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 AUTHOR
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 5
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players: do they ever focus on one person?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
if he or she is just seeing one person, that would not make him or her a player, he or she would be the opposite of one
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 6
players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 2/28/2010 3:49:14 AM
Warren Beatty was the epitome of a player or playboy but he settled down with one woman and so far, no stories of his infidelity have made headlines (which, of course, doesn't guarantee there hasn't been any). And I've known quite a few men and women who have been considered players at some point in their lives but have also committed to long term relationships.

Too often I think this term is bandied about, usually by women, to bash a guy who didn't want to commit to her. Rather than admit that he just wasn't into her, it's easier to blame it on some uncontrollable behavior on his part. But what might seem like a player could just be someone who's looking for that great connection and isn't going to waste his time or someone else's if he's not feeling it.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 7
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 2/28/2010 4:07:25 AM
Male players exist because women love to be told what they want to here...female players exist because they are usually good at sex,give it up easily,are at least decent looking,otherwise few would be willing to play with them...and men like to be told what they want to hear....from my experience telling lies is the most common behaviour.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 10
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 2/28/2010 7:22:45 AM

Players ALWAYS focus on one person...THEMSELF...what they want, what they like...

Hey, somebody's gotta do it!!


players: do they ever focus on one person?

Yes, but only if they're part-time players.

Or maybe just not very good at being a player.
 AnarchoCapitalist
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 13
players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 2/28/2010 8:21:08 AM
They're focusing on whoever they're trying to play, whether that's one person or several.

Next!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 16
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 2/28/2010 10:56:23 AM

but men over 57 tend to be the real players and are enjoying what I term as their "Last Hurrah" and will under no circumstances, ever focus on just one woman. That is, until they have a least one foot in the nursing home and then it is a OMG! scramble to hurry up and get a solid, loving companion ASAP! Then, and only then, does he realize that all the great women he either passed on or used up -- don't want him!

Players deserve what they end up with: NOTHING!
lol.. This bought up images of all those old guys in Florida with their white shoes and matching belts.


I disagree with that the end up with NOTHING though. Players are very good with women.. they know women inside and out. Every women is looking for a good guy with an EDGE.. Players usually have that quality and, the minute they're ready to settle down.. I suspect they have little trouble picking one that will be with him and who they are compatible with in most ways.
Edited


*pay their phone bill/car note/mortgage payment
*pay for trips
*buy them jewelry/cars/clothes
*put them through school
*provide them with connections to people they want to know (be it celebrities or possible backers for money making plans or to scope out who their next source of financial support will be)

When a player is looking to play a woman for her money and gifts he will often focus on just that woman, not always but women who have this kind of money to support an asshat like this thinking she's gonna get "love" out of it usually demand a lot of his time making it really difficult for him to get some on the side, not that it doesn't happen. Women who aren't as well off...well they end up bled dry financially and wondering what the hell happened when he trots off with the next chick willing to foot all his bills.
I believe the term for this type of man is GIGOLO.. not player. a subltle difference in his motivation. The male version of a true golddigger..
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 17
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 2/28/2010 1:29:21 PM
I'm only curious about why you are asking this question, OP. Are you trying to establish a formal definition of what people in the forums mean when they say "player?" Are you trying to decide if someone you are involved with is one? Or perhaps, you are trying to establish a procedure or workbook sort of list in order to attempt a "player free" dating plan?
The reason I ask, is that the validity and usefulness of the answers depend very much on why you ask, especially with terms like "player," whose meaning varies so much with the people using them, and the times.
 *.*.*GET-to-KNOW-me!*.*.*
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 18
players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 2/28/2010 2:39:36 PM
It depends...is he using her for anything? Is he not returning as much to the relationship, as he takes from it?

If so, than, yes...he would still be considered a player...albeit; a lower rung player, though, lol...




 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 19
players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 2/28/2010 3:22:41 PM
Okay. You are asking about a man. Labels aside this guy is courting one woman. Is not seeing other women. Introduces her to his family. Waits for sex, even months. And you want to call this poor dweeb a player? I call the woman a player. For not telling him that she was not interested months ago. For stringing him along for that time, even going to see the poor shmuch's family. So no, I would not call him a player, I would call him a idiot.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 21
players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 2/28/2010 5:11:52 PM
There are at least as many female players as male. Their goal or goals may vary though. Someone mentioned free meals, leeching of off somebody and I actually believe that sex is behind the two in order for many women. For men it's mostly about sex.

The reason a lot of men turn into someone who could be considered as a player, is that many women don't like the truth, they want to hear bullsh.it comments and compliments. They fall for that crap. Having said that, the guy keeps several women around because he knows that the second he gets even near his true self, 95% of them will run away. I guess you could even say that PEOPLE don't want the truth. It's so much easier to lie yourself out of something. Everybody wants the truth when you ask them privately, but only so that they can do precisely what I was talking about above - to run away instead of giving an honest person a chance. Who's perfect?
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 22
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/1/2010 3:53:51 AM
If you've got a dog who likes to chase rabbits, chances are he likes to chase all the rabbits. He isn't satisfied chasing only 1 rabbit.
Not only that, but if he catches a rabbit, that makes him think he can catch all the rabbits.
If you want a dog who likes to stay home, don't get one that likes to chase rabbits.

Don't get the idea that your dog is going to be satisfied, just because he caught you.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 23
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/1/2010 4:09:46 AM
There's a type of woman who goes for the player type because she feels that if she can change him into a one woman man, then she must be something special.

For as long as women keep thinking they can change a player, the players will always get exactly what they want.

The woman gets trapped into this cycle of "maybe I can change the next one". This is the only reason these guys are out there doing what they do.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 24
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:59:56 AM

There are only two terms (said earlier) I would say can define a "player"
- Self motivated interest: their endevours and choices are always based upon the result for them, no matter how far the chain goes.

- Charisma: Being a player wouldn't work if people didn't play with you. Notice in the stories people are enver played against their will, they go in willingly and discover it was a play. Players don't need to lie if they don't have to, they may only need to twist the truth, or not at all. The point is they are very, very good with people (especially the gender of their sexual preference) so people gravitate towards them and engage in whatever chain of events they have set up willingly. It is an illusion.
Totally agree.. and, I'd even venture to say, that most times any man or woman who has been involved with a true player (as opposed to some hit-n-quite-it fool or simply someone who has changed their mind about a prospect) .. wouldn't be angry at 'their" player once the game was finished.
I'd venture to say players (man or woman) do however; sometimes lie but it's done mostly via ommission and the failure of the playee to ask the right questions. I'd also suspect that rarely do they lie to get sex because it is volunteered long before he/she has to lie to get it.
 Ray89135
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 25
players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/1/2010 12:16:21 PM
There are two types of "Players" The first type are men and women with options, but when they find the one (assuming they have the capacity for commitment) they stop being players.

The second type of "player" has options as well, but these players include a heavy dose of deceit (ie. telling their partners they are the "one" just to get in their pants or get money out of them)....

Nothing wrong with the first player...Everything wrong with the second...
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 26
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/1/2010 12:42:27 PM

There are two types of "Players" The first type are men and women with options, but when they find the one (assuming they have the capacity for commitment) they stop being players
Or.. they continue to be players with or without their partners consent even after they've committed.


The second type of "player" has options as well, but these players include a heavy dose of deceit (ie. telling their partners they are the "one" just to get in their pants or get money out of them)....
I wouldn't call that being a player.. I'd just call them a liar and a fraudulist.. Most real players have no need to tell someone that they're "the only one." ..and.. if you have to ask that question.. then sub-consciously you know that you're not the only one but you've been denying that knowledge to yourself.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 27
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/1/2010 12:52:02 PM
O.P. It is what it is....were you just looking for the proper name to call him?
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 32
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/2/2010 5:01:14 AM
Stop complaining about the game.
Either quit playing or learn to play it well.

Love is a tough sport.
And, you need to learn to play hardball.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 35
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/3/2010 3:53:37 AM

love is not a sport or a game.

Oh, it's romantic to think it's not a game, but if you look closely you'll find almost all human interactions are a type of game.

After all, if it isn't a game, why does it have players ?
Why does it have cheaters ?
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 36
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/3/2010 4:42:45 AM
Nipoleon, good anology, my opinion is many men would agree with that very simply stance, however there are things that come into play in my evaluation of human nature is preception to a expierence. We all precieve events differently based upon our own personel barriers. We each precieve the events of our dates or other interaction in the moods we are in. Peoples moods change over a course of a relationship, people start dropping barriers and their real self start to emerge.

So am I a player if I date multiple women? isn't that dating?
Am I a player if after I finally waited months to have sex, with you we had it and that level of intensity isn't their? You women always mention chemistry, well what if "I" no longer have it? Some women have sex acting like they just gave me the holy grail and it was just a coffe cup without a handle. Am I a player because I moved on?

So in my opinion player is merely a term for
A. Broken Hearts, defense mechanism for feeling used created by one self.
B. Serial Monagomist (sp), which many men in late 40's and early 50's deep down prefer. Let's meet on equal terms have fun where sex is something you want to do, NOT a women it giving up.
 fanorky
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 37
players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/3/2010 6:16:33 AM
hi
i think most men are on here to find the woman of their dreams.
and most men are very sexual in nature.
im here to date until i find the woman of my dreams no mater how many it takes.
and yes sex is a big part of a relationship so i would still date other people while waiting for one person that i have been seeing to have sex to weigh the person .
only if i thought she was the one.
but i would never hurt a woman and would tell her the truth if confronted.
theres so many women just wanting for some attension that one of them wont break my heart if she leaves.
there are the few who will break the rules and run through women without remorse.
spend some time and money to write good personal ad and set the frame up front.
tell people exactly what you want and read theirs carefully!
women have the right to say no at anytime.......men have the right to try lol !
i have good friends who were players and most settled for one woman.
however there not the average person either .they are the kind of woman men would die for.......hope this helps!
troy
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 38
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/3/2010 9:42:04 AM
Actually, Shoedaddy has the correct point of view.

It's really a matter of honesty.
It's easy to tolerate a person who has other lovers and admits it up front.
The problem is that person who has other lovers but doesn't mention them.

No matter what we get, we want to know what we're getting.
We will put up with a lot, as long as we are aware of it honestly .

The old saying, " What they don't know won't hurt them " is not true.
" What you don't know ", is all that ever can hurt you.
 Ray89135
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 39
players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/3/2010 9:59:01 AM

My defense used to be "I only sleep with guys I'm exclusive with", and if I hear any lines like "I need to make sure we have a good sex life before I settle down" or "Wanna be my girlfriend?" soon after, then they get to kick rocks!


So how do you know if the man that tells you he is ready to be exclusive "really is ready"? IMHO, you never know for sure! There are men (and some women) who are not being dishonest when they say they want to commit to you, but then a month or two later cannot follow through with the commitment....

I believe honesty is the best policy, but rest assured there are absolutely no guarantees that when someone (man or woman) tells you they are ready for a committed relationship that they are truly ready....If they are not ready and back out a few months down the road you often hear it said that "he/she was a player". The truth is he/she was not a player but they could not predict how they would feel about the relationship after the "deed" was done....Sometimes, doing the "deed" actually changes things significantly, because one one or the other becomes clingy, possessive or insecure....Not to mention, he/she might just find that the sex was not great, and they do not want to continue....How is any of this type of (backing out behavior) a sign that someone is a player??

As I said there are no guarantees, especially when it comes to relationships...
 angreid10
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 44
players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 3/7/2010 5:33:59 PM
Players ALWAYS focus on one person...THEMSELF...

and the sad part is they don't care who they hurt as long as they get what they want.

they manipulate you to make you feel like you're "the only one" when in fact, there are three or four on the side. basically what i'm getting at is, what they can't get from one, they'll find it from another and so on...
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 54
Short answer: yes.
Posted: 7/18/2010 8:41:22 PM
Player to me has a rather narrow definition. It's purposeful deceit in passing oneself off as looking for a monogamous, faithful relationship when one has no intention of doing so. It's also not gender specific. I've seen plenty of women who use their looks and personality to string susceptible men along.

However, if you "know" the person you want to date is seeing other people in romantic relationships because they don't hide it or even "tell" you, they are not being deceptive, are they?

If you still choose to date them you're doing it with eyes open and can't later complain of being used and abused.

I can't tell you how many people have told me they "knew" such and such was a slut or gigolo but decided to date them anyway. They offer all kinds of hollow reasons like the sexual attraction was just too great or they loved their personality or circumstances threw them together and love "blossomed" or other such nonsense. The real problem is one of immaturity and callous disregard for common sense, and there seems to be no age limit for gullible stupidity.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 55
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players: do they ever focus on one person?
Posted: 7/19/2010 9:42:03 AM
what if they do not have other women?
can he still be considered a player ?


Well, I reckon he was smitten and he think he is inlove and playing the field game is over.
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