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 ElleShooTiger
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 51
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Just broke up because the sex was badPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Hmm, you didnt trust him, you didnt love him, those are like huuuge mood killers. IIRC you used to post about waiting for marriage, so I take it he may have been your first ever? I'm guessing you might also have issues letting go and enjoying sex, and being cold in bed can definitely kill his "mood". If it knows it wont go anywhere, might as well shut off the blood flow and take the night off.

I dont think its shallow to break up over horrible sex, by that I mean if you do it for a while and there's just no improvement, period. It takes a while to get used to each other, dont expect any fireworks the first few times. True love and trust might make sex feel more special, but there is no substitute for practice. With all the other issues, you should have ended it a long time ago anyway, so dont try to focus on just one issue.
 thetalloneforyou
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 52
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Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/7/2010 4:22:41 PM
breaking up just cause the sex is bad.... if that was the case i would say i wouldn't agree but u stated in the initial post op that there were other issues going on so i don't think ur a bad person or nething like that cause it sounds to me like the relationship was doomed neway
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 53
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/7/2010 7:43:04 PM
No unfortunatley my story is not so great, I was a born again and after I was born again, I screwed up again........But believe me I waited years and tried to do the right thing. Many men I chattted with claimed to be into waiting, yet it never was completely true ;)...stupid me, I guess. So he was not my first but, I took a year of my life and was true to him and the guy before was a royal jerk so, he knew I already had been burned and still had issues. I found meds. he was taking 3 times a day for depression but, he claimed they were his dads, they have the same name, go figure. But I think bad sex may be like a scinetific way of nature saying bad match? I just try to be objective and think why such a crappy thing would happen. But lack of trust and therfore no love could very well have done it IDK.
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 54
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:17:01 PM
Actually I dumped him. It;s not lik ethat did not make him most likely bitter that I was 'mean' but, he was dumb in many ways.....He always wrote back saying "my life is great, let's go hang out like freinds." It was just immature crap the whole relationship. I learned a couple things like people/men will ie to get what they want if they are sleezy bumbs............See it's the ones with the dual personalities super classy an dsuper trashy that I now watch for the most. They justify thier trashy deeds by saying they are rich, classy or better or by going the extra mile just so they can then use you. I can say I have finally realized I don't need a man to be accomplished. It is thoug hard because all my friends are married but, they are really not people I admire, they are just people who share taxes, a house and responsibility. If they have love that is awesome but, most just got stuck. I am done trying to be traditional. If I never find a good man I will love other things and adopt if I want.
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 55
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:25:19 PM
Oh and the sex was that bad. Suprisingly I dont have a a hugh sex drive but, a desire to have great sex when it gets to that point but.....I can wait.I waited 3 year sand I can do it again.....Besides who needs stds, kids you didn't plan and confusion...I don't.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 56
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/9/2010 2:01:08 AM
If the sex is bad, why stay? A relationship with no sex is a friend.

Plus, who cares that he has ED? The world is not fair. It sucks if some girl gets in a car accident and loses her legs, but I won't date her.

Life is not fair. It's not my job to give up my happiness to make someone else happy. I want a gf, not a patient or a project.

-8sf8
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 57
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/9/2010 9:50:01 AM
Sorry I am not responsiblefor some guys medical problem and lack of honesty. I am not a sex slave, ifhe can't get erect he should not be attempting to have sex. And if I loved him then sure I would have gone with him to talk to someone about.
 DCK88
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 58
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/10/2010 3:19:45 AM
your shallow. thats jmo
 Justplainjohn
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 59
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/10/2010 2:51:00 PM
It is absolutely ok to dump someone if the sex thing isn't working out. After all isn't sex the real reason we need each other? Otherwise we could live with who ever , male or female.

Honestly .... If you really wanted to work on it you should be able to improve the sex. But you had other issues - so best advice is to say good by.

John
 I_put_it_down
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 60
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/10/2010 5:03:05 PM
is someone is bad at sex, their just bad . No matter how much in love you are with them.
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 61
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/17/2010 11:55:36 PM
BDJ, many (I'd even go as far as to say most) women need to be turned on mentally in order to be turned on physically. One of the differences between men and women.

As such, for a woman, yeah, love and trust do generally make for better sex. This doesn't mean that that's ALL that is required but it helps.




The above
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 62
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/18/2010 6:57:23 AM
^^^^^ I've got to say that trust can be an issue...it helps when two people feel the trust in the other person to let out their sexual self....which might be different than the trust made reference here.

But, I differ in thinking women need to be turned on mentally and men don't....if, we are refering to being turned on mentally..as in sexually turned on thru the mind...without that sex is a bore.

One problem might be in that too many women depend on the man to be everything in bed..take the lead, set the course, etc.

Its a two way street and both are responcible for the good time....some men cannot be themselves, if they are not at ease with her, ot feel they cannot be themselves, because she does not show her true self, etc...

All this meaning that both genders are subject to feeling at ease, trusting the other to allow them to be themselves, and have the same need for the mental side of sex...sometimes the failing in good sex can be depending on just one gender to provide everything it takes for success.

In reading, many are stimulated by him taking control, etc....this does put the responcibilty to him for the turn out if it was good or not....the responcibilty in reality depends on both, not one gender.
 MichelleRenee1234
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 63
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/19/2010 10:28:52 AM
I feel your pain, OP. Sex is important. To me, it's equally as important as love, trust, communication, respect, yada yada.

I'm in love with my boyfriend. I've been with him for over a year. I'm hurtin' cause our sex life has been short, infrequent, and lazy (I have to remind him to touch me intimately and kiss me.) It's been like this for a few months and getting worse. He says he's just not that sexual. The sex was great in the beginning! What happened? He says that if we're married and have a family it will be even less frequent...???!!!! I can't imagine being in a sexless marriage. It's not what I want. This predicament sucks. I know I love him deeply. But deep down inside I know it won't work if this doesn't change. And I don't believe it will. And I think he knows it, too. So, now it seems only a matter of time until I'm right where you are. And I know how badly I'm going to miss him because we connect on most every other level. Right now I'm almost delusionally filled with hope that things can get better. I think it will take willingness on his part to please me, though. And to realize that that will be the case with any woman, not just me. I can't imagine a guy trying to find, and finding, a woman who doesn't care if he touches her or not. Heartbreaking.
 zipdy
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 64
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/21/2010 9:25:54 AM
seems like as good a reason as any to break up. sex is important.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 65
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/22/2010 6:45:02 PM

BDJ, many (I'd even go as far as to say most) women need to be turned on mentally in order to be turned on physically. One of the differences between men and women.

As such, for a woman, yeah, love and trust do generally make for better sex. This doesn't mean that that's ALL that is required but it helps.



One of the most common mistakes women make in the bedroom, is to assume men do not require mental stimulation during sex... We tend to be able to provide it for ourselves when young (and surprised we're even getting it); but, as we mature, we need more participation from our partners. Women who can't keep up mentally, turn to younger men and bash us for not being simple... (Which I guess is a different topic.)
 fetish4u
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 66
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Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/26/2010 12:04:27 AM

Do you personally think that breaking up with someone because the sex is bad is shallow.......?

I sure do.What happens if the sex was great and you both married and you had an accident and you were no longer able to have sex.He tells you good bye and walks out the door.On the other hand if you didn't love him I think you did right to break it off.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 67
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/26/2010 12:22:50 AM
?WTF?

OP, ever post you put on POF is some "crisis" situation where your boyfriend isn't paying enough attention to you for some reason or another. Every post you start has you either breaking up with some guy or on the verge of breaking up, or separated and giving him another chance or wondering when he's going to dump you, or wondering when you're going to break up.

It's like you can't go a day without having a crisis to fret over. "He put mustard on his french fries - does that mean he's breaking up with me?"

OMG. Will it EVER be over? Have you broken up with this guy 20 times already or is this the 20th guy in the last year? I dunno. I can't count any more.....but I can see the future, 50 years from now, when you're online whining about how your BF just died and he did it because you weren't pretty enough or just broke up with him, or were about to break up, or .... ???

 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 68
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/27/2010 7:52:21 PM
Maybe it is shallow...........or maybe we will both always be looking for more.....
 albagood
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 69
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/27/2010 9:01:01 PM
Yah maybe the above guy is right and if he is than I wonder why he trys to initiate sex with me. I really don't feel the love though from him and that puts me probablly just where he is with me...."why am I here, waisting my time?"

I seriously don't get it and I think he doesn'y . I think it is his man made medications.........or alcohol. He said he had the same problem with his ex girlfriend and they went to a counselor but, I think it is his medications for depression........I don't think someone who is not sexually sttracted would continue to try to sleep with me......
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 70
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/27/2010 9:09:19 PM
I tend to agree with your decision to break up with him. You are wasting your time if you don't love him and bad sex just means that one more very important facet of the relationship is missing...good love making.
I've given this a lot of thought and I understand that some men just can't physically engage in intercourse.
The decision then rests on the woman...is she willing to continue in a relationship where there is love but no intercourse??
For me there has to be compatibility, love, trust and a goodly part of the relationship has to include making love.
I'm not a woman who can be satisfied with oral sex alone, so for me, there would have to be EF!!
I love my three brothers, they are wonderful men and they are very, very dear to me...but they are brothers.
I would feel nothing but platonic or Philos love for a man who couldn't engage in sex with me and that would for me have to be intercourse.
Its sad but simple.
How would a man feel if he was fully functional and needing that from a woman but the woman was unable to have sex?
How long would the man stay with her.......hummmm??
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 71
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/28/2010 12:31:41 AM
you should not settle for a man who drinks versus satisfying his woman
if he had manliness he would take a little blue pill and quit the booze
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 72
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 3/28/2010 7:52:42 PM
What if the "little blue pill" doesn't work for this one?
 happy2flirt
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 73
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 7/25/2011 2:16:49 AM
I've been in a similar relationship minus the drinking problem. I blamed myslef every time my ex had a problem 'getting it up'. And when he could the sex was TERRIBLE. Guys would dump us women faster then you could believe if we were bad at sex and couldn't get them off. What's wrong with us doing it? I gave him more opportunities then you could imagine but in the end he had to go.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 74
Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:33:13 AM

One of the most common mistakes women make in the bedroom, is to assume men do not require mental stimulation during sex... We tend to be able to provide it for ourselves when young (and surprised we're even getting it); but, as we mature, we need more participation from our partners. Women who can't keep up mentally, turn to younger men and bash us for not being simple... (Which I guess is a different topic.)


I quite agree that men get more complicated as they mature, as their minds get more of a grip on their dyks and drivers, but I stop well short of positing that women can't keep up mentally. I suspect that the experience of most women is that every men turns on like the proverbial light switch, and when they don't, they're somehow defective and in need of repair, or a pill, or counseling, or something else to "cure" them. lol What a fine irony! Just when men begin to bring all their working parts to the table, as women mostly do from puberty onward, so that there is actually a mating more of equal partners, derision and disdain, are at least "concern", is the distaff response. Seems the playing field is never quite level. jmho
 ForeverLong
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 75
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Just broke up because the sex was bad
Posted: 7/25/2011 4:37:43 PM
I broke up because everything but sex was bad.
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