up when B called.

And it would certainly be rude if a woman expected a guy to call at 3:00 sharp and he did but she didn't pick up. But an unplanned phone call is being made at the caller's convenience and sometimes that conflicts with the recipient's convenience.

What's important to me is that a guy return my call in a timely fashion and I'll do the same for him. Sooner or later we'll reach a point where it's convenient for both of us to talk on the phone.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 144
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:58:26 AM
From reading post from several woman in this thread, to be give the reason " I just didn't feel like answering the phone" is ludacris and very disrespectful especially to a friend or SO, the guy is not on your schedule and can only talk to you when " you" feel like it. a relationship is about give and give not just on your terms ladies , there is the other person in the relationship too and you have to equally share his needs with yours. You know what, that does mean doing something you may not want to do at the moment.

I will say this is the very reason here my last relationship of 4 years failed.
 Queen_Mab
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 145
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:58:41 AM
What it comes down to, OP, is if it is a dealbreaker for you. Personally a dealbreaker for me would be having an SO that got annoyed when I didn't take his call, he called back in an hour and I didn't take the second call either. But I detest phones. I use the phone for several hours with work each day and do not want to spend my down time on the damned phone.

I would much rather get together in person and talk than spend my time with my phone attached to my ear.
 jaymiebaybie
Joined: 2/20/2010
Msg: 146
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:59:12 AM
I think Tallchick61 was right when she responded with she wouldnt have a SO that she didn't feel like talking to. Although sometimes people aren't really in the chattiest of moods and feels like being alone - but I see it as you do, she should at least have the common courtesy to pick up and say, i'll talk to you later i'm not in the mood, or i'm busy.

Basically, I think you're just answering your own question. Let the phone calls die down, show you're not going to wait around for her call - you put your effort in there and she's not giving it back. - good luck!
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 147
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:03:05 AM
Apollodorus...that's what being in a relationship means to YOU. there are plenty of people out there who will agree with you and there are people who will disagree with you, myself included.

The beauty of relationships is that there are no RULES (bro/chick) that apply to ALL relationships. What works for YOU may not work for ME and thus we would not be compatible and we move on to try our luck with someone else who does value our ideals about phone call etiquette. Simple as that.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 148
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:06:02 AM
^^^ I agree with you 100%
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 149
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:07:23 AM
its my phone, here for my use amd my choice as to when and who I want to talk with.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 150
Is it a deal-breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:07:53 AM

You know what, that does mean doing something you may not want to do at the moment.

Which, for you and for Terry430, means leaving a message and accepting that she will call back when it's a good time for her. For most people this is known simply as "normal behavior."
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