Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ohio  > Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 whzcheatinwho
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 26
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good EnoughPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
^^^ Well, he might not start out as Mr. Right at first sight, but if you spend time with him and he is Mr. Right you will definitely know it and not be left wondering. You won't even be worried about any of the other guys you might be missing out on, because you will believe to the very depths of your heart and soul that you have the best guy in the world and wouldn't trade him for anyone anyway. When you feel like that and don't feel the need to search anymore and he feels the same about you, then you've found your Mr. Right. When you find the right person, they won't be perfect but their desireable qualities will far outweigh their less desirable ones and you WON'T feel like you've settled, you'll feel like you couldn't do any better if you tried.

I have had that kind of relationship once and I won't ever settle for the other kind even if it means being alone for the rest of my life. I've tried to do it more than once and it only leads to heartbreak, it's not worth hurting the people that end up being hurt. The person trying to 'fake it until you make it' isn't the person who ends up getting hurt, that's not fair. You can't make your heart love someone, it's either there or it isn't. You can care about them and want the best for them, but that isn't the same thing, and if you don't love them fully, you are not the best thing for them. As another poster said, you are just shortchanging them; selfishly fulfilling your need to be with someone and misleading and preventing them from finding someone who does love them fully. That's not a kind thing to do, no matter how you try to spin it.

Life is meant to be lived without regret, I definitely regret the ones that I know shouldn't ever have happened and I know that I am now making a choice that I will never regret nearly as much as being with the wrong person for the right reasons. Marriage is forever and forever is a very, very long time when you are with the wrong person. I know that I am far happier alone than I ever was when I was in a relationship with the wrong person. That's a mistake I will never make again, no matter how long I have to be alone. I know that the real Mr. Right (not Mr. Perfect but MR. RIGHT!) will be well worth the wait, however long the wait is.

I wish you a glorious experience, not a mediocre one Miss Jones!
 ~~Jackie~~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 27
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/3/2010 8:32:52 AM

"What can you do to keep Mr. Right as Mr. Right?" After all, he doesn't become Mr. Good Enough until you demote them. So what's the constant in this equation...could it perhaps be your perception of reality?

I think you've hit the nail on the head!!

No one is perfect, and even the thought of being with someone "perfect" makes me cringe... Why? Because no matter what I did, I would never be able to live up to their perfection- making me not good enough.

But- there is "perfect for me". Every one grows and changes as individuals. It's the same for relationships. If they weren't constantly growing and changing, they would become stagnant. A sure death! Sometimes those changes as individuals cause relationships to grow apart, instead of draw closer together. And sometimes the difficult times will cement a relationship into something much more solid.

The main key is how committed each individual is to the relationship regardless of all of the necessary changes that go on throughout our lives. If even one person isn't committed, the relationship will fail. Demoting someone to Mr/Ms Good Enough is the 1st step to that failure, because their well being and the success of the relationship itself is no longer a main priority for you.

How could anyone stay for any length of time at all with someone that they didn’t at least initially feel was or could be Mr/Ms Right? That is so insulting to the other person (even if they don’t know that’s how you feel) and condescending!
 SilverIon
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/3/2010 11:52:11 AM
You mention in your post about the fairy tale perception that we have about romance and love. I have to say that I think that there is more than 1 Mr./Ms. Right for everyone. I have found over time that I do love different people, for different reasons, and in different ways.

For that matter, take a look at the emotion that we call love. Is it really all that different from Lust? How many people can honestly tell someone else the difference? Do too many people use the word love when they would be better off using the word Lust?

The reality is that there are alot of people in the world that don't understand the concept of love, that it is a word that is used far too often because there is a segment of society that says that Lust shouldn't be used.
 ~~Jackie~~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 29
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/3/2010 12:02:31 PM
I have to agree with you!!

"Love at 1st sight" is really "Lust at 1st site" (in my opinion). When we're lucky and the attraction is for the whole person, that "lust" can grow into "love".
 SilverIon
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/4/2010 9:50:31 AM
First of all I learned a long time ago that there is a hugh difference between the fairy tale and the reality of love. Love is work, it doesn't just grow on it's own. It has to be nurtured and struggled with at times.

The reality is that any relationship takes work on the part of all the folks involved. Doesn't matter what the relationship, it still takes work.

Then there is the problem of us human beings. We have a tendency to grow as we age, to change not only our opinions but the direction that our life is going to take and that can result in people growing apart. Unless one does a self inventory every few months, what might have been the perfect fit a few months ago might not be now.

I can't redo the past, I can't foresee the future, all I have is the now. I am not perfect, no one that I know is. I am not looking for a fairy tale and I don't expect to live "happily ever after" either. What I can do is see to it that I find someone that means the most of my needs. I know that I am not going to find someone that will fulfill all my needs and wants. It isn't possible for any one person to do that.
 MissElaineESJones
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 31
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:35:10 PM
I ran across an article on CNN where the author of this book was interviewed. Google "'Marry Him' author answers outrage about 'settling'."

It is interesting that she says in her study for the book, she discovered that men have about three deal breakers for having a second date with a woman while a woman has about 300 deal breakers for having that second date with a man.
 ~~Jackie~~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 32
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:43:05 PM
What are those 3 deal breakers???

Many times I don't realize something is a deal breaker for me until they do it (mainly because it hasn't happened to me personally, so I just haven't considered it)... so, yes, I can see how that could become "300" quite easily!
 MissElaineESJones
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 33
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:50:50 PM
Here's a quote from her interview:

"Men have three. If she's cute enough ... warm and kind ... and interesting enough to talk to, she gets a second date. Men are not going, "Am I going to marry her?" Men are like, "Do I want to spend another two hours with her?"

"Women named 300 things that would be deal-breakers for a second date. We're talking a second date, another two hours with the person. And they were things like, "You know, we were having a really good time, but then he did this Austin Powers impression, and it just so turned me off. I can't get that out of my head." Well, if she goes on a second date with him, and he starts doing Austin Powers impressions, then dump Mr. Austin Powers guy. Don't go on that third date. Absolutely not. Who wants that? That's annoying. But the thing is, there's no correlation between the guy who's the nervous first dater ... and the guy who's going to be the great life partner that you're going to fall in love with. The smooth, charming guy who sweeps you off your feet on that first date, there's not saying he's going to be a better life partner than the other guy."
 SolticeCookie
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:13:01 AM
My daughter came to me recently with a dilemma. She's got Mr. Good Enough waiting to propose with a 4 carat diamond, a new house he's building, a great job, wondeful personality and he's building the foundation for a wife and a family. He's got everything most women her age would agree that would make him a good mate. When I asked what she didn't like about him....She told me that when he eats it completely disgusts her and makes her "want to throw up" and that she feels he is trying to buy her affections. Should she marry him she asks me? I like the man, I like the way he treats her, but in no way do I think she should marry him unless he wants to be her first ex husband. This guy even told her that if they divorce she will get a huge amount of child support. My advice to her was to move on. She's obviously not looking for money, she's wanting that emotional connection that doesn't come with $$ signs attached. I do believe that there are many men who are Mr Good Enough..and many who can be Mr Right. Not just one..but many who are compatible with us. I've come to the conclusion that location plays a big part in meeting a variety of people. Where you are will determine whom you will meet in everyday life...unless, of course, we are open to internet meetings that will open up our possibilities to those that are also in more secluded areas.
 e- mermaid
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:50:10 AM
Good for you solticecookie!
It's been mentioned here, and in a few other forums that a persons financial situation can "make or break" a relationship. Many people (on both sides of that) wonder why?

Personally, I've been in a love-less relationship where money was more important than the emotional bond.

I almost died of a broken heart.



All my life, I have encountered people who have incredible wealth (both earned and inherited) who have no clue as to how to interact or treat another human being. My father use to tell me when I was a child "some people have no class - and they don't know where to buy it". As an adult, I have to deal with some of these people in my profession. I do not have to deal with it in my personal life though!



Some of the people I respect and admire the most are not rich and they do not live a fancy lifestyle. I also know some incredibly wealthy people - and you would never know it. They are financially responsible

And THAT, financial responsibility, is HUGE with me.

As soon as someone starts bragging about, or throwing their money around I see

RED FLAGS!
RED FLAGS!
 YourCuteGuy1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 36
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/8/2010 4:13:24 PM
[She told me that when he eats it completely disgusts her and makes her "want to throw up" and that she feels he is trying to buy her affections.]

Do you think if he didn't have these affectations that she would quickly say yes?

I wonder about that. I wonder that she might have personal fears that may be causing her to sabotage this relationship.

On the other hand, I can't believe that she's perfect. Could he be overlooking her flaws because he loves her enough to "not sweat the small stuff"?

For some people if it's not how they eat, then it's how they never trim their toenails.

Back in the day, buying affections was rather common. It's simply one way to show affection. Another is touching. I guess some people can be too loveydovey. Another is saying "I love you" on a regular basis. Maybe twenty-four/seven could be too much?

Could he be selling his watch to buy tortoise combs?
 MissElaineESJones
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 37
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/9/2010 10:41:43 AM
Many people say that it doesn't matter if someone doesn't have much money. That is not a consideration for a relationship in their mind. They are willing to sacrifice and live modestly if this person is their one and only. That has a very noble sound to it, but I wonder if this might be turned around the other way as well. That we would be willing to overlook it if someone has a lot of money.

I do know that in affluent circles, there is talk about money and about things that money can buy. That goes along with the culture of the rich. Poor people often talk about how they can't make ends meet, and when the next sale is at Wal-Mart. I'm just making a point that both circles talk about money, but in different ways. The poor person may be just as fixated on money as a rich person or more so. The poor have to go after it all the time to just live from day to day. Sometimes, we have it in our minds that denial of earthly goods is a higher spiritual quality than someone who has goods. But denial/poverty can become just as much an idol as a Cadillac and even more so a sense of pride.

Why not give a relationship a chance even though the person (male or female) talks a certain way about money? Maybe the other characteristics of the person will far outweigh that particular point.
 SolticeCookie
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/9/2010 12:01:36 PM
Okay, if you want more choices.... Mr. Right. Mr. Right Now, Mr. Bill, Mr. Ed, Mr. Rogers, Mr Interesting, Mr. Excitement, Mr. Good Time Charlie, Mr OMG, Mr. All Things Considered, Mr. Hanky, Mr Activity Partner, Mr. Friend w/Benefits, Mr. Compassionate, Mr. Fix It, Mr. Wrong, Mr. Psycho, Mr. Committment,Mr. Chicken, Mr. Mischief, Mr. Love Machine, Mr. Desperate, Mr. Clingy, Mr. Cling Free, Mr. Cassanova, Mr. Howell, Mr. Head Case, Mr. Honey Do, Mr. Not Gonna Do It, Mr. Narcisstic, Mr. Limpett.... I think I've known them all!
 MissElaineESJones
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 39
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/9/2010 3:04:56 PM
^^^solticecookie, I am still laughing about this. You've certainly hit all the possibilities. Don't know how you were able to coordinate the names of all these, but hats off to you! I've met some of them, too.
 SilverIon
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/9/2010 4:26:04 PM
I believe that we also need to find out what is and isn't acceptable to us as a person. This is something that we will need to know before we can determine if someone is right for us or not. What is preferred, what is acceptable, what will we tolerate, and what can' t we live with.

I believe that most people don't truly know what it is that they are looking for. They go thru life blindly believing that they will know when they see it. I have found for me that logic doesn't work at all. I needed to sit down and have a long conversation with myself about what I wanted, what I really needed, and what I couldn't tolerate to figure out what it was that I was looking for.
 ~~Jackie~~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 41
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/9/2010 4:49:08 PM

We should attempt to find those that match us in terms of what we are and who we are.

Isn't that the biggest part of the problem? How many of us truly accept "what we are and who we are"?

We judge others much harsher than we judge ourselves. How many times has someone been deemed as "below our standards", when in reality we don't measure up to our own standards?

I was at the Veterans Hospital in Dayton today with my brother. While he was taking care of admittance paper work I was standing with his bags waiting for a cart to get them up to his room. This old gentleman approached me: He was using a walker and still having a difficult time standing up, clearly not in very good health.

Anyway, the purpose of him approaching me... he told me he had a stroke last May and that 3 weeks later he had a 3 some with his 2 girlfriends. He thought I was pretty cute and said he could use a 3rd girlfriend if I was interested! I told him I was very selfish and that I don't share. He said he's been with the other 2 for a long time, but thought he wouldn't mind just 1 girlfriend.

This was a man looking to trade up from 2 Ms. Good Enough to 1 Ms. Will This Kill Me Faster?
 ~~Jackie~~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 42
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/10/2010 3:47:14 AM

He talked a good game, but he was all talk.

He wasn't even talking a good game! But, he thought he was. Maybe that's the kind of women he's use to- 3 some material!!

Many people are "all talk", but can't/don't walk the walk. The game is to attract, but they don't know how to keep that attraction going. It reminds me of an email someone sent me a long time ago. All of the women are watching this very attractive man, then he opens his mouth and talks and it ruins the entire image!
 climbsagain
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 43
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/10/2010 4:29:44 AM
All of the women are watching this very attractive man, then he opens his mouth and talks and it ruins the entire image!


so true, met a woman here last summer and thought she was wonderful...........until she talked........and talked...........and talked.......she is still talking somewhere...........thankfully ......not with me!
 DrKimono
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 44
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/23/2010 4:37:57 PM
I've been gone for awhile. Has anybody exchanged Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough? LOL

In my world right now, I have to first find Mr. Available!
 climbsagain
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 45
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/23/2010 6:55:12 PM
The only thing exchanged here ..............forums of debate for postings of photos from the most recent party. Good luck getting anything more than the most recent party gossip. This place is about as dead as ? Just dead!
 TJ7
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 46
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/23/2010 7:34:42 PM
I remember a couple of years ago when the forums were filled with interesting, fun topics - not just picture threads - good mind-thinking times - maybe Dr. K can bring that back a little bit.

Welcome back Sharon!!!
 e- mermaid
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/23/2010 7:38:56 PM
I agree Climbs. I miss the Ohio forums and interesting topics too.
 His Holiness THE CEO
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/24/2010 5:26:27 AM

The only thing exchanged here ..............forums of debate for postings of photos from the most recent party. Good luck getting anything more than the most recent party gossip. This place is about as dead as ? Just dead!


Let's dissect this dichotomy, shall we? On one hand you have those that seem content to mostly hide behind the computer screen complaining about the lack of substance from the forums. On the other you have the social butterflies who get out and meet the other fish swimming in the pond. Still yet, there are those that sign up to just about every event never having the intention of going and will come back here and say the forums are dead.

When is the last time you started an interesting thread? You have been here the whole time. At least those of us that post these pictures and events are trying.

The Ohio forums are still entertaining and still full of life, it's just that the time for hiding is past and the time for getting out and contributing in the real world has made a slight comeback.

As far as the original topic goes, exchanging Mr or Mrs Right for good enough only shows a lack of effort. It is the insane need some people have that they are validated or worth more because they are in a relationship.
 DrKimono
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 49
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/24/2010 11:01:56 AM

It is the insane need some people have that they are validated or worth more because they are in a relationship.


Very good point. During the time I was away from here I came to realize that having a relationship is no longer the driving force in my life. Relationship does not define me at all anymore.

I'll do my best to start some interesting discussions. I also go to events.
 TJ7
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 50
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/24/2010 12:15:14 PM
The event / picture threads are fun too - it's nice to see pictures of the events and all the people going to them.

But it's also nice to have thinking or fun discussion forums.

And you're so very right CEO - there are a lot of people hiding behind their monitors - never getting out to the events or taking the time to meet the people they have emailed. The events are whatever you make them - whether it is to get out and make new friends or try to find a new love. And every person that you're emailing back and forth to are not necessarily going to meet all your expectations - but maybe you've just made a new friend instead. Just do it - we aren't getting any younger.

My definition of Mr. Right is not Mr. Perfect - we all have our faults and little quirks - so none of us are perfect. It's Mr. Right for me and hopefully at the same time, I would be Ms. Right for him. I haven't met Mr. Right yet. And Mr. Good Enough would mean to me that I'm willing to settle for things that I choose not to have in my life just to be in a relationship. That's just not my style.

I will love being in a relationship with Mr. Right when the it is meant to be.
Show ALL Forums  > Ohio  > Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough