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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you believe that a couple should come first in a marriage and kids      Home login  
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 fun.4.once
Joined: 1/15/2010
Msg: 43
Do you believe that a couple should come first in a marriage and kids 2nd17. Your husband/boyfriend?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am in a relationship we are not married or living together, I feel that the children are very important to the relationship and possible marriage, recently she is spending more time with the children and less time for the two of us. I know her children are important to her, my question is I am feeling less important in the relationship and feeling it is time for me to move on.. So I believe there needs to be an equal balance in a relationship or marriage for personal couple time and children time
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 44
Do you believe that a couple should come first in a marriage and kids 2nd17. Your husband/boyfriend?
Posted: 3/14/2010 4:42:05 PM
My husband and I always put our relationship with each other as the most important.
Kids need to know that their parents relationship is stable...and happy....even if the parents are one Bio and the other a step-parent.
Disagreeing over children and especially doing that in FRONT of them is one of the worst things that can be done.
AND I do suscribe to the thinking that the man is the head of the household......
" ducks" from the coming stones!
 PlanelyCrazy
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 45
Do you believe that a couple should come first in a marriage and kids 2nd17. Your husband/boyfriend?
Posted: 3/15/2010 12:41:35 AM
IMO the correct order of emotional commitment is:
0. (God, if you're the religious type)
1. Yourself
2. Your Spouse
3. Your Children
4. Your Job
5. Your Community

I agree with the poster who stated lots of folks confuse needs, wants and responsibilities. *You* need to come first, in the sense of having time for exercise, time to eat right, time by yourself, etc. A frazzled, unhealthy you makes #2-5 grumpy as well. A good spouse understands this; a bad one doesn't. A healthy relationship with your spouse comes second, as it provides the best environment for #3-5 to thrive. In particular, children will do best if Mom and Dad are both happy individually and work together as a happy couple. (Happy is the wrong word, but I can't think of a better one at the moment.) Then comes the job, and finally the community.

Upset this order, and trouble usually follows. Many women put #2 first, and end up (or start out) single. In my observation this is often due to a selfish 'my identity is Mom' desire of the woman, even if the end result is an emotionally suffocated and rebellious child. So many men put #4 first, as in "I worked overtime to give my family the best possessions but never saw them, why did they leave me", or some sort of selfish #1, like 'I NEED to go golfing today' or 'I need sex NOW'; they also end up single.

Those posters who make comments like 'my children come first because I need to be there if they swallow something', or 'my child comes before his stepfather because if both needed my liver, my child would get it' are IMO making a non sequitur argument. Are you saying the other parent *wants* their child to choke, or the stepfather wouldn't get the liver but the real father would, instead of the child? Nonsense. This question isn't about the minutiae of daily life; it's about the overall emotional balance of a lifetime.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you believe that a couple should come first in a marriage and kids 2nd17. Your husband/boyfriend?