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 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 44
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She hasn't had sex with me for over a yearPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
once a cheater, always a cheater!

you will find she does the internet affairs due to her confidence behind the pc, but her lack of confidence in her body stops the in person meet ups.. both are not something to be putting up with and unless its a two way street where both can go do the same thing, id be tossing the swamp donkey out on her ear and getting me a little something better!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 46
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:18:38 AM

We live together - but are not married. We've been together over 10 years, lived together for 6.

Okay, so it's LIKE you're married -- ie, living the married life. Same rules apply when it comes to two people possibly migrating from real love to i-love-them-in-every-other-way-though love.

Since she quit smoking, she gained weight (lots). She's also stopped taking care of herself. She only bathes every third day, doesn't shave her legs, and her legs are hairier than mine...and grosser than that she has a beard coming in. I can accept the flaws

I believe you "accept that" because you'd rather have a heavy, hair, semi-filthy version of her rather than no version at all, since you're so attached, even if you saw red flags about her migrating this way many years ago. But you should see this as a red flag about YOURSELF, being cool about it. If you were so cool, which I don't think you are too much, you wouldn't have described it in such detail. :)

I caught her in not one but 2 internet "affairs" with guys from far away - explicit video & pix - but I only confronted her on the second one - she doesn't know I'm aware of the first.

And especially with her body going down-hill, she's probably had more pen-pal-cheating escapades, too. If she doesn't care about herself that much, do you really think she cares about you so much? Having feelings for someone when sh!t-hits-the-fan doesn't qualify as caring so much. Caring about someone a lot means you care about particular things affect them. Letting yourself go -- that means she cares not much about her AND you. Her getting attention and god-knows-what, stemming from online, means how you'd feel and all that isn't on her radar, and on the same level as sneaking in a cig once in a while. Tsk tsk.

You can't break up with her because you've been with her too long. If you've put up with her "getting it on online" on two occasions that you ONLY know of, her growing out hairer legs than you, bathing every other day or every 3 days, and putting on a little facial hair -- you're never going to wake up if you "accept" things.

Wake up! :) Prepare to move on... and let her know that things have veered off in a direction where even though you do not at ALL want to leave her, you know it's going to be best for you AND her in the long-run.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 47
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/8/2010 12:48:33 PM
Man, this one is a no-brainer.

Find a new place, have "the talk," and move out. I did a six month stretch at the end with the ex-wife and I'll never do that again. Sex is a good indication of a healthy relationship lacking other good signs. It's a very sad indicator of things running down the drain.
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 49
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She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/8/2010 6:36:08 PM
Think of your situation in the future. You're looking back and living in the present, but how is your dysfunctional relationship going to be in the future.
How would it be if you stayed together? Is she going to do all the things suggested in this thread -- medical testing, counseling, exercise -- to make it better? Because all of those things are what its going to take to get her -- or your-- problem solved.
What if you split? You would probably find a more willing and attractive partner, she would have more reasons to clean herself up because she couldn't keep a loyal and devoted partner -- you.
Her not wanting to talk about it is just another sign that your relationship is going under. And its getting worse as time goes on. What does the future hold for the two of you as it continues to slide? From experience, when the sex goes the relationship goes.
My one year of no sex turned into 8. Don't let it happen to you. My ex washed twice a day and looked at me disgustedly because I only did once. Its a distancing behavior -- her lack of bathing and care keeps you away, doesn't it? She'll never admit it, but that's what she's doing...
Of course you love her -- she's all you've known for 10 years. You always will love her, but you can still love her after you've left.
I think if you have it in your mind that you're going to leave, then you'll do what it takes to get out. Right now you are doing all the understanding of her and she is making no effort. One way relationships suck. And it doesn't sound like yours has a future.
Good Luck, man!
 Nerdhead26
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 50
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/8/2010 6:43:18 PM

She said it was because she was very unhappy with her body and weight gain and that it was all her, and then refused to talk about it.


That's what women say.... WHEN THEY'RE CHEATING ON YOU.... if it's been a year i can guarantee she's been cheating on you for the last 1-2 or more years buddy.

Why would she sleep with you if she's getting it somewhere else? Hmmm? think about it.
she's not in the mood because she's been satisfied by someone else before she got home late from work or out with her "Friends" apparently.
 TallAndDark68123
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 51
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She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:54:33 PM
I think she may be sticking around until you have a common law marriage and then shes going to take you to the cleaners. Better get out now or contact a lawyer because you could be in for a rude surprise.
 marrecon1
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 53
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/11/2010 10:41:05 PM
Like the Lady said, "Shit or get off the pot"!! A beard, on a woman....I think not!! That's gross Find somone else......sheesh!!!!!!
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 55
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/11/2010 11:03:41 PM
10 to 1 when you leave she will start bathing shaving and loosing weight!!!
 guyinacorner
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 57
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:53:32 AM
get rid of her. she sounds less like a girlfriend and more like a pet donkey
 DebiDuzDishes
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 58
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/13/2010 12:07:22 PM
uh.. isnt a beard on a woman a hormonal imbalance..

too much testosterone?
 ggs2009
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 60
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/14/2010 1:06:26 PM
In my opinion, sex is as big as any other single factor in a relationship. It's not everything, but like I said...

To hell with a year without sex, I'd be pretty p1ssed after a week! Ten years or ten weeks into a relationship.... PUT out, or GET out.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 62
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She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/14/2010 3:32:27 PM
Fat, hairy and smelly huh?...O.P, are you complaining about no sex or are you living in fear that someday she might want some?
 SilentOne83
Joined: 7/20/2008
Msg: 65
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She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/16/2010 6:32:34 AM
smurphyone1

In my experience, people don't change unless they truly want to. For a lot of people that means hitting an unacceptable "bottom." Your needs clearly are not being met by this destructive relationship.

When situations like this occur, the most prudent thing to do is to address the problem with your significant other. If no changes are made or legitimate attempts, it is time to leave. If they want you badly enough, then they will change and get in touch with you when they are ready, though most likely they will not. In not making any real attempt, it emphasizes what your relationship has meant to them.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 66
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/17/2010 1:34:23 PM

I'm looking for opinions from both sides of the issue.


(1) Resolve your situation so that both of you find it acceptable;
(2) Move out; or
(3) Hire a pro.
 Pomose
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 67
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/12/2011 7:03:18 PM
Agree with Eldrida, but i'm no psychologist, sounds like severe depression, and there are measures that need to be taken on her part. Working out is a good suggestion it's a healthy outlet, and releases endorphins that battle depression. I have also read allot of self help books, David Liberman and Richard Carlson are great authors, their books have helped me emensley. I live with depression myself you can't let it own you. but like many suggested she has to take the inititive to fight it. all you can do is be supportive or move on. Good luck to the both of you.
 Babyboyblue69
Joined: 9/26/2011
Msg: 68
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/12/2011 9:29:08 PM
There is a old man saying..If she doesn't blow,she's gotta go.That goes for sex also.Not bathing? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww it's time to go.
 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 69
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/13/2011 1:47:23 AM

WHAT??? Are you serious? No sex for a year? Hated my ex but still had sex, lol


Haha not me...hated the way he kissed so why would I even pretend to like having sex with him...(if he didn't do a single thing for me why would I waste any minutes of my life having bad sex with him)




I know this is an old post and curious the outcome...weight gain sucks as I am aware of it...but it there is a lot more going on that just that with this story...
 Babyboyblue69
Joined: 9/26/2011
Msg: 70
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/13/2011 8:05:12 PM
Kissing is important.Bad kissers can ruin or even stop a relationship even before it gets started.
 JenJen1972
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 71
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/14/2011 10:14:07 AM
Lack of sex drive might be a hormonal imbalance but the lack of bathing,etc sounds like depression to me. Gaining weight doesn't kill your sex drive. I'm not a size 2 underwear model but I still enjoy sex!!! How's it going now? Talked to her anymore?
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 72
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She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/14/2011 1:01:19 PM
you cant communicate , having great sex comes with communication
by you ,i mean to say both of you,she is depressed, has gained some weight
make her feel beautiful and needed
talk to her, love her
people are always changing, bodies emotions, thats why we want to be in a relationship,so that we can be there for each other, in the good times as well as the bad
 groovygirl69
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 73
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/14/2011 1:43:53 PM
It is a big deal. If you don't have that kind of intimacy with her very frequently bittnerness can build up and the need for approval from the opposite sex can be very powerful for both of you.

As far as the internet relationship, it is upsetting but shouldn't be a deal breaker. Nothing really happened. Someone saw her nude? Someone you will never see, or never encounter. If you love her, tell her that it is unacceptable and that another time is going to be the last (but DO tell her that you know about the first).

As far as the sex, you have to let her know that if she continues to let herself go like that, that she is showing how little she cares for your relationship. If you are to continue you need to solve your sexual issues, read up on solutions and share them with her. She is obviously needing the intimacy as well, but this is a deal breaker. If she isn't willing to do anything about it, then it is time to cut your losses.

Sorry for your pain.
 Hawk1966
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 74
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/15/2011 12:14:03 PM
Move on, been there done that, find something different and new !
 sweetteeny829
Joined: 8/28/2011
Msg: 75
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/15/2011 1:50:45 PM
This post makes me mad. If you ask me, she's lucky to have a guy stick around and at least try to stay together, even if deep down you're not sure if you want this anymore.

Do you have any idea how much work I and probably lots of other girls go through to try to look our best??? It's apart of my daily routine, just like going to work or cleaning, It must be done. It pisses me off that I had a guy break up with me after just 2 and a half months over NOTHING! and meanwhile there's a girl out there who still has a guy by her side when she doesn't even take care of herself!

Not trying to be mean but if she wants to feel better about how she looks, she has to make more of an effort. I hate people who complain and yet don't do anything about it. If I was you I would have left her a long time ago.

Do you really wanna be with her anymore, or is it just easy because you've been together so long? It's sounds to me that neither of you really wanna be with each other, because if you guys did then you both wouldn't be on dating sites. I know what it's like to be in love and when you are Truly in love you don't go looking for someone else.

Break up with her, that's my advice. Time to move on. good luck:)
 IanJamieson
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 77
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/17/2011 2:03:40 PM
kick her hairy ass oot ! :)
 IanJamieson
Joined: 7/10/2011
Msg: 78
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 10/17/2011 2:04:17 PM
lol done that also ,yeah im shallow lol :)
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