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 ~~Jackie~~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 25
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good EnoughPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have to agree with you!!

"Love at 1st sight" is really "Lust at 1st site" (in my opinion). When we're lucky and the attraction is for the whole person, that "lust" can grow into "love".
 MissElaineESJones
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 26
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:35:10 PM
I ran across an article on CNN where the author of this book was interviewed. Google "'Marry Him' author answers outrage about 'settling'."

It is interesting that she says in her study for the book, she discovered that men have about three deal breakers for having a second date with a woman while a woman has about 300 deal breakers for having that second date with a man.
 ~~Jackie~~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 27
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:43:05 PM
What are those 3 deal breakers???

Many times I don't realize something is a deal breaker for me until they do it (mainly because it hasn't happened to me personally, so I just haven't considered it)... so, yes, I can see how that could become "300" quite easily!
 MissElaineESJones
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 28
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:50:50 PM
Here's a quote from her interview:

"Men have three. If she's cute enough ... warm and kind ... and interesting enough to talk to, she gets a second date. Men are not going, "Am I going to marry her?" Men are like, "Do I want to spend another two hours with her?"

"Women named 300 things that would be deal-breakers for a second date. We're talking a second date, another two hours with the person. And they were things like, "You know, we were having a really good time, but then he did this Austin Powers impression, and it just so turned me off. I can't get that out of my head." Well, if she goes on a second date with him, and he starts doing Austin Powers impressions, then dump Mr. Austin Powers guy. Don't go on that third date. Absolutely not. Who wants that? That's annoying. But the thing is, there's no correlation between the guy who's the nervous first dater ... and the guy who's going to be the great life partner that you're going to fall in love with. The smooth, charming guy who sweeps you off your feet on that first date, there's not saying he's going to be a better life partner than the other guy."
 e- mermaid
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 29
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Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:50:10 AM
Good for you solticecookie!
It's been mentioned here, and in a few other forums that a persons financial situation can "make or break" a relationship. Many people (on both sides of that) wonder why?

Personally, I've been in a love-less relationship where money was more important than the emotional bond.

I almost died of a broken heart.



All my life, I have encountered people who have incredible wealth (both earned and inherited) who have no clue as to how to interact or treat another human being. My father use to tell me when I was a child "some people have no class - and they don't know where to buy it". As an adult, I have to deal with some of these people in my profession. I do not have to deal with it in my personal life though!



Some of the people I respect and admire the most are not rich and they do not live a fancy lifestyle. I also know some incredibly wealthy people - and you would never know it. They are financially responsible

And THAT, financial responsibility, is HUGE with me.

As soon as someone starts bragging about, or throwing their money around I see

RED FLAGS!
RED FLAGS!
 YourCuteGuy1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 30
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/8/2010 4:13:24 PM
[She told me that when he eats it completely disgusts her and makes her "want to throw up" and that she feels he is trying to buy her affections.]

Do you think if he didn't have these affectations that she would quickly say yes?

I wonder about that. I wonder that she might have personal fears that may be causing her to sabotage this relationship.

On the other hand, I can't believe that she's perfect. Could he be overlooking her flaws because he loves her enough to "not sweat the small stuff"?

For some people if it's not how they eat, then it's how they never trim their toenails.

Back in the day, buying affections was rather common. It's simply one way to show affection. Another is touching. I guess some people can be too loveydovey. Another is saying "I love you" on a regular basis. Maybe twenty-four/seven could be too much?

Could he be selling his watch to buy tortoise combs?
 MissElaineESJones
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 31
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/9/2010 10:41:43 AM
Many people say that it doesn't matter if someone doesn't have much money. That is not a consideration for a relationship in their mind. They are willing to sacrifice and live modestly if this person is their one and only. That has a very noble sound to it, but I wonder if this might be turned around the other way as well. That we would be willing to overlook it if someone has a lot of money.

I do know that in affluent circles, there is talk about money and about things that money can buy. That goes along with the culture of the rich. Poor people often talk about how they can't make ends meet, and when the next sale is at Wal-Mart. I'm just making a point that both circles talk about money, but in different ways. The poor person may be just as fixated on money as a rich person or more so. The poor have to go after it all the time to just live from day to day. Sometimes, we have it in our minds that denial of earthly goods is a higher spiritual quality than someone who has goods. But denial/poverty can become just as much an idol as a Cadillac and even more so a sense of pride.

Why not give a relationship a chance even though the person (male or female) talks a certain way about money? Maybe the other characteristics of the person will far outweigh that particular point.
 MissElaineESJones
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 32
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/9/2010 3:04:56 PM
^^^solticecookie, I am still laughing about this. You've certainly hit all the possibilities. Don't know how you were able to coordinate the names of all these, but hats off to you! I've met some of them, too.
 ~~Jackie~~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 33
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/9/2010 4:49:08 PM

We should attempt to find those that match us in terms of what we are and who we are.

Isn't that the biggest part of the problem? How many of us truly accept "what we are and who we are"?

We judge others much harsher than we judge ourselves. How many times has someone been deemed as "below our standards", when in reality we don't measure up to our own standards?

I was at the Veterans Hospital in Dayton today with my brother. While he was taking care of admittance paper work I was standing with his bags waiting for a cart to get them up to his room. This old gentleman approached me: He was using a walker and still having a difficult time standing up, clearly not in very good health.

Anyway, the purpose of him approaching me... he told me he had a stroke last May and that 3 weeks later he had a 3 some with his 2 girlfriends. He thought I was pretty cute and said he could use a 3rd girlfriend if I was interested! I told him I was very selfish and that I don't share. He said he's been with the other 2 for a long time, but thought he wouldn't mind just 1 girlfriend.

This was a man looking to trade up from 2 Ms. Good Enough to 1 Ms. Will This Kill Me Faster?
 ~~Jackie~~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 34
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/10/2010 3:47:14 AM

He talked a good game, but he was all talk.

He wasn't even talking a good game! But, he thought he was. Maybe that's the kind of women he's use to- 3 some material!!

Many people are "all talk", but can't/don't walk the walk. The game is to attract, but they don't know how to keep that attraction going. It reminds me of an email someone sent me a long time ago. All of the women are watching this very attractive man, then he opens his mouth and talks and it ruins the entire image!
 climbsagain
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 35
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 3/10/2010 4:29:44 AM
All of the women are watching this very attractive man, then he opens his mouth and talks and it ruins the entire image!


so true, met a woman here last summer and thought she was wonderful...........until she talked........and talked...........and talked.......she is still talking somewhere...........thankfully ......not with me!
 DrKimono
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 36
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/23/2010 4:37:57 PM
I've been gone for awhile. Has anybody exchanged Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough? LOL

In my world right now, I have to first find Mr. Available!
 climbsagain
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 37
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/23/2010 6:55:12 PM
The only thing exchanged here ..............forums of debate for postings of photos from the most recent party. Good luck getting anything more than the most recent party gossip. This place is about as dead as ? Just dead!
 TJ7
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 38
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/23/2010 7:34:42 PM
I remember a couple of years ago when the forums were filled with interesting, fun topics - not just picture threads - good mind-thinking times - maybe Dr. K can bring that back a little bit.

Welcome back Sharon!!!
 e- mermaid
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 39
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Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/23/2010 7:38:56 PM
I agree Climbs. I miss the Ohio forums and interesting topics too.
 DrKimono
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 40
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/24/2010 11:01:56 AM

It is the insane need some people have that they are validated or worth more because they are in a relationship.


Very good point. During the time I was away from here I came to realize that having a relationship is no longer the driving force in my life. Relationship does not define me at all anymore.

I'll do my best to start some interesting discussions. I also go to events.
 TJ7
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 41
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/24/2010 12:15:14 PM
The event / picture threads are fun too - it's nice to see pictures of the events and all the people going to them.

But it's also nice to have thinking or fun discussion forums.

And you're so very right CEO - there are a lot of people hiding behind their monitors - never getting out to the events or taking the time to meet the people they have emailed. The events are whatever you make them - whether it is to get out and make new friends or try to find a new love. And every person that you're emailing back and forth to are not necessarily going to meet all your expectations - but maybe you've just made a new friend instead. Just do it - we aren't getting any younger.

My definition of Mr. Right is not Mr. Perfect - we all have our faults and little quirks - so none of us are perfect. It's Mr. Right for me and hopefully at the same time, I would be Ms. Right for him. I haven't met Mr. Right yet. And Mr. Good Enough would mean to me that I'm willing to settle for things that I choose not to have in my life just to be in a relationship. That's just not my style.

I will love being in a relationship with Mr. Right when the it is meant to be.
 DesertFox3
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 42
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Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/24/2010 12:41:06 PM
I believe the resaon why I never married or even sparsely dated in my younger years (when I was better looking, had more stable & better paying employment, in a bit better shape, had more hair ect) is that I never fell into the catagory of Mr. 'Good Enough'... thus none of you women had 'settled' for me.... kudos to you?

Obvious though I couldn't had been worse than what really was out there as reason that you are here & these sites are so popular now.
 climbsagain
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 43
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/24/2010 12:56:59 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^Let's dissect this dichotomy, shall we? On one hand you have those that seem content to mostly hide behind the computer screen complaining about the lack of substance from the forums. On the other you have the social butterflies who get out and meet the other fish swimming in the pond. Still yet, there are those that sign up to just about every event never having the intention of going and will come back here and say the forums are dead.

It is more than who starts the threads, interesting how even the popular members here stopped writing as the topics were not discussed.


The author of this post has had many threads wither away due to lack of interest, and I hear from her loyal friends that her posts are interesting.


^^^^^^^^On the other you have the social butterflies who get out and meet the other fish swimming in the pond. Still yet, there are those that sign up to just about every event never having the intention of going and will come back here and say the forums are dead.

When I sign up I sign up to go, just the same i have many frineds that invite me out, I will visit with a friend before I attend a POF event everytime.

Yes the forums are dead.

As for the topic i think the vast majority of fish that attend the parties show that many people look for mr. /Mrs. Right over good enough.
 TJ7
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 44
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/24/2010 1:30:19 PM
Similar to the topic..............I have also found many people who have gotten into a relationship with Mr/Mrs Right and have decided that Right was not good enough and continued looking for greener grass on the other side - instead of working on the original "right" relationship - and basically, having their cake and eating it too.
 DesertFox3
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 45
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Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/25/2010 1:02:58 AM

..............I have also found many people who have gotten into a relationship with Mr/Mrs Right and have decided that Right was not good enough ....
We'll stop right there.....then right was not right?

Didn't you do that a few times TJ or am I thinking of someone else?
 TJ7
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 46
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/25/2010 3:55:11 AM
You're such a stinker Foxy!!!

Actually yes I did and I got out of there very quickly - but then again, I wasn't the one looking for the greener grass tho - my competition was either ex-wives, the guy's girlfriend-Ms. Al-ki-hal, or their "future" girlfriend.
 DesertFox3
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 47
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Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/25/2010 10:52:04 AM
Aww TJ, Didn't like the color of the bike?

I remember Mr. Al-ki-hal being my competition..... one of the most interesting 8 weeks I had in a long time. I still am on speaking terms with most all of my formers, so is that a bad thing?
 TJ7
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 48
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 8/25/2010 12:22:21 PM
^^^Not at all a bad thing - it's good to be able to forgive and go forward - even remaining friends with formers.

 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 49
Exchanging Mr. Right for Mr. Good Enough
Posted: 2/12/2013 8:29:43 AM
I just heard about "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" by Lori Gottlieb on the John Tesh radio program this morning. What came to mind was the adage "there's no use striving for perfection in a non-perfect world".
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