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 oneNHman
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 38
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Love is an emotion. Of course you can be in love with someone. Which explains why some women fall in love with murderers in prison. The underlying real question is, can you have a long term relationship with someone who doesn't like your kids... and I think the answer is no. Until they are adults your children are 100% dependent on you, physically, financially, and yes emotionally. Children aren't stupid, they know who likes them and who doesn't. They will know if you choose someone who doesn't like them. That will cause them problems with relationships for the rest of their lives. So if you want to have a "friends with benefits" relationship with this person, that is up to you... but my suggestion is; DON'T bring this person around your kids. No days out at the fair, no going shopping with Mommy & her boyfriend, none of that. As adults that are responsible for children, we have an obligation to these children to put our emotions aside and do what is in their best interest. If we all went with our emotions, we would be living in an anarchy.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 39
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/21/2010 7:01:35 PM
Why don't people raise their kids first and then date ?
 clambroth
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 41
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 8:27:35 AM
I suppose you can be although I don't know how one would come to love or trust someone who doesn't like your child. The bigger question is why would you want to love someone who doesn't like your child?
 GBockers
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 42
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:08:19 AM
OP,

Eh...no. I can appreciate your situation because I'd be hesitant to introduce someone that I'm dating to my children until we were both comfortable with each other and ready to enter that dynamic into the formula. So, for those who've asked you "How can you fall in love..." type questions, I can see it from the perspective described above. We date for a finite period of time before introducing the children dymanic.

That said the poster who stated "Real love means respecting the other person..."; is on the money. That's it in a nutshell brother. You are a dad, you carry with you a responsibility to raise your children and be there for them. If you meet someone that cannot reconcile your responsibility for your children then that person doesn't respect you and is probably only thinking of themselves.

Hang in there my friend; there's someone out here for all of us we just have to be patient.

G
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 43
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:10:44 AM
Why don't people raise their kids first and then date ?

There's a belief by some that one deserves everything (to their specifications) right now. They may be right but is it realistic?
 GBockers
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 45
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:42:37 AM

Why don't people raise their kids first and then date ?


This is priceless in it's ignorance. Dude, my children came late in my life because of a medical condition; they were both "miracle babies". I woudn't trade them for anything in the world, read: THEY COME FIRST.

To answer your ridiculous question; I'm perfectly fine raising my children in lieu of dating. No biggie.

G
 Legal sized fish
Joined: 11/16/2009
Msg: 46
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/22/2010 12:44:56 PM
I havent read a single reply but I'm sure they echo my sentiment.


I could be head over heels madly in love with a girl and if she didnt like my little girls then she'd be gone. GF vs children and the GF loses 100 times out of 100.

She doesnt have to love them like I do but if she doesnt like them then I cant trust her to treat them right.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 48
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/25/2010 3:18:25 PM
Gbockers,likewise your response to the question is ignorant...single parents never tire of telling everyone ther kids come first...maybe their kids are actually second to their "needs"....so it's the kids first,single parents and their needs a very very close second and whoever they meet and whatever they may need a distant distant third....terrific...long lines to sign up for that.
 gixxer rider
Joined: 2/5/2010
Msg: 49
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/25/2010 4:52:10 PM
How could you have fallen in love with the person BEFORE realizing they would not like your kids????
 jenny_from_the_rez
Joined: 3/19/2010
Msg: 50
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/27/2010 12:38:02 AM
I just wanted to say NO, but it was too short, so my answer is NO!!!
 AaronTM83
Joined: 3/23/2010
Msg: 51
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/27/2010 12:58:06 AM
I was in a relation ship with a woman who had a beautiful 2 yo daughter. We lived together for 2 years and she began to call me daddy. Her mom and I didn't work out and the relationship ended. As a result the girl lost another father, and I lost a daughter. So to all the single mothers and fathers out there. there is far more at stake then just your own happiness. When a child is in the equation, everything must work or it wont work. Children aren't involved in your love life. so don't drag them along when it obviously wont benefit them. To answer your question, yes. You can be in love with someone who doesn't like your kids. However, how you handle the dynamic of that relationship and your children is far more delicate. It can be done but This person wont be a parent, and your children shouldn't be around you and them until they are old enough to fully grasp that you are in a relationship and why. Children see the world as they are brought up to. Mommy, daddy, and me. this is what they think is normal. If they see it fragmented they will undoubtedly know that it isn't normal. Simple reasoning of a child. Situation A is normal, I'm living situation B. So I'm not normal. I have advice to the mothers and fathers out there.

Pursue a relation ship so that you can connect with someone. but don't bring your children into it unless it will benefit them. If you aren't sure what this means, then ask someone who knows more then you or I. In my situation I had the option to continue to see Isabella. I asked some people who are experts in the field of child development. They said that since I'm not the biological father, and that there would more then likely be some one to take my place. I shouldn't prolong Isabella's idea of how things are. That when she saw that I wasn't living with them any more, she would wonder if it was her fault. Its been over a year sense we separated, and Isabella telling her mom that she will be good have long since stopped.

Please people, if your after a relation ship to make yourself happy. don't use a functional home as an excuse to bring your kids into it. Allow the relationship to grow as it is meant to. And be VERY mindful of how your children would be effected. sometimes it may cause issues that will never be reversed.
 sassy_1974
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 52
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Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/27/2010 1:35:41 AM
Aside from the obvious 'kids come first' answer (which i fully agree with), being with ANYONE who resents/dislikes or is jealous of your child can be a dangerous, volatile situation to be in.
I would never ever trust a person who disliked my children..what if my little one kicked off when i was upstairs or in the toilet even, and he lost control due to his utter supressed dislike? (possibly ott but it has potential to happen).
Children pick up on the tiniest of tension, atmosphere..how would my child feel?

I could never truly love a man who felt this way..and if i did think i loved him before i found out? trust me, the love would die the second i knew.
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 53
Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)
Posted: 3/31/2010 12:30:30 AM

Can you be in love with someone who doesn't like your kid(s)


Of course not. Although, you could be in lust with someone that doesn't like your kids and are just stupid enough to not realize the difference.....or your just one of those parents that shouldn't have had children.

First and foremost...the kids come first. Dating / external relationships are second.

I actually go against the grain when it comes to people meeting my children. And before jumping to conclusions...hear me out...

I own my own business....my children are used to meeting new people. My children are also very polite and respectful...with great judgements. They hold no jealousy and have no ill will toward me meeting someone or dating. They would not feel threatened by my having a long term relationship. Saying this....I would prefer someone to meet my child sooner than later (after I weed out to the best of my knowledge that they are not a nutcase or potentionally harmful, of course).

I have no desire to spend months getting to know someone...only to find out that they do not get along with my children. Nor would I want to be placed in a position where my child did not like the person I was dating....and after spending months with the person, to have to break it off.

Listen...the bottom line is a happy parent is a good parent! How could I be happy knowing my child and my partner were not compatible ....or knowing they disliked each other? Why would I want to set myself up for unhappiness?

Dating and finding a partner is not the be all and end all of the world...so I can hold out and wait for the right person that will love both me and my child!
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