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 dub08
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 2
Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Think you all need to get out of Cyberspace and into the real world!
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 6
Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/25/2010 6:28:00 AM
There are so many problems with this situation but on the issue of whether you screwed up by sharing the information, yes you did (and Facebook had nothing to do with it). You just don't give information like that to your friend's ex even if you've become friendly with her. You've seen what the outcome is. Next time, just tell the girl, "I don't want to get involved, you'll have to ask him."
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 7
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Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/25/2010 6:33:44 AM
Dude... it wasn't facebook that had her asking the question of you or you answering. Facebook is a tool, not an entity - buck up and place the blame where it belongs.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 9
Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/25/2010 6:55:58 AM

why would April ask me that

Is it really a mystery to you? People do that all the time. Whether they're the dumper or the dumpee, people often keep tabs on their ex. Either they're looking for a reason to get back together or a reason to stay apart or a reason to justify their decision or a reason to torture themselves. It really is pretty common though I suppose nowadays with social networking sites people can be more discreet about tracking their ex as opposed to the old days when they had to casually pull information out of a mutual friend (as she did with you).
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 14
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Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:08:39 AM
I always tell people..... I won't lie for you anymore than I would lie to you..... you want to know you will get the truth from me.... so that means I will give the truth to others.... also.... I expect that people won't put me in a situation where I would have to cover for them....

he did that to himself..... if he really loved her.... he wouldn't have been playing the whole time...... you did her a favor by FINALLY telling her the truth about him.... he puts her health at risk by being with her and others.... and her not knowing...

the best thing about this is your roommate saying he can't trust you..... what?? he can't trust that you won't lie for him?? thats funny... trust is about knowing that people around you are truthful at all times... even when it is hard to be....
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 23
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Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:34:43 AM
@Revilors


"I'm not comfortable talking about his personal life with you"
"I'd rather not get in the middle of things between you"

both of those answer yes to a woman..... if I asked that question and this was the answer I got... I would know that he was seeing other women...
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 24
Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:40:55 AM
I'm not on Facebook but I'm wondering how it is a facebook problem? This is one of the many reasons why friends and girlfriends don't mix. You were not wrong for what you did, but if a girlfriend or exgirlfriend of a friend asks you about a friend your answer should be go ask him. Nothing kills a friendship between two guys quicker than a woman or money.

Keep these things out of your male friendships and you won't have problems, IMO.

P.S. Women know what they are doing when they ask you these questions... try to stay one step ahead.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 27
Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:33:06 AM
Also anyone on this page that is defending Ramon is full of it!


Yes, he has a right to privacy but it was clear they broke up. He didn't sleep with the woman he just answered a question. Not the brightest course of action but clearly doesn't rise to the level of dead wrong.

The OP probably owes an apology to him but he certainly also deserves one from the girlfriend who intentionally put him in this mess.


I understand what you mean now. It's not like I was trying to get involved to begin with. I guess I just misinterpreted her asking me as a run-of-the-mill thing as opposed to what it really was - her fishing for info about her ex.


Spot On!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 31
Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/25/2010 2:25:06 PM
When 2 people recently break up, the same bro-code applies, although sometimes it's a misdemeanor and not a felony.

I would tell him, "It may have been too hasty, I'm sorry. But you guys did break up. And you've brought girls over -- I didn't think you were getting OVER her, I thought it'd be the other way around. I wasn't trying to betray you, as I thought the only damage done would be upsetting her a bit, not you. You're single -- you're allowed to. I didn't tell her you had chicks while you were going out."

Many people, when they're young and get into emotional situations like that, throw reason out the window. Something's 100% bad if they felt 100% bad.

But I wouldn't blame facebook or twitter. That was just an avenue of communication.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 36
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Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/26/2010 7:28:36 AM
Frankly I dont think you did anything wrong OP. You yourself have said that Ramon was angry because he still had feelings for April and it wouldnt surprise me at all if Ramon was working on April to get back together and she wanted to know if poor heartbroken Ramon really was all that heartbroken. Which apparently he wasnt and now she knows the truth. Sucks for Ramon, good that she knows the truth and you can go about your life knowing that you didnt lie to someone to keep some ridiculous code.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 37
Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/26/2010 7:51:00 AM
Ramon's a 23 year old little boy. He has many years to go before he becomes a man. OP, sorry you had to get caught up in the juvenile little games these kids are playing. Like someone else said, when you have a 23 year old roommate, you really can't avoid the silly childishness, unfortunately.
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 38
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Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/26/2010 8:01:54 AM


OP -- And here is where you failed not only yourself, but April AND Ramon.

This f*cking "bro code" bullshit has GOT TO STOP. I'm so serious. Doesn't anyone have a f*cking moral compass anymore? Ethics? Is that really too much to ask of the world? That people still respect the word "dignity"?

This "bro code" bullshit is slang for "I'd do it too". And THAT alone is what disgusts me the most. It's a f*cking cop out of the grandest scale. And the "bro code" is the epic fail to beat all epic fails before it. It is the PENULTIMATE EPIC FAIL.

Yes, a "bro" said that too.

If I ever heard someone use that shit in my direction, I'd knock a f*cker out. No lie. You wanna use the "bro code" to be a couple and utter douchebag? And worse, expect me to defend it?! Get bent. Go f*ck yourself with a wire toothbrush...sideways.

Sorry, where was I?

Oh yea, OP...man, you failed yourself, April and Ramon by honoring this epic fail they call the "bro code". Lamest excuse ever. You had ample opportunity to either A) remove yourself from the scene of the crime and therefore his guilt is his own...or B) show her some respect and allow her to keep her dignity by TELLING HER EVERYTHING. Keeping her ignorant and aiding and abetting (for lack of a better phrase) Ramon was just what a PUNK would do. I did this "bro code" sissy game back when I was 19 in almost exactly the same fashion by helping my friend at the time hide his MULTIPLE indiscretions from a mutual friend. That lasted just months though, and I finally snapped out of it. I STILL at the age of 36 bear the shame of that stupid decision to honor this ridiculous "bro code".

I've had others come and go that have expected me to honor the "bro code" and they have all been told the same thing - YOU CHEAT...I *WILL* TELL HER. I will NOT ever play that stupid game again...ever. EVER EVER. 10 year olds play that...not adults.

Facebook was just an intermediary in this case. An external distraction if anything. It just afforded a central point in which all could still mingle and keep in touch, which April decided to do. April was a fool for asking her question, and asking it of YOU and not Ramon (I mean really...are you Ramon's Mommy now?). Ramon was a tool for doing what he did all along and he ain't worth the powder to blow to Hell. And YOU were a fool for saying anything to her other than "Ask Ramon, I ain't his keeper".

Don't blame Facebook. It was just there watching the foolish play amongst themselves and waiting for the first distressed post to come along, "ZOMG like Ramon and I are so totally like DONE!!!!111!! What a luzr!! *Emo tearz*"

That was about the only part missing from your story.

PS -- You didn't "betray" Ramon at all...you DID betray yourself and April though.


+1

Well said BDJ. And very refreshing to see not all guys believe in the "bros before hos" bullsh*t.

Opie...you are beating yourself up over telling this girl that her ex (your roommate) has had a girl over since their relationship ended .

My question is...why do you not feel absolutely horrible about hiding and condoning (yes, you condoned his actions by saying and doing nothing) what he was doing while they were still together? Do you really feel like you betrayed his trust? Really?!? I mean..the guy's a snake, but he expects you to live up to some "code"?

~shakes head~

Perhaps you should invest in some new friends..and think about why it concerns you more that he is upset with you for "breaking" the code, rather than the fact that you feel you should uphold such a stupid code in the first place.


 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 43
Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 2/28/2010 2:16:24 AM

This f*cking "bro code" bullshit has GOT TO STOP. I'm so serious. Doesn't anyone have a f*cking moral compass anymore?
BDJ... Thank heavens there is one man around here who DOES have a moral compass..

I am stunned at the attitude of so many.. "mind your own business," "don't get involved," etc etc..... You guys don't seem to give a flying fvck about anybody else except yourselves.... "Oh dear they might get angry at me if i tell them their partner is cheating." Well yeah they might, but at least you could look yourself in the eye when you look in the mirror knowing that you did the right thing by informing them they were being cheated on.. After that what they do with the info is their decision but at least they now have the choice to make an informed decision and not be fvcked around by someone who professes to "care" about them but behind their back is screwing everything they can get their hands on...

I'm beginning to wonder if those of you who are so adamant about not telling are the ones who have cheated and you wouldn't have wanted anyone to tell on you... I'll say right now if a friend of mine was cheating on her guy, or her guy was cheating on her I WOULD tell, not only that but if a guy who was dating someone i knew tried to hit on me, i'd tell them that too... Fvck cheaters, and anyone who doesn't say anything is condoning their behaviour. You's would be the first to squeal if you were being cheated on and nobody bothered to tell you!! How can you call yourself a friend if you don't say something?

Bro code.... Pfft
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 46
Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 3/1/2010 1:46:01 PM
You all need to grow up. She's not your friend if you kept his secrets cuz of 'bro code' and he never cared about her if he was cheating on her.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 50
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Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 3/4/2010 7:49:49 PM
Many, many years ago prior to facebook I had a similar thing happen. I had two guy roommates. One had a girlfriend that lived in another state but he kept a close, personal relationship with another girl who spent the night with him on a regular basis. I needed to ask this guy to move out and I thought things were friendly until he stuck me with a large long distance bill.
I called the operator to get it reversed and to do that they had to call the other party and ask them to accept the charges. Well it was his girlfriend’s house and her dad answered the phone. He was very nice and agreed to accept all charges. The operator then told me the father was off the line so I vented about him not being such a great boy friend since there seemed to be someone else so I was glad that at least I wasn’t stuck with the bill.
Well the dad wasn’t off the line and heard everything I said. The next thing I got was a call from the girlfriend begging me to tell her what was going on. She said she suspected things but wanted me to tell her the truth. God did I feel bad but I told her that this woman had spent the night a few times but maybe it was possible they were just friends. Needless to say she broke up with him for cheating on her and he was angry with me. But then I realized that it was him that was fooling around. And it was him that lied to the girl friend. And it was him that got caught. In other words, actions speak louder than words and he is the one who screwed up. So don’t blame yourself because the roommate is the one who could have changed all of this by not cheating.
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 51
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Facebook Kills Friendship... or did something else do it?
Posted: 3/4/2010 8:40:00 PM
Bro's before Hoe's!

No but really I offended my friend once because his son's mother..his ex...sent me a myspace request and i accepted her as a friend. He never told me that it bothered him until one day we started talking about it. He said at first it bothered him and he was going to tell me to delete her...but then after talking with his son he found out how much myspace really meant to her...and that if I deleted her she would probably take it out on him and cause problems out of anger. Sooo I left her on as a friend.

BUT....the thing is...me and my friends NEVER had girlfriends who were friends with us after we got out of high school. We stayed out of each others relationships 100%. This was even applied to a kid who worked for me when he was 16 and I was 22 or so. We played video games together for years...and when he was 18 I would drop in on their little house parties to drop off party gifts...but no matter what...I never befriended his girlfriend and he never befriended mine.
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