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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)      Home login  
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 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 26
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

A person can have kids, love kids and be a grate parent, but still hate your kids.


The OP, however, posted that the man saw her children as a reminder that she had sex with another man when they are intimate together. We aren't talking about the complexities of blending families here. Of course there may be problems once the man has met the child(ren), HOWEVER, if someone has a problem with the very FACT that their partner has a child FROM THE GET-GO, then why would anyone with kids date them to begin with, and vice-versa.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 27
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/2/2010 10:45:20 PM
Then this is not a problem of falling in love with someone that doesn't like your kids, it is a possessive whackjob that expects that a grown woman of a certain age would still actually ba a virgin, because um kids or not, that's the only woman that wouldn't have had sex with another man, hellooo. In the absence of children, what does he imagine, a sort of collage?
 ThatsNOTmybaby
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 28
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/4/2010 7:54:45 PM
WOAH...hold on.... he's dating YOU, not your kids aka some other man's kids!!! Did u ask him if he like kids?? He may like kids but want his own and NOT just be a "step up" dad to someone else kids!

If u know he don't like ur kids, leave him alone!! Simple!! Some women kids are spoiled brats and bad azzez!! That's why I WISH women would THINK with HEADS and not their HORMONES before they have children with deadbeats and then expected the new guy to be cool with the products of her bad choices!!
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 29
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/4/2010 8:05:22 PM
I don't know any single mother who just "expects" a man to be cool with her children. (I find it despicable that you would even refer to them as "products of bad choices".) I don't expect ANY MAN to accept my child, HOWEVER, if one doesn't want to, then I won't date him. If a man WANTS to accept my child, I would date him, but it's certainly not something I EXPECT every man to do.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 30
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/5/2010 4:20:25 AM
"I don't know any single mother who just "expects" a man to be cool with her children. " I do and they are the only single mothers worth dating. The ones looking for more are big red flags. The ones that are not looking for you to take care of their kids and just want enjoyable together time for all (cool with their kids) can be fun to date. When I date I expect the women I go out with to be nice to my children, but they have no responsibilities for them. When at the beach it is my job to feed them, give them sun screen, keep them safe when in the water and do fun activities. A date that think this same way about her kids is one I will date. If she is looking for more, well it's like she thinks she has more to offer then she does because I am not buying. When they are self confident and are not looking for a man to help and can do it on their own, then they are an equal to me. Some of us like dating equals.
 himynameisSarah
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 31
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/5/2010 6:58:55 AM
How bratty are your kids? Do other people not like them as well?

J/K No, you should never date people that don't like your kids. My child is me made over, so if the guy doesn't like him, he isn't going to like me. I mean, there are women in the world who choose men over their children... 15 years down the road they are in prison or abusing their own kids.
 lostinmi38
Joined: 2/26/2010
Msg: 32
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/5/2010 7:01:57 AM
That is a tough situation but your kids are a part of you. Your children must come first. Being a single parent is a tough job but I believe that making decisions that can have that negative of a effect on your children is not a good one. I believe we are built to fall in and out of love there is not just one perfect person that we are ment for.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 33
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/5/2010 7:01:58 AM
At the beginning it is hard to adjust to other people's children. Your parenting methods, disciplining methods and general behaviors are vastly different. You cannot help comparing. But as time has gone on I have to say they have grown on me and I simply adore the two of them. Are they different from my two? Of course, but I appreciate the differences.
 PB Girl
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 34
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/5/2010 3:34:11 PM
I suppose you could be in love with someone who didn't like your child but I don't see how/why you could even consider wanting to be with a person like that.

Your children will ALWAYS be your children. As many of us can attest to... your partner MAY NOT always be your partner.

I don't mean to seem harsh however, when I tried to see things from your perspective, I could not... the thought of sharing my life with someone who didn't like my child borders on repulsive. It makes me ask the question... what kind of man would want to be with a woman with a small child and not like the child?

I hope things work out for you.
 AmandaNicole23
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 35
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/20/2010 12:22:02 AM
Okay for one... The quote "Kids will go away after they become adult and you are left with your partner."

How can you even think that way, your child NEVER goes away, I dont care how old they get!!! Just the thought makes me sick... in choosing to stay with someone that dosent like your child is essentially choosing the relationship over your child. You do that and you need your head examined.
 AmandaNicole23
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 36
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/20/2010 10:00:59 PM
I wasnt implying that you are married to your child, what I am saying is that you cant look at it as a situation in which you put up with a partner that does not like your kids because eventually the kids will go away, you are going to be a parent to that child until the day you die... that child should always be the most important person in you life.
 Mike926
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 37
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/21/2010 12:41:42 PM
When I started dating this women she seem to like my kids and after a couple of months her additude toward my kids changed, she telling the kid spiteful stuff to my kids and telling me that she did not my kids around her. Sure glad the relationship ended. The worst part is her kids and mykids were friends before now she won't even let the kids play together.
 oneNHman
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 38
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/21/2010 1:09:48 PM
Love is an emotion. Of course you can be in love with someone. Which explains why some women fall in love with murderers in prison. The underlying real question is, can you have a long term relationship with someone who doesn't like your kids... and I think the answer is no. Until they are adults your children are 100% dependent on you, physically, financially, and yes emotionally. Children aren't stupid, they know who likes them and who doesn't. They will know if you choose someone who doesn't like them. That will cause them problems with relationships for the rest of their lives. So if you want to have a "friends with benefits" relationship with this person, that is up to you... but my suggestion is; DON'T bring this person around your kids. No days out at the fair, no going shopping with Mommy & her boyfriend, none of that. As adults that are responsible for children, we have an obligation to these children to put our emotions aside and do what is in their best interest. If we all went with our emotions, we would be living in an anarchy.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 39
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/21/2010 7:01:35 PM
Why don't people raise their kids first and then date ?
 openheart4real
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 40
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/21/2010 9:20:46 PM
I could not because my girls come first, just I would expect his kids to if he had any, however, my childrens father chose his girlfriend and her children over our children, so it is possible, but sad. The kids get so crushed, and it isn't fair to them because for the most part until they are 18, they are along for the ride.

It hurts me to see my children hurt because they can not go to the home they grew up in, have their father a part of their lives without the GF calling them tramps and whores or worse. My children are 15.5 and 12. The 12 year old has special needs and this woman has know these kids since they were 4 and 7, before their father and I seperated. She was our neighbor.
 clambroth
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 41
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 8:27:35 AM
I suppose you can be although I don't know how one would come to love or trust someone who doesn't like your child. The bigger question is why would you want to love someone who doesn't like your child?
 GBockers
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 42
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:08:19 AM
OP,

Eh...no. I can appreciate your situation because I'd be hesitant to introduce someone that I'm dating to my children until we were both comfortable with each other and ready to enter that dynamic into the formula. So, for those who've asked you "How can you fall in love..." type questions, I can see it from the perspective described above. We date for a finite period of time before introducing the children dymanic.

That said the poster who stated "Real love means respecting the other person..."; is on the money. That's it in a nutshell brother. You are a dad, you carry with you a responsibility to raise your children and be there for them. If you meet someone that cannot reconcile your responsibility for your children then that person doesn't respect you and is probably only thinking of themselves.

Hang in there my friend; there's someone out here for all of us we just have to be patient.

G
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 43
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:10:44 AM
Why don't people raise their kids first and then date ?

There's a belief by some that one deserves everything (to their specifications) right now. They may be right but is it realistic?
 SISunshine
Joined: 2/2/2010
Msg: 44
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:29:17 AM

Why don't people raise their kids first and then date ?


My kids are 4 years old and 20 months old. To raise them both to the age that I consider to be adulthood, which is 21, would mean that I don't get to date again for 20 years, which would make me 53. I love my children, I would do anything in the world for them, but the part of me that needs grown-up love and affection didn't die when I became a mommy. I'm not going to go out and sleep with anything that offers just because I don't like being single, that's never been a part of my make-up, but I'm also not going to stop looking, very cautiously, for someone that I could potentially share my life with just because I've got kids now. I am however, going to make damn sure that anyone I do choose to bring into my children's world is going to be someone that genuinely cares for them and will be a positive influence on them. I spent my own childhood living with a parent who made no secret of the fact that he didn't like me, and I won't do the same to my children.
 GBockers
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 45
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:42:37 AM

Why don't people raise their kids first and then date ?


This is priceless in it's ignorance. Dude, my children came late in my life because of a medical condition; they were both "miracle babies". I woudn't trade them for anything in the world, read: THEY COME FIRST.

To answer your ridiculous question; I'm perfectly fine raising my children in lieu of dating. No biggie.

G
 Legal sized fish
Joined: 11/16/2009
Msg: 46
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 12:44:56 PM
I havent read a single reply but I'm sure they echo my sentiment.


I could be head over heels madly in love with a girl and if she didnt like my little girls then she'd be gone. GF vs children and the GF loses 100 times out of 100.

She doesnt have to love them like I do but if she doesnt like them then I cant trust her to treat them right.
 lilpurpledaisies
Joined: 3/18/2010
Msg: 47
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/23/2010 10:39:30 PM
I agree. As someone who has been a foster parent for almost 14 years, I would say that anyone who went into a relationship with someone who didn't like their child(ren) they are asking for disaster. Biological parents abuse their children in many cases, step parent abuse is even higher. If a man/woman can't look at the child and love them because they are part of you, then they don't really love you in a way that would be beneficial or long term anyway. Secondly, your child has a right to have your protection and to be put as a priority in your life, they are the CHILD here and need you to advocate for them where they cannot for themselves. No MAN if he didn't like my kids would even be a casual date from the moment I got the 411! Give the guy some credit. If he's telling you right out that he doesn't like your kid, he's at least being honest and needs to be cut loose. It will NEVER get better, it will only get worse.

So as someone else said, Yes you can love him, but NO you can't be with him. period!
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 48
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/25/2010 3:18:25 PM
Gbockers,likewise your response to the question is ignorant...single parents never tire of telling everyone ther kids come first...maybe their kids are actually second to their "needs"....so it's the kids first,single parents and their needs a very very close second and whoever they meet and whatever they may need a distant distant third....terrific...long lines to sign up for that.
 gixxer rider
Joined: 2/5/2010
Msg: 49
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/25/2010 4:52:10 PM
How could you have fallen in love with the person BEFORE realizing they would not like your kids????
 FreeToBeMe1972
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 50
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/26/2010 3:53:25 PM
I totally agree. Everyone knows how lonely it gets raising your kids on your own but they MUST come first. I have ended several relationships because guys just don't respect my son. I even left my husband of 20 years because he treated my kids like workers, never giving but always expecting. The man didn't have a clue and now he is starting a family with someone else (how dumb is this woman)??!! Hang in there people, the right person is out there, we just have to find them.
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