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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?      Home login  
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 NiceKindaWay
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 151
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?Page 7 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I hate being able to be found 24/7.

Besides I DO answer everytime. Its called Voicemail. Use it.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 152
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/16/2011 8:14:59 PM
If someone is needing some alone time or they are busy doing something else it is
not a reflection on their feelings, for you.
Sometimes it just means they are wrapped up in other things.
Do you need immediate gratification?
I sometimes fill out forms online, or maybe I am talking to my father long distance.
I do not feel that I have to interrupt whatever I am doing at the second, to let
someone know it is not a good time.

IF I don't answer, that should tell you..... it is not a good time!!!!!!
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 153
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 6:39:39 AM

When you first start out dating someone, you cannot expect to be immediately elevated to "most important" in their life,because the world doesn't revolve around YOUR schedule either. For mature adults, there are a few things that take priority over dating. Things like one's job or business, one's children if they have them, one's parents if they need help. A date may work their way up to relationship status and be NEARLY as important, but to expect someone that you are just DATING to make you the center of their world is an EMOTIONAL misalignment, possibly quite a severe one.


Dating is a very serious thing and it takes dedication, it should not be taken lightly. Dating right from day 1 is as important making sure you are not late for work.Dating is not something you do just because you are bored one day and need something to do so you ask out the guy you saw 2 weeks ago. If you can't dedicate at least 3 hours of each day to your date communicating in some way and not just when you want too then you do not have time to date.

Telling your date I just didn't feel like talking on the phone or I just don't feel like doing x,y,z is telling them to go f*** themselves and that is wrong.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 154
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 6:45:16 AM
Hahaha!

Communicating with a "date" at LEAST three hours every day from the get go? Are you kidding me?

With all due respect, some of us actually have JOBS and things to do with our lives.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 155
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 7:03:53 AM
How's this for a deal breaker...
you tell your 'date' that you didn't answer because you didn't want to talk right at that moment,
and he/she gets really bugged about that!


Don't get bugged at me just because I don't feel like answering my phone occasionally.
(it's a house phone.. no cell phone here)
Leave a message if it's something you just HAVE to say at that time.
But for God's sake, don't make it into such an issue!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 156
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 7:06:51 AM
As flippin' ridiculous as it sounds, there are guys out there who seem to believe as he does...that if he is dating you, he practically owns your life. Since I don't date women, I have no idea if there are women who behave the same way. But yeah, I've had situations where a guy called and if you were not sitting right there waiting for his call, if he got the answering machine,his interest seemed to cool, even if he did leave a message and I did return his call. Or saying "I'd love to see you/do such-and-such with you on (whatever day) but I have a previous committment... the committment could be taking your Granny out to celebrate her 100th birthday, or volunteering at a Special Olympics fundraiser-and you can EXPLAIN that, but he's already made up his mind that you are "too busy".
Your personal dealbreakers can be anything you want them to be. But ones that seem unrealistic, overly demanding, or make you look self-centered and/or insecure, then that's going to be a problem-YOUR problem.
As for immediately answering the phone if it's not a good time or you just can't engage in a prolonged conversation at the moment, that's anybody's perfect right.
Cindy O
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 157
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 7:42:52 AM
This:


<div class='quote'>Personally, I wouldn't have an SO that I "didn't feel like talking to", on a frequent basis.

However, I do have friends that call me and I'm not in the mood to talk, so I either answer and say "hey, what's up, I can't talk right now because ____, is it important" etc. Or I have this awesome thing called an answering machine. I could simply be cooking something, but can quickly answer. If however, my friend says it is important, I immediately put aside the time or (if I'm going out the door) agree on a time when we can talk. Most times though I let the phone ring and my voicemail can get it.

The best thing to do is tell your SO how you feel. Simple.


As flippin' ridiculous as it sounds, there are guys out there who seem to believe as he does...that if he is dating you, he practically owns your life.


Yeah, and then if you can't get together when he wants, there is no other option lol. The rest of my world doesn't suddenly go away as soon as I meet someone. Like any type of relationship, it takes time to grow. I don't drop all my other friends when I meet a new friend.
 ferfoxache
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 158
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 7:52:41 AM

As flippin' ridiculous as it sounds, there are guys out there who seem to believe as he does...that if he is dating you, he practically owns your life.

I think I kind of understand the OP's point.
I mean if you are dating someone you are supposed to be happy about it.
If you start screening calls and lump the guy you are supposed to be dating and excited about into the "meh, you're just like everyone else, I just don't want to talk to anyone" category, rather than "ugh, I don't want to talk to anyone today. Oh hey, that guy called! That makes me happy, let's talk to him," or,"OMG maybe if I talk to him I will feel better, or it can get my mind off my mood," isn't that a bad sign?

I mean if you are dating someone doesn't that naturally lead to an openly communicating relationship over time? Unless you aren't all that excited about it, so you reserve yourself, and it's going to end at some point, it just hasn't happened yet. Wouldn't screened calls "just because" be a sign of that?

But IMO it also depends on the follow up. Personally, I do see a difference between someone calling back the screened and saying "sorry, I just didn't feel like talking to anyone right then, and this is why, let's talk about it now..." vs. "I just didn't feel like talking on the phone."

So IMO it doesn't necessarily mean the guy is trying to own your/her life (assuming you are talking about the OP), so much as simply using whatever means available to measure health of the relationship and their interest.
People use and understand different ways. This guy uses phone calls as a metric. Most people use something other than what they know about the other person when they don't know the other person well enough. Phone calls, number of dates, how much physical attention on a date, how often a person says "I love that," punctuality, etc.
All just different measures.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 159
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 8:19:32 AM
To me common courtesy would be if you just do not want to talk at that time to answer the call and say, "can I call you back later I'm doing xyz".



I totally agree with this : if your SO doesn't think you're worth this minimal effort that is a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE red flag....in my oh so humble opinion.

Lady C , of course there are going to be times when the person simply can't, but I mean as a general practise.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 160
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 8:21:01 AM
OTOH, if the one on the receiving end of the phone call has been having a bad day, is in a bad mood, stressed about some unrelated matter,early on in a dating situation, one might not always want to talk on the phone with the new interest BECAUSE they are feeling stressed or frazzled and don't want to risk snapping or snarling at the person.

I can see the good point of honesty, "didn't feel like talking on the phone"...but there IS something to be said for the polite excuse-" I was unloading groceries from the car" " I was out in the back yard/in the shower/in the middle of eating a meal", because then you don't hurt the other persons' feelings.
Cindy O
 Time_For_Two
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 161
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 8:29:37 AM

I totally agree with this : if your SO doesn't think you're worth this minimal effort that is a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE red flag....in my oh so humble opinion.


Have to say I do agree with this as well. If I am not answering it means I am really not interested. I know that sounds bad but it is the truth. I can understand if they have had a really bad day and just want some alone time so they don't answer, but if it is frequently unanswered calls, I would find someone new to call.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 162
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 8:30:32 AM
I love my family and my friends, but sometimes I just don't want to talk - I've got other things I'm doing or I've got something on my mind, or whatever, so I let the answering machine get it...if they leave a message then I'll know it was them and call back...and because they also love me, they understand that and don't demand that I work on their time-frame and I do the same for them - ie. just because it's a convenient time to talk for one person doesnt' mean it is for the other.

Relationships involve compromise and understanding.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 163
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 8:45:51 AM
I agree it is rather weird and rude to not answer the phone for no real reason. Even if I were really busy I would answer and say I am doing whatever can I call you back in a bit?

I wouldn't call it as the expression goes a "deal breaker" but I wouldn't like it much.

I agree with another poster that if you are going to date someone you should have a few hours a day for them.

As to needing space as one person stated. That is the main problem with most human relationship, too much space between people. People seem afraid to let anyone get close to them.
 Time_For_Two
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 164
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 9:33:09 AM

A few hours a day is not an unreasonable request even if it has to be scheduled.


A few "hours" is way to much for me during the week. No amount of scheduling is going to change that. If someone I was dating expected that, then we would not be a match at all. However no one ever has said I need to talk to him a few "hours" everyday when we're dating. So not a biggie.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 165
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 9:38:30 AM
A few hours a day for most would not work. Assuming you have a life; a "9-5", a commute home and one's responsibilities/agenda after work. That would definitely NOT work for me.

Weekends are more flexible, but definitely not during the work-week.................

OP: I'm not a huge phone person, so this is never been a "deal-breaker" of mine. However, if you aren't showing any interest in having a dialogue via phone at all, that would show zero interest. Time to move on.............
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 166
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 10:21:40 AM
Here's a thought: maybe the people who want 2 hours a day don't work?

However even some folks that do not work have busy schedules.

Frankly, when I was younger, had less responsibilities, still lived at home - sure I could talk every day on the phone for longer amounts of time. And actually in the beginning of a relationship, I have no problem talking for that amount of time on the phone, but honestly we never did it everyday - we spent more time together than on the phone.

For example, one Friday night we both had stuff to catch up on so we agreed to call each other at the end of the night. We were on the phone for way more than 4 hours. The next two weeks, we touched base with each other every day, but saw each other as well.

I still maintain that if I'm with someone, I always want to talk to them but may not always be able to. People with a life, responsibilities etc., usually get that.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 167
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 10:45:40 AM
A few hours a day for most would not work. Assuming you have a life; a "9-5", a commute home and one's responsibilities/agenda after work. That would definitely NOT work for me.


Lets assume you have a 9 to 5 job, whats wrong with having 5pm to 8pm free for your date? your family and friends can see you on the weekends and if you have kids hire a baby sitter for those hours or talk on the phone.

If you are truly that busy you should not be focusing on dating because you don't have time for it.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 168
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 10:48:59 AM

Here's a thought: maybe the people who want 2 hours a day don't work?

I work 4 ten hour shifts a week, with driving time that 10 hour shift becomes 11 and a half hours. I do make time regardless of what I am doing for things that matter to me.

Not to mention the original question wasn't about how long one talks, but answering the phone in the first place. Why do people make such a simple thing into something so complex. The person you are dating calls you, the phone rings, you pick it up, you talk. Not answer enough they will stop calling.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 169
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 10:53:56 AM
^^ apollodorus,
Well, what about the laundry, ironing, dusting, vacuuming, paperwork, shopping, putting away groceries, art club (or whatever thing you're into), etc etc etc etc, (not to mention all the many things if you have children), that people have to do from after work till sleep time?

As for answering the phone, if it's going to be some sort of big deal that I don't answer occasionally < (the OP said it wasn't an always sort of thing), then I'd probably wonder what else will become some sort of 'big deal'.
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 170
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 10:56:27 AM

Lets assume you have a 9 to 5 job, whats wrong with having 5pm to 8pm free for your date? your family and friends can see you on the weekends and if you have kids hire a baby sitter for those hours or talk on the phone.


You really are from Mars aren't you?

Oh sure....you know what...never mind, your right! YOU are so worth it for me...a single mom with a mortgage, bills and food to buy....for me to dish out $20.00 a night for a sitter so I can talk on the phone with you for 3 hours!!

UMMMMMMMMMMMM........NO!!!!

Sorry buddy.....no man (even Johnny Depp ) is worth the money or time away from my CHILDREN, FAMILY AND RESPONSIBLIES to take 3 hours a day to talk on the phone.....if he is only a date and especially if I just started dating him.

Now don't go starting the 'you don't have time to date' bs..because YOU know that a request such as what you stated is unreasonable.....for someone like me (or anyone with um....A CAREER) has the time to date....what they don't have sometimes is time to be spending with only their date. Even committed couples have different activities, hobbies and hopefully lives outside of their spouses...

Even in a fully committed relationship, unless your living together.....what kind of parent would do that? Oh yeah....a brainless, irresponsible one...You know the kind...they have social services and police at their door a couple of times a week. I'm sure with your attitude you've already dated one or two of them....maybe the cops can find you nice women with some spare time in their holding cells?

You know what...never mind...trying to explain this to someone with your mentally is probably futile.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 171
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 10:57:44 AM
I guess you people don't eat or have kids or have kids that have after school activities or go to the gym after work.

Sorry, but you don't live a normal life. Nobody hires a babysitter to talk on the phone. You must have lots of disposable money lying around. You don't live a life that most people do and you know nothing about the life a full sized family leads day to day.


Not to mention the original question wasn't about how long one talks, but answering the phone in the first place.


Good point and this is where I agree with you. Touching base quickly is not that difficult. I don't agree with a 2 hour long conversation every night.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 172
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 10:58:25 AM

Well, what about the laundry, ironing, dusting, vacuuming, paperwork, shopping, putting away groceries, art club (or whatever thing you're into), etc etc etc etc, (not to mention all the many things if you have children), that people have to do from after work till sleep time?


Those things do not have to be done every day and in fact that can all be done on a Sunday afternoon or morning.


what kind of parent would do that


a responsible one would do that because if the relationship is not working it reflects on the kids as well.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 173
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 11:02:15 AM
Lets assume you have a 9 to 5 job, whats wrong with having 5pm to 8pm free for your date? your family and friends can see you on the weekends and if you have kids hire a baby sitter for those hours or talk on the phone.

If you are truly that busy you should not be focusing on dating because you don't have time for it.


^^Apollo: I'm not sure what your "world" is like, but.........

How about this: I don't get home until 7pm, then onto my home responsibilities and rest up for the my next work day. My life does not revolve around dating. I have time, when I am able to make time. My life is not going to be on crisis mode if I don't have a date on Friday night much less during the work-week. If I do, it is because I have the time and it jives with my potential date.

What do you do all day? Maybe you have more time to splurge on "dates". You are always imposing your views on others, and it just doesn't work that way. You may be sitting home all day, but a lot of us aren't.....................


VVV Time for Two: Oh, we are ALL so familiar with his thought-process. It's like squeezing blood out of a rock.........lol!
 Time_For_Two
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 174
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 11:03:39 AM
People why would you even waist your time replying to Apol? Seeing all his past posts he is just going to become more and more outrageous. I am sure he is sitting at home laughing at everyone for believing everything he types.

he slightly amuses me, but really replying to him only makes it worse lol
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 175
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/17/2011 11:06:10 AM

People why would you even waist your time replying to Apol? Seeing all his past posts he is just going to become more and more outrageous. I am sure he is sitting at home laughing at everyone for believing everything he types.

he slightly amuses me, but really replying to him only makes it worse lol


Your right....It's hard to tell if he's actually a moron or pretending to play one on the POF forums.
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