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 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 83
Does online dating make you cynical?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Oh my, Match. We've been over this before. How will you get your water without a regulated monopoly to manage the pipeline?
 robin-hood
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 84
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Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 4/26/2010 8:51:03 PM
Well ladies rule out these fools that have no manners to post in the wrong thread !

Its such a simple thing to open a new thread to vent their issues :)

In fact maybe there is some truth to this thread !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 85
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Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 4/26/2010 9:24:39 PM
^^^^^^I'm sure everyone knows that what I lack in etiquette, I make up for in sincerity. Apparently someone turned the conversation to politics, and I was one of the victims of their prank. I'll go now--more cynical, but wiser.
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 86
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 4/26/2010 10:03:36 PM
LOL!!!

It all comes down to politics, if only sexual politics. Nice slam, Robin!

I might be political, but I'm not as cynical as all that. A good friend of mine was just telling me about the three poisons that create suffering according to the Buddhist method (which is different from the religion--old Guatama wasn't really interested in having anyone worship _him._)

They are: attachment, aversion, and indifference. Each reaction creates distance, a sense of separation, and unless one catches it and makes a point to reconnect with present experience, alienation that leads to suffering.

Been there, done all three, and never once had much fun doing them. So why would I want to practice any of them with my love life, or with my political stance? There is a connection with home-grown food that is more valuable than the so-called convenience. There is a connection with love that is a balance of affection and respect. There is a connection with a political view that strikes a balance between ideology and practicality. We make the best agreements we can, and we look for ways to constantly improve them for the good of all concerned. If we aren't doing that, we're acting out of cynicism. That cynicism spoils things no matter what ideology we claim, because any ideology that is disconnected through any of those three poisons creates suffering when it plays out in reality. Markets, cynically applied, lead to wage slavery. Socialism, cynically applied, leads to financial ruin. Campaigns based on any of them soon lapse into lies. Relationships based on any of them, or any combination, become crazymaking traps.

So, no. I'm actually less cynical right now than I have ever been. Thanks, G!
 Gogetter1956
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 87
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Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 4/26/2010 11:07:49 PM

They are: attachment, aversion, and indifference. Each reaction creates distance, a sense of separation, and unless one catches it and makes a point to reconnect with present experience, alienation that leads to suffering.


Ace, could you rephrase that so it is clearer? Honestly, after reading it 3 times I really don't get it. Also, could you give some examples?

My take on markets, capitalism, supply and demand which I simply call free enterprise is there is a downside just like there is for free will. People make mistakes or become victims of those who simply choose to be evil. We need to be willing to help those who make mistakes or become victims and end up in such a deep hole they cannot get out of on their own. Take care of those who are thirsty, hungry and need clothes. Leave the rest of everyone else alone as much as possible. Freedom has no guarantees other than yes, it does take all that if you want to make more than enough to simply survive.

Home grown food isn't for everyone or even the majority of people any more than public nudity is. Good luck with that ideology, really BTW, personally, I am for both, but I know I'm in the minority and have no delusions of grandeur about changing that.

I simply find it best to be willing to try to understand an opposing point of view. That doesn't mean you have to agree, it means you respect someone elses right to decide what to believe without being threatened by it and you are sincerely interested in trying to understand what they have to say. I may not always get that right, but at least I understand the concept
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 88
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 4/26/2010 11:29:50 PM
I'll try:

Attachment: That is so wonderful that I'll simply die if I'm ever deprived of it. Every love song you've ever heard.
Aversion: That is so horrible that I simply cannot tolerate it in my life at all, not even for a second. Every old-school C&W song you've ever heard.
Indifference: That is so far beneath me that I don't even need to pay any attention to it at all. Let others who have the time or give a **** deal with it. Talk to the hand.
 Gogetter1956
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 89
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Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 4/28/2010 8:38:00 PM
Attachment to the extreme, but not always - way to general.
Aversion to poison is a good thing.
Indifference to stupidity - smart
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 94
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Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 6/11/2010 7:06:32 PM

Either theyre promiscuous, are here to boost their egos and not date, have totally unrealistic expectations for a partner or just insane. I dont know, just my luck I suppose.?


No, I can guarantee you it's not just you. I don't know about your first category, but I've certainly run into my share of women in the other three. And there's another type I've noticed (not necessarily on this site.) Ambushers--they're mad a he!! at men, but they act nice enough at first to establish some contact with you. And then, just when you're feeling at ease, they give you both barrels right in the face--sometimes before you've ever met them. Rude, crude, boorish, humorless, self-centered--very unfeminine and unattractive. A few really beautiful women may get away with that (if they don't mind being unhappy) but the ones who aren't should work on their manners, if they want to meet guys.
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 95
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 6/12/2010 12:54:53 PM

I can't imagine a life without these "poisons", however peaceful it maybe. Seems to lack the "spice" of life. I'm not so into the orderly, uncertainty is generally a sure bet.

Of course, I may just not be "getting" it here.


Welll, these all differ from creative engagement. I think it's a Zen thing. You do what you do with enthusiasm and joy, and if it doesn't work out as expected, you do something else with enthusiasm and joy, and laugh at the surprizes.

Not always easy, but always worth it when you can pull it off. Yes?
 Gogetter1956
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 100
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Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 7/7/2010 7:28:52 PM
Hey my GF who I met here and I - we have passed the 3 month mark and are still going strong! That's why I don't post here much. RL is taking a lot more of my interest and time.
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 103
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 7/8/2010 5:32:34 AM
Anything can make you cynical if you choose to focus on the negatives... are there fake profiles, scams and bums on this site?? Sure!

But then again, you are all here, right? Must be some descent people as well...

It is not that difficult to find those who are sincere if you give it time and have patience.
 Gogetter1956
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 105
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Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 7/28/2010 9:48:01 PM
Hey, the last I read you were a home nudist, so when did you downgrade to boxers anyway?
 Gogetter1956
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 107
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Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 7/30/2010 6:23:21 PM
JD your honesty is killing me, but hey, at least I respect your honesty
 vahbsc
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 108
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 10/24/2010 12:07:36 PM
life makes/made me a cynic. I have faith that I am not the only person with a soul in LA.

Good people are magnetic!

 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 109
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Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 10/24/2010 1:20:18 PM
Online dating hasn't made me cynical, but it has made me careful. It's bad for the soul to get so you think everyone's always got an axe to grind. But it's not such a great a idea to be naive, either. You can suffer for it.

There is no risk-proof method of getting to know someone you're attracted to. You just have to observe them, I think, but never in such a way that you make them feel uncomfortable. And I assume they're noticing what I say and do, also.

People have always done this, but the trick here is to read between the lines. The trouble is that no matter how good you get at doing that, some people have agendas they keep well hidden at first. And especially if you feel a strong physical attraction to someone, you can develop some pretty passionate feelings for them by the time it becomes clear they're not for you. Especially once you start putting that physical attraction into practice.
 fzrhusker
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 110
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 12/28/2010 10:42:24 AM
A recent study showed that %44 of all people on dating site are married or in relationships and the psychology behind that is the "grass is greener" or dissatisfaction with their current relationship.
The second part of the study showed that many of the people had abandonment disorders, they could get all caught up in internet whirlwind romance and when thing got serious such actually meeting they can just disappear.

It has not made me cynical but suspicious. Many people say they are not into the bar scene, which I understand, but I have had allot more luck meeting women by getting the hell off the computer and attending social functions. This way you know instantly yes or no after all it is physical attraction that makes you look in their direction in the first place.

As for the bar scene, no I won't go to some night club which irritates the hell out of me, but the right casual jazz or blues lounge etc.

I have met some of my best relationships and friends male and female in book stores as i am and avid reader and you always have an opening by the subjects they are looking at. It will also let you know right away if you have a common thought process.
 PolarBearKing
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 111
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 12/31/2010 9:18:31 AM
I don't know if cynical is the right word.

I'm definately not cautious, so that's not it either.

I suppose in my age bracket and life circumstances it just makes it more difficult to connect with someone. Timing is soooooo key.

I have been unable to meet that right "one". That's my only challenge. Sometimes it seems like it's gonna work and then it doesn't ~ for whatever reason. It can be disappointing but I know what I'm looking for so I will continue to push forward. I only need/want "one". When I want to be reminded oof what I'm looking for, I re-read my profile. I've often thought about changing my bait, but it describes who I am and what I'm fishing for.

So I guess the answer to the OP's question is that I've become determined. Determined not to settle just to date or whatever you wanna call it.

I believe it was Mark Twain who said that 'you're not a failure until you quit trying'. Therefore, I continue on...

Good luck fishes in 2011!
 KickboxingCuteGuy
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 112
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 1/15/2011 2:18:09 AM
Yeah I think I'm more cynical now but then again the women in Nor Cal are pretty stupid...
 tanzkity11
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 115
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 3/26/2011 6:36:21 PM
Online dating is for the birds..............
 BearFish11
Joined: 1/28/2010
Msg: 117
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 4/1/2011 8:23:02 PM
I think when it comes to sites like this, free, you need to be "cautiously optimistic" meaning you have to realize that finding somebody here is possible but it takes time, energy, and a lot of patience, and you gotta say to yourself that online dating has its pros and cons but your here to give it a shot.

Ive been here a year (a little over) and ive managed to go on one date with one person i met here and im still friends with this person and if it works for me, it can definitely work for you too, you cant really give up and fold and say oh this site doesnt work because if u have the mentality you might as well just delete your page and try another page.

Being cyncial wont get you far, just my two cents though
good luck
 North_of_Polaris
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 118
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 4/2/2011 4:32:27 AM
I was cynical before using this site, during, and also after. Very few people are genuine, regardless of where you meet them. We all know what the social norms are, and that's what many of us play by. Taking a chance at "being yourself" will land you some friends, but, that's about it. But at the end of the day, I'd rather have friends than that "special someone". Other than pooing out children, night time adult activities, and taxes, what does a good friend do for you that a relationship doesn't?
 agoodman32
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 119
Does online dating make you cynical?
Posted: 6/29/2011 11:13:59 PM
I've been on this site three days and that idea of an ego booster seems about as true as it gets. I really feel like women here are unrealistic. You get to be choosy when you wait for someone to approach you I guess. But if you took some of the women and put them in a mall, they wouldn't get so much as a look from most guys. Kinda the way it goes. No sense in taking it personally, because from what I've read, it's par for the course.
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