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 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 2
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Did you ever actually meet them in person?

If not, that's the problem - they got tired of waiting.

Editing: Okay, sorry then, I misunderstood.

I'm not sure what to tell you, it's true that a few times is a pattern, so it probably does have something to do with you. You know, once, I'd put it down to her being a coward, but three? Yeah, you probably contributed in some way. But I really can't tell how without having been there or at least knowing more about the circumstances at the time they ceased contact, and I don't think anyone can.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 4
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History
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:07:22 PM
Sadly this is the way it goes for a a lot of us. Who knows what happens but they seem to lose interest and move on. I get anywhere from a couple weeks to a few months worth of a relationship these days but I take what I can get. I used to blame myself but I now realize it is not me it is them. Women have changed and the day a of a woman needing a man are long gone so now they seem to use us like a lot of men use to use them.

Don't know why everyone wants to delete a thread like this as the guy is young and wanting to learn.
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 5
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:11:30 PM
You probably aren't the only one they're seeing and getting to know. And whoever else they're seeing, interested them more and they decided to become an item.
 onefishwilldo
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 9
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/24/2010 3:54:32 PM
You are only 22, you have a long future ahead of you. Get your degree first then worry about finding a mate later. If you make lots of money, women will run after you, yes it's sad but true to a point. Nothing is wrong with you from what I can see in your profile. Web dating is very disappointing, especially from free dating sites. Pay dating sites are not any better either. Just hang in there and the right one will come into your life.
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/24/2010 4:51:01 PM
If I was to guess, it is they likely found you boring and dull. Girls your age want to have fun and look for guys that keep things interesting. What do you do when you meetup with them? Make sure it's something adventurous and different than just hanging out.
 wings on my butt
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 17
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:42:01 PM
I can't say I blame you for being put out with someone who disappears after three months of going out. Three days I could understand and it would not be any big deal, but three months is kinda different. You have spent a good amount of time together already building up a relationship. If someone were to do this to me, dropped off with no contact whatsoever I would kinda worry that something bad happened to them.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 18
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:27:05 PM

I've done a lot of soul searching and I continue to do it, and I find that its not me who has the problem.

Just because you haven't found the reason, doesn't mean there isn't one. I had this happen multiple times when I was around your age--we'd be together for awhile spending a considerable amount of time together and then they'd poof! disappear.

Here's the conclusions I came to for myself: I knew that guys didn't like clingy, emotional women so I went in the complete opposite direction. I showed almost no interest in the guys (even if we were sleeping together), didn't make demands or talk about feelings or move the relationship in a serious direction. And to boot, I didn't select the most high-caliber guys. In my attempts to be the casual "cool chick" they treated me completely casual in return. In fact, I was so stupidly casual that I never asked them about it afterward even though I'd see them all the time.

I finally realized that even the things guys say they want to avoid, they still kinda like. It's not just boobies that draw them to women. So I had to learn to strike more of a balance. This may not apply to you in the same way but the fact that they disappear after a few months without a word means they don't regard the relationship as serious enough to have to officially break up with you. The next time you're really into a girl, when the time is right have the talk about exclusivity. Make the relationship official. And given your history, you might want to request, "If it any point you decide you don't want to see me again, could you do me the favor of telling me straight?" It might help to avoid this again.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 19
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History
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:41:27 AM
i am going to get bashed for this
i have a few asian friends, and they all have the same problem, exactly what your saying, i think the problem is a lot of women do not go for asian men
a lot of asian men, get set up with asian women, from the old country, but the ones i have known , left there men once americanised, for other races
im sorry
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 20
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History
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/25/2010 8:55:19 AM
Unfortunately many of today's women are just what my grandpa used to call "ill mannered."
Sometimes they will meet a guy who is nice enough to be pleasant to spend time with. But when somebody comes along that they feel (rightly or wrongly) has more to offer they will ditch him without thinking and go off on the next conquest.

And of course when some male jerk does them the same way, they throw a fit about it.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 21
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:01:48 AM
Dude, at 47 it still happens! Just think about the way women shop, they try on a lot things but might not buy anything. Same goes for relationships, they will try it on to see how it fits, feels, looks, then put it back on the rack. But Dude your in a rock band, don't sweat it!
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 23
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History
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:44:45 AM
OP, were the women aware that you considered them as girlfriends or was this group hanging out? From your post it almost sounds like the relationship was more of a group dynamic not a couple dynamic. Did you ever ask these women to be exclusive to you in a romantic relationship? Because unless you did it sounds like you were seen as a friend only not as a romantic interest....
 kayjay100
Joined: 1/11/2010
Msg: 24
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/25/2010 11:00:17 AM
You've gotten a lot of responses about self-examination - which never hurts any of us. But, IMO, it's a choice that people make ~ whether to be a jerk or not. It's never easy or fun to say thanks but no thanks, but it is the kind thing to do.

I try to think of it from the perspective that if I don't want a future with that person, I've at least spent some pleasant time with them, they've bought me a drink, meal, or movie and I can at least thank them for that. So, I always send some kind of communication.

If it's any consolation, it also happens to women all the time. My personal fav, that's happened twice, is when I get asked out on a 2nd date and then they disappear. If you're not into me, no big deal - but it baffles me why they ask for another date when they have no intention of following up. Just the joys of dating, I suppose.

So, do some self reflection, improve who you are so that you can be a better person, and realize also that the fault may lie with them.

PS to Want to Travel - my most serious relationships have been with Asian men, so not all women aren't interested.
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 26
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/25/2010 12:37:21 PM

I agree with the shopping reference.
If I may add to that though, there are two types of shoppers. There are those who try to put the clothing back as neatly as they can, or those that just toss the clothes on the closest rack or table.
I feel the girls I dated were the "throw it on the closest rack" types.
I used to work in clothing retail, so you can definately see where that comes from.


You have a good head on your shoulders, James.

Look at it this way.

Be yourself and then you can't really go wrong in terms of a woman liking you for you.

Also, since you're online dating now, take some time and talk to women before you decide to date them.

If they're not intellectually stimulating, move on..........

Remember it works both ways, bro.

I'm sure a guy like you has some options, it's just a matter of you being smarter and more intuitive in your choice of women.



 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 27
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History
Alrighty, This seems to be quite the trend these days...
Posted: 2/25/2010 1:18:29 PM
OP, From previous threads: The Ladder Theory...Check it out: http://www.laddertheory.com/

It might explain where women are putting you as "friends" or as a "lover."

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