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 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 26
Just broke up because the sex was badPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
O/P do not internalize this and think it was because you are not attractive. He has a problem with drinking that is causing this to occur. Listen to your mother she is absolutely correct.

I knew one woman that was married to a man for 21 years and they never enjoyed intercourse together. She was still a virgin in her 40's. Yes it is possible to love someone without the sex being good.. Still I found her to be a very rare case indeed. She loved him until she passed on in her 80's.

thecatsmeoww
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 27
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 4:25:09 AM
There are plenty of awesome 'shallow' reasons for breaking up with/not dating someone..."He has no money/job", "he's too short", "the sex is bad", "she gained 10lbs", etc...
Apart from outright abuse, just about any other reason you can name, for breaking up, will be called 'shallow' by someone, 'legit' by others. It's called having preferences...it's fine.
I'm sure bad sex can exist where there is trust, and mindblowing sex can happen between strangers that have no trust between them...I wouldn't be actively seeking either of these scenarios...just saying I can imagine the link between trust & quality of sex being pretty 'elastic'.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 28
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 4:40:28 AM
Okay, someone pointed out that sucking, in this case meant describing the sex....lol, I read it wrong....

Love can make the sex better, but really bad sex? probably not..

But back reading your imput here, you seem to have trust issues with men in general...beyond the norm, and you asked does love make sex better, with that one might assume you have never been in love to know or not.

Seems it might help to get better at picking men, or there might be some other underlying reason, but it seems there is enough to warrant a problem and its better to solve it or you might never trust anyone.

Sometimes people have a self esteeme issue and get with those they shouldn't in the first place.

Good luck.
 Water75
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 29
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 8:37:29 AM
if he got it up befor and cant now he is not attracted to you anymore.through in a porn movie if he gets it up i was write.
 BestKeptSecret4u
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 30
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 10:15:08 AM
If you didn't love him then maybe it was best. You're right too, if it is true love, the sex will improve and he will find that ed was in his head. Sex just like a relationship takes time to work on to where you both make each other feel good about each other.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 31
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 10:26:21 AM
It's over. Next!

I agree with the window dressing....

I could never ever stay in a relationship without rockin' romps.
No one judges you for leaving.
 KGHOLLYWOOD
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 32
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History
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 10:50:38 AM
Off and on for a year? Been there before w/my Ex..But the times we were "off" was the times I was "ON" to the next...He could've used up all his energy elsewhere...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 33
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 10:54:29 AM

So one am I shallow and two if there is love and trust is sex good or great and not prone to sucking?

Love and trust can't hurt...especially the trust part. I can't say I'd want to have sex with someone I didn't trust. On the other hand, you can love and trust someone and the sex can still suck. It depends on abilities, mindset (likes and dislikes) and mechanics. As far as the guy's ED goes, I'm thinking that if you gave indications you figured he sucked at sex, it would go a long way to making him less than enthusiastic. Who knows, maybe you suck even though you don't think you do in your own mind and he gave ED as a soft let down for you. I wouldn't say you're shallow but I would say you're a time waster (both his time and yours) if you're in a relationship with someone you don't love, trust or have good sex with. Just passing time were you?
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 34
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:21:18 AM
Hmmmm cheaters have a way of breaking trust...........................key word; cheater!!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 35
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:25:47 AM

Hmmmm cheaters have a way of breaking trust...........................key word; cheater!!

So much for ED then....
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 36
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History
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 12:31:01 PM

Do you personally think that breaking up with someone because the sex is bad is shallow.......?
Sex is just one component of a good relationship. Good communication is also a key component. So if the sex is bad and you bag the relationship on just that one aspect without discussing how to make it better, then yes that's a shallow reason for the breakup, as you have defined yourself as a one-dimensional shallow person by having only one relationship component that you wish to satisfy.

Now, given this dude drank himself silly most of the time and found himself "not at attention" in bed, the incessant drinking is a valid reason for a breakup for sure. Distrust is another reason. What I don't understand is how someone can be with someone for a year and not love them--that makes no sense.

The true love/good sex correlation is total bunk. You get good sex if you just happen to be on the same page sexually by pure luck, or if you invest time in having good communications/rappoire with your partner.
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 37
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 1:34:19 PM
No I want just one guy................
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 38
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 6:14:06 PM
Trading? That's where certain men and women have got it all wrong. You shouldnt be trading one thing for the other. It's either to your liking or not in all aspects. Not I'll give up sex if you give me a good relationship...or a relationship period...or I'll give up my money if you give me good sex..or sex period. A barter system for either is kinda disgusting sounding, no matter how nicely you try to couch it.

So in effect, on issue of sex: women appear to be the givers, and men the takers.
If that's the case, then someone's getting ripped of.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 39
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 6:49:49 PM
I would expect my partner to be good in bed, just as he would expect the same out of me.

I wouldn't need to do a lousy trade off. Neither one of us should.
 Honcho
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 40
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:22:06 PM
I have to agree with MMagnet since I am an older man and seen quite a bit more of life than some. Diabetes medication may cause E.D. Why do you think they sell Viagra and CAlice or however you spell it. Being too drunk can also having something to do with it. A bad smelling woman can cause it too (but most men won't mention that).
Then there are the psychological hangups that one may not figure out but still have an effect. You sound to me though as if you are simply seeking the pleasurable feeling of the act without any emotion. I have had my share of women and thrills but if you truly love someone I can assure you the sex seems better because your emotions are more involved. Also was there a lack of foreplay? I don't know that you'd be considered "shallow" for dumping him but if you are moving from man to man like a humming bird to flowers then you need to take a good look at yourself because something just may be missing.
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 41
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Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:27:26 PM
If your not in love, that should be your first reason, and no, loving someone does not make sex automatically good. You cant blame yourself for the way you feel or dont feel. Would you want someone to stay with you out of pity and guilt if he didnt love you and thought you wernt up to par sexually?
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 42
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:38:00 PM
Too much booze, too many drugs, birth defects, and various medical conditions, could be to blame. Then, again, maybe you don't arouse him much. He may be gay, and trying to change, or cover up, and so be with a woman...but finding his heart is not in it. Bad sex can be improved, but if you told him it needed improvement, and gave him a year to try, and he made no improvement, you may as well get rid of him. If you didn't tell him, you should have. If you don't trust him, that alone is cause to break up. You are not shallow. You spent a year with a guy who was a lousy lay, whom you didn't trust. That is far more time than most would have spent with him. Great sex comes from wanting to please. If he wanted to please you, he would find a way to do so sexually, and the sex would be great for you. The sex was lousy because he did not care enough about you to want to please you enough to make the effort to do so. ED wouldn't effect his hands, or tongue.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 43
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Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/1/2010 8:57:57 PM
I'm not sure why you were even wanting to be with someone, yet alone have sex with them if you didn't love them but you did the right thing breaking up with him. Despite the people in here trying to say a man has to have some medical condition to not get turned on that's not the only reason. It's funny that if a woman isn't turned on then the man isn't good enough and when the man isn't turned on he's STILL the one to blame. Men can be turned off of sex for a lot of reasons the same way women can. Not all guys are mindless dogs that can just stick it anywhere and be satisfied. It's possible he knew you didn't love him or wasn't into you. I'm pretty picky about a woman's attitude, how we click and little nuances when I'm being intimate. It's not unusual to be completely turned off when it doesn't seem right for some reason. When it is right it's the total opposite. Luckily the reasons shouldn't really matter since you didn't love him so you did the right thing breaking it off.
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 44
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/2/2010 5:37:37 PM
You know it is like this...It takes time to get to know someone, we had a year on and off. I liked hm in some ways but the more time progressed his personality and ways of doing things became very annoying. He liked to pick at me you could say and talk about ex's and girls to get my goat. He was on here looking for friends when we were b/f and g/f and we broke up....he changed it to single and dating, we got back together and 3 weeks went by and still ha single up and dating. Had a girl candy text him, but h did not want me to know she was calling......he had pics of his ex and him still up when he added me to myspace, since he talked aout some girls he met on there, I wanted to know what he was getting at and I said add me....He like dto get a reaction, get me upset, he does that to people and geez sooo annoying and tiring And I was getting less attracted to him because of how he acted and did not feel that spark anymore....the breaker sex was getting bad and he had a crappy personality and I lost my feeling.....but the sex really bugged me
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 45
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/2/2010 5:39:02 PM
Oh and his constant drinking smoking and not liking anything I did including my job, clothes etc....................!!!!!!!!!!!! yet he wante dto be wih me and I was bout to move into to the new house he is buying...........heheahah wth
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 46
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/3/2010 7:21:17 AM
Didn't you used to post that you were a virgin and would not have sex until you got married?

Just asking.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 47
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/3/2010 8:21:28 AM
An impotent drunk that you dont love nor trust...........yeah..........I would have dumed him too...............or not even gone there in the first place.............

Nope i like em rock hard, free of addictions, trust is a must, and love isnt essential but always nice.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 48
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/3/2010 12:40:39 PM
If the sex is bad , there is usually something underlying going on.(drugs, alcohol, Addiction of some sort, homo, etc.)



And those are just the one's you can lay on him... If you want to be negative and not accept any responsibility for the situation... "If I don't do it for him, he's broken."

I'd say the majority of "E.D." problems come from stress related issues, from both inside the relationship and out. What's going on in the head is the number one problem for most guys. Being with the right person, and in a good situation, can cure most men's sexual problems very quickly. I imagine the same goes for the gals.


OP admitted that trust and love were absent elements in the relationship. What mature, thinking person could perform well (or enjoy sex) in that situation?
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 49
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/3/2010 5:44:11 PM
Someone made some comment that I am a gold digger.........Okay so if I am a gold digger than why did I leave him? If I was a 'gold digger', I would have stayed with him, said the sex was great and just got married so I could cheat on him when he was not around..........Isn't that how male gold diggers do it or male 'slave owners' do it, so a women can clean his house, make food, have her give birth and keep up appearances? Sorry my life is short and precious and his also, though he doesn't seem to think so, and I am not going to take money when I can get my own and have a family that will support me. You must have issues with an ex to call me a rude thing like a gold digger. Also I do not want a man who is lazy and marrys a woman for money just as well or for a house slave. I can put my self in a man's shoes easily and you could try doing the same. There is no point in saying vows of marriage or moving in with someone that I do not want to souly be with. My take, he was not attracted...and stayed with me because he likes me and doesn't want to be alone. Sex is the only way to get close to a man ecspecially when they are not artistic, poem writers, singers etc.....Honestly there was no love.......love is a real thing and without connections fade with family, friends and lovers. Oh snoops, was I waiting until marriage yah I was.....I did not...you try it, it ain't easy 'know it alls'.
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 50
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/3/2010 6:33:05 PM
okay last comment...........Bad sex is natures way bof saying 'it is not the best connection'

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