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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?      Home login  
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 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 38
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
@Aillinn: get used to it here. Actual responses to one's posts are rare. Your story just doesn't register to Sally Self-involved or Ned Narcissist. They don't even know how to indicate who they are responding to here, if anyone besides themselves.

I simply cannot imagine going through what you did. I've read almost identical stories from people on other personal sites, and my reaction is always: what an amazingly nasty, f*cked-up thing to do to you. I AM NOT A THERAPIST, but I don't think collecting junk to the point that your relationships with your son and mother suffer, is a healthy response. Evidently the help you are getting isn't working. Fire your current counselor and find one who will work. Let cleaning the table wait. Once you start healing, the table will almost clean itself.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 39
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Don't throw that out you can use it later for something.
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:53:52 AM

I wish I could reach out to all of you "simplifies" and take in your energy...it would feel so refreshing.
I know, I hear there is power in prayer. Maybe you can pray for me.
If you respond to this please be gentle. I am new here at POF and the Forums.
Thanks for reading and letting me vent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Prayer headed your way! But, could I make what might be a more concrete suggestion? Your son and your mother love you! They probably understand the pain that you are still stuck in with regard to your brother. Call them up and invite them to meet you for coffee or a burger someplace outside of the house (because while confession may be good for the soul, they may need a little preparation to help you deal with this). Ask for their help and understanding. Work with them to set up some guidelines that will help you approach this clean up in a non-judgemental process. (If you don't think your family will be able to approach this in a non-judgemental manner, do you have a close friend that could be your support group.)

Perhaps agree that you will pick one room at a time and they will agree not to comment on your progress, or lack thereof.

Agree to throw out one trash container of garbage from that room every week.

Agree to fill one large tote with items that can be donated from that room every week.

Pick a reward that will make you feel better at the end of every room.

If that doesn't help, call your church, or your county mental health agency and see if they can refer you to someone who will help you regain control of your life and fight your way through the depression.

For those of us who have found ourselves stuck in depression, it can be hard to admit that we can't seem to get out of the hole we have buried ourselves in on our own. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Once you do you might just find that everyone was just waiting for you to reach out.

Anyway, hope this helps. Prayers are good. Taking the first step, even if it's a small one is better.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 40
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Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 3/1/2010 12:08:13 PM

when you get to be our age...materialistic stuff should not be important
you realize family and friends are priceless, possessions are easy to get but love of family and friends are not. i would not date a person who was bobsessed with what they have to me itI ha is what you can offer to me that is what i am looking for
life is too short i used to be materialistic but i have realized that is not what life is about


Actually, I think when you get to be our age, you should be able to realize that what works for some may not work at all well for others. I have a brother who can load all of his possessions in the back seat of his Tahoe and that's just great for him! He is happy and healthy and content with his minimalist lifestyle!

As for me, I don't shop in the finest stores (in fact my house is pretty much furnished in early garage sale). I love the clearance rack and the after Christmas sales. I have never had enough discretionary income to accumulate a lot of valuable, materialistic, junk. I love my children, grandchildren, friends and family.

However, I know myself well enough to realize that coming home at the end of a long day to a comfortable home, pouring myself a glass of wine in a nice wine glass as opposed to a plastic cup, and having a good steak served on a nicely matched set of dinner ware goes a long way to allowing me to sit back and enjoy the evening.

I don't think I am particularly "materialistic" but rather I enjoy the fact that at this stage of my life I recognize that part of my contentment is enjoying the small amount of comfort that I have earned through hard work and determination!

So for those of you who have the urge to shed all for the sake of simplification! More power to you! But for those of us who have worked hard to earn our accumulated junk - hooray for us! I worked for it! I earned it! I spent many years making do with less because I simply couldn't afford anything else! At my age I intend to enjoy the small comforts that I have the income to support!
 Ailinn
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 41
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get used to it here. Actual responses to one's posts are rare. Your story just doesn't register to S
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:34:32 PM
I am kinda getting use to it. And you are so right!
Some of these FORUMS go on and on and on ----- almost full circle.
Some of the posters are really nasty tooo!!!
And then again some are very nice.
For example, I received a very nice personal message (sent to my inbox) from someone.
And your response was helpful as well!!! Thank-you
So I took a risk and told the truth about a part of my "real life".

Why bother in the FORUMS if everything about "you" is next to perfect.
Notice I didn't say "PERFECT"
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 42
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 3/2/2010 8:34:50 AM
Life should be comfortable and your style is your comfort.
Some people don't have any style.
Most older people accumulate old and useless things...because they are afraid about future.
 Ailinn
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 43
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Accumulation versus simplifying HOW ABOUT LETTING GO!!
Posted: 3/2/2010 7:42:46 PM
Today I filled 2 garbage bags with clothes,belts,purses, and shoes. In the morning I am taking them to a local Women's Treatment Center.
I've made the phone call-they are expecting me, so I won't be changing my mind.

I also talked with my niece and we are going to start planning a "Barn Sale".
She has a Barn and I know my stuff will fit in there.

Happy Birthday Little Brother today you are 50,,,, doesn't seem like 8 years since you left our physical world.
The other night, when I was reading some of the responses to my my post I began to cry.
And you know what??? I finally got angry with my Brother.
ATB,
Ailinn
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 44
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Accumulation versus simplifying HOW ABOUT LETTING GO!!
Posted: 3/2/2010 10:34:34 PM
Ailinn, I was so happy to see your last post. I am hoping that you will be able to feel empowered, as you see the joy, your unneeded possessions brings to others. I have always been a big believer in by doing for others we release our own troubles and anxieties.
Our life experiences change us. I found that after my divorce the less possessions I had the freer I felt. I guess the relief of being free from my needy husband felt so good that I just keep moving in that direction. My current practice is zero tolerance for anything material that takes away from the simple pleasures of life. I only desire what I need and things that give me great pleasure. So I have money for to buy quality items and the time to enjoy them. The less I have to clean and maintain the happier I am.
Peace be with you Ailinn.
 Ailinn
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 45
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Accumulation versus simplifying -Perhaps agree that you will pick one room which phase are you in ?
Posted: 3/5/2010 6:04:51 PM
Although I have a slight case of VERTIGO right now I am going to work in the Kitchen.
I've decided to throw away the dishes that I rarely use.
I will also throw out stuff that I do not need--but hung on to for sentimental reasons.


I might have a little ceremony. Get out the candles and of course the smudge.

Music ??.......um..............
what do you think?? Mozart?, Madonna? Moody Blues??
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 46
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Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:58:48 AM
I am making a concerted effort to get rid of stuff that has filled my houses over the decades. I find its a great mental and physical effort to do so, however. Deciding what to do with perfectly good stuff is exhausting, and physically carting it somewhere is also a labour.

Tools? Never!!!! Books? I keep them as well, but have lately run out of place to put them. Other stuff, like kids sports stuff and clothes all go to the GoodWill.

The real problems are left over ceramic tiles, pieces of wood that eventually come in handy, old dishes and cutlery that are still in fine condition, and furniture that various women in my life have banished to the cellar, and stuff that I love but will never use again!
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 47
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 3/8/2010 12:20:33 PM
For years...I clean my house every Spring and Fall...and I don't keep old and useless things.
Why you keep that old stuff you don't use?
Perhaps you like bacterias and germs around you...

By the way...poor people don't need your old stuff...they want and need money.
 debranator
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 48
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Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 3/9/2010 6:49:38 PM
I noticed that most of the posters to this thread..are on the spartan versus hoarding vein.
I must confess..to being a lifetime accumulator....and now that I can afford it..a large accumulator of high end heels..because I like them ...that simple.
But..what concerned me in the original post....
is the point..at our age..that so many feel that they have one foot in..and one on a banana peel...[and yes..i am 3 years older than my profile says]....
I do not get that kind of thinking....
we are still young..we are..
i just up sized to a larger, more upscale home...with more room for my possessions..and shoes.
In fact,I am sick of dating men..that feel their number may soon be called..so they have to....rush into a relationship,marriage..ect....
before it does.
I feel 50 is a new beginning ,not the end.[hopefully..a lightening bolt..will not strike me tonight.]
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 49
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 4/27/2010 10:59:11 AM
Please reach out to the television show, "Hoarders", Ailinn....they have professional people with the commitment to help individuals such as yourself, if you truly want the help.

Peace and Blessings
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 50
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/17/2011 5:36:36 PM
For me, I'd say I'm kind of in both acccumulating & simplifying now. (Do I have an oxy-moron thing going here??! ) Let me try to explain........I'm a collector. I collect beautiful butterfly knick-knacks,roosters, beach stuff,glass animals, enchanting ceramic masks....you name it! (including DUST BUNNIES.......I've started naming them....just kidding! ) I've got A LOT of things that will never leave me that were given to me by my Mom,my Grandparents,my friends,my parents....that have a lot of special meaning & happy memories for me. That's my accumulation. Then, I have things that I give away.......other knick-knacks,lap trays, writing paper,vases,silk flowers,vacuumes,decorations.......that are still in good shape; I just don't NEED them anymore. I usually set at least 1 bag or box outside near our dumpsters of things I don't want at least 2 to 3 times a year....anybody else here in my apartment complex can then pick through & choose what they want. It makes other people happy, and gets rid of things that I don't need....the best of both worlds! That's how i simplify.Makes perfect sence to me!
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 51
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/17/2011 10:31:01 PM
Simplifying, de-cluttering....wonder why I have all this stuff I don't pay any attention to.

Trying to downsize and finding not all that hard to let stuff go....it's actually very liberating, after all it's not a contest to see who has the most stuff....it isn't, right?
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 52
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/18/2011 4:36:39 AM
To the poster who said downsizing/simplifying means we're probably feeling and acting 'old'..
I feel YOUNGER and more free now that I've greatly simplified/downsized!
The old stuff around me, somewhat holding me down, made me feel old... not the getting rid of it.
 pretzelman60
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 54
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/19/2011 4:21:49 PM
I am actually down sizing. More out of necessity, after splitting with my wife. But I am content where I am. But it kind of reminds me of that Jerry Reed song"...I was willing to give her fair share, but I didn't know her share was gonna be that much!" But now I realize I really didn't need all the gadgets that I had. As long as I have a computer(slow as it is), a television and all the kitchen utencils. I can be happy!


JMO
 pretzelman60
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 56
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/19/2011 4:42:57 PM
^^^^^^^Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!!

JMO
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 57
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/19/2011 5:02:27 PM
I have always simplified. I live a non-cluttered, minimalistic life. Tailored looks, clean lines.

My fave word when it comes to this is 'EDIT'
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 58
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/19/2011 5:04:01 PM
...Definitely simplifying....sorta. *grin*

I'm moving in ten days from a 2200 sq ft home, double garage to a home half the size. So yeah, downsizing.
I can't believe the amount of stuff I have accumulated over the years. Gawd...talk about hoarding. I save everything....Time to let go.
In doing this, I can seriously emphasize with the "real hoarders". It was tough letting go...really. But I feel good....very cleansing. Make sense?

...mae
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 59
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Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/20/2011 9:06:16 AM
Are we talking homes or relationships???.......

When it comes to owning things, I do accumulate, but as I do, out with the old and in with the new, or keep the best around and eliminate the rest......Wait, I do that with my relationships too..................

Never mind!!..............

cd........................
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 60
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/20/2011 10:12:25 AM

When it comes to owning things, I do accumulate, but as I do, out with the old and in with the new, or keep the best around and eliminate the rest......Wait, I do that with my relationships too..................



I'm not quite sure how to respond to that but it was funny as hell. So what "phase" are you in?


...mae
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 61
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Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/20/2011 10:17:45 AM
I guess the accumulation one !!.................

You know......accumulate......simplify..............accumulate............simplify.......

This dating and relationship stuff can be so hard.....so to speak!!...........

cd...............
 aboutgettingby
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 62
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:22:38 PM
Mentally and emotionally I have downsized, physically I have not started, nor have I started planning it. I would love nothing better than to have a house half my size that is paid for. I've never been a big accumulator of stuff. The things I enjoy like running, hiking, biking, rollerblading don't require alot. I have so much of my wifes stuff that it scare's the h$ll out of me even thinking about what to do with it.

There still is a longing for material things though, I really want a snowbird house that would allow me to escape the winters. Nothing grand but comfortable in a nice location.
 NiceGuy97415
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 63
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/21/2011 12:49:16 AM
I'm still in the accumulation phase.

I figure I've got 7 more years max ... then I'm downsizing/simplifying to nothing but a very large sailboat, and sailing the world for the rest of my life.

:)
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 65
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 10/21/2011 12:42:37 PM
I am downsizing so when retirement comes, I can move into a tiny house (look up Jay Shafer)...I have sold, consigned & still donate to Goodwill- in fact I have another carload to take over next week- I replaced my 7 ft fake xmas tree w/ a 3.5 ft one & will also donate the larger tree & many ornaments.

I am also doing something called Project 333...a minimalist named Courtney Carver came up w/ an idea that you take a 3 month time frame & commit to wearing only 33 apparel items in that time frame. The guidelines are on the net. Another woman is doing 36/365-limiting herself to 36 items of clothes for the entire year...mind you, she lives in San Diego, a temperate climate.

My cupboards & closets have much more space, & I feel more relaxed...when the time comes to move, it will be easier to pack. I use what I have & have what I need. If I need to find something, it is sooo easy
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